# Ch.35: This is your brain on tack

Actually nah, here is group Z:

212: I'm telling you, the guilds have the minister grabbed by the balls!

14: Pfft, nonsense.

The minister is the one who chooses what the guilds can and can't do.

If he decided to shut them down tomorrow, they would be gone.

212: Bullshit!

You think the assassins guild will stay with

their arms crossed if he tells them to fuck off?

14: It's called "shadow guild", just so you know.

F5: Well, I'm not from here, so can you get us up to speed?

212: Yeah,

so this dumbass here thinks that even though the guilds

control every fucking penny that gets in or out of here,

the minister could just poof them out of

existence before having them poison his tea.

14: And this raving lunatic thinks that those glorified

tea parties put drugs in their cups or something,

because they definitely always agree on everything,

and would perfectly coordinate to wipe their asses with the law.

212: And I am tempted to say it has happened before!

14: Then you should definitely stop drinking!

F5: Well then, but how about we get you two some beers?

212: Yeah, yeah, that would be fine.

G: Excellent defusal, Frank.

They got some beers for them.

14: Say, how come you're getting milkshakes in a bar?

Z: Say you are teetotalers.

F1: You are teetotalers.

14: What?

F1: I mean, we are teetotalers.

14: Ahhh...

212: Goddamn pansies. It's pretty obvious you're not from here.

F5: How could you tell?

212: Because that's what you fucking said!

Anyways, where are you from?

F1: We are from far up north.

14: So you've been to the other coast?

And did you get here via boat?

F1: Yes, I guess we pretty much did.

14&212: *Hysterical laughter*

Whatever route they imagined was probably pretty silly.

G: Uh, try to go with the flow,

or we may be thrown out of the window...

F1: Ha, ha. Haha.

14: Ah,

I remember an old sailor telling me that the longer a ship is at the sea,

the more attacks it will see,

so next time better become friends with the empress

rather than going through those shitty rivers.

F1: Ok?

_EOF_ end of dialogue.

After going to the bar, they walked around the hotel some more.

For example they had an arcade, but the games were a total bore.

Finally, they went back to the suite and tried to sleep.

F4 laid down on the bed.

F4: Ah! What did they put in here?

The mattress turned out to have embedded pearls.

F5: Well, then the floor it is!

F5 laid on the persian carpet. Unfortunately for him, the floor had rubies below.

F5: AH FUCK! MY BACK!

G: Yeah, we'll have to do something about that.

Z: Go to the Bradley then, I can make some remodelling supplies.

After levelling the floor with some wax, and laying some mats,

the fluffy-tailed digitigrades were able to relax.

G: Well, this day was something I guess.

F4: Yeah, pretty weird.

F6: The people behaved strange.

F3: Well, after all, we are the strange ones to them. Probably.

G: Anyways, tomorrow will be another day, so sleep tight.

Z: And don't let the bed bugs bite.

F2: Wait, there are bed bugs in here?

Z: No, you silly.

F2: Oh, ok. Good night, mister 'B'!

Then they had the big sleep.

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I mean, they slept a lot, it's not like they died or something.

Although at least F5 felt like that in the morning.

F5: Ugh, my head! What did those milkshakes have in them!?

Z: Probably nothing healthy.

F1: You should not have drank so many of them.

F5: They were goddamn milkshakes!

F2: Is 'A' ok now?

G: Hmmm, I don't know. Let's bring him over.

Guy went through a door, and dragged Jack into the office through the floor.

J: Well, what do you want now.

F2: Um, I wanted to know if you were fine and all.

J: Yeah I'm fine- FOR FUCK'S SAKE THAT PLACE IS DISGUSTING!

G: Whoah, whoah, calm down. Breathe in and out.

J: *Controlled breathing*

J: Ugh, I hate this kingdom, or empire, or whatever!

Every inch of it is disgusting!

Z: We already heard that from you,

so get a plan thought through if you want to leave this place.

J: Fine.

J: You told me in the morning this city has guilds,

so I guess I will take them over before

having the president killed or something.

F6: Also we are out of food.

J: Yes, I know! Let's go hunt something on the forests.

Whatever exists outside of these dumps must be good in comparison.

And so they left. The forests were ok.

Not overly exploited, they had a few animals and some food,

with only the occasional wrapper thrown around.

Our foxes were given some good old hunting rifles,

since while having animals explode was fun, it wasn't very useful.

They also saw other foxes.

F2: Wow! Those little guys look just like me!

F3: I guess they are fox-persons, minus the person part.

F4: That's a rather odd way of saying it.

J: Does anyone want a fox scarf?

F2: Ew, no!

F6: Hmmm...

F4: Ok, that's just wrong.

J: How about fox stew?

G: Gross!

Z: And unhealthy, since it would be cannibalism.

Next up, they found a unicorn.

F5: Wow, that must be super rare.

F1: I don't think that such a creature belongs in here.

J: And they soon won't be! FIRE!

The unicorn was shot dead. This isn't MLP guys.

G: Ok, now we will have to hang it, bleed it and cut it open.

F2: Can't the unicorn turn itself into steaks?

Z: No.

Next take: A hanging unicorn.

F4: Does the blood have glitter in it?

F5: Yeah, I'm not eating that.

J: How about reconsidering the foxy option?

G: Stop it! There must be something edible in this place.

F6: Can I take the horn?

J: No souvenirs, hon.

F6: Aw.

F3: But where did this unicorn come from?

F5: Let me guess: Rich kid.

Z: Probably.

After leaving a perfectly good unicorn to rot,

our foxes continued hunting in the way nature didn't intend.

Later, they found a deer. This dear deer endeared living,

but its ears couldn't hear them get near,

and getting shot probably made it feel fear,

but after after getting sheared by mere non-military gear,

it couldn't steer or veer from having bullets spear through its body.

Oh dear, dear deer, that would be your last year.

Any claims about me overdoing my rhymes are patently false.

Jack cheered.

J: Great! Now make some steaks!

G: I think that you're skipping some steps, but yeah.

Z: One shot should have been enough. Now the animal is full of holes.

J: Details schmetails.

They grabbed it, hanged it head down near the Bradley, drained it, skinned it,

cut off the front legs and head, boned it, removed the organs,

and all the other things.

Since they were six,

they somehow managed to do everything before rigor mortis kicked in.

Meanwhile,

they were also preparing a large cooking pot with boiling... blood?

J: Quick! Cut some leg chunks with the circular saw,

and put them into the pot!

F4: So, do I cut it vertically?

G: Yes. Make them about two centimeters thick.

After adding in dehydrated crabapples from the Bradley, some dandelions,

extra brains, some chunks of fat and lots of oats,

they got a stew about as thick as treacle

with enough calories to vapourize a cat,

and maybe turn it into plasma.

They sat on the grass and tried it.

F6: Mmm... This is much better than those milkshakes.

F5: I feel like I could survive for a month after eating this!

F4: It's a bit thick...

J: That's the point!

Oh, what I would do to taste it in place of someone as thick as you...

J: Wait a minute!

F4 got reappeared in the office while Jack used his body.

J: Hah, Now I can!

J: *sips XL tablespoon from bowl* Mmm, that's GOOOD!

Now slap some alcohol plus cheese into the mix for instant liver failure.

(They didn't)