Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Name> = Phone/email/IM
Here’s a redo of the Tyche drawing from last chapter… I fixed some of the lines, and remembered about the tails…
Spoiler :
http%3a%2f%2fi.imgur.com%2fTVE3ktc.png [http://i.imgur.com/TVE3ktc.png]
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The next morning
As I was stumbling towards Selene to help her out, I was trying to remember where I left my cleansing talismans. I should turn my big three (heal, cleanse, and barrier) to rings or something… Halfway to Selene, I spot a duckwalking Hannah shuffling gingerly. She soon spots me as I’m only a few steps away from Selene.
Hannah: “YOU!”
Tyche: “Hi… Keep it down… Hangover…
Hannah: “YOU!”
Tyche: “Me.”
Hannah: “YOU!”
Artemis: (muffled from hug pile) “Artemis!”
Tyche: “Calm down, and use your words. Preferably in a quiet, reasonable indoor voice. The hangover, remember?”
Hannah: “It’s because of you that my… my….”
Tyche: “Thanks for the inside voice… Can you at least refresh my memory of what was because of me? Hangover remember? Where the hell did I leave my talismans? I quit… Experiment time…”
Hannah: “HEY! I’m not done with you!”
Tyche: “SHH!”
I pop a claw on my left hand, and prick my right pointer finger. I start drawing the talisman for cleanse on my stomach in blood. It doesn’t work without the blood, so why is the ink even needed? Preservation? Because secrecy, that’s why… Everything is a goddamned conspiracy! I activate it, and feel my head clearing up. Ahhh~ that feels better! I grab Hannah’s hand and do the same for her, and then draw the talisman for healing on her other hand. As I get ready to activate it, I start to remember last night and pause.
Tyche: “So… How far did you two get last night?”
She looks away and starts blushing. Awww~ how cute!
Hannah: “He… He…”
Tyche: “Confessed?”
Hannah: “Yes…”
Tyche: “How far did it go? All the way?”
Hannah: (blushing more) “Yes…”
Tyche: “Oh, then I won’t use the healing talisman…”
Hannah: “No… Use it…”
Tyche: “Don’t think you want that, not unless you want to be a virgin again…”
Hannah: “... Still a…”
Tyche: “Sorry, didn’t catch that…”
Hannah: “...virgin…”
Tyche: “Bummer…”
Hannah flinches at the mention of the word… No, he didn’t… He did, didn’t he? At least he only has 1.5 endurance… Let’s file this under “drunken advice that didn’t work out”... I activate the healing blood drawing on her, and go to rescue Selene.
Hannah: “Wait! I’m not done with you yet!”
Tyche: “But I am, I have to rescue Selene, wake up everyone, cleanse people, etc. Thank me later!”
Hannah: “For what? A sore butt?” *blushes*
Tyche: “No, for setting you up with the dense idiot. Not my fault there was instructions lost in translation… Anywho~ I have people to wake up and cure…”
Hannah: “Wait! Why does it still hurt?”
Tyche: “It healed the bruising, but not the soreness. After I’m done here, we’re going to the hot spring. Okay, stop distracting me, I have to go now, lots of crap to do today. Oh, is the idiot presentable? Meh, go make sure he’s presentable, and I’ll stop by him last… Later~!”
I make it over to Selene and extract her from the hug pile and insert her into a drill. I make my way around the apartment, cleansing every person I find until I get to Sarah. As I walk up to her, I notice my talismans sticking out of an apron pocket… Oh, that’s right! I gave them to her to hold on to, to prevent me from losing them in the morning… Like I just did… Crap...
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Magicas - A certain estate
??? PoV
Misfortune follows me after that useless Daughter of mine died all those years ago. Not only do I not have a successor and heir for the family, I can’t have children any more. All of the family enterprises are failing, my political opponents are trying to empty my council seat, and I have a boil on my-
Butler: “Sir, you have a letter.”
Father In-law: “Well, give it here then.”
Who would send a letter these days? The Butler hands me the letter which I open after digging through my desk for a knife. Ho~, this is real parchment, and in calligraphy. Whoever sent this must really know their stuff! I summon an orb of light mana to better read this letter. This has to be important to not risk leaving a trail…
[table=brown]Dear Father in-law,[/table]
Father In-Law? When did the ungrateful brat get married? I turn back to the letter
[table=brown]Your past actions to my Spouse and Mother in-law mortifies me exceedingly. So with great haste, I am writing to inform you of your imminent demise in retaliation for these dastardly deeds.
In fact, I am happy to pronounce that one such attempt is in the making as you read this letter! As you are reading this, a group of tactical interstellar messenger pigeons are dropping explosives around your estate.
I would advise evasive measures, but that would defeat the point of any attempt on your life!
In fact, I'm only dragging this letter out to distract you from the pigeons flying to a safe enough distance to detonate the explosives.[/table]
Father In-Law: “GUARDS! PERIMETER! DEFEND ME!”
As I dive under my desk, multiple explosions rock the whole mansion, making the desk collapse on top of me. I start to wiggle out from under it, but another series of explosions convinces me to stop my efforts. Most likely safer under here anyway… I find the letter on the ground in front of my face. I pick it up and resume reading.
[table=brown]If you are still reading this, that means you survived. Either your luck is really high, or you read at an astonishing pace! Well, see you next time, I'm thinking poison.
You should keep your health up, it would embarrass me to no end if you were to die before my machinations come to fruition!
Best wishes to your slow and painful death from your faithful assassin!
The Spanish Inquisition
PS: You have no idea who you have angered, because you couldn't recognize the face of Mount Tai if it fell on top of you.
You are an all around asshole, and your ancestors are probably rolling in their graves due to you... What would your ancestors say about that? Probably nothing, as I BLEW THEM UP! Also, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, so you will never know when or where I strike! Suck it Beotch![/table]
Father In-Law: “GUARDS! TO THE MAUSOLEUM! THAT’S THE NEXT TARGET!”
How could this day get any worse! DAMN YOU SPANISH INQUISITION!
3 hours later
3rd Person PoV
Guard Captain: “I’m sorry Sir, every time we threw water onto the fire, it exploded… Must have been some sort of sorcery…”
Father In-Law: “AGHGHGHGHGHGHGGH! I WANT THAT GUY FOUND NOW!”
As the target is screaming in outrage, a squadron of pigeons in stylish white space suits are futilely flapping their wings as their jetpacks pushes them out of the atmosphere.
---
Adventurer’s Guild - Right after the bath
Tyche Pov
As Jake and Hannah were receiving their license, I received a confirmation message from Woodhouse stating the mission was successful. What? I only want to terrify the living shit out of him, killing him can come later… I’m so glad that Woodhouse offered the idea of dropping chunks of Sodium with the talismans!
The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
Tyche: “Hey Midas, Happy Birthday!”
Midas: “Huh?”
Tyche: “Real world birthday? Back when you were a Dryad?”
Midas: “It is? What’d you get me?”
Tyche: “A periodical subscription of death threats to your Father. I also destroyed the family mausoleum, and partially destroyed the mansion.”
Midas: “Best. Waifu. Ever.”
Tyche: “Thanks~! When’s your Mom’s birthday?”
Midas: “I’ll mark the calendar when we get home… Did you really have to force them to bathe together?”
Tyche: “Damn right I did! They were doing that whole awkward morning after thing… We never did that, we just went at it like… rabbits… Damnit, why aren’t they doing that? Is she still butthurt about last night? PFffft! Poor choice of words there… Oh! Here they come!”
Hannah and Jake are making their way over to us, each carrying a pile of gear from upgrading their accounts. I link arms with Midas, and we meet the couple halfway. Linking arms with Hannah, I lead everyone to the back room, where I was briefly stopped by a guard until he saw who I was before letting me pass. Once in the back, I lead us into one of the examination rooms where Midas locks the door behind us.
Tyche: “Okay, don’t equip anything yet. You won’t be equipping anything until you adapt to your new musculature. Here’s a spatial ring, put that on, channel mana into it, and focus onto your pile of gear. It should ‘drop’ into the ring. If you can’t manage that, use the UI.”
Jake: “Why can’t we do that all the time?”
Tyche: “Try doing that in combat. The ‘manual’ way is faster and easier. The UI takes more effort, but the visual representation helps. Here’s a spatial bag, it’s easier to get stuff in and out since it’s… well… a bag. Keep some money and the things you use most in it. Midas, you take Jake and do the strength bracelet stuff, I’ll take care of Hannah here…”
I lead Hannah to the other side of the room, where I slap a bracelet on her wrist. I love these musculature bracelets, they are slap bracelets! I take another one out of the box and slap it on my wrist, where I am greeted by the system.
You already have an Agility-based musculature.
Shhhh! I’m having fun here! I have an idea beginning to form in the back of my mind…
Tyche: “Oh! Midas! Get a bottle of blood from Jake! We’ll need that for later!”
Jake: “What for?”
Midas: “Ki training. You get to play with talismans like in anime!”
Jake: “Ani what?”
Midas: “You are dead to me…”
Tyche: “How do you put up with that?”
Hannah: “He just never seemed interested in it…”
Tyche: “Pity… Well, we have plenty of time to fix that! Gimme your wrist, I need blood!”
Hannah: (complying) “Does this have to do with that blood drawing you did on all of us earlier?”
Tyche: “Yep, although you usually mix the blood with ink, paint, enamel, etc. I was in a hurry because my head was killing me… Hold on a second.”
I whip out the tablet, and start drawing up plans for the idea in the back of my head. Slap bracelet talismans! I will never lose them! Muhahahahahaha! I just happen to get a toy out of it, but so what?
Hannah: “Is that a tablet?”
Tyche: “Hmm? Yeah, we need your blood to finish yours. The blood makes it so that nobody but you can use it, so your data is safe-ish. It can still be hacked, but the same can be said for everything… Gimme back your wrist. MIDAS! WAIT! I have numbing sap!”
Jake: “OW!... Too late…”
Hannah: “I want the sap…”
I harvest some blood from her after applying the sap, and then I set her to doing jumping jacks for her musculature. Midas has Jake lifting up a rock and placing it back down again. I conjure a dozen breakfast muffins, as it takes a lot of energy for the bracelets to remake your muscles… While they are doing that, I break out my tools and start making tablets for them.
Hannah/Jake: “Gyaaa~!”
Looks like they finished, and in only an hour too! Looks like the bonuses are working! I finished here too, so let’s put that away before I bring the muffins over to them… Midas carries Jake over and places him next to Hannah as I arrive with the muffins, where they begin tearing into them like they haven’t eaten in days.
Hannah: “Why… Am I so hungry?”
Jake: “Tired…”
Tyche: “You two just finished remodelling all of your muscles. That burns a buttload of energy! Finish eating, and we’ll head back to the baths where we can work on meditation.”
Jake: “What’s a buttload?”
Midas: “Two hogsheads.”
Tyche: “Or 63 gallons of alcohol. Hurry up!
---
Spatial Cabin Hot Spring
Ahhh~ Hotspring, I am back my love~! I drop a naked Hannah into the water, as Midas does the same for Jake.
Hannah: “Kyaaa! Why are they here?!”
Tyche: “Because we only have one hotspring?”
Hannah: “B-b-but they’re men!”
Tyche: “Oh, come on! Isn’t this what you wanted? Him?”
Hannah: “But Midas is here too!”
Tyche: “You’re upset about Midas? He used to be a girl you know… Well, a girl without a vagina, but the point still stands…”
Midas: “Hey! That was a racial thing! What about you? You used to be a guy!”
Tyche: “Nevermind that… You two literally did all that last night, and you’re shy about this? Get over it Hannah! Jake… Please get it right next time…”
Midas: “Shouldn’t we get on to the point?”
Tyche: “Fine… Okay you two, get into a comfortable position and focus on your insides. Feel around for an unknown energy. Midas and I will inject some into your backs to make it easier to notice it.”
They succeed in finding it after ten minutes, I guess it was our injecting it into them that sped things up. Without a surprise, Jake is a compression type, and Hannah is an explosive type. I guess personality has a lot to do with it…
Tyche: “Next, we’ll talk attributes. What do you want to receive Jake?”
Jake: “Light?”
Tyche: “Explain your reasoning.”
Jake: “Because I’m a paladin?”
Tyche: “Ugh… You are more of a ‘Holy Knight’ than anything. You select an attribute, and the corresponding God or Goddess become a Patron of sorts. You fight for their ‘cause’ and they infuse you with some of their divine power. Think on it for a bit. There is a Bacon Goddess though, so you can become a bacon knight if you want… Hands off the Blueberry Goddess though, SHE’S MINE!”
Hannah: “What about me?”
Tyche: “What about you? You’re a druid, stuck with Nature attribute at the start.”
Hannah: “How do I heal then?”
Midas: “Every attribute can heal. It’s more of a question if you want to be healed that way…”
Tyche: “Most of them increase regeneration to some extent, but the primal elements are different. Fire cauterizes, Earth places a rocky crust like bandage, Wind requires moving air over the wound and Water requires the area to be covered in water. Divine infused elements heal like in games and anime.”
Midas: “Remember when you used Bacon Attribute on that Bandit? He smelled like rancid bacon grease…”
Tyche: “HEY! I’m telling you, that was because he had poor hygiene! The Cows I healed smell perfectly fine, and their hamburgers taste delicious!”
With that, it devolved into one big argument about the prospects of bacon attribute healing… You guys should come back later…
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Author’s Notes: I wanted to use the bacon attribute to rez Charlotte’s brother. which would curse him to be chased by animals wherever he goes, but I decided against it. Jake and Hannah will be the “normals” of the group. Everyone in the group is overpowered in one way or another, but doesn’t realise it. Well, they will be too, but that comes in time...
Next Time: Time skip, Legitimate bandit hunting!