Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
---
Ugh… How did she get away from Mom and Dad? Grandmother is currently sitting on the couch with Charlotte in her lap, asking dozens of questions without breath, and rubbing her cheek against the side of Charlotte’s face… Charlotte looks like she wants to cry, the Maids are hiding behind Midas, who is facepalming… Should I use Mjolnir? Nah, Charlotte is in the way. Damnit, foiled! Looks like I’ll have to dig into my special category repertoire: I go into Charlotte's room and pick up a certain item, pour something from a bottle onto it, go back into the Sitting Room, act like Andy Samberg, and throw it on the ground.
Tyche: “I’m an adult!”
Grandmother: “Noooooo! THE PRECIOUS!”
She picks it up, places it to her face, inhales deeply, wears it as a hat, and then finally passes out. … Really? That was the strongest sleeping potion on the market, it’s supposed to work instantly… Anyway~, let’s pack up the demon, and send it where it belongs… I pull a wooden shipping crate out of my inventory, and place the demon inside it. After nailing the lid shut, I take out a hand drill, and drill some holes in.
Maids: “ISN’T THAT DANGEROUS!?”
Tyche: “I’ll have to do more than that to actually hurt her. Goddesses know I’ve tried…”
Right when I was about to open a portal back home to drop her from a Jesse Spencer approved distance from the ground, I get interrupted from my righteous duty.
Mammon: “What are you doing, and did she deserve it?”
Tyche: “Returning to sender. She always deserves it…”
Mammon: “May I suggest the lake instead?”
Tyche: “Good idea Daddy~!”
Maids: “SHE’LL DROWN!”
Tyche/Mammon: “Plenty of air holes, she’ll be fine!”
See? This is why I kept him around when I was growing up: he’s full of good ideas, and does plenty of stuff for me! As I open a portal to push the crate into, Dad puts his hand on my shoulder, interrupting me.
Mammon: “Portals are so mainstream… Oi Princess!”
Charlotte: “Y-Yes!?”
Mammon: “There are catapults on the towers right?”
Charlotte: “C-can I help?”
Mammon: “Can you help? Of course you can! This is like an initiation into the family!”
Tyche: “No need to be shy, he won’t bite or anything. I know you wanna shout ‘YAY!’, isn’t shooting someone from a catapult every person’s dream?”
Charlotte: “YAY!”
---
East Tower Roof,next to the big ass catapult - Royal Palace
We are all lined up next to the catapult, staring at the lake. Charlotte is holding the rope, with shining eyes, while the Maids are staring wide eyed at the whole thing.
Artemis: “WAIT!”
Tyche: “Yes?”
Artemis: “I saw on one of those shows where they did the drumroll before occasions like this, can we do that?”
Tyche: “If you play the kazoo, we can make it a dirge. To bad we don’t have bagpipes…”
I pull out a snare drum with drumsticks out of my inventory, while Artemis pulls out her kazoo from her belt pouch.
*RATATATATATATATATTATATATATATATA*
*DZOOOOO DZOO DZOOOOOOOO*
Charlotte pulls the rope, and Grandmother’s crate makes a beautiful arc through the air as she overshoots the lake, hitting the river leading into it instead. However, before the crate could sink all the way, the current brings it over the waterfall that leads directly into the lake, making a satisfying splash you could almost hear from up on top of the tower.
Mammon: “If anyone asks, we did it that way on purpose…”
Everyone: “Agreed…”
Fortuna: “I’m here! Did I make it? Awwwwwwwwwwwww…”
Guard: “What are you doing up here? INTRUDERS!”
Mammon: “Shit! Run!”
Midas grabs Charlotte under one arm, and me under the other and books it, with the Maids following closely behind. Wait… Why the hell are we running from the guards? We have the goddamned Princess right here! That’s practically the biggest get out of jail free card there is!
Tyche: “Wait! Stop!”
Charlotte: “No! Don’t stop!”
Tyche: “... Why are we running from your own guards…”
Guard: “They kidnapped the Princess!”
Oh, that’s why… I got this! I pull my secret weapon out of the inventory.
Tyche: “No we didn’t! We’re taking her to an appointment!”
Guard: “Let’s see some credentials then!”
I hand him the wallet, which he opens and then reads twice in a confused manner while looking back and forth between the wallet and Charlotte. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before handing it back and running off while saying over his shoulder.
Guard: “C-carry on…”
Charlotte: “What is that?”
I hand it to her so she could inspect it. About damn time I could use this, I’ve been waiting for about a week now…
Charlotte: “...What is this…”
Tyche: “Psychic paper, it shows what you want to see. Why? What’s it say?”
Charlotte: “Not important…”
Tyche: “Seriously, tell me, it’s not like I walk around with a badge that says ‘Royal Underwear Inspector’ on it just for this joke, right?”
Charlotte: “Right… That’s exactly what it says! How did you… Wait!”
Tyche: “Hurry up, I have to be there when my parents meet your Mother! I have to know something!”
Midas: “What?”
Tyche: “Well, we are the only Chimeras right? Chimerans? Envoys of Badassedry? Note to self: invent proper terms for our race. Anyway, we have to find out if we’re Royalty or something cool! That no [Inspect] on living Royals sounds awesome.”
Yes, it sounds awesome! We can mix that with our body manipulation, and have multiple identities! Hold on a second, this murmuring in my head is getting annoying, let me turn up my music…
---
Queen’s Apartment - Royal Palace
Looks like we made it here before everyone, but the guards are blocking our way… Come on now, we have the freaking Crown Princess, Heir Apparent to the goddamned throne here… I pull out the badge and show it to them.
Tyche: “Royal Underwear Inspectors, it’s the Queen’s turn now!
Royal Guard 1: “She’s not here yet, please wait inside...”
Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.
Royal Guard 2: “There are inspectors for everything these days…”
Charlotte: “Please don’t flash that everywhere, it depresses me when people believe it…”
We head into the apartment, and enter the sitting room, where I pull out some of my ongoing projects to work on as we wait for everyone. This is what will allow us to jump around the world! And allow Charlotte and other people we like to visit from time to time… It’s a doorknob with a slot above it! Everyone we like gets a key card talisman, which activates the spell circuit we draw on the door frame to a police box, or a closet or something similar. This circuit quantum entangles that door to a door we have in an enclosed room in our [Personal Space]. That room has walls lined with doors, that will eventually lead to any of our houses that we have bought, or will buy.
This [Spatial Attribute] is really insane… We can teleport, open portals, quantum entangle, manipulate space, conjure anything. I know we wanted to be overpowered, but this is just breaking everything! The best part about becoming overpowered, is the journey to it! Finding and creating exploits! Randomly being given an ability that rivals Gods is ridiculous… Midas and I agreed on only using it for comfort, and quality of life improvements. We won’t be doing anything ez-mode like cutting bosses in half with portals or conjuring legendary items… Hold on, that murmuring is getting louder, need to turn up the music again…
---
Midas PoV
Mammon: “Hello again Lilian.”
Lilian: “It’s nice to see you two again, it’s been a while. Back when Ralph was still alive…”
Oh, the Queen has a name? Learn something new everyday.
Lilian: “So, we have a Consort agreement so draw up today.”
Mammon: “Two sets really…”
Lilian: “?! So it’s true then?”
Mammon: “Keep quiet about it though, we have the Guild, and that’s all we need for the time being. Besides, there’s only four of us currently, the ones on the way won’t count because of the consort agreement, so there’s really no people to ‘govern’ as King...”
Title acquired: [Prince of Chimeras]
Type: OfficialYou are now a Royal! Your words carry weight now, and [Inspect] does not work on you anymore!
Oh-ho! Tyche will be pleased! I look over to see her thrashing around on the ground, clutching her head like it hurts… What’s going on? I crouch next to her and hold her down, trying to see how I can help... Why isn’t healing energy working? She won’t stop thrashing around!
Midas: “HELP! SELENE! What’s wrong with Tyche?”
Selene: “...”
She looks worried, closes her eyes and looks like she’s concentrating. How is that going to help! Everyone in the room is now looking at Tyche like she’s going to die! She can’t die! As I was about to give in to despair, I found myself falling from the ceiling and hitting the ground.
Jesse Spencer: “Get out of the way, crying about it won’t help anything!”
Charlotte: “Who is that!?”
Mammon: “That’s Jesse Spencer, the baby dropper. She’s also the Beastkin Goddess in her spare time.”
Jesse Spencer: “Why do you two call me that? I have a name you know… It’s Rhea… Anyway, shut up, and stop distracting me…
She pulls two bracelets out of nothing, and holds them while concentrating. She then drops one in my lap and puts the other on Tyche’s wrist, who immediately relaxes. I put on my bracelet and use [Inspect] on it:
Bracelet of Pandora: Bracelet made with the combined power of all the Goddesses.
May only be removed once all conditions are met.
Type: Accessory --- Rarity: DivineEffects:
* +5 to all stats in combat.
* (Hidden)
* (Hidden)
Midas: “She’ll be fine, right? … !”
She left without explaining anything! She must be fine, as she’s hugging her tails while rolling around, sleepily muttering about blueberries… Suddenly, she bounces up like she just fell with a shriek. She’s fine! I pick her up in a hug.
---
??? - Tyche PoV
Ah, the pain is gone! I stretch out lazily, luxuriating in the comfort of this bed… Bed? Wasn’t I in the Queen’s apartment before? Wearily, I open my eyes, and find myself in a room where everything is navy blue… Is that a poster of me? I try to get up, and notice the small girl with blue hair using me as a hug pillow… Crap… Did I kidnap her while I was delirious? Am I a criminal now? I’m not a lolicon, I swear! While I was panicking, the girl wakes up, and looks at me. Ah, she smells like blueberries! I’m keeping her! Who cares if I become a criminal, when I have my very own blueberry huggie? I hug her tight and roll around while humming my victory song. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and the girl was picked up by the collar.
Jesse Spencer (Rhea): “What are you doing? You shouldn’t have brought her astral body here… You two can’t meet yet…”
Girl: “Muuuuuuu! Jesse Spencer is a meanie~!”
Tyche: “Yeah! What she said! Give her back!”
Rhea: “I just told your brother this, so I’m telling you this now: My name is Rhea…”
Tyche: “Who cares about that? Give her back! My blueberry hugg- ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
The bitch just dropped me again! I wake up with a bounce, to find a crying Midas hugging me tight.
---
Armistice Online Headquarters - Boardroom 3rd Person PoV
Everyone is sitting at the desk, watching an irate AI Development throw things at a scared witless Systems.
AI Development: “LOTTERY! I THOUGHT THE POINT WASN’T TO MAKE HER REALISE WHAT SHE WAS TOO EARLY?!”
System: “W-what else was supposed to happen with the excess points for the talent tree? And how does that affect her anyway?”
AI Development: “It’s a lottery… In a world that is watched over by Goddesses, what do people do? Do the math… THEY PRAY!”
System: “I thought prayers were handled telepathically? She doesn’t have any psychic powers ye-”
AI Development: “HER HEADPHONES! TH-”
Connection: “Leave him alone, the telepathic headphones came after the patch…”
The irritated Goddess behind the security camera lost interest, and had better things to do, like make sure a certain Systems Employee’s car will be towed, and electricity shut off.
---
Author’s Notes: If you want to know about the whole blueberry thing, it’s simple really. Every time someone eats the last Blueberry Yogurt, muffin, etc, I mention it. Also when they are sold out. I fucking love blueberries, and I would stab someone with my rusty hobo knife if they got in the way between me and blueberries… I’m also that guy that cries a little when Stormrage (I like his new name) doesn’t get his blueberry muffins in Demon Reaper Hero Savior… I think I got the series’ name right? I may have gotten the order of the words wrong… Anyway, the stalker Blueberry Goddess makes her appearance!
Anywho~ human kingdom next chapter! I will have to wait until next month to buy a drawing tablet, so I can transfer the map I’m drawing to digital… My old generic piece of crap doesn’t work with Windows 10...