# Ch. 34: Bar talk

After the incident, the foxes got back to moving.

Since the "Noir" city posed a lung hazard, they moved on to another one.

A relative of mine told me that noir rhymed with Roy. He was disowned.

Upon reaching a city that wasn't covered in fog from all the cigarrete smoke,

they put on some longcoats,

as everyone wore them on in spite of the near-coastal, tropical weather.

Then they exchanged their stolen! gold for the country's coins.

You could tell these bankers were serious,

because the interior walls were plastered with precious foil.

F5: Wow, he wasn't kidding.

878: Is there a problem, sir?

F4: N-no, it's just that it's... so bright!

Fortunately, they had sunglasses.

878: That is correct.

We proud ourselves in providing a polished and clean look to our customers.

He handed them over a bag of coins across the jewel encrusted,

excessively lit counter.

878: The coins you gave us were legitimate. Please enjoy your visit.

They booked a suite in a similarly showy hotel, with very tacky toilets,

as they realized soon.

The suite's toilet consisted of a bone china bowl coated in platinum and gold

engravings studded with rubies diamonds and emeralds depicting dragons and

trolls in an epic battle against...*INHALE*...Human troops consisting of

complete anachronistic soup for a place called Waterloo no correlation plus an

ebony seat containing carvings made by an old master in his dying breath...

*INHALE*...An integrated bidet rated to launch a water jet at pressures up to

one hundred megapascals plus a control board to its side with more buttons

than an aircraft cockpit and a flower vase on top of the cistern. Phew.

F2: Uh, how am I supposed to use this thing?

F1: There should be a manual in here.

F3: How about pulling the handle?

The toilet flushed. Backwards.

F2: I really have to go!

G: Well, just do your... thing. We'll figure out how to flush it later on.

F4: Maybe you could try drinking less water?

Z: That would probably impact her health.

G: It's ok. This is no big deal after all.

After "marking" the suite,

and rendering it uninhabitable to anyone else in the process,

they waited for orders.

F2: So, what do we do now?

Z: Nothing.

F2: What!?

G: I don't think that we can do much without 'A',

so how about we relax for a while?

F6: I guess that would be nice.

Z: Doing something useful would also be fine.

G: Yeah. How about visiting a bar to socialize?

The hotel has one, and you could try and talk to other people.

F4: But isn't that dangerous?

G: Well, yes, but you have already talked to lots of people.

I guess it should be relaxing if you don't try to scam them.

Z: Make sure to not discuss anything about the world.

F3: Isn't everything part of the world?

G: I think he means that you should keep your profile low.

So, if they say something false, just nod and try to follow along.

Six foxes walk into a bar...

F5: So, can I have a milkshake?

5559: I Was expecting a man.

F5: *Momentarily compares crotch regions*

F5: Don't know what you mean.

5559: *Muttering* Fuckin' giant furballs.

F6: What?

5559: Oh, nothing. Here are your milkshakes.

I hope that you're not lactose intolerant, pups.

Stolen novel; please report.

Z: I think he is angry because you broke bar etiquette.

Although I don't know for sure.

G: I'm pretty sure it was because Frank insulted his manhood.

F2: Can I have one of those loopy straws?

5559: *Rolls eyes* What are you, four?

F2: Umm, maybe? Can I have it though?

F6: She doesn't look like a number to me.

F3: I don't think numbers look like much in particular.

Although she does have four limbs...

5559: Ugh. Just take it, and don't ask me for more milkshakes.

F2: Why not?

5559: Can you just leave, please?

After that, our pheomelanin-enriched tetrapods split up into several groups.

F2 and F6 talked to the girls, F4 and F3 to the casuals,

F5 and F1 to the drunkard businessmen.

For the reader's convenience, i.e. you,

they will be divided into groups X, Y and Z.

Here are some highlights from the horrendously boring conversations,

or if you like it, the entire conversations.

Group X:

2256: How have you been doing gals?

We almost never see people like you on this side.

F2: Oh, we are fine, and yes, we come from very far.

4355: Oh, I can see that!

You would never see a gal from here looking so butch.

331: I guess that out there love is more lax~

G: Whoah, slow down! These women are fierce!

F6: Uhhh, she's just a teammate.

331: Oh, sorry for that.

But tell us, how did you come to this bar?

F2: Oh! First we went a long way by sea, and then by land.

2256: It must have been from very far then.

F2: Yeah, from where I'm from it's much more cold.

Now we have been adventuring for preeetty long.

311: A-adventuring? You must be really strong~

311 covered her face with a fan.

F6: Sure.

F2: Well, Freya is much stronger than me though.

4355: Well, I wouldn't take such risks,

but it must have been quite fun for you.

F2: Yeah!

F6: I don't really know what to make out of it.

311: Oh, come on girl! Why don't you just Enjoy Life™?

F6: What?

Z: A profound, yet empty statement.

311: Oh, I would kill to travel around the world, looking at new things,

With such arms... And those legs, so strong yet not overly defined... Mmm...

2256: You have definitely been drinking too much. Sorry about that.

F2: Uhhh... I guess this has happened before, so it's fine?

F6: Maybe cookies aren't the only good thing... *Thinking*

311: IF YOU HAD A HUSBAND LIKE HIM, YOU'D ALSO BE OGLING THE GIRLS! *Bleurgh*

311: That midriff...~

G: Uh, that lady sure has an imagination...

Wait, did you forget to put on the onesie?

F6: *Looks down* Oh.

They had not noticed that she was wearing

only an open longcoat and her tight-fitting drysuit.

Fair enough since they looked the same colour.

Also I lied, they were ladies, not girls, but it had to rhyme.

Group Y:

767: So, have you played darts?

F3&4: No.

767: Billiards?

F3&4: No.

767: What do you even do all day?

F4: Kill things, I guess.

F3: The life of an adventurer is to see new places.

767: Poker?

F3: No. F4: Yes.

406: Oh, that's the stuff. Bring the chips!

F3: But I don't know how to play.

406: Have him teach you then.

They started playing.

767: So, anything in your curriculum apart from killing?

F3: I am experienced in mathematics.

406: Pfft, nerd.

F4: Now that you say it, I think that I once did some acting,

but it must have been a long time ago.

406: How do you forget that?

F4: Uhhh...

767: Wait, let me guess. Momma wanted her little baby to become an actor.

406: But the spineless brat didn't cut the mustard,

so he later went on some crazy adventure to prove that he still had balls.

F4: How did-, I mean-

767: You don't get good at business by being a bad tell.

406: And you look like you take it up the ass.

767&406: *High five*

F3: ...I have also studied some philosophy.

406: Well, I'm more of a layman,

but I know from them that you can never know anything.

Z: A technicality taken too far.

F3: Yes, I have heard that. Wasn't it the work of Sastre, Can't, Disser,

and Discarder, inspired by the sayings of-?

406: Nah, you're getting it wrong. Nihil came up with it.

F3: Excuse me, but I haven't heard about him.

406: You don't know Nihil? In a bolt of inspiration,

he came up with it in a single step. Complete and as of yet unchanged.

That's why Nihilism has its name.

406: Many would like to be him, but such genius is rare.

767: Sorry to interject, but I hate that theory.

The gods created us with a purpose.

767: If anything bad happens, they willed it.

767: If they willed it, you probably angered them.

All the more reasons to serve.

F4: Ok?

406: Well, the gods don't seem to care.

And this tale doesn't exist.

THE END.