# Ch.26: Standard medieval fantasy
Thanks to Jack's advanced persuasion techniques, the
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Were charged only one quid. Then they left the building.
F4: Couldn't we get in trouble for that?
J: Nah, we just got the VIP discount.
That guy must have been hypnotized dozens of times.
F3: Why did you do it?
J: You see, if we need to kill the gods,
it's a start to infiltrate their pawns.
Z: The bigger question is why you didn't ask earlier.
F4: I mean, he gets angry sometimes...
J: And yet you continue to piss me off, so that isn't an excuse.
F1: I guess orders are orders, so there is no point in asking questions.
G: This isn't the military, you know. We value your support.
J: No we don't.
G: You know that's wrong.
G: If you know what you're doing, you will be able to do it better,
so feel free to ask us about anything.
F6: In that case, can I have a cookie?
J: YOU-
G: Sorry, but we can't give you any of them right now.
Z: Try to answer your own questions before asking someone else.
F6: Can we buy some then?
J: Ugh, sure. I'll be looking up stuff in the taxman's brain,
so do whatever you want. Just don't go back to the slums.
F2: Wouldn't that knock him out?
J: He would have a workplace nap.
Anyways, I've got to concentrate, so bye-bye.
They went to a store after that.
F3: Do you have newspapers?
1234: This is a bakery, sir.
F6: Do you have cookies?
1234: What kind of cookies?
F6: Chocolate chip cookies.
1234: How many?
F6: Hmmm...
G: Please don't overspend our budget.
F6: One hund-
F4 closed F6's mouth.
F4: Twelve! We'll have twelve.
1234: That'll be twenty quid.
F1: Here you go.
F2: Thanks, nice lady!
1234: Thanks to you.
Then they left.
F6: These cookies aren't really good.
F2: Yeah, it like they're lacking something.
F3: I think they're just bland.
F2: Where do we go now?
G: I dunno, what do you think?
F3: I still would like having a newspaper.
G: Then how about we go to the general store?
F4: I guess that would be nice.
They got a newspaper. After that, they went to the park and sat on the grass.
F3: Apparently, today is Tuesday, three twelve.
G: It's good to know weekdays are the same.
Z: For all we know, it could be Tuesday every day.
F2: What are all those weird letters? I don't understand any of it!
F1: It must be the local dialect. I don't get it either,
but the important parts are translated to Common.
Z: That's a language name?
F1: Yes, the Common language.
G: Alright, even I find that super lame.
F1: I don't know how it came about, but it's what everyone uses.
F6: So Filbert knows common?
F3: Of course.
F4: Wait, you don't know?
F2: Nope. F5: Nah. F6: No?
G: So they teach Common but not English...
F2: Does it have any more news?
F3: Let's see... Bread shortage, war in the east...
Z: Or as 'A' would like to say, west.
J: That's right, west!
Z: Weren't you working?
J: My ears don't turn off just because I'm looking up stuff, you know.
There wasn't much else of importance on the newspaper.
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F6: I'm hungry.
G: Hi hungry, I'm 'C'!
F2: That was terrible!
Z: Ditto.
F4: Can we buy lunch? It should be better than the MREs.
G: Sure!
F5: By the way, isn't 'A' taking awfully long?
G: You're right, let me ask.
G: How are you doing 'A'?
J: FUCK OFF!
G: He seems busy.
Jack kept typing angrily at his keyboard. Peak interface.
Meanwhile, the Heretek Abhumans went to a restaurant,
and were reading the menu.
G: How about "Two number nines, a number nine large"...
F2: Two noodles and a large noodle?
Z: Forget it. It was a bad joke.
So rancid: They can't even get the jokes right. One star.
G: There's tomatoes and pesto, tomato sauce and pesto;
tomato with pasta; tomato pesto with pasta-
Z: Just shut up.
F1: I think they are different kinds of pasta, but yes.
F2: Well, I'll want *those* noodles!
G: And we'll need to learn Common.
They ordered spaghetti, panzerotti and tea, among some other things.
Even if they served pasta, every restaurant had to have tea.
J: DID I HEAR SOMEONE ORDER TEA!? THAT DISGUSTING DRINK!?
Z: Not everyone likes the same things. Also go back to work.
J: Nah I'm finished.
G: And what did you find?
F5: That guy is definitely getting fired.
J: Getting useful data from him was a tough bitch, but I got plenty of things.
But seriously, that shit will ruin your teeth.
F3: How about some "cola" then?
J: How about some water, EH!?
Z: Weren't you talking about your findings?
J: Oh yeah, after some searching,
I found out that some "emperor" guy comes every once in a while.
J: Allegedly, he can speed-dial the deceivers
while the local despot has no such benefit.
J: Which fucking blows if you think about it,
because now we will have to chase around a goddamn ghost!
Z: You're swearing quite a lot today.
J: And you aren't my mom, SO FUCK OFF!
F6: And what else did you get?
J: *sigh* There are many emperors per continent.
Z: Hold on, let me check.
Zack pulled out a map.
Z: It's right. I did not notice the dotted lines last time.
G: Wow, I thought they were continental plates!
After a bit of discussion, the Vulpes sapiens got their plates.
Or were they Homo vulpes? Homo sapiens vulpes?
F4: Actually, I think this tastes worse than the MREs.
F6: Mmmm... Yeah, it's awful.
F3: This is the most tasteless thing I've tasted,
if that makes any sense.
F2: Can I leave?
J: Nuh-uh! You bought it, you eat it!
F2: But Faber paid!
J: Don't. Care.
Z: I think that the food's tastelessness is
derived from it's lack of corporeality.
F5: Come again?
Z: You are made of altered matter. The food you normally eat is altered matter.
This is not altered matter.
G: In other words, the food you had lacked the special touch.
F5: And this was a gourmet restaurant!?
G: Yes, I'm afraid that cheaper food tastes even worse.
F4: My stomach aches just from thinking about that...
J: And it definitely would, so it's an accurate take. Now eat up.
After downing the pasta and miscellanea, they were handed the bill.
621: That'll be one-hundred and eighty quid, sir.
F1: Uh... sure.
Then they left.
F6: Wasn't the cash supposed to last for months?
G: Well, we just observed trading between the not-so-well-off,
which means we may have gotten our data wrong.
F5: If what you say is true, I'll burn down this city before eating cheap food.
J: That's the spirit!
Z: That still doesn't solve our money problem.
J: If things are that bad, they might as well sleep on the grass.
It's cheaper and healthier!
F4: I think I'd still like having a roof over my head.
J: Then how about a tent?
F2: Wouldn't that be rather silly on a city?
F3: You said that we had to look high class.
J: Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
Let's get some money at the adventurer's guild then.
F5: You must be making that up.
G: Have you ever read a medieval fantasy story?
F5: No.
G: Uh, well. The point is that this is a one-to-one copy of that,
so there's bound to be an adventurer's guild somewhere in here.
And there it was.
They came, they saw, and they uhh, looked at the bulletin board?
J: Look for something about killing monsters somewhere far away for lots of money.
F3: That one is from another city.
J: Not that far! We just don't have to be seen!
F4: Um, that one then? It says twenty thousand quid.
G: Seems fine to me!
Then they went to the counter.
F3: We would like to take on this quest.
101: May I see your licenses then?
J: KEEP HIM BUSY!
Decisive victory. Or so it went.