# Ch.48: The best excuse
The foxes were standing in a trolleybus, alongside their tourist guide,
who was also a fox.
23: To the right, you can see the monuments to the fallen.
From the first to two-hundredth war, and they continue to the left.
I am legally obligated to say that they were
all preemptive and *totally* justified.
F6: When are we getting to the restaurant?
23: When this bastard driver gets there. Hey, hurry the fuck up!
F2: Why were there so many wars?
23: Again,
I am legally obligated to say they were because of totally reasonable,
but undisclosed motives which *definitely* included the good of the people.
F3: And what is your actual opinion?
23: I am legally obligated... Alright, you get the point.
And I don't want a legion knocking on my door.
F4: Well, then... What was your name again?
23: I'm Irwin. The best and only foxy tour guide in this incredibly awful dump.
F1: Irwin, Could you tell us more about this realm?
23: Well, there is not much to say. Our main export is soldiers,
our main import is soldiers in shoe boxes,
our biggest industry is crushed dreams,
and this city specializes in lawnmowers.
23: According to the representatives, there have been no bad representatives.
Except for Rose, who was declared unfit the moment he made his first speech.
F5: Hold on, who decided that?
23: Dunno.
Z: We should investigate that.
23: Wait... You didn't hear anything of what I said.
That was the beer talking.
F4: You are allowed to drink on the job-
23: OH LOOK A FIRE HYDRANT!
Irwin threw the beer out of the other window,
even though all the foxes saw her do it.
After a while, they got to the restaurant.
23: Alright here is "l'eau grasse", allegedly the best restaurant in here.
And I have no idea of what the name is supposed to mean.
They approached the maitre d'hotel.
1111: Do you have a reservation, miss?
23: Even better,
I have some six tourists with more cash than your entire clientele.
How about you show her?
F1 Gave a gold coin to the head waiter.
1111: Oh, uh... Come in, please. Does the tour guide need a cane-?
23: I CAN STILL WIPE MY OWN ASS, MISTRESS!
F4: How old are you exactly?
23: I'm twenty-seven.
F5: Wow, you look like you're fifty.
23: Thanks! Most people say that I look seventy.
The waitresses made sure to kick out all the other clients and
rearrange the tables so they could sit together, tourist guide included.
23: You know, this is very nice of you.
1111: Here is the menu, fine people.
F2: Ummm... What is this thing?
1111: Oh, that one is called "The chirping".
It consists of a bed depicting the autumn leaves of late winter,
going back to the ground to form new life...
F6: What part am I supposed to eat?
1111: The olive in the middle.
...It's an appetizer.
The leash ordered their food.
After having Irwin order two bottles of wine and consuming
a hefty amount of bread, they finally got their dishes.
F3: I think that this tastes as good as it looks.
F5: An incoherent mess?
F3: Correct.
23: I think the meat tastes like grilled rat.
...Not that I have actually tried it.
This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.
23: At least the wine isn't that bad!
are you sure you don't want some? I can't get THAT drunk on the job.
F1: Yes.
23: So that means...? Ugh, whatever.
At least it's somewhat better than the stuff from the liquor stor-
*looks at back of bottle* This is from the fucking liquor store!
F3: Well, wine is an acquired taste, so I am not to judge.
F5: Wine tastes so bad you have to delude yourself into not finding it bad,
so I am to judge.
F4: That's kinda ironic coming from you.
F5: I was a beer connoiseur!
F6: I'm still hungry.
F2: Me too.
F1: We will have to order some more, then.
F4: Uh, I'm good.
They ordered some more overdesigned-looking and tasting,
ant-sized dishes before feeling full. They they got onto another trolleybus.
23: Well, now you know. If you want to eat overpriced paintings,
you can go to the art gallery.
F2: Where are we going now?
23: This trolley passes through the administrative center.
In a while we will be seeing the legal library,
which is totally open to inquiry if you have a million licenses.
F6: Uh-huh.
23: Also, if you squint really hard to the left,
you should be able to see the representative's citadel,
because he loves you sooo much that you're
not allowed to be within a mile of him.
F3: Do you dislike this city?
23: Nonono! Of course not!
I definitely love waking up at five in the morning to the sound
and smell of a hundred retards mowing the grass under every bench,
and then getting a gun pointed to my head for not liking them or something.
In fact, I just LOVE how they threaten me for doing fucking anything.
Drinking off your salary? Nooo, that's public indecency.
Swearing without a license? Public indecency.
Buying duct tape?
Better keep those those dishes in fragments because you'll need a license!
G: Good thing we emptied the trolley.
F5: That's a lot of words.
F4: So, why did you decide to be our tour guide?
23: Uh, that hotel girl thought that it was better if you
had a fox guide in case that you were racist or something.
Plus, I am in the top three. Out of three.
23: Oh, there's the library. Do you want to see it?
F3: Perhaps later.
23: Well then. Our next stop is the community center.
They entered the "c""o""m""m""u""n""i""t""y" centre. Scare quotes.
They saw a concierge taking notes,
And the interior resembled a cavernous bunker.
23: Yeah, so basically this is the crematorium where the dead men walking-
192937983>23: ...
23: I mean, the great place provided by our generous
overlords as a shelter for the downtrodden,
and also the populace when bombs are falling.
192937983: Did Irwin come back crawling-
23: Shut up! I'm doing a tour right now!
F1: What kind of shelters do you have?
192937983: This shelter offers one-by-one-by-two
meter rooms for the entire city, free of charge.
In Japan, you pay for pod and like it.
F2: What!? My room is like, fifty times larger than that!
Z: Sixty-two point five to be exact. Standard containment.
192937984: That is not my problem ma'am. You have a right to it.
G: Waitwaitwait-
F6: I refuse.
Z: *Facepalm*
The guards and tramps in the lobby stared at them.
Z: We are toast. Do whatever you want.
F4: Wait, what?
192937984: Excuse me?
F6: I don't even fit inside.
192937984: Look ma'am, this is your right.
You may not even touch the damn room, but you can't flat out refuse!
F6: I'd rather sleep on the floor.
J: Hey, I just finished with the- FUCK DID YOU DO!?
G: Freya just said.... You know... 23: Uhhh... Forgot to tell you about that.
23: Actually, I don't know you at all, so I will be going on my merry way...
The guards locked the doors.
192937984: You aren't going anywhere!
You just spat upon the gifts given to you by the administration! All of you!
J: Ugh, whatever! Just kill them! And don't let them escape!
23: Aw, come the fuck on! Why am I to blame? Have you never had a bad client?
192937984: You are a godsdamn menace and have dozens of warrants,
so you deserve plenty of time behind bars.
23: Well, in that case... EAT FLAMING DEATH, CUNTS! THIS PLACE IS FULL OF SHIT!
Z: Freya, I will need to tuck your hair inside the drysuit.
G: So it has come to this...
J: Time to test your melee skills!
Z: There are smoke grenades in your left pocket. Grab and activate them now.
F1: Understood. *Reaches pocket*
G: Now hold your breath...
Politics 101 kids. Just kill everyone that disagrees.