AN: Well, I have no idea how to continue, so I thought, "Why try? I can just put it off forever."

Sadly, those who live under bridges are too persuasive. I cannot hold off against such reckless manipulation, and the words they speak are full of power...

Also, I'm kinda delirious right now. No better time to write a chapter, right?

So, expect the unexpected. In other words, forget reason and just enjoy. Or not. Probably not. Why are you still reading this author note? Shouldn't you have gone on to the chapter already? There isn't any real point to this AN, and I don't know what you're hoping for. I'm not funny enough to make a good joke, so you shouldn't still be reading this. Oh, I guess I can try. What did the frog say to the hunter?

"Rib-bit."

What did the hunter say to the frog?

*Bang*

...I don't know what you thought was gonna happen. Obviously the hunter was only there for one reason, any other reason would just be stupid. Kinda like this fiction, but that's just my opinion, and since when has anyone ever cared about that?

...don't give me that, if you cared about my opinion you wouldn't be reading this authors note. You're just screwing with me, trying to goad me into writing the chapter, but I refuse!

...you're telling me that if you're seeing this, that means I wrote the chapter and posted it before remembering to delete this segment? True...

Hey! My joke was funny! The frog said "Ribbit" and then the hunter shot it. What's better than that?

...pft, hahahaha! I'll give you that one, but I still think mine is funny...no? Well fuck you. Next thing I know, you're going to say death isn't a laughing matter...

....bullshit! Death is hilarious! Why else would I chuckle out loud every time I condemn a character to death? Or why do I snicker while making snicker doodles? Or hurt my stomach laughing while carving up juicy, delicious chunks for my cupcakes?

...of course cupcakes have chunks. Didn't your mother teach you anything? It's a well-known cooking technique, called "Not saying what the ingredients are on the package."

...no, that's not illegal...is it?...well, shit. No wonder the cops are after me. Well, that or all of the mass murdering. I'm guessing they aren't that concerned with my cooking habits as my habit of taking knifes into crowded elevators and automatic firearms into malls.

...what? You're saying that I'm saying too much, and the IRS are probably tracking me down? Of course they are. I haven't paid taxes, ever. Cause' I'm a vegetable, I own the land. Or we all own it. Or no one owns it. Really depends a lot on where you're from. Any way, it's definitely not theirs, so why should I pay them?

...what's this crap about civil services, public health, national safety, and general welfare for millions of people? ...Taxes do that? ...well, shit. I never knew. I thought it was just because politicians like screwing with us. Next thing you know, you're gonna say that cavities and global warming are real!

...really?

...........dammit. At least no one can prove the Illuminati. We're safe for now...but I still don't get why you're still reading this AN. It never had a point to begin with, and now I'm just screwing around, basically fapping about. ...No chapter here, I'm sorry....I trolled the troll, there is no chapter!!!

...I mean it. You're wasting your time, and if there actually was a chapter, you would waste even more time. Trust me, I'm doing you a favor by not doing anything...come on! Don't say that! You know I care about you, it's just that there isn't a chapter.

...I'm so alone...I really need a friend...all this talking to myself is slowly driving me more and more insane...

Well, if you made it this far, having dealt with all my fucking about, I guess you deserve a chapter. Not that it's a reward...more like a punishment for clicking on this thread. You're going to pay the consequences, in literal butt-tons of sanity and brain cells.

Guess there's no stopping you, huh? Alright, I give up. Enjoy your punishment, you freakish masochist...

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I really hate old men.

I don't know when it started, or where it originated, but I have found that a deep, dark well of hatred is buried deep inside of me, and that it's starting to spill over. I confess I may have some mild...sadist tendencies, and that the pain of others may...feel like a drug, but I'm not a hating sort of person! I like to think that I'm quite loving, at least, I think hitting someone shows affection...I mean, my dad did it all the time, and so did my brothers, so what else could it mean?

I've gotten off topic...it's strange, isn't it? I'm always wasting time when I haven't got any. Here I am, being chased down by twelve superior beings, who want to kill me and purify my soul, and I'm thinking about shows of affection!

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

Well, now that I'm on the subject, may as well list off the list. Any one of them could kill me, I'm out of mana, they seem to be drawing closer, and there's a dead end in front of me.

Bloody, gutting hell. No wonder my mind was wandering, I seem to be approaching death at record speed. Heh, it's funny cause' I'm already dead...

I've concluded,(as a crazy girl from the east would say,) that talking to myself is a bad habit, and I should stop.

Too bad there are other people who can talk to me...

"Hey, coward, can you hurry up and die? I'm getting bored. At least make it entertaining. *Crunch*

I sigh, turn around, and look down the passage that leads to freedom, and death. Too bad I can't have just one.

While waiting for immenient doom, I do the strangest of things. I summon a mighty dragon which will conveinently fly me out of here-well, at least in my dreams. What I really do is check myself out in a muddy puddle, and although I can conclude that half of the dirt was in the water, there was a metric fuckton of filth on my clothing, and fifty percent was still enough to coat the outside of a building. When was the last time I got fresh clothes, or even washed these...?

I've been fighting and not dying for so long, I haven't noticed all the trouble that comes with not being dressed well. Of course, the lesser problem with my reflection was that it had holes in it.

Yep. Holes. Hand-sized ones, one of which was in The middle of my fucking stomach!

Good thing I'm dead, and don't need all those squishy tube-thingys, or I would be in real trouble. As it is, I'm lucky I don't have a hole where my head should be.

And now I'm brought to a very inconveinent problem.

You see, I'm sorta missing my left arm, and about a third of my torso, which is kinda awkward. You never know how hard it is to walk being so imbalanced from only having an arm on one side until your fucking body blows up. Life experiences, yay!

...Sarcasm is unbecoming of me...not! I think it's about the only humor I'm somewhat decent at, mostly because it only requires the mocking of other people. I am, as I've said, mildly sadistic, so sarcasm is pleasing to my sense of relationships.

I heard the footsteps of one of the old men, a hobbling trot that would most likely be the last thing I heard.

...speaking of relationships, or rather, not speaking of any meaningful relationships, I wonder where Plain and the Jo's went to. It would really be nice to have a six-foot guy to shove in the way-I mean, uh, assist me in defeating these men.

You know, I've been thinking. It's funny, because I've spent all this time as a half-vampire, and I've never actually seen a benefit. Why do people become these blood-suckers anyway? There really doesn't seem any point, except for an express ride to hell. I mean, I probably already had a seat saved, but I guess getting there a little early won't hurt. Or, rather, since it's hell, it'll hurt a hell'va lot.

LOL!

Dammit, I think the old man heard me. He's getting close. I shouldn't have laughed out loud...bad idea, in retrospect. I get that feeling a lot.

You know when you've been stressed, pressured, and pushed for so long, that you just snap and say, "Fuck it all, I'm done." and walk away like a total bad ass, only to regret it a day later and find that your life is ruined and everyone you loved hates you and you're all alone and it's so sad...T_T

What was I saying again? Oh right, fucking. Sorry, me, I get absentminded when death is on the line. I hope I'll forgive me.

'Not a problem, me! I'll always love you, forever and ever!'

Ahh, that's sweet, I. I'm glad you'll always be there.

'You'll never leave my sight! I'll always be with you, always!'

Hahaha, that's great, but kinda creepy...

'Haha! You'll never escape! I'll be with you when you're awake and when you're asleep!'

Please, stop, you're scaring me.

'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU CAN'T GET AWAY FROM ME!'

STOP!

...

Moving on, about that old man.

Yeah...he's kinda staring at me, and I'm sorta feeling violated. Did I mention my hatred of old men? It's a bottomless pit, from which all the demons of hell are regurgitated.

He's raising his hand, and a very bright light is gathering in them. Yeah...

I'm, fucked. I'd say fuck my life, but this time...it's really my fault.

Yeah..

...fuck me.