Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
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Odin - Adventurer’s Guild - Afternoon
Afternoon! We are currently in Odin, the capital of Fenrir, which is the Beastkin Kingdom. To be more precise, we are staring at the request board in the Adventurer's Guild in Odin. There are quite a few decent, but nooby requests for beginners. At least I don’t have to read to deaf children… Maybe if they were deaf and blind, I could read them a picture book! I’m kidding, I wouldn’t do that… I would have to invent picture books first… But there is a small problem with these requests:
Request: Collect HerbsRank: FCollect herbs from near the lake.Reward: 5 Copper per herb
Request: Possum HuntingRank: FThe lake area is overpopulated with possum! Please help reduce their population.Reward: 5 Copper per possum tail.
[table=red]Emergency Request: Kill the Lake MonsterRank: XA lake monster is terrorising the lake outside of Odin!
Please kill the monster, to bring some peace to the people of Odin.Reward: 200 Gold[/table]
Tyche: “We have a problem!”
Midas: “Is it the lake monster?”
Tyche: “No…”
Artemis: “Then what is it?”
Selene: “Nooo! Don’t ask that, it’s probably something mundane that could be easily solved!”
Tyche: “We don’t have a gardening trowel… We’ll buy it on the way out of the city.”
Selene: “See? Told you so…”
If the peanut gallery in my drills is done, we have a trowel to buy. It’s weird, I put them in the drills once, because I didn’t want to go digging around in my armored corset in broad daylight, and it became their de facto perch. There are tons of places they could perch: my shoulders, Midas’ shoulders, Midas’ head, my head, or they could use their freaking fairy wings and fly? Oh… Miadas just bought the trowel without anything else, and is leading me away to the gates. Nuuuuuu my shopping! Shopping should be in your genes, didn’t you used to be a girl?
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Odin - Stables - Midas PoV
H-h-hello! Did I do that right? Tyche says that I should properly greet you guys. Well, that’s out of the way, what do I do now? Is this why Tyche is always lost in thought? Hold on a second, new chapter of a webnovel I’m reading just came out, let me open that up. Okay back, where was I? Oh! We are currently riding the buggy towards the lake! Brix is happily gamboling forward, knowing that a ham egg and cheese breakfast muffin is gonna happen when we get there. Brix is the Peatbear Tyche bought, she wanted to name it Engine III, but I was against it as I wanted to keep the Peatbear, as that name is cursed I tell you! After shooting names back and forth, we finally decided on Brix after I saw him shit a brick. That is the coolest thing ever! Ah, this monologuing thing is easy!
We’re here! Hold on a second, new chapter of that pirate manga. Okay I’m back, now we are digging up herbs. Well, to be correct, Tyche is picking herbs while casually setting possums on fire. I’m on tail duty, which is gross. I think I’ll go look for that monster. I haven’t honestly fought anything yet since we got ourselves into this situation! I get to use it finally, the weapon Dad finally completed~! It has forms like Tyche’s Mjolnir, but only two: katana and reverse blade katana. I can freely switch it between the two though, which is weird that you can’t do it with Mjolnir. I think I’ll go look this way~!
Tyche: “It’s in the other direction.”
Midas: “How-”
Tyche: “Don’t you ever read the mana in the air?”
Midas: “...”
Okay, that direction sounds fine too… Holy crap, that thing is huge! I really need to look into that mana perception thing Tyche does, it’s useful. I head back to Tyche, because I have a request. Big ass lobster monster, and I have a katana? It has to be that song, it goes with everything!
Midas: “Tyyyyyyyyche~ I have a request!”
Tyche: “Am I going to regret it?”
Midas: “I’m about to fight that lobster monster, can you play that song?”
Tyche: “Ugh…”
Midas: “Come on! It goes with everything!”
She must have relented, because she’s taking out her new harp, and a… Is that a kazoo? More importantly, are those pickups on that harp?
Midas: “Are those pickups?”
Tyche: “Yep, made myself an electric harp! The electric cowbell hit some hiccups…”
Selene: “Can we not talk about it…”
Midas: “Well, I’m gonna go kill it now. Play when ready!”
Maybe it will show Tyche that I’m not a total dumbass… Maybe she’ll let me be in charge of our nightly activities some nights? Those will be fun, I have a wardrobe full of stuff for her to wear! School swimsuit, sailor outfit, you name it, I have it! wu-hahahahaha! It shall be glorious! Sadly, I didn’t realise it until after I made it, but she already has fox ears, so the cat-eared headband will collect dust…
Anyway~ I’m silently creeping up on the Lobster Monster while unsheathing my katana. As I reach it’s back, I start channeling ki and fire attribute into my blade. I jump up onto it’s back while stabbing down. It’s not moving! I vanquished it. School swimsuit here I come! hehehehehehe!
Tyche: “That was just a shell dumbass…”
Midas: “Nuh uh! I killed it fair and square!”
Tyche: “Then I guess there were two monsters then…”
Mechanically, I turn my head and look at the Lobster Monster. Shaken, I jump off the shell, and charge towards the Lobster. And I slash at it’s face with my katana with a screech of steel. I look at the wound, but find that there was none.
Tyche: “It puts the ki into the blade, or else it gets the harisen again… Anyway, I should start playing now right?”
Tyche: ♪And they run when the sun comes up~ With their lives on the line!♪
Artemis: "Alive!"
Slightly dumbfounded for a moment due to a combination of my forgetfulness and Artemis joining in, I parry a blow from a claw that would have otherwise blown me away. I sidestep afterward, channel ki into my blade, and give it a slash to one of it’s legs, cleaving it off and causing it to scream. You have to admit though, the kazoo does add a certain charm to the song, Artemis is really good at it…
Tyche: ♪For a while♪
Artemis: "No choice!"
If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
I circle around it, hoping to cut off another leg or three, but it turns to face me to prevent it. It draws back it’s head, like it was charging an attack, and blows out bubbles. Pfffft! Bubbles won’t hurt me! As I was thinking this, one of the bubbles lands on a bush, causing it to melt. That’s not fair!
Tyche: ♪Gotta follow the laws of the wild♪
Artemis: "Alive!"
Starting to get really infuriated at my song choice, I snap causing me to send a crescent shaped bolt of ki out of my blade, which cuts off the top half of the Lobster’s dominant claw. I step around, and cut off the four walking legs on it’s left side, causing it to fall over. Thinking I had won, I nonchalantly walk up to finish it off, when it whips me with it’s tail. I get blasted onto my back, knocking the wind out of me.
Tyche: ♪With their lives on the line♪
Artemis: "No choice!"
This song is really nice when you are winning… As I was getting my breathing back under control, the lobster was using it’s still working claw to drag itself over to me. Scared out of my mind, I get up, using my katana to assist me. Stupid lobster, getting in the way of my sailor uniform! You should be on a table, served for supper, preferably with butter… Now I’m hungry… I channel even more ki into my blade, adding fire attribute to it, making the blade appear on fire. I hobble over to the lobster, and stab it in the face.
Midas: “FOR DINNER!”
Tyche: ♪Out here only the strong survive♪
Tyche/Artemis: "RULES OF NATURE!"
I hate this song now… Ooh! My crops in farmville are done!
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Tyche PoV
I can see the regret in his eyes as he walks back over and mopes, mumbling something about swimsuits. I should probably get one of those made, let’s put that on the entertainment to do list, next to learning to swim. Anyway, that fight was kind of alright for his first “real” fight. Looking at that fight, I realise that I could never be up there, as I usually either use magic, or go berserk… My dreams of being a ninja are slowly fading away, as I realise my place in the rearguard… I can always use my ninja skills in cities, or as self dense. Yeah! Let’s do it that way! Anywho, let’s go back to the city!
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Odin - Outside Adventurer’s Guild - Evening
One monster gets killed, and all kinds of noise is made! Are you people really that useless, it was only like level 25 elite… Before you ask, elites are creatures or people who are mutants in a way, their stats get calculated weirdly, resulting in high strength, being hard to kill, etc. People are looking at us with expectant eyes… You can revere us, but don’t expect things from us! I’m even open to bartering. All sorts of organisations stopped by the guildhouse to try to recruit us: City guard, royal guard, merchants guild, gangs, all kinds of people. One that really pissed me off was the city guards…
Guard: “With strength like yours, you two should join the city guard and defend your kind from harm!”
No thank you, guards have a permanent death flag over their heads thank you very much… And we’re chimeras, not beastkin, so the race card won’t work…
Guard: “I used to be an adventurer like you, until…”
After hearing that joke for the umpteenth time, I zone out, and open up a bug report in the UI.
Dear Developers,
Please fire the shit out of whoever in the Lore department came up with the bright idea to use the arrow in the knee joke, as it’s probably his/her fault I had to do so much worldbuilding...
Love, Tyche & Midas
PS: Seriously do this, I will go on a murderous rampage if I keep hearing that lame, overused joke!
I should head to the city guard HQ, and report him… Too injured to be an adventurer, but still good enough to be a guard? Seriously? It’s thinking like that that gives guards that permanent death flag… Let’s activate [Denial] and head out of the city to use our Spatial Cabin!
Just as we turn towards the city gates, a man and twenty royal guards appears. He looks like he’s part hamster…
Hamsterkin: “Why hello there, the rumors don’t give you justice at all! Follow me, and become my wife!”
Tyche: “Sorry, already married, and I’m not into hamsters…”
Hamsterkin: “I’M NOT A HAMSTER, I’M A BEARKIN! For that cheek, you will come with me now and become my concubine!”
Tyche: “Sorry, not into Teddy Bear Hamsters…”
Teddy Bear Hamsterkin: “... GUARDS! SURROUND HER!”
He grabs my arm with a weak grip… Seriously, is this happening? Next thing you know, he’ll become the prince of the goddamn kingdom or something… Have I mentioned how much I hate templates? I just hear a wet shlink out of nowhere, and the Hamster is just sitting there with an open mouth, making gurgling noises…
Midas: “Get off my wife! Don’t worry guards, I used the back of my blade…”
He then slashes the blade down, spraying a crescent of blood on the ground, and then sheathes it like a samurai… That was really cool! Wait, blood? The Hamster falls on the ground in two pieces… Midas has a sadistic grin on his face…
Royal Guard: “MY PRINCE!”
Midas: “Oops, how clumsy of me…”
ACK! The template, IT BURNS! That sadistic smile on Midas’ face… It just makes me so… so… Horny! Fairies, give them the stats, I have to escape with my hubby to our lovenest!
StatusLevel:23Race:ChimeraClass:CosplayerHP:930Mana/Psy:986Ki:1396Stamina976Tyche Luck:MAXMidas Luck:MINTycheTitles:Twin-SoulChuunibyouInheritor of MjolnirFemaleIt's a trap!MidasTitles:Twin-SoulChuunibyouChampion of DumbassMaleIt's a trap!PhysicalAgility:39Strength:25DefensiveConstitution:40Endurance:42MentalIntellect:42Wisdom:33OtherDexterity:28Perception:22Spirit:59AffinitiesBacon:100%Muffin:100%Light:60%Dark:60%Nature:45%Spatial:100%Fire:35%Earth:25%
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Author’s Notes: Welcome to the birth of Sadistic Mode Midas! Someone mentioned a prince mode, but sadistic mode is that, but cooler!
Ugh, I had to rewrite the fight scene, because the Metal Gear Rising soundtrack played randomly on itunes… Anywho, this chapter is brought to you by the letter G for Gastroenterologist, may all of them die horribly in a fire! I have a colonoscopy tomorrow, and just had to drink a gallon of the most vilest thing on the planet. I think I’d rather eat shit than drink that stuff...