Stroking my goatee while heading toward the north gate, I remembered how it had felt right after that night.
With the slightest touch, I cut myself. That is how sharp the ice was. And even now, I can remember how it felt to look up into that little girls eyes.
Nothing.
All I saw was ice. Cold, unfeeling ice. Then a second later, it was gone.
Sometimes, I even convinced myself that what I saw was an illusion. Plain hadn't seen it, and Joses wouldn't tell me if he saw it. I knew, however. Knew that it was all an act. Her blatant lies about trying to kill us had led Plain to believe she was a good person. I knew, however. To her, we are nothing. Not ants. Not experiments. We are just toys.
But...
How bad can it be, to be played with?
And besides. Children often break their toys. However, when another kid shows up and brings his own...
Well, all kids have the right to be a bit competitive, don't they?
Guess I'll just have to show this other kid just how cool my kids' toys are.
---
Joses' POV
Walking down the road toward the south gate, I had to chuckle.
My monster is just terrifying.
After all, what else could she be? I had seen the way she looked at Joel and me. Like she didn't care one way or another if we'd died. Of course, the fact that she acted as if she wanted us dead never ceased to send tremors of fear down my spine. But..
When she told Plain to sell her, I just wanted to hug her. My poor monster...she thinks she's worthless.
And this goddamn army...they're cutting in on my quality time with my monster.
I'm going to send every last one of these motherfucking bastards to hell, but only after violating their every hole.
Maybe I just want to stand on the cliff face. The thing is, I like feeling as if every breathe could be my last. My little monster is a master of deception.
When I get back, I want to see the look she wears when she's covered in blood. I wonder if she'll lick it off...?
No! Bad Joses! You aren't a pedophile! You just have a fetish for little girls!
...
Oh god...I think I know why you anally raped me when I was at my most vulnerable. I would have raped me too.
---
Joels' POV
Having arrived at the north gate, I looked up at the two towers standing on either side of the massive arched gate. Thick oak on the outside with a sturdy portcullis blocked the arch, and more wooden supports were brought out by soldiers wearing blue uniforms.
Each soldier was armed with partial plate, a feat not often accomplished. Most cities armed their soldiers with mail, and the wealthy ones sometimes gave their soldiers plate greaves and vambraces. But here were men in full-face helmets and a mail shirt under their uniform, and mail at their joints and plate on their legs and arms.
They gave off the impression of professionals, and moved like ones. As I watched, a brilliantly armored knight in full plate astride a large armored warhorse effectively ordered the soldiers into place. Neat, clean ranks of pike men stood behind a barricade behind the gate, and behind them a slightly raised platform held soldiers armed with both halberds and crossbows.
Just the cost to train and arm this force of five hundred or so soldiers was mind-boggling.
About half of the five hundred were circled around the gate. The other half were up on the wall, and armed a bit differently. The archers had on full-face helmets and mail, but preferred to forgo plate as it would slow them down. Each carried a short sword in addition to his/her longbow. Bodkin and broad head arrows were placed in side-by-side quivers on the wall. And working in a pair with the archer was a swordsmen, many of which wore breastplates or multiple shirts of mail. Large kite shaped shields accompanied their long swords, and one out of ten wore a broadsword on their back.
Honestly, I doubt anything short of a powerful magican could defeat even one of these soldiers. Over-equiped was what first came to mind. I doubt I would even be needed here.
So I can just sit here and-
"Here they come!" Came the shout from one of the archers atop the wall.
Another piped up. "Wryvern Knights! Drop inbound!"
Oh, fuck my life.
---
Joses' POV
When I first came within sight of the south gate, the smell was what first hit me. The second was the sight.
Various shades of brown and grey, reflecting off a thousand or so rough-looking men. They were laughing and hitting each other, totally disorganized.
I had to smile. My little monster, she sent me to the most interesting place! Hah! Surely this means that she likes me more than Joel! Not that she can tell the difference...
...
I think I'm going to be as depressed as her if I don't motivate myself somehow. I know!
*hehe, you did a good job big bro!*
heh heh, so cute~
NO! Please don't rape me god! Not again...!
It's okay...I may have slight incestuous tendencies, but it's not like they're hurting anybody. Besides, it's not like I would actually be attracted to my little sister if I had one, right?
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
...right?
...My poor anus...it's going to be divinely smited by gods massive co-
"Oi! You bunch of faggots jerking each other off!"
I looked up to the top of the wall, and saw a slight woman standing at the lip of the gate. As I watched, the whole courtyard went silent. When she saw this, the woman waited for a couple minutes.
...
...
*Creak creak*
...
*Cre-*
Then she spoke. "Hey! Why isn't anyone saying something sexist like "Why the hell is a little girl here? Shouldn't you be sewing something?"
...
Utter silence.
She started getting really frustrated. "Goddammit! I had this whole thing planned out! I was gonna take the first guy who spoke out and break his neck! But noooooo!"
She was working herself into a frenzy.
"You fucktards just haaaaad to have learned from the last seventeen "Accidental causalities that occured outside of combat" and tell the newcomers about them!"
Everyone was silent, not speaking a word.
"Fuck! Don't you know how much I look forward to newbies? It means I can break someones neck and not be yelled at by ol' Reneard! Why can't I enjoy such simple pleasures?!"
She sighed, and seemed to calm down.
"Well, it looks like you bunch have gotten smarter. Fat load of good that'll do when someone has a sword stuck up your ass. You can quote poetry to em' while they're gutting you!
But that isn't why we're here. We are the bastard division! Full of the rejects from all the other ones! And today, that beautiful asshole Reneard has seen fit to send us out to the front line! So, can someone please tell me why Reneards an asshole?"
One man raised his hand.
"You! The ugly one!"
Every last one of the thousand men looked up, as if confused as if she had called on them.
"Fucking idio-the guy with his hand up! Just speak already!"
The man hurriedly coughed, and spoke up in a high, cracking voice. "Well, the army outside belongs to the southern kingdom of Pranad. Because of the huge amount of monster activity in that area, the locals have domesticated the local monsters, and the fiercer ones are used as weapons of war."
The woman looked at him without speaking for a minute.
"Goddamn man, I didn't ask for a fucking history lesson."
Snickers from all around as the red-faced man looked down.
"But! He is right. Those beast fuckers out their sold their bodies to the local monsters, so now they have a bunch of nasty monsters that want some new asshole. You! Men! You are the new asshole!"
Umm...isn't a general supposed to engourage their men...?
She continued. "You are going to be killed by the metric fuckton! Cut into several pieces and have your guts spread for all to see! Those monsters out there are going to treat you like a cheap whore, and fuck you until your vaginas catch on fire!"
Surprisingly, the men all cheered at this.
Taking out her curved sword, she raised it in order to give us better imagery. "Trolls will rip your heads off! Giant snakes will poison you! If one of you make it out of this alive, I will take you and shove you down a dead monsters throat!"
The cheering increased, and she raised her arms, quieting them down.
This time, her volume was much less, yet it still carried to every man present.
"To make a long, boring-ass speech short, we are all screwed. Out there lie beasts that we couldn't hope to beat if we trained a hundred years. The only ones who are surviving this battle are the cowards. And frankly, I can't blame them. Men! I ask you sincerely! If you feel your hearts are weak, run! Discard your arms and flee! This isn't a battle for heroes! this isn't a battle for brave men!
This...this is a battle for morons.
So, you fucking scholars who seem to have grown a brain over night, run! Get out of here! The enemy army will let you run, so long as they see you have no will to fight. So, I beg you. Run, and save yourselves."
All fell silent.
Then...
"Hah! Guess that's all I can expect of a little girl! Get back to your sewing, wench!"
Like an arrow shot from a bow, the woman fell from the sky and drop-kicked the man who had raised his hand minutes ago.
Then she raised her voice once again. "Fuck it! You retards haven't learned a thing! We're all going to die! CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?!"
"""HELL YEAH!"""
And as one, the same men who had a few minutes ago been completely disorganized formed perfect ranks, dividing the archers who rushed up to the wall and the pikemen who formed a crescent around the gate.
I couldn't help it, I collapsed with laughter.
"Hahahahaha! Looks like I found myself a big monster! Hah!"
My cute little monster...she really wants to see how far I can go, huh?
Certain death?
Monstrous odds against me?
An abusive superior?
I felt like giving a "Hell yeah!" of my own!