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Insania Online
Chapter 69 - Lord Wich

Chapter 69 - Lord Wich

Author’s corner: HELLO HELLO! It’s IRL time! Let the games begin!

ANYWAY, finally, it is here! The meeting that all of you have waited! It’s time for Yuu and Gon to meet! And some nonsense. Can’t forget the nonsense.

ALSO, this arc shouldn’t be all that long, but I plan on laying some important information here. But then, Rathian’s arc wasn’t supposed to be long and it ended up being pretty long (for what I think is long, anyway…)

ALSO(2), Guys, help me convince VRDraco to put more Monster hunter monsters on his story! Keep commenting it on his Mystery of the dungeon story, okay? FOR A RR FILLED WITH MONSTER HUNTER!

Have a good read!

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“The time is now, Lord Evildude!” I shouted at him while turning on the thrusters of my ship to the maximum. “This is your last chance to let go of all the cookies and the hostage, or else feel the wrath of Gondorrer Salamandersbane… AND HOW THE HELL DID I EVEN GET THAT ONE WRONG?”

“Hah!” The demon lord laughed as he climbed atop of his class-S galactic fighter. “Your feeble attempts of trying to stop me are laughable, Badass warrior Wargon!” He shoved the hostage away as he took seat, in his hand the holy cookies whose power he was usurping. “NO ONE SHALL TAKE THE COOKIES FROM ME! NO ONE!”

His super badass fighter took flight in my direction. My hud flared up as dozen and more dozens of missiles locked on me, yet I simply smiled as I took aim with my ship’s turret and started shooting all of them down with my super Sniper+shotgun+machinegun contraption.

The missiles fell one after another, but that wasn’t all that Lord Evildude, the lord of demons had, as he soon started using his dark magic powers of darkness to create wormholes through which interdimensional monsters came from.

We had a super badass fight following that, where I had to not only mind his attacks, but also from his disgusting broccoli-shaped monsters. However, thanks to my Super-barrier of unlimited power and only one weakness, I easily managed to defeat all his minions.

But Evildude somehow knew of my barrier’s only weakness! Slow music!

Blaring off his ship’s massive space-made subwoofers, he started playing… CLASSIC MUSIC!

Although unable to save his own ship from demise, he overloaded my ship’s system with his music and blew it up. But not before I could jump out from the cockpit, doning my space-pirate-ninja-berseker armor of badassery.

Taking out my energy beam sword, I jumped towards him, our blades clashing in the empty space, a wicked grin appearing in my face as we battled it out with the light sound of background rock music playing in the redundant background. A quick glance back to the hostage, and I saw that the single sniper-shot I fired in her direction managed to cut her free from the ropes. She turned to me, her eyes filled with gratitude, and said…

“Badass Warrior Wargon, pleas, fulfill this wish for me…” She said happily.

“Anything for a cookie, lady!” I said while kicking away Evildude, opening some distance for our badass duel and giving a dashing smile.

“All I want… Is… For you…” As she said that, her face suddenly changed into a deadpan one, not unlike a robot. “TAKE ME DOWN, TO THE PARADISE CITY, WHERE THE GRASS IS GREEN AND THE GIRLS ARE PRETTY!”

“Err.. What?” I asked confused, turning to lord evil-dude, only to see his robotic demonic face twist in the same way as the hostage’s. “Huh? What’s happening…”

“TAKE ME DOWN TO THE PARADISE CITY, WHERE THE GRASS IS GREEN AND THE GIRLS ARE PRETTY!” Lord evil dude also sang, his voice much louder than the hostage’s, so loud that I was almost knocked out unconscious by it alone.

And suddenly, a guitar appeared in his hand and a drum-set at the hostage's, and they started playing rock right in front of me.

“WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?” I shouted confused. “WHAT ABOUT OUR EPIC DUEL?” I shouted at him.

His only response was to keep playing while looking even more badass than me.

“WAKE UP GON!” I heard a girl’s voice shouting next to me, jolting me awake. I looked around confused, finding myself on my room with only my cellphone next to me, playing Guns ‘n roses as an alarm. “Geez, you sure took your time!” The oddly familiar voice said. “But then, I don’t really understand why you put it so early…”

I looked around looking for the voice before noticing that it was coming from my cellphone. Turning it over I saw as a silver-haired girl appeared on the screen with a slightly confused look, ignoring her for now, I took a look at the numbers on top of my cellphone.

5:22 in the morning.

“Who the hell would set an alarm to 5 am on a saturday?” I asked angrily. “Whoever did this must be either a sadistic bastard or a crazy fool.”

“Well… Wasn’t it you?” The girl said confused.

“… Oh yeah, that’s righ.” I said while rubbing my eyes so that I could wake up. “But… Right… Right before the badass fight…” I said with some tears forming in my eyes, making Cygnas laugh a bit wryly.

“I have no idea what you are talking about…”

I smiled a bit wryly at that and simply shook my head. Not that I think that she saw it since I was already getting up from the bed and going to the bathroom to wash my face. Finished, I went back to the bedroom and quickly changed into something I liked more to wear when going out.

“So, when do the girls arrive?” I asked.

“I just checked on the airlines systems… if they keep up their speed, they should arrive around seven thirty. A bit sooner than expected.” She told me, and I nodded. “What they will do after that… I don’t know.”

“Well, I planned on meeting them at the airport anyway.” I said while putting on one of my jackets for no other reason than that I liked it. “But I have no idea where the city’s airport is, actually…”

“It’s pretty far, actually…” She said quickly. “But we can still wait a bit before leaving if we get a taxi or go by car…”

“What about walking?” I asked her, and she became quiet for a moment.

“It’s a bit far to go walking…” She said worriedly. “But if we leave right now…” She stopped once again. “Are you sure, Gon? I mean, it IS pretty far…”

“Come on, it can’t be that bad!” I said cheerfully while putting on some sunglasses.

Yes, I know that I jinxed it… Yes, I know it would end up badly… Yes, I did regret my decision.

The airport was a few kilometers away from my house, and even when I’m used to walk around a lot in the city, this time was a bit more than what I usually chew. Halfway through the course I my feet started hurting and was I sweating buckets since a good part of the way had no cover from the sun. Besides, I had to take a good stretch of the highway to reach the airport.

When Cyg finally told me that I was about to arrive, I felt that I was reaching the lost city of Atlantis or something, or, as an old Brazilian saying goes, I was close to where Judas lost his boots. Don’t ask me, I have no idea where this comes from, I just know that it means very (censored) far away.

Reaching the airport a bit later than what I originally expected, thanks to my pace slowing down with my fatigue, the first thing I did was to buy an overpriced bottle of water from a store before starting to look around.

“And if you say ‘I told you so’ I swear that I’m window-balling you to hell when I log in again.” I left this brief message to Cyg, who simply giggled in response.

After somewhat replenishing my lost water reserves, I took another good look around while searching for Yuu and Hanbei…

Now that I think about it, all I know is that Yuu is also her nickname in real life, besides that I have no idea what her name is, similarly to Hanbei, and I seriously doubt that her name is Hanbei in real life.

Well, at least I knew how they actually looked like, so it made it a lot easier to find them in this place. As I thought that, I wondered if they hadn’t already made their way back to the apartment they were renting. If that happened, I would hate myself a lot more.

Contrary to my thoughts, it was fairly easy to find the girls in the surprisingly lively airport, even when I arrived here fifteen minutes late.

How, do you ask? Easy. First, all I had to do was to follow half of the guy’s stare towards the canteen, where all the food shops were found, as well as some public tables that you could sit to eat something. Second, if you paid enough attention, there were some clearly oriental looking men in business suit walking around. They were surprisingly discreet, and if it wasn’t for the fact that one stood in the line right besides me I wouldn’t have noticed at all.

It was downright scary how they hid themselves, even with such eye-catching suits.

Finally, there was a single area in the canteen that no one was sitting nearby, and right in the middle of that area, were both Yuu and Hanbei, sitting in a double-table with four chairs. I saw that they were eating something, probably breakfast, but there were also a couple more dishes near them, which I found curious.

And for why the area around them was completely devoid of people? Well…

I had grown used to seeing Yuu with her either surprised, curious or eager look, so I had forgotten how she looks when she’s serious. Since her eyes naturally curved inwards, she seemed to have a sharp look whenever she was focusing. That, together with the refined way she sat on the table and her natural good looks made her surprisingly difficult to approach.

She was wearing some surprisingly simple clothing, with a simple black skirt that went all the way to her knees, and a white blouse with not too much frills. The simplicity of her clothing didn’t do much to make her less attractive, though, as it matched with her traditional look, long black hair and serious atmosphere.

Hanbei, though, wore a much more fashionable clothing, with a light green t-shirt and jeans shorts that went right above her knees, finalized with a pair of black brown boots. Her pale golden hair tied in a ponytail, something different, since I had grown used to seeing her wearing twintails in-game.

As I watched the scene of the two girls talking, with Yuu seemingly nervous while fiddling with her food, I caught with the corner of my eyes another group of guys approached them.

They leaned on the girls’ table and put on his best dashing smile that wouldn’t even get close to mine’s.

“Hey there girls! So, what brings two cuties like yourselves to this city?” He said.

In perfect Portuguese.

Yuu simply stared at him, her head tilting ever so lightly to the side before turning towards Hanbei, who simply made a motion for her to ignore it. The guy stared at them confused for a moment before trying once again trying to flirt.

“This is going to be interesting…” I said while putting my cellphone out slightly so that Cyg could take a peek of what was happening.

One of the guy’s friend cleared his throat and took a step forward, as if saying that it was his chance now. Putting on what he thought that was a seductive smile, he tried a cheesy pickup line.

Yuu, obeying Han’s motion, simply ignored him while speaking something in japanese with Hanbei… I really need to discover her real name… Anyway, Hanbei kept giggling at the guy’s poor attempt at trying to get Yuu’s attention, which made him turn to her annoyed and say something rude.

Even from far away I could feel as the canteen’s temperature seemed to drop by a few degrees. Kinda helpful since I was feeling hot under the jacket, actually…

Noticing this, the guy slowly turned to Yuu, who simply stared at him seriously. Even if she couldn’t understand the words, she could guess what it meant.

He briefly gulped down before saying some inaudible words and retreating back to safety, soon followed by his companions.

“Did you record that?” I asked.

“Yup… And did it get colder out there too?”

“Yeah… It did…” I said with a wry smile.

I took this chance to decided how I would approach them, and also to calm down a bit. I mean, it’s one thing to go and see two cute girls in a game, and it’s another thing to see them in real life. Even more if they are just as good looking as their game-self.

Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

So, how should I do it? Get friendly and cheerful? Serious and normal? Beg forgiveness for the whole shishou thingy?

Nah…

Let’s mess with them.

I quickly fixed my jacket and sunglasses as well as straightened my back. I Took out one of the earphones out so that I could hear them better and made my way towards the two.

By the time they noticed me, I was already on the table right next to theirs, so I quickly took one of the empty table’s chair and spun it, making it so that I would sit right at their table’s end and between the two, who were each on one side.

They looked at me with a mix of surprise and confusion, not that I blame them. Compared to the game, my hair is a lot shorter, that and the fact that I had sunglasses didn’t help that much with identifications. Oh, the lack of stony skin might also have influenced it somehow.

“Hey there girls! Can I help you somehow?” I said in portuguese.

They exchanged a quick glance to each other, probably a bit lost on how I was acting, so it took them some seconds to actually come up with an answer.

“Hmm… Sorry… No speak Portuguese much good…” Hanbei said briefly. I did remember her saying that she spoke a bit of Portuguese, but it seems that It really was only a bit.

“Spanish then?” I asked in a poor Spanish. What? Just because I know Portuguese it doesn’t mean I have to be good at Spanish too, you know? Anyway, she hesitated a bit, but I took that as a still no good. “Then what about English?” I asked finally.

“Oh! That helps.” Hanbei said with a short nod. “So, what did you say earlier?” She asked while tilting her head.

“I asked if you two needed some help here.” I told her briefly. “You seemed a bit lost on what to do, so I decided to offer a Brazilian helping hand.”

“Oh! Is that it?” She asked with a wry smile. “No, we are fine. It’s just that…” She gave a brief glance towards Yuu. “We had a ride programmed to pick us up, but it seems that it had some problems on the way here. So we are waiting to see what happened.”

“I see…” I said with an understanding nod, before taking a quick glance at Yuu, who after looking at me with curiosity, had turned her attention back to the empty dishes. “And what about your friend? She seems a bit down.”

“It’s…” Hanbei said while glancing briefly Yuu. “Nothing. It’s just a bit of jetlag.” She said.

I raised my eyebrows slightly at this, I had the feeling that it wasn’t like that at all, but trying to look too much into it would end up making me look bad, so I decided to leave it out for now.

“I see.” I said with a nod. “Then, would you like someone to give you a brief tour of the city while you wait for your friend to come?” I asked her, and saw as the two widened their eyes slightly.

“Hmmm… No… We are alright.” Hanbei said with a wry smile “There’s no need to worry.”

“Is that so?” I said with a fake disappointment while leaning back.  I took out the sunglasses and started cleaning them on the hem of my shirt. “I just wanted to give a helping hand…” I said while glancing briefly at Hanbei and winking.

At that, she widened her eyes for a moment and held back a giggle. Yuu noticed her reaction and looked at her confused, but by the time she looked at me, I already had my glasses back on.

“On second thought… I think I can accept that.” Hanbei said with a small smile. Yuu once again stared confused at her, but Han-chan simply ignored that. “Also, my name is Kazehama Mary. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She said while nodding.

“I’m Richard Hadaway.” I said with a brief nod while turning to Yuu.

“…Kuzuha Yukihime.” She said briefly after some hesitation. I smiled at her, but she quickly turned to Han… Mary, and started speaking something to her in Japanese.

Cygnas offered to translate what they were talking about, but I felt that they were speaking like that so that they could have some privacy, so I told her to leave it alone.

The two had a brief discussion, with Mary saying something to Yuu that left her without a way to reply, as she leaned back on her table with a lightly serious look. I raised my eyebrow at that and turned to Mary, who was giggling slightly.

“She was worried that we wouldn’t manage to meet our friend if we did that.” Hanbei said with a shrug.

“Oh?” I said, genuinely interested. “And who is this friend of yours that can make her get so angry?” I looked at Yuu with fake curiosity. “And how can he be even more interesting than this man who sits in front of you?”

Hanbei held out a giggle at those words while holding back her laughter, but Yuu simply stared at me for a moment.

Is this what it means to look at the devil right in the eye? Must be… Luckily, I went to the bathroom before leaving my apartment.

At least I managed to keep a decent façade and Yuu simply sighed annoyed before looking away from me and once again staring confused at Mary, who was barely holding back her mischievous smirk.

“It seems that you do not enjoy my company…” I told her with a raised eyebrow.

“… I do not want to leave shishou waiting… That is all…” She said sullen.

“Oh, I see…” I said with a deep nod. “Yet, the first thing you do when you meet your shishou is staring daggers at him? I don’t think he will be very pleased with that.” I said while shaking my head an sighing. Yuu froze for a moment and blinked surprised before staring at me again, this time with her eyes wide open. “I might even end up kicking you out of the wargon’s school of gaming, you know?” I said while taking out the glasses. Yuu stared at me confused for a bit longer, so I said. “Longer hair, stone skin. A bit fitter too. Should help.”

“Sh-Sh-SHISHOU?” She asked surprised while leaning back in her chair, then looking towards Mary who started blatantly laughing.

“And don’t forget me!” Cyg said through the phone speakers. I smiled awkwardly while taking the phone out of my pockets and putting it on the table.

“Cygnas-san too?” Yuu asked surprised while looking at the image in the screen.

“Hi there!” Cygnas replied in english. “And Gon, that was mean!” She said in a complaining tone.

“I regret nothing!” I said proudly while laughing. “But I don’t think I want to see Yuu angry again no time soon, so I will hold back for now.” I said wryly, to which Cyg and Mary laughed, leaving only Yuu embarrassed.

“Gomen… Shishou…” She said lowly while hanging her head in shame.

“It’s alright… I got what I deserved anyway.” I said with a shrug before turning to the blushing Yuu. “And why were you so depressed anyway?” I asked, now genuinely worried.

“Na… Nani mo nai!” Yuu said hurriedly while shaking her head from one side to the other. I raised an eyebrow at her suspicious reaction.

“Yuu-chan was worried that her shishou would end up getting scared once he met her.” Mary said mischievously, making Yuu stare at her in surprise. I raised my eyebrow at that, so she went on. “You see, from the way that Yuu-chan is, she isn’t very good when talking to people.”

“Yeah… I noticed that…” I said while eyeing sad girl fidgeting uncomfortably while embarrassed.

“That, and the way she usually looks made most people in our school end up getting anxious when getting close to her.”  Mary said with a shrug. “She thought that, now that you knew who she was in real life, you would end up acting the same way.”

“Is that so?” I asked Yuu, who nodded weakly. I sighed loudly and thought on what to do. In the end I started petting her just like I usually did in the game. She widened her eyes widely in surprise before closing them. So she also enjoys this in real life?

And that smile… It's dangerous…

And I swear I can almost see her tails wagging happily behind her.

“This would be the part where I end up telling you that I would need to act more respectful around you due to how you are and all while blatantly stealing some of your food…” I said while petting her. She opened her eyes worried for a moment. “But since you don’t have any food left, I will have to steal some from Mary, so all the blames fall on you, okay?”

As soon as I said that, I quickly took my hand to Han-chan’s plate and quickly took a piece of her sandwich with my hand. The two girls blinked surprised at my sudden action, and Mary almost jumped on my hand trying to take the piece back.

“Hey, that’s mine!” She said angrily while I raised my arm so that she couldn’t reach it.

“No! Now it’s mine!” I said stubbornly. “I even gave it a name! I call it, Lord. Wich!” The girls stopped at that and looked at me strangely.

“You… Gave a name to a sandwich?” Cyg asked me confused.

“Yup! He even have a backstory!” I said proudly, making the three look at each other confused. “Lord Wich, born on the kingdom of breakfast, since young he was raised to be a noble food who upholds honor and righteousness!” Yes, I was making all of that as I went. “And he was betrothed to the daughter of a another noble, Lady Juice!” I said while taking an empty cup of juice and raising it with my other hand, slowly adding a more dramatic tone to my voice. “But one day, Lady juice was kidnapped by the evil wizards of condiment. Salt and pepper! Lord Wich then went on a long journey, fighting all kinds of food-themed enemies, meeting many allies and suffering many betrayals… yet he went on, so that he could save his beloved” I said as I moved the piece of sandwich around as if to make the battle scenes. “Then he reached the wizards’ kingdom. But once he got there…” I stopped for dramatic purposes, and I saw as the three girls held their breaths in expectation. “She had already been drank!”

“No…” Cyg said in an incredulous voice, making me hold back a wry smile.

“In a fit of rage, Lord Wich fought valiantly against the wizards, so that the others needed not to suffer the same fate as his! A long battle raged for forty days and thirty eight nights. One was a holiday, so they stopped at night for shopping. And in the end, Lord Wich managed to defeat the evil Condiments.” As I said that, the girls eyes widened slightly before nodding happily. “But the battle had been ferocious, and the castle had been wrecked. Weakened by the battle, Lord Wich couldn’t escape in time, and so, the castle took his life. Sealing his body… Forever!” As I said that, I threw the piece in my mouth and gulped it down.

The girls had a sad look for some time, until Mary finally noticed that I still ate her sandwich in the end, so she threw a fit and started hitting me while I laughed at her. Luckily, she wasn’t a martial artist like Yuu, so I didn’t get hurt.

Turning my head away so that I could protect myself, I saw as the group who had tried flirting with them before eyed me in shock, trying to understand what happened. Well, being honest, they are better looking than me, so it’s no wonder that they were confused.

And they say that who play games doesn’t have social life! Take that, you riajuu!

Is that the right term?

“Mou! Gon no Baka!” Mary complained, making me laugh a bit more at her situation, while Yuu smiled lightly. After taking a deep breath to calm herself down, Mary once again looked at me with a raised eyebrow and said. “I was kind of expecting you to be embarrassed when meeting Yuu…” She said suddenly. “I’m surprised you can do things like that right out of the bat…”

“Oh, that?” I said with a laugh. “I’m a shameless man!” As soon as I said that out loud I stopped, noticing the three eyeing me surprised. “Wait… That… Didn’t come out right…”

They laughed when I noticed my mistake and I could only smile wryly at them.

“Well… He actually took some time to calm down before coming to see you two!”

“Hey! Why did you tell them that?” I asked Cygnas, who was sticking her tongue out at me while feeling my cheeks reddening. “You traitor!”

Mary once again started laughing at me, and Yuu smiled happily.

I looked away annoyed while crossing my arms angrily.

I’m definitively window-balling her to hell when I log back in.

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Author’s corner: In memorian of Lord Wich, your bravery while fighting Salt and Pepper shall never be forgotten!