Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
I’m just going to stick with Mammon’s PoV unless mentioned, I feel like it’s all over the place.
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Outskirts of the Beastkin Village - Two months later - 12 years old
I am currently hid… planning our next steps in the forest. It’s not like I was ambushed in the middle of the night by Fortuna or anything… Not buying it huh? Well, I can do both can’t I?
Selene: “It went like this!”
Mammon: “Oi! Don’t just take over the story! I mean, don’t listen to my internal monologue!”
Selene: “Anywho~”
Mammon: “Hey! Don’t change the persepe-”
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Mammon/Fortuna’s room - Three hours ago
Nyahahahaha~ Oh, how I love you so hug pillow~ No wait~ Come back hugee~
I wake up to someone trying to steal my hug pillow! Nobody steals my hug pillow! Wait… Why am I lying in a wet spot? Shit… Did I? No! I slowly reach a hand down to confirm if it’s really true. Crapcrapcrap- It’s wet- no slimy? Wait, why am I not feeling anything?
Fortuna: “Ahn~ How bold!~”
Wait, what? I wake up the rest of the way, to a naked Fortuna straddling my naked lower half… Wait… naked? Where are my pajama bottoms? Fortuna has really changed these past few months… More like changed into a full-blown pervert. I had a talk with the GMs about this, and they brought in a Psychologist. The Psychologist described her less than stellar living conditions before this, and how she never fully developed mentally due to them. Between the new situation, and all the knowledge from the internet, she developed hero worship for me. I mean, I know I’m awesome, but she doesn’t have to be such a fanatic about it… On a side note, they gave in to our dema… requests. I get to go back to binge watching shows on WebVids!
Shit, I should really stop these internal monologues, they will bite me in the ass some day. Like right now. Fortuna is raising her hips with a “thanks for the treat” look on her face. Nooooo! I need an adult~ Mother! Halp! As if the heavens were favoring me, the door opens.
Mother: “Ohohohohoho~ Working on grandchildren already? My, they grow up so fast~.”
And she gives Fortuna a thumbs up. Oi! Shouldn’t a mother me more worried about underage sex? I mean, we’re what, twelve? Grandchildren shouldn’t even be physically possible, she hasn’t had her… first… period… wet… spot? I mechanically turn my head and look at the sheets. Ah, she must have cut herself, she is really clumsy. Why isn’t [Denial] activating? Crapcrapcrap. I panic, and summon the [Mortal Weapon of Mass Destruction: Mjolnir]... Oops, my chuuni is showing, I mean conjured a [Cornbread Muffin: Hospital Version]. I silently appologise to her in my heart, and swing for her temple.
A satisfying thunk later, and she falls unconscious, right onto my.... staff… Ah~ that feels really nice!~ No wait, we shouldn’t be doing this yet. Fortuna wakes up with a shriek, giving my staff a satisfying squeeze. Ah~ that feels even better!~ Shit, swing again! Again!
I push the dea… I mean unconscious Fortuna off to the side, and put my pajama bottoms back on, and go off to kil… I mean apprehend the remaining offender. This suspect is more challenging, so I throw the muffin away, and summon the divine version of Mjolnir: A staff made of [Hospital Bacon], with a gigantic [Hospital Cornbread Muffin] on the end. For Fortuna, this might be overkill, but for that monster-- this will barely be enough. I silently pad down into the offender’s lair, and find her doing her perverted laugh. I creep up behind her, and as I’m about to swing, she notices my presence, and attempts to run. But~ fortunately, I planned ahead and conjured a puddle of bacon grease at her feet. She falls to the ground, and I lift my hammer, about to execute the prisoner when she begs for her life:
Mother: “Y-y-you wouldn’t hurt your own mother would you?
Mammon: “Nope. But you aren’t my mother, you’re a suspect.~”
And I swing until she falls unconscious. After vanquishing the Ero Demon Queen, I tie up the suspects and bring them into the kitchen and wake them up. Ignoring their pleas for mercy, justice, and all that other crap, I have them writing lines as punishment. “It is still too early for grandchildren, and I won’t encourage underage sex.” for Mother, and “There will be no more sex until we are at least fifteen.” for Fortuna.
I do a tactical retreat into the forest, to plan some worldbuilding.
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Outskirts of the Beastkin Village - Present Time
I am currently holding a very naughty fairy by the head with two fingers. She knows what she did wrong. Anyway~ This game is really screwed up! I mean, I know it’s in alpha right now, but there are limits to things! [Bacon Attribute]? [Muffin Attribute]? Our new class and title?
Cosplayer: You can now wear all class equipment, and use that class' respective class skills.
Requires wearing cosmetic clothing of that class.
Type: Class --- Rarity: Created
Title: Chuunibyou
You are not able to learn class specific attacks, instead you must develop your own.
Please note that you will still require the proper attributes and skills/masteries.
+30% effectiveness when you shout the technique name.
Okay, I will admit that those are actually pretty nice, but I can still hate it a little right?
Anywho~ back to the worldbuilding! Selene and I are trying to create the [Adventurer’s Guild]. Seriously, who makes an MMO, and doesn’t create something like that? How will people get quests? Every player won’t have an annoying fairy to give them quests afterall. In the last talk with the GMs, I had them disable the accelerated aging that we are going through. Why? I want to go adventuring when we hit 15, I don’t want to be stuck here while doing the Developer’s jobs… They also gave me a buttload of gold! But, I can only use it for the worldbuilding… Oh well, at least I can buy some in the pay to win shop! I just have to complete this project, and then I can start work on the guild.
I have a log in front of me, that I have been carving into an imitation of a stone lantern. One of the sides is open, for easier access to the “contents”. On the top of the sculpture is a brown orb, which is connected to a spell circuit inside the top of the lid. That spell circuit is a work of art that the Goddesses, Mother and I have been working on for about a week. When an NPC channels Mana/Psy into it, it conjures a Bran muffin and a piece of bacon jerky six inches below it! When a player with an [Adventurer’s Guild License] activates it, it conjures a stale Bran Muffin and a piece of Tough Bacon Jerky six inches below it! Fortuna kept bugging me to change the activation method to a button stating “muffin button” or something of the sort, but fuck that! I ended world hunger! Fortuna and I cannot activate the spell circuit due to our weird situation. Since we are labelled as both NPCs and players by the system, this causes the spell circuit to create a feedback loop, leading to an explosion that releases smoke that smells of blueberries, bacon, and depression.
Back to the [Adventurer’s Guild] front: Fortuna and I get 5% of the profits, 10% is used as taxes, and 25% goes to the local church, to do whatever churches do. I am a genius! Because of the Muffin Button… Damnit, even I’m calling it that now… Anyway, because of the Muffin Button, all of the players will want to join the guild! Between the quests and the free food, players will swarm that place! We will be rich! KAH KAH KAH KAH KAH! .... Hold on while I delete that skill again. Okay, what was I doing? Oh yeah, now to go back home and try to catch up on the sleep I was interrupted from.
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Beastkin Village - Three years later - 15 years old
The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
We are 15 now! The [Adventurer’s Guild] is a major success! We are rich~ so filthy rich~! I would tell you about the process of creating it, but it involves politics. I hate politics, let’s just say that Mjolnir got some heavy usage. We are on our way to the guild right now to register! We will officially start our travels tomorrow. Well, not really, we have to start at the lowest rank and do stupid shit like picking flowers, or reading to deaf children. We can probably use our influence as the Guild Masters to go faster, but that will be too cheat-like! We would draw too much attention from the players that may or may not show up…
Anyway~ Fortuna and I are walking to the guild hall. Fortuna is attached to my arm, muttering something dangerous…
Fortuna: “Eight hours, twenty-three minutes, and sixteen seconds.”
Wait, what?
Mammon: “Until what?”
Fortuna: “... Are you going to make me say it? You did promise that it will happen once we hit 15, right?”
Did I promise her something? Hmmm… can’t remember. Meh, I’ll remember later, let’s just nod my head and agree. We arrive at the guild and start the registration process, which is fairly simple. You just prick your finger, drop some blood on a card, and fill out some paperwork. We would do some simple requests, but we promised Mother that we would do go shopping. We spend all day running all over town buying stuff. The whole time Fortuna was continuing that ominous countdown. It was mostly ignored, until we were on the way home, when I realised what was going on. Oh yeah, that promise. Oh well, It’s not like I wasn’t holding back these past three years, let’s finally give her what she wants.
Oh yeah, We are level ten now! Fortuna chose the Light Attribute, and I finally got the Dark attribute! Ninja times are a-coming~. Show them our stats Selene.
[table=red]Thanks for the hard work! The game will be able to be re-released in a year! We have some good news, and some bad news...
The good news: Due to your actions, you will be made into undercover GMs!
The bad news: Due to your so called "world building", you have become key
figures in the world! Your current characters will be fully converted into NPCs and set on an "autorun" AI.
You two will have to remake your characters again. Sorry!~ You will get to keep your race, class, titles, and attributes though.
Your skills will be reset to level zero though.
Sorry, and thanks again! -The Dev Team[/table]
The fuck? Nuuuuu! I just fully resolved myself to finally go all the way! I want to cry!
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Casa de Madre
Mammon: “Goddamn figures, same as last time Fortuna, just don’t touch your fucking umbilical cord this time.”
Fortuna: “... *sob*”
It looks like Fortuna is depressed for a completely different reason... And so we started the skill grinding again…
Woah! That’s different, why are the walls convulsing?
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Beastkin Village - About nine months later
That has to be the weirdest feeling in the world… Being born? It’s like someone is squeezing and twisting you at the same time…
Female #1: “And another one, twins!”
Female #2: “Are they fine?”
Male: “Yes, they are, now hand them to me you Ero Demon! First the boy [Inspect]. Hmmmm. Min Luck… Has the same aura as his Mother, like he could ruin everything with a touch… Your name will be Midas!”
Female #2: “Hey! That was mean! Gimme!”
Male: “Now for the girl…”
Oi! why was I handed over? This can’t be happ… Yeah, it can be happening, I blame the Devs again....
Male: “[Inspect] Max Luck! Hoho! Taking after ‘ol daddy eh? Your name shall be… hmmmm…”
Oi! Why do I feel like he’s using the Wifi implant? Noooooo… This is cliche as hell!
Fortuna: “Ooh! Yunqi-e- ACK! Ow! Stop that, what if I dropped Midas?”
Mammon: “Oi! Just don’t translate luck into Chinese! And all the bad luck in the world wouldn’t free us of him or you, so he’d be fine.”
Uh huh, I completely agree old-me… I mean Dad. Well that was weird, calling myself Dad… Mom is blushing while holding her cheeks… Really? You take that as a compliment? Ugh, I can feel Dad’s internal monologue from here, is it really this irritating for everyone else?
Mammon: “Anywho~ You shall be Tyche.”
Someone knocks at the door. Wait… Don’t tell me… Dad carries me to the door, stopping only to pick up Mjolnir. He opens the door and finds a basket with a baby in it. Ah! Are the Beta Testers here? Anyway, go away kid, this house already has two.
Mammon: “Your gifts aren’t welcome here Jesse Spencer. Huh? Weird, why did I say that?”
He then picks up the basket, and walks down the road, and places the basket in front of a random house, knocks, and runs like hell. We return home, and Moth… Grandmother tries to take me from Dad. Naturally, I hiss at her, and conjure bacon shards to defend myself. Grandmother instinctively flinches and mumbles something about there being another one…
Where is Selene? If I know her at all, she’s probably hiding in that potted plant, trying not to piss herself in silent laughter… A gasp confirms my theory. Get your ass over here and show us our stats!
StatusName:TycheLevel:0Class:CosplayerRace:ChimeraTitles:Twin-SoulChuunibyouInheritor of MjolnirFemaleHP:20/20Mana/Psy40/40Resource:---Stamina:20/20PhysicalAgility:2Strength:2DefensiveConstitution:2Endurance:2MentalIntellect:2Wisdom:2OtherDexterity:2Perception:2Spirit:2Luck:MAX
StatusName:MidasLevel:0Class:CosplayerRace:ChimeraTitles:Twin-SoulChuunibyouChampion of DumbassMaleHP:20/20Mana/Psy40/40Resource:---Stamina:20/20PhysicalAgility:2Strength:2DefensiveConstitution:2Endurance:2MentalIntellect:2Wisdom:2OtherDexterity:2Perception:2Spirit:2Luck:Min
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Author’s Notes: Yes, I hate hospital food. The hospital near me has rock hard muffins, and their bacon is either indestructible, or shatters into shards of glass. When I went to a different hospital once, the food was infinitely better, I cried tears of happiness. Anyway, the chapter is really late, because someone mentioned Cup of Olea. I spent the time I should have spent writing, reading that. I will promise that the Bacon and Muffins will only be used for comedic relief and whatnot. And no skills because it’s like 7AM.