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Insania Online
Sidestory 5.1 -Edgar Von Pond (April's Fools Response)

Sidestory 5.1 -Edgar Von Pond (April's Fools Response)

Brief warning in Cygna's corner. You have been warned!

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The world of Insania is a vast and expansive world. With millions of people inhabiting it, Magic and Fantasy hiding in every single corner of the world, it’s not a wonder that some time, a hero would appear.

And oh, if there are heroes around. Even our totally-not-creepy-eyed protagonist, Gon have heard about one of them. Rather, met one of them. And yes, I am talking about the Old man. He was a bloody legend back in his time!

However, he wasn’t the only legend. Oh, no. He was Eldor’s legend, and if someone truly believes that Eldor was the only capital to hold its own national hero, that person is severely mistaken. That brings us to the beginning of our history, to a time when the capitals still waged war, where heroes were born and died in the fields of battle, and when the author still hadn’t create a lore about that specific point in time.

If Eldor can be called the Mountain Capital, Ezorea Argus is the Magical Bridge Capital, Sandroze the Desert Capital, then Tidia Major could only be called the Coast-side Capital.

Truly being a sight for sore eyes, Tidia was a beautiful, if unique city. Not unlike the other capitals, of course. Built on the coast line where a plateau meets the ocean in a horse-shoe shaped bay, the entire city spreads around on the side of the cliff, stretching from one side to the other with its light-blue bricked buildings contrasting against the rough orange colored stone of the clff, and the beautiful clear water of the ocean beneath it.

In such a place where water is so predominant, it’s not a wonder that many water-based races would settle down in such a place. Even some of the races that usually wouldn’t like the salt-water of the ocean takes residence in this place, and amongst them, lies the hero we talk about.

His name is Edgar Von Pond. Or, as he is known throughout the world, Von Pond, the Honorable.

Von Pond was a kind of Amphibian. To be more precise, Von Pond was actually closer to a toad than a generic Amphibian. Not that he minded. With strong and powerful legs, the figure of Von Pond crossing the battlefields at unimaginable speeds was still an image that many of the older generation of warriors had burnt in their eyes

However, time was truly a cruel thing, and the once proud warrior was now but an old man. Walking on his mansion on the northern-most wall of the city, Von Pond casually reached to the chair, leaving his walking stick rest quietly against the armchair as he fixed his night robe before sitting down. 

“Ah… Where’s my pipe...” He said a bit absentmindedly while searching for his favorite smoking pipe that he usually left in his robe. After some moments searching, he finally recalled that he had left it on the desk before him before he went to fetch the book. Lighting it up with a bit of fire magic, he leaned down on the chair while enjoying his little guilty pleasure. “Now, let’s see what we have here.”

He opened the book and reached up to the last page that had been written.

“Now, what should I write about today.” He thought out loud to himself while dipping the feather into the inkwell and eyeing the blank page,

Not so long ago, one of these new Chosen began appearing before his door, requesting the old toad to give them tips and training after they had heard about him from the townsfolk. Surprised at the sheer amount of people that started suddenly visiting, Von Pond was a bit at a loss on what to do, so when one of these Chosen asked him to at least tell them a story of his past, he decided that there wasn’t anything to lose about it.

However, it didn’t take long for him to notice that his stories ended up becoming a surprising hit with this new generation of adventurers. Not that the younglings never liked his stories, however, since most of them didn’t have the intention of being a warrior or adventurer like himself, most of them just heard him out of curiosity. However, these Chosen were very different.

Since all of them pretty much set off to become adventurers in this world, stories of old heroes like himself resonated more with them, which caused the patio of his house to fill every day with young chosen eager to listen to his story.

While he didn’t mind telling them his story, since an old man like himself rarely had better things to do, he had still taken a suggestion from his friend of finally sitting down to write his own biography.

Which leads us to his current conundrum. What part of his history should he write down?

He spent at least two minutes wondering, going through various memories of his younger-self’s adventure in his mind.

Finally, he decided to write down one of his oldest stories. Back when he was just a young soldier. Rather, when the two of them were but young soldiers.

It was the so called Operation Mountainfall. Tidia Major was making an advance on Endor through the sea then go upriver towards the mountain, trying to get as close as possible on their own territory before changing for a ground assault.

The plan was good. No one would be expecting a sea-based assault during the winter, when the ocean was especially treacherous and the terrain was barren, meaning that even if they pillaged villages on the way, they wouldn’t get much in means of resources.

However, this could be worked around if they managed to keep the supply line from the capital to the river through the winter.

It truly was a bold strategy, but something no one should ever manage to foresee.

The sun was low on the horizon as they approached the defensive position that Eldor, hoping to use the dark sky as a cover to pass by unnoticed. Everything should have been perfect.

Then, one can imagine their surprise when a lesser dragon appeared on the sky and started attacking them from afar as the fort started bombarding them with those fearsome dwarven cannons.

While his then superior officers panicked on how to react to a two-pronged attack and the mages having a hard time managing to shoot down either the dragon or the defensive positions, Von Pond decided to take matters into his own hands.

Using his legs to jump up to the mast of the ship, he used the higher position plus the extra height from his jump to release an almost point-blank attack at the dragon, that roared in pain and lost a significant amount of its health.

The attack was enough to make the rider lose his balance and threaten to fall off his ride and down to the boat.

And it was only thanks to one of the stray bolt of magic that he was finally brought down, as it hit his leg that was still supporting his whole weight on the saddle.

Then, Von Pond drew complacent. He was confident in his ability to survive a fall that long thanks to both a massive fall resistance and, even should he fall into the sea, his innate skills in swimming. On the other hand, his opponent was caught by surprise, and would either splatter himself on the deck, or fall to the ship where their archers could take him out with ease.

So, when the dragon rider suddenly spun around to look at him in freefall and used his sword to attack Von Pond without any kind of support, it was no wonder that he ended up with a fairly deep cut on his flank.

He barely managed to recover in time to fix his landing position, and could only hear the terrible ripping sound as the attacker landed on the sail and used his sword as a means of slowing himself to a more manageable speed.

“Now, that’s some nice jumping power you have there.” The rider said as he landed on the deck nonchalantly.

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

“I could say the same to your reaction.” Von Pond threw the praise back. “But you do notice that you are now on our ship, right?” He said while pointing to all the mages around them.

The rider simply smiled happily at the challenge, and faster than what the mages could react to, he spun around and landed a knuckle sandwich one of the mage’s face, who flew in an almost straight line towards the captain’s room where he got stuck with half of his body on each side of the wooden wall.

“MAGES! FALL BACK!” Von pond shouted while dashing forward towards the invader who was already preparing to send another mage to meet their maker.

Barely did he have the time to parry the attack with his walking cane before attempt to kick the dragon rider.

However, the opponent was a lot more skilled than he expected, managing to leap back just in time as the toad’s leg threatened to break every rib of his body. Even the sound of the kick being enough to send a shiver to the listener’s spine.

“Woah. Now THAT is dangerous.” The rider said amazed before smiling widely. “Now, Ah think Ah recall something about a guy with some serious kicking power somewhere...”

“Ah, yes. Edgar Von Pond, at your service.” Von Pond said courteously, never being one to drop his manners.

“Uh… Okay, Ah didn’t expect that.” The rider said a bit surprised before shrugging.

“I take it that you are the Wallace that I heard so much?” Von pond asked curious while gently taking his hand to his injury.

“The one and only.” He said while trying to pull a courteous presentation. He failed.

“Well… This is troubling.”

While Von Pond was confident in his own capacity of taking on the rider before him in a one on one fight, he had earned a sizeable injury due to his overconfidence. And while he did have the mages to help him in the ship, they had the issue of being unable to use some of their more powerful magic due to the chance of damaging their own ship or even injuring their own comrades.

Needless to say, a battle ensued. With Von Pond trying to stop Wallace and Wallace trying to cause the biggest havok possible in the fleet.

However, this is not what this story is about. Every other story that Von Pond had written down already had its fair share of battle written down. This story is about what happened after one of the dwarven cannonball managed to land in the middle of the duo’s battle, The explosion destroying the ship where they were on and launching them up into the air. No matter how tough they were, the power of an explosion capable of destroying an entire ship is nothing to scoff at.

He had no idea how long it had been after he woke up. However, what Von Pond did know was that his whole body hurt like hell.

A grimace and whimper of pain escaped his lips as he woke up, finding himself in what looked like a makeshift tent made of leaves and branches. He raised himself up to a sitting position and almost shouted in pain.

“...Bah, stop being such a wussy. It’s just a scratch!” A childish, yet oddly mature voice echoed.

And following that, an explosion of pain that left Von Pond unable to even scream. Falling back to the makeshift leaf bed, he held onto his injured flank and curled up into a ball of sheer agony.

“...Ah, whoops. That was the injured side. I’ll make a note of that.” The voice echoed once again. Not sounding any more worried than it had just a second before.

“W-What… Are you...” Von Pond asked while trying to search for the source of the voice, only to freeze once he noticed that the owner was a young looking blue-haired elf.

“I was healing you.” The elf said casually as she shrugged. “But, let’s get into business now that you are awake.” She said with a worrisome expression while picking up what looked like a glass phial from the ground nearby and approaching the Lizardmen with a wicked smile. “Now, if you could be so kind as to drool into this for me...”

For a moment he could only stare in shock and confusion at those eyes surrounded in black. As he tried to understand her words, she decided that he wasn’t very interested in the idea and changed her approach.

“Well, if you don’t want to help with this, we COULD go for something else...” She said, her childish face contorting into an extremely frightening expression that should not be possible for such a young looking girl to make. “It HAS been some time since I tasted a lizard...” She said while licking her lips.

“I-I’ll help you with this.” Von Pond shouted frightened while snatching the glass phial from her hand and doing his best to salivate into it. However, due to the sheer fear he had, he could feel that his salivary glands were rather lacking in spirit at the moment. The fact that he was terrified for his life didn’t exactly help either.

“...Eh… This should be enough.” The young looking elf said with a slightly disappointed tone while taking the barely filled phial. “Had heard that toadman’s saliva have some special effect or something.” She said while setting the phial down nearby. “Found you half dead on the ground nearby, decided to test it.”

“I-I see...” Von Pond said while crawling back worried. “A-And you are?”

“Just your average best half-living alchemist wandering around.” The girl shrugged before picking up some potions on the ground. “Anyway, here. This should help a bit.” She said while passing him the phial of red liquid. Von Pond quickly recognized it as a fairly high ranked potion. And a pretty good one at that. The amphibian, in a very hesitating manner, took on the potion. While knowing it wasn’t exactly cheap, he felt he didn’t have the options with his body in his state. “Well, looks like I won’t have to administer it mouth to mouth anymore.” The elf suddenly added with a mischievous smirk.

Von Pond almost spat out the entirety of the drink back at the elf, his cheek inflating as he held back his impulse to spit it in shock. It still ended up giving him a cough attack, all things said.

“Y-You mean that...” Von Pond could only stare at her in shock.

“Oh, don’t worry. I only did tongue action once.”

At that moment, the toadman decided that, no matter who this little girl was, she was an extremely dangerous being. It took him no more than one second to decide that he shouldn’t stay near her for more than what was needed.

“Okay, now that your wounds are mostly better...” She suddenly said while pulling another phial, this one of a dangerous looking pink color. “Drink this.”

“...Isn’t that...” Von Pond said worried while staring at the phial in her hands. He had seen one of those being sold previously in some store back at Tidia Major, but, no matter how he thought about it, having her offer him that was extremely weird.

“Well. We wouldn’t want you running out of steam midway through it, would we?”

That clinched it. Seeing how his wounds didn’t hurt as much as before, Von Pond decided that he should retreat as fast as he could possibly do. He scampered back to his feet and kicked the ground as strongly as he could.

“Wah… hey.” He heard her calling back to him in surprise. “Come back here you slippery little amphibian! I want to have my fun!” She shouted.

Von Pond didn’t dare to stay behind and hear to what she had to say, running as far away as he could, all of his instincts shouting to him that he should get as far away from that creature as he could.

He could still remember the panic he felt when a sudden phial flew past his head, nearly missing him by a hair’s breadth. Watching in shock as it impacted against a nearby tree and released a dangerous looking fog, he couldn’t even begin to fathom what that could mean.

At least, she had no way of keeping up…

“Don’t think a youngling like you can run away from me!” A voice echoed from behind him, sending a shiver down his spine that he would remember on the ages to come. He looked back and saw as the elf, with some difficulty, was managing to keep up with him. Another one of those dangerous looking phials at hand and a ‘oh-so-wrong’ hungry expression on her face.

Von Pond felt the blood draining from his face and even more adrenaline that he ever thought he was able to produce pumping on his bloodstream.

He had another burst of speed, but somehow, he could hear as the elf kept up with him, and the occasional Phial being shot in his direction.

Imagine now, his shock while, in the midst of this chase, the image of Wallace appeared in front of him. The only reason he didn’t give up there and then was because the Rider was having to support himself onto a sword and his armor was tattered to shreds.

The young human managed to catch a glimpse of Von Pond just in time as the toad leapt above him.

Following that, a shout of confusion and anger echoed as one phial broke against his chest.

Von Pond landed behind the human and turned back in worry for a moment, wondering whether he would give chase too or not. However, he quickly skidded to a halt once he noticed that the elf had stopped her chase and was now staring at the young man.

“Ara. If it isn’t young Wallace again?” The Elf said with an even more dangerous tone.

The human suddenly froze from his fit of anger before slowly and extremely fearfully, turning back from Von Pond and looking at the newcomer.

“Sol...” He said in the same way a mice would talk to a tiger after being cornered.

“...I guess I don’t mind taking you instead.” She said playfully before, in an horrifyingly casual way, throwing the man on her shoulders and walking back to the camp. “Here. Let old Sol fix you up so we can have some fun!” She said in the most disturbingly cheerful tone that Von Pond will ever hear in his entire life.

Closing down the chapter on the book by putting the feather away, Von Pond made a worried frown as he recalled the day that he almost lost something very important on his life. Up to this day, he still felt a bit guilty about what he did to Wallace, just abandoning him where he laid with that disturbing elf. However, all is fair in love and war, and it was either Wallace or him.

And this, was the night that Edgar Von Pond, one of the most well known NPCs in Tidia Major, wrote about one of the truly most fearsome beings to wander around the period of war.