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JZ&G
Ch.23: Ready up

Ch.23: Ready up

# Ch.23: Ready up

The little fluffballs did a few more activities before dinner.

Our tyrant trio of doom came back at around that time,

and baked some cake without eggs. Or dairy. Truly villainous.

In fact, it was essentially the same as the fruitcake,

except that the fruit was in layers, and it had some marshmallow fondant.

They also had some soda water.

F5: Why can't you just add eggs to food? This thing is ridiculously dense!

Z: We couldn't force the birds to lay eggs off-season, so we don't have any.

F2: I think it's fine, although maybe a bit too rich.

J: You're gonna need the calories soon; they may be your last!

F4: What!?

Z: As we already told you, we will be disembarking tomorrow morning.

G: Yeah, we made some cake to celebrate the occasion.

Sorry if it's a bit heavy.

F6: *with mouth full* I think it's fine.

G: About that...

J: If you show those manners outside, they'll skin you alive,

and I will fetch the popcorn.

F3: Didn't you say there was no popcorn?

J: It's a manner of speaking! Plus in the office I can have whatever I want!

J: When your terrible manners get you killed I will be like this:

*OM NOM NOM NOM*

Z: What a hypocrite.

J: Well, I'm not the one going into the battlefield.

F4: Could you help us not die then?

J: Yeah, yeah, just don't get into other's personal space,

use the silverware when in doubt, and don't get caught snooping,

naked or masturbating.

F1: I think that I already knew all that.

F5&6: *Burp*

F3: We are all raised different.

Z: To clarify, you should also avoid farting or burping.

F2: How? Am I supposed to hold it in?

G: No. You just need to be subtle about it. Real subtle.

J: That only works because I can't smell.

F5: Why do we need so many formalities anyways?

Z: We figured that it would be easier if you posed as nobility.

F4: WHAT!?

F6: Could you scream a bit less?

F4: Oh, sorry.

J: The thing is, when people think you're high class,

you can get away with ANYTHING, as long as you don't look poor or unrefined.

F2: Wait, if I'm all fancy-looking, then can I get away with robbing a bank?

J: Yes! The sky's the limit!

F1: But what if they ask for identification?

J: That's something only the plebs do here. Isn't that right 'C'?

G: Yeah. From what I've seen, if you look like you own the place,

and are badass enough, you own the place. Simple as.

F5: So you're saying that nobody would bat an eye at me raping

children in broad daylight just because I'm wearing a fancy hat?

J: Yes.

F3: I simply cannot imagine that actually happening.

J: HAHAHAHA!

Jack fell off his chair and rolled on the floor, laughing.

Z: In that case, you have a serious lack of imagination.

G: I mean, not literally in broad daylight...

Z: Did you forget what happened with that knight?

G: Ok, maybe literally.

Jack was still laughing.

G: Anyways,

you should read up a bit on basic etiquette so your cover doesn't get blown.

G: And by the way, I would like to congratulate you for doing well today.

F2: Aww! thank you!

F3: Where you watching us?

G: Every once in a while, yes.

Z: We were occupied with more important things to check on you all the time.

F3: As in?

J: Ah... Totally could never happen. Where were we?

Z: We were talking about what we did today.

J: Ah, yes. I did some more automation.

F4: That's rather vague.

Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.

J: It's thankless work!

Who do you think made sure that you weren't remodeled alongside the ship?

J: Who do you think made sure that we wouldn't slip up with key intel?

F6: What?

J: Try saying "potato".

F6: Alright. Pot-, poteugh-, onions.

F1: Hold on. Let me try. P-O-N... P-O-T-T...

J: See?

F5: There's no way you can't say Pough- FUCK!

Z: In other news, I added optical camouflage to the ship,

and figured out the nuclear physics thing.

F3: And about the radiation poisoning?

Z: I managed to reduce it down to a manageable amount.

You should be getting a mere one hundred millisieverts per annum,

assuming continuous usage of portable versions.

F2: ???

J: You may get sick more often if you carry those backpacks all day,

but it's not like I care.

G: To be fair, I think that you would have to sleep with them, for years,

so you're probably safe.

F4: Thanks?

F2: And what did you do, 'C'?

G: I mostly checked the geography, culture and such.

I added the maps to the library, in case you wanna look them up.

F2: Cool!

G: That should about cover it. Does anyone have something else to add?

F1: How may we reach the coast exactly?

J: You'll see. We have a few surprises waiting for you.

F4: I don't like how you're wording that.

After that, the mostly orange creatures went to sleep.

I will keep using contrived terms to describe them. You can't stop me.

The day after, they went straight to the armoury.

J: Now, we will be arriving towards the main continent.

J: Since I can never be sure with you,

I will stress again that you can't run around naked out there.

F6: And what if I just walk around?

F4: Yeah, what about crawling?

F3: Or sprinting?

J: UGH! You can't be naked, period! So you better kiss your nudity goodye!

F6: *Bending over*

J: *Observing noises*

_--~~~-_

.' '.

____/____ \

/\ /\ \ |

\/___\/____/ |

| | |__ /

| | |_/ ____-'

| | \__.-~' |

| | | |

G: AHHH! ABORT, ABORT!

After that little mishap, they got back to work.

Z: Also, moving at a rate other than walking is generally considered rude.

J: Since we can't exactly beach a warship onto enemy territory,

you'll be swimming for the last couple hundred metres.

Z: For that, we prepared these special drysuits.

Cue the drysuits.

Z: These highly advanced suits offer full enviromental protection,

and include an optical camouflage helmet with advanced sensors.

Z: They are also resistant to bullets, fire, blunt trauma, vacuum,

acid and magic while maintaining excellent flexibility and comfort.

Z: Moreover, they come with active refrigeration and synthetic muscles,

which provide increased physical capabilities to the user.

J: THESE SUITS ARE WHAT AN ENGINEER'S WET DREAMS ARE MADE OF!

NOTHING EVER DEVISED BY MAN IN ITS TEN THOUSAND YEAR HISTORY CAN

EVEN COMPARE TO THE SHEER MIGHT HELD WITHIN THESE FIBERS!

J: THIS IS THE PROOF THAT THEY ARE NOTHING COMPARED TO US!

THEY ARE THE DINOSAURS, AND WE ARE THE METEORITE!

G: Whoah! Calm down!

J: Oh. I may have gotten carried away, again.

F4: Y-you scared me for a bit there.

F2: I think that I got half of what 'B' said.

F5: And I got a quarter of what 'A' said.

Z: ...Alright. What did you understand?

F6: Suits very advanced and powerful?

G: Eh, you got it well enough.

Z: Are you kidding?

Guy didn't have very high standards for a lot of things.