Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
---
Chesterwood - Merchant’s Quarter - Morning
How long does it take to confirm some bodies? It’s been a week already.. I mean, it’s only about 250 bandits that we turned in… When I have nothing to do lately, I’ve been staring at my License. Why am I just calling it a License? Because it already has an Adventuring license, and a Bounty Hunting license. Pretty soon, it will have a Minstrel’s license too. Why am I staring? To see if the BH symbol is glowing. That receipt we took, we ripped it in half, and Midas and I both took a half and pressed it into our License. When the confirmation is complete, they activate their part of the receipt, making our parts glow, which makes the card’s symbol change.
Anywho~ Welcome back! I’m currently dragging Lizzie through the Merchants Quarter for some much needed shopping. It’s weird, they say that shopping is a genetic imperative for females, and I would have to agree with that.
Lizzie: “Why am I with you?”
Tyche: “Shopping, Midas was busy, the Fairies are being punished, that monk is an idiot, and you were free.”
Lizzie: “His name is-”
Tyche: “Monk.”
Lizzie: “Whatever… What’s the use in shopping, I have no money.”
Tyche: “No problemo~!”
I bring a leather bag with fifty gold out of my inventory, and hand it to her.
Lizzie: “Wha? How much is in there?”
Tyche: “50 gold.”
Lizzie: “WHAT!”
Tyche: “What, is that not enough? You saw how big the piles were when we were training.”
She seemed to give up, so I grabbed her arm, and pulled her along on our adventure. As per usual for my shopping expeditions, I bought whatever floated my fancy. There was also a large list of things I had to procure for my new Talisman Enchanting thing I have going now. At first, Lizzie wasn’t very into it, but after an hour, she warmed into it. I always thought it was an urban legend that you can die from too much shopping, but after a measly four hours, I was carrying Lizzie’s corpse back to the temple. After doing that, I decide to stop by the house to see how the Fairies are doing with their punishment.
---
Chesterwood Home - Afternoon
Awwwwwwwwww~ They look so cute! I have the Fairies in a little hamster cage, that is lined with wood shavings. Selene is currently sulking in a corner, eating a sunflower seed while Artemis is absentmindedly walking on the wheel. Until they can learn to get along, they will be stuck in there. Or, until I’m amused enough, let’s see which one happens first. Ah, the door opened, Midas is home! Yay~ skinship time~! I strip, then skip into the entrance hall, to find him staring at a sheathed katana.
Tyche: “Welcome back darling~!”
Midas: “...”
I can’t get his attention… I break out the big guns, and hug him from behind while rubbing his crotch. Not working… I grab his arm, and lead him to the bedroom, while he’s still staring at that stupidass katana. Once we reach the bedroom, I strip him. To get the yukata off, I had to move one hand off the katana, slip the sleeve off the arm, replace the hand on the katana, and repeat the process with the other. Him not paying any attention to me is starting to irk me, so I give his junk a flick right on the head. He flinches, but resumes staring at the katana…
Well, two can play at that game, I’ll just have my fun anyway. I kneel down in front of him, and start stroking his shaft while licking the tip. He starts raising to the occasion, while I begin to suck on it. I reach down and start massaging my slit, occasionally giving my clit a pinch. My nipples start to feel lonely, so I go to bring a hand to one, but find that I have no hands left. Quite frustrated about my failed attempt at female masturbation, or any masturbation in general really, I’m quite new to the female body thank you very much; I get up and lead him to the edge of the bed. I lie back on the edge, wrap my legs around his waist, and lead him in. Guiding him in the rest of the way, I reach a predicament… How do I make him go? See, parents don’t teach their kids useful things like this nowadays, it’s always responsability this, or respect that. Getting really irritated, I grab the katana and pull it towards me, so I can throw it away. He really leans into me, going straight to the hilt. Ahh~ progress! Figuring out the secrets to this puzzle, I begin a strange tug of war with him, with satisfaction as the prize. But I soon discover a conundrum: my arms are getting tired! I really try taking it from him, and start winning, but his hand slid off the sheath I was holding, and it slams into my eye socket.
Tyche: “SON OF A BITCH! BASTARD! MOTHERFUCKER! REPUBLICANS!”
That really fucking hurt! I bring a small mirror out of the inventory to see if I still have an eyeball there, which the answer is yes, I do. But I will have a nice bruise there…
Midas: “Huh? Wha-”
Tyche: “NOW YOU WAKE UP!? SHUT UP AND FUCK ME!”
Excuse us, after we finish here, I have to discipline him…
---
Chesterwood - Bounty Hunter Guild - Evening
The License finally lit up, so we are about to walk in. I’m currently in [Dandere Mode] while wearing the eyepatch I bought earlier (although for the wrong reasons), to show my displeasure. I could heal the bruise, but why would I do that when I want to punish him? We walk in, while I’m holding onto his sleeve, because I have shit for depth perception right now. I walk up to the counter and place my License on it. It’s a different clerk from last time.
Clerk: “Can I help you?”
Tyche: “Confirmation./” *points to glowing symbol on License*
Clerk: “Okay… I’ll be right back.”
While that clerk leaves, the clerk from last time walks over and talks to us. I shall name him Carlton. Oh, the name tag actually says Carlton… Do all Carltons have that haircut and mustache?
Carlton: “Welcome back you two, that was quite a haul you two brought in, spent all of us here the whole week working overtime to finally clear it from our queue.”
Tyche: “Thanks./”
Carlton: “So… What happened to your eye?”
Midas: “...” *tenses up*
Tyche: “Battlefield./”
Yes, the bedroom is a battlefield, I learned this the hard way. It should be one of the things parents should actually teach you, ranking up there with how to get your significant other to start moving… Midas visibly relaxes.
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
Carlton: “So young…”
Carlton leaves while shaking his head. The other clerk walks back in with someone else, and gestures for us to follow. They lead us into a large office in the back, and asks us to take a seat on the couch. Midas sits down first, and then I flop down on his lap, aiming specifically for the sensitive parts. He flinches, I feel nothing for his pain. The guy with the clerk is talking about something, but my attention is currently drawn to his shiny bald head. It’s perfectly round, and would make Mr. Clean jealous. I think I shall name him-
Kahl: “My name is Kahl, the President of this guild.”
Which is Bald in German, and is close enough to what I was going to name him; to be honest, I was going to use French.
Midas: “I’m Midas, and this is my Wife-!...”
I discreetly pinch his thigh, as this is my story to tell! Bask in the awkwardness you mere mortal! None shall escape it!
Tyche: “Tyche/.” *rubs eyepatch*
Kahl: “When did you lose it?”
Tyche: “Didn’t lose./ Hurt./ Afternoon./ Battlefield./”
Kahl: “So young to be involved in battles… So tell me, how did you two manage to kill two hundred thirty six bandits without sustaining any injuries, while taking out the two biggest bandit groups in the area?”
Tyche: “Accident./”
Kahl: “Would you care to elaborate on that?”
Tyche: “Big./” *spreads hands* “Accident./”
Kahl: “Outstanding, to chance upon them by accident, then taking them out.”
Meh, close enough, let’s roll with it.
Tyche: “...Yes.../ Reward?/”
Kahl: “Straight to the point, I like that! We’ll get started on that right away. Weird, you two seem to remind me of some people I know, who were your parents if you don’t mind answering?”
Tyche: “Mammon./ Fortuna./”
Kahl gets up, leaves the room in a hurry. Huh? Was it something I said? I think back on all that I say, and Kahl returns after a few minutes with a large sack. He mechanically hands it to us, and wishes us a good day. I hop out of Midas’ lap, and gesture for him to take it. He puts it in our inventory, and I grab his sleeve as we leave. On our way home Midas asks me:
Midas: “Didn’t he used to have hair?”
Tyche: [Neutral Mode] “Oh yeah, it’s not my fault though, he grabbed your ass, and you had confiscated Mjolnir from me…”
Midas: “I wasn’t blaming you though. So, you’re talking to me again?”
Tyche: “I’m still mad, but maintaining that mode is taxing… Always having to repress everything on the inside, I am a talkative person… It’s a wonder those anime girls don’t explode… Oh! It’s the pub that the Minstrels use as their headquarters, let’s stop in there before we go home.”
I get my Minstrel’s License, which merges into my License. It was pretty simple really, I play a few songs, and strongly swear that I won’t use my powers for evil and all that other cool stuff, which I swear to while crossing my fingers. Did you think that’s all I wanted that license for, being immune from attack, and lying about agreements? Nope~ I have other ulterior motives! I’m going to teach young Minstrels a certain song, and then have them open up a request at the Adventurer’s guild in the starter towns for the new players to listen to. The song is Rick Astley’s “Never gonna give you up”. O~hohohohohohoho I’m evil! I shall call it Quest-Rolled! It shall be glorious! Not only will they have to listen to the whole thing, I shall make them wait for hours to do it! Maybe make it a certain day of the week… Hmm… I shall have to think on this further…
---
Chesterwood Home - Evening
I go check on the Fairies, to see if they are getting along. They are currently hugging each other like they just made up… Well, that was fast, I thought I would stop getting amused first before letting them out… I take the lid off.
Selene/Artemis: “We’re sorry!”
Selene: “I thought you were replacing me...”
Artemis: “I thought you would leave me behind…”
Tyche: “Why would I do that? Get in my drills girls, they’ve been feeling lighter lately…”
Artemis: “See? She does care! She just wanted us to get along.”
Selene: “No, I’m telling you, she just did that for amusement…”
Well, you both are right~. Anywho, I’m tired, one of you give them the stats.
Selene: “You do it.”
Artemis: “No, you do it, you have the position of First Fairy.”
Selene: “Thank you.”
I hear something dangerous, so I activate [Denial] and head to bed.
StatusLevel:15Race:ChimeraClass:CosplayerHP:550Mana/Psy:605Ki:890Stamina640Tyche Luck:MAXMidas Luck:MINTycheTitles:Twin-SoulChuunibyouInheritor of MjolnirFemaleIt's a trap!MidasTitles:Twin-SoulChuunibyouChampion of DumbassMaleIt's a trap!PhysicalAgility:35Strength:22DefensiveConstitution:36Endurance:42MentalIntellect:39Wisdom:30OtherDexterity:23Perception:20Spirit:57AffinitiesBacon:100%Muffin:100%Light:60%Dark:60%Nature:45%Spatial:100%Fire:25%Earth:25%
---
Author’s Notes: I went to the store today, and the cashier was named Carlton, and I’ll be damned if he didn’t have the same haircut and mustache as Carlton from Fresh Prince… Doing these sex scenes are awkward as hell, because I have to write them from the male’s perspective, and then translate them to female… That, plus the whole female masturbation thing. They don’t get it as easy as guys do, they just grab it and wank. Girls have to consult the lunar and solar charts, then ask the spirits to find out what to do next…