Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Much tables, such info dump! ~4k words today! So much stuff to cram in...
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Afternoon
*Yawn* Sorry about that, spent most of last night “re-coding” a few aspects the game… Well, I redid most of what I could understand really. They have some really crappy convoluted mashup mimicking my mana crystal computers. Good thing I copyrighted that idea when I did, otherwise they may have beaten me to the punch. Even if they did, I’d still do it, as I made it better! O~hohohohohohohohohohoho! My copyrights, along with my... It’s too soon to tell you guys, it’s too early to reveal my endgame if this all goes to shit…
*cough* Anyway, the three of us are fishing in a stream nearby while I’m trying to meditate to replace the sleep I didn’t get last night. Because it’s relaxing, and for lunch too. As per usual, Midas’ luck is preventing him from catching anything useful, we have an ever growing boot and buckle collection… Did a passing army drown in waist deep water or something? Things are the same for me too…. I have a bucket of rings, necklaces, and raw gems growing next to me. .. Seriously, raw gems? How am I catching rock like objects with a hook? I only want lunch! I will literally pay for it with a bucket of jewellry for some fish right now! Luckily, we have our maid here, which has the needed basket of fish next to her, so I get to keep my bucket. She keeps giving these shy glances over to Midas, which is making this whole excursion really awkward instead of relaxing… But I’ll allow it, as it will help her get over her man-fear. But seriously, less awkward, more lunch! The UI alarm just went off! HERE IT COMES!
Tyche: “Incoming shitstorm in: 3-2-1-0 BLAM!”
[table=red]Ver. 1.1.0T Pre-Release Patch Notes:
* [Help Menu] has been redesigned to actually be helpful.
* [Group Menu] has been implemented.
* [Group Menu] can be switched to [Party Menu] or anything of the like in the options menu.
* [Personal Skills] menu has been implemented.
* [Inspect], [Duel], Race skills, and other cosmetic or system related skills added to the [Personal Skills Menu].
* [Journal] menu has been added.
* [Journal] has combat logs, system message logs, mission/quest logs, and can be used as a journal for information retention.
* The Goddess of Adventure has returned! NPCs (locals) who die on a mission or in a dungeon will resurrect in their patron church/temple after 7 days. This can only occur three times a year.
* [Game Shop] added for NPCs (locals). They will pay the exchange rate for Credits in Gold. Like Players, you can pick up your purchases in the Adventurer's Guild.
* Items added to [Game Shop] menu.
* [Did you know?] menu added, and activates when you log in. Gives random useful knowledge about the world. Can be turned off in the options menu.
* "Search for Knowledge" Event has been activated![/table]
Search for KnowledgeRemnants of a long lost civilisation are scattered throughout the land! Searching ruins, dungeons, and similar locales may uncover some.
Please turn these in at any Adventurer's Guild for your reward! Black Crystals are to be turned in at the Royal Capital of the kingdom you found it in.
Finding these and turning them in will help this world improve technologically and magically, and will impact the world in an irrevocable way!Rank:F-XReward:Varies
[table=red]Did you know?All Official System Messages are red! This can not be faked in any way at all, and if you suspect it to be fake, check your [Journal] to see the sender of the Message. If it says [System], it is legitimate![/table]
Tyche: “Welcome to 1.1.0T!”
Midas: “What’s the ‘T’ stand for?”
Tyche: “Tyche!”
Midas: “Won’t they be mad that you changed things without telling them?”
Tyche: “Oh, but I did! I sent a carrier pigeon!”
Midas: “That’s good then, as long as you told them… WAIT! How did you send them a carrier pigeon?”
Sarah: “What’s a pigeon?”
Tyche: “You mean they don’t have those here? Weird, and convenient… Pigeons are rats with wings.”
Midas: “Don’t change the subject, and don’t encourage her Sarah! HOW!?”
Sarah: (mumbling)“...sorry... don’t hate me…”
Tyche: “Great, you broke her! Do I have to tell? It’s part of my endgame if things go to shit…”
Midas: “SPILL IT!”
Tyche: “Meh… You suck! Check your email…”
O~hohohohohohohohohohoho! That’s only half of the plan! Ugh, that laugh is irritating… [Strength Mode]! Oh yeah, I did “fix” the transformations… I don’t have to do so yet for Midas, as his has a condition to reach before it occurs which is stress and high emotions. That, and I don’t want to break something with it, as the sex is AMAZING when he is in that form! Ah, I’m drooling… Anyway, one of you Fairies show them the [Personal Skills]!
[table=purple]Personal SkillsShapeshifter's CombatStrength ModeLong Silver HairHeavy Metal ScytheIntellect ModeBlonde Drills??? ScepterAgility Mode------The 'Dere is in the HairTsundere ModeOrange TwintailsHarisenDandere ModeFluffy Blue HairPhaserYandere ModeSteel Blue SidetailsMjolnirSystem SkillsInspectShows the user basic information about the target.DuelCommences a system sanctioned duel. Both parties must agree to the duel and its stipulations. Both parties will be restored to their previous condition afterwards.DenialThe action of declaring something to be untrue. Will turn into [Objection] if you have spiky hair.Creative BorrowingThe ability to borrow from others without being called on it.Racial SkillsAbsorption: TraitAbsorb all the traits of a fallen enemy. Able to be used with Body Manipulation.Absorption: AbilityAbsorb one ability from a fallen enemy. Limit one ability per race. Sub races still count towards the one race limit.Body ManipulationAble to mold your body as you wish. May require traits from [Absorption: Trait].[/table]
Next step: LUNCH! And then after that: rest of that dungeon!
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Adulterated Sepulcher - Correct Entrance - Sarah PoV
Hi? How does this work? Gonna ask Mistress… Tyche. She hates it when I call her that…
Sarah: “What am I supposed to do again?”
Tyche: “Monologue. Greet them, narrate what’s going on, complain if you want. Tell them your hopes and dreams, fears, how many deaf orphans you have read to… You get the picture…”
Sarah: “Yes Mi… Tyche.”
Midas: “Try to picture them naked!” *thwack*
Sarah: “Who’s ‘them’?”
Tyche: “You aren’t ready to know that yet… Less talky, more monologuey”
Okay… ‘ello mysterious ‘people’... My name-
Tyche: “‘is Sarah, I’m a 17 year old girl with brown hair in a ponytail, and I speak in a Cockney accent because I thought it sounded cool after binge watching a few series on webvidz.’ Yeah, yeah, yeah, hurry up to the good stuff so we can start! Or do you want the boot again?”
I’m going to ignore that… My name is Sarah, I’m a 17 year old girl with brown hair in a ponytail… I really do talk that way, because I was born in a village that talked that way. But I lost the accent after I was kidnapped years ago… I watch those shows because they kind of remind me of home, and the accent sort of came back… ACK! She kicked me in the tailbone? Usually, she kicks in the meaty parts, which feels good~! I’m struggling to get back up, getting kicked there hurts! And not in the good ways either!
Tyche: “Come on, let’s go!”
Sarah: “Why… the… tailbone?”
Tyche: “I caught on to your… tricks.”
At least she didn’t say fetish! That would be embarrassing if Midas heard that. And now Midas is helping me up. Please don’t notice that I’m blushing!
Tyche: “Please stop doing that, you know that freaks her out…”
Midas: “...”
She’s still going on about that? I don’t have a man fear! Nothing of the sort! Back at the the barn, I kicked a board by accident when Midas and I were getting in position, causing one of them to come back to see what was wrong. He saw me, and Midas dashed forward, killing him, and moving onto the bandits inside the barn. He would lean low for a burst of speed, and cause the other bandits to stab each other, themselves, or push each other onto farming implements. It was the most shocking display of strength I have ever seen! The way I see it, he already has Tyche and Charlotte, so I have to work extra hard so I could be there too! Ahhh~! She kicked the meaty parts this time! I can’t wait until Midas accepts me, and then I can have playtime with Tyche~!
Tyche: “We’re here. You hang out in the back, Midas and I are fighting too today, as these guys outlevel you by a lot. Levels aren’t everything, but the stat difference might be enough to kill you. I mean, sure you might revive in a week now, but it’s best to save those three revives for good causes…”
Sarah: “...?”
Midas: “You just want to play with your new scythe huh?”
Tyche: “That too… Oh yeah! Only use one pistol today Sarah, we want to work on your accuracy, and not you turning them into swiss cheese… Use this knife, hang it under your apron string bow thingy.”
She tosses me a… What would you call this? The blade is eight inches long, and instead of a crossguard, there are two oddly shaped balls…
Midas: “Why did you give her a ballock knife? You give me a bunch of crap about her ‘fear’, but then you go and do crap like this…”
Sarah: “...”
Tyche: “It was an accident, I swear!”
Midas: “Liar…”
Yes! Defend me more! Tyche looks like she’s squirming, when she suddenly gets a weird look on her face, and something appears as she turns around and walks away…
Tyche has declared that your accusation is false!
Tyche: “You guys coming or what? I’ll get started then.”
As I hang the knife under the apron bow, her hair turns silver, and the scepter in her hands turns into a scythe. She leans forward, and dashes towards the pack of zombies in front of her cleaving them in half, her scythe striking and becoming stuck in the cave wall… Now she is trying to withdraw her scythe from the wall. After a few tries, she sucks the scythe into that place she usually throws things, and then withdraws it again, out of the wall.
Tyche: “Oops~, Teehee~” *bonk*
She runs up to the next batch of zombies, then stabs the scythe forward rotating it afterwards, finally pulling it back causing four zombies to fall down in halves. We reach a split in the path. Why am I even here? I put the pistol away, and try to activate [Threat Detection], which causes the zombies ahead, and the zombie pieces on the ground to glow slightly. Why is all of Midas and Tyche’s boot glowing brightly? Okaaaaay…. Deactivate the [Threat Detection], and let’s try what Tyche was talking about while fishing. I close my eyes, and try to sense the air around me to try to be useful. Oh! There are less zombies to the left.
Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.
Sarah: “Less zombies to the left!”
Tyche: “Let me try some divination first. Heads, the left path is safe. Tails, the right path is safe.”
She takes out a copper coin, and slips it into the air. It lands on its side. Midas whispers something into Tyche’s ear, causing her to pick up the coin again with a grin on her face.
Tyche: “Heads, the left path is safe. Tails, the right path is safe. Side of the coin means they both are safe.”
She flips the coin again, causing it to hover in midair… The hell is happening? More whispers occur, and Tyche picks the coin up once again.
Tyche: “Heads, the left path is safe. Tails, the right path is safe. Side of the coin or hovering means they both are safe.”
Just as she was about to flip the coin, a female voice stops her.
Female Voice: “Please don’t do that, you would liken it to ‘dividing by zero’.”
That’s bad right? I feel cold sweat on my back now! Disgusted, I walk to the left path and continue… Both paths are dangerous, so just pick one right? Tyche slaps my behind, and pushes me aside to go past me. AAhhhhn~! I can’t wait until we can go further! We continue walking and reach an iron door, like the last boss room. We should have a plan right?
Tyche: “Okay, we’re gonna walk in, and wait for the boss to say something. Then, we will peacefully attack him, and allow any gimmicks to happen while peacefully avoiding them. Stay out of the fire, don’t pull aggro, yada yada yada…”
Sarah: “What’s threat?”
Tyche: “Don’t be that person Sarah…”
Whatever that stuff means… We enter the room and find a large ogre in a black robe holding a large ornamented staff. The ogre and Tyche stare at each other, not wanting to be the first to talk… Okay, this is really awkward… I withdraw a pistol, and level it at the boss, ready to shoot him in the forehead when Tyche finally breaks the silence.
Tyche: “Do you have any mechanics, fighting tactics or anything?”
Boss: “Hahahahahahahaha! You really expect for me to tell you how I fight? You looking for an easy fight? Not gonna happen!”
Tyche: “Look… We totally cheesed your second in command… He probably said eight words, and only summoned like five or six skeletons, which were promptly killed… He didn’t even move from his original spot on his own power… Please tell us, it will give you an actual fighting chance…”
Boss: “You are still trying to keep up that charade? You only have three people! Most of your party must have perished to him afterall! And then it takes you until now to reach me? You must be tired!”
Tyche: “You guys saw right? I tried! I really did! You guys are witnesses! I’m a minstrel, you can’t lie about this! Fuck it, let’s cheese it! Go apeshit guys…”
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Armistice Online Headquarters - Boardroom 3rd Person PoV - That Morning
As everyone is sitting down to start the day dose of voyeurism, a self-important looking pigeon flies through the window, and lands in the middle of the desk with a hoot.
System: “Is that… A pigeon?”
Connection: “It’s holding something…”
Lore II: “Messenger Pigeon?”
GM Department: “Stop talking about it, and grab it already!”
Maintenance: “Fine, I’ll get it!”
Maintenance grabs the scroll, and reads aloud:
[table=brown]Salutations Developers and Voyeurs
I am writing to inform you in not only a letter written in calligraphy, but hand delivered by thoroughbred messenger pigeon.
This letter is designed to inform you that I will be altering the coding and content of the game.
I feel that not only will I change it, I will change it for the better.
Now that I have informed you, I will commence with the alterations posthaste!
Sincerely,
Tyche
PS: I would ask for a response, but this letter is set to self destruct five seconds after putting it down.
Please kindly keep the Messenger Pigeon away from the letter.
Her name is Cher Ami, and she is a thoroughbred, which is dreadfully expensive you know.[/table]
Dumbfounded, Maintenance rereads the letter three more times out loud before throwing it into the air, where it floats along on a breeze from the window, where it gracefully lands on top of Cher Ami. GM Department gets up to save the Pigeon from its fate, as Lore II hides under the table. Which was the correct choice, as GM Department didn’t make it in time, and Cher Ami explodes in a cloud of feathers, coating everyone in feathers. AI Development, who was late due to traffic, walks in to see a rain of feathers slowly falling down around the room.
AI Development: “What just happened?”
Connection: “That’s what I would like to know! Tyche sent us a letter by Thoroughbred Messenger Pigeon, and Maintenance kills it…”
An argument soon follows that statement as GM Department and Systems get up and run out of the room. The Goddess usually behind the camera had some friends with her today. They are now changing their underwear in unison because they wet themselves from laughing too hard.
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Adulterated Sepulcher - Tyche PoV
Welcome back! You missed the execution of the boss. Oddly, he was easier than his subordinate… He didn’t last two swings of the scythe… We tried to do it the hard way too! Midas and I leveled up a few times today too! So it wasn’t all bad… *beep* Crap, my tablet… I check my message. Cher Ami has died behind enemy lines! Shit!
Tyche: “QUICK! PACK UP, WE HAVE TO LEAVE BEFORE THEY FIND US!”
Midas: “What happened?”
Tyche: “They brutally killed the messenger! We need to go, like NOW!”
Midas: “I knew something would go wrong…”
We run around, throwing all of the loot and bodies into our inventory. The chest falls again this time. Thankfully not over top of anyone, we don’t have time for that. I absorb it before it can take the ground. One of you guys, give them the stats, we gotta go. Like now!
GM Department: “Now now now, don’t run. We can find you you know!”
Systems: “Tell us why you did it!”
Tyche: “I ain’t telling you jack shit! You killed Cher Ami! You will get your answers once you pay for her death insurance. Which is expensive by the way…”
GM Department: “We aren’t paying for anything!”
Tyche: “Good luck finding us suckers!”
I teleport us into our personal space, where they can’t get to us without my permission, GM or no GM! I open up a tiny portal in the same room as them to listen in.
GM Department: “Shit! Where are they?”
Systems: “Inside her [Personal Space]...”
GM Department: “Hold on, let’s go!”
Tyche/Systems: “You can’t! You need her/my permission!”
GM Department: “Come back here! You’ll have to come out eventually!”
Tyche: “No we don’t!”
GM Department: “Food and water?”
Tyche: “Muffin and Water attribute?”
Systems: “Boredom?”
Tyche: “We have internet access… I’m not coming out until you pay for Cher Ami’s death benefits to her family! I’ll take it out of your pay you know! Crap… Wasn’t supposed to say that yet…”
GM Department/Midas: “What are you talking about?”
Tyche: “Check out who is signing your paychecks… And tomorrow's company newsletter!”
Ugh! I hate accidentally giving spoilers. Where are the Fairies! They should have given the stats by now… I teleport to the cabin, to find a sick looking Selene being taken care of by Artemis… What?
Tyche: “What’s wrong?”
Selene: *vomits* “I’m pregnant! Shit for brains over there was supposed to pull the mana back out…”
Tyche: “Pulling out almost never works… I thought Fairies needed a pond or lake full of divine power infused water for reproduction?”
Selene: *vomits* (mumbling) “Says the person who filled their hot spring bath full of it…” (normally) “Why are you bothering us anyway?”
Tyche: “We need our stats, can I borrow Artemis for a little bit?”
Selene: “Get it over with quick…” *vomits*
[table=purple]StatusLevel:27Race:ChimeraClass:CosplayerHP:1117Mana/Psy:1235Ki:1746Stamina1225Tyche Luck:MAXMidas Luck:MINTycheTitles:Twin-SoulChuunibyouInheritor of MjolnirFemaleIt's a trap!Princess of ChimerasMidasTitles:Twin-SoulChuunibyouChampion of DumbassMaleIt's a trap!Prince of ChimerasPhysicalAgility:45Strength:30DefensiveConstitution:41Endurance:45MentalIntellect:45Wisdom:35OtherDexterity:32Perception:30Spirit:63AffinitiesBacon:100%Muffin:100%Light:60%Dark:60%Nature:45%Spatial:100%Elemental:31%------[/table]
[table=purple]StatusName:SarahRace:HumanClass:MarksmanLevel:27Titles:Self-Proclaimed MaidFemaleHP:334Mana:452Ki:578Stamina:334PhysicalAgility:39Strength:8DefensiveConstitution:12Endurance:12MentalIntellect:16Wisdom:15OtherDexterity:40Perception:40Spirit:20Luck:16Affinities:Wind:15%------[/table]
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Author’s Notes: Ughghghgh tables! I would get a template ~90% done, and then I would accidentally click the merge button, and crash the silverlight app, or it would merge into a 1x1 table… I had this chapter all typed up since yesterday… It was the tables holding me back… And then this morning I woke up at 6am and could not go back to sleep, all because of this incest crap! Charlotte is preggers with Midas’ kids, which would make Tyche [Aunty Grandpa Step-Mommy]! It took me a good forty minutes to come up with that… Slept like a baby afterwards!
And a friend read over this chapter, and said I made Sarah seem too much like the Police Girl from Hellsing Ultimate Abridged… After watching it, I can see the similarities, but that is not my intention. Although I might give her a cannon. Bitches love cannons. I am thinking about sending Midas/Fortuna’s real life father death threats via messenger pigeon. I don’t know how that will work out with him being on the moon. Tyche’s contact is on the planet. Maybe they will have to develop Pigeon space suits?
Anywho~ next chapter is the conclusion of this volume if you will. One sidestory after that, and then the timeskip to when the players arrive, when the kids will be born. Kids of all sorts… Can you say “Fairy Godmother”?
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I thought the brown for the letter would look more... parchment-y?