Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
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Lake outside Odin - ~9 Months later
Hey! Kind of forgot about you guys, it’s been nine months… I’m fairysitting while recovering the Ero Demon’s corpse… Oh, there it is! I’ve been practicing my magic these past few months, so let’s go with water manipulation to bring her out…
[table=orange]↑‼▬§☼φΩ◙[/table]
[table=green]♥♦○⌠√[/table]
Crap… That means they are hungry, right? I’m bad with kids, I infuse them with mana right? How much? Do they explode if I infuse them with too much? I open up the fanny pack at my waist, and withdraw both Fairy babies with one hand. Ugh, they look alike, I hate twins. The only thing I hate more than twins are twins with similar names… Some idiot Nature Fairy named them Frick and Frack, and they evolved into Trickster Fairies. Still, I have to admit that they are better names than I could come up with. I’m that horrible with names… I make a peace sign and hold it up for the Fairies to get a hold of a finger each and start cramming the girls with mana. While I’m doing that, I use water manipulation to lift the Ero Demon’s casket out of the lake and am instantly rewarded with coughing…
Tyche: “COME ON! WHAT ARE YOU? IMMORTAL? IT’S BEEN NINE MONTHS!”
Grandmother: *coughing*
Tyche: “Ecce uxor sua eiiciat, vox virtutis, Tribuite virtutem Herpothamnus.”
Grandmother: *coughing* “wai-!”
Tyche: “THE POWER OF BLUEBERRY COMPELS YOU!”
Instead of smiting her, I drop her in a portal back to hell aka her cabin. Crap, wasn’t I fetching her for the birth of the kids? Oops? Oh well, I guess I can make some ki talismans while I’m here, and then fetch her later? We’ll need a few when Charlotte finally goes into labor… I take out the hamster cage and place Frick and Frack inside. I take out a table, the materials, and the tablet. I look through the tablet for the patterns I designed for this, when I was interrupted by a screen.
Congratulations!
Frick and Frack have evolved into Chimeric Trickster Fairies!
WHAT! I’m really afraid to look right now. Crap… [Denial] activate! … Why isn’t [Denial] activating? Mechanically, I look up from the tablet to see two Fairy babies covered in the blood enamel mixture… See? This is why I don’t want kids. Ever. They leech off of you for nine months like a parasite, and then they get into things, wrecking your day in the process… Well, at least I lay eggs now. That has to count for something… Maybe if I wash them off, Selene won’t find out? Maybe? Let’s do that anyway, enamel is hard to scrub off once it starts to harden. I hose the babies off with a spray of conjured water, and then finish the talismans I needed to make. Time to go pick up some baby gifts and the Grandmother…
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Dolon - Grandmother’s Cabin
I teleport to the cabin, appearing right next to the wooden crate holding Grandmother. Why did I teleport you ask? Weren’t you only using it for comfort you ask? Well, I’m fighting time here as the babies will be born anytime between a few hours to days! I ignore the crate for now, as I have to quickly find the gifts!
Ugh! How hard is it to find rabbits? Usually, they are all over the place, but I can’t find ANY! Hold on now, let’s utilize my heritage! I kneel down and place my head on the ground, trying to listen for rabbits.
[table=orange]↑‼▬§☼φΩ◙[/table]
[table=green]♥♦○⌠√[/table]
Tyche: “Shh! I’m hunting wabbi- rabbits… Can’t you guys use emoticons or something? Maybe talk? Telepathy? Empathic transfer?”
I take out the tablet, and show them some emoticons. They may be too young to verbally speak, or read and write, but I will teach them some way to communicate!
[table=orange]:cry: :sick: :cry:[/table]
[table=green]:cry: :sick: :cry:[/table]
??? The hell does that mean? Does this mean the system is limited with emoticons? Let’s see if feeding them works… I stick my fingers in the fanny pack and channel mana into the babies who start nibbling on my fingers. My Cherokee heritage isn’t working, so let’s try searching the ground’s mana for rabbit holes?
Tyche: “Hey! No Biting!”
[table=orange]:angel:[/table]
[table=green]:angel:[/table]
Yep, I’m going to string Artemis up from the ceiling in turtle shell bondage for her naming sense. I’m already getting a headache from all the future troubles these two will get into… Oh! I can sense rabbit holes that way! I run off towards the rabbit hole, finding the area drenched in dried blood with tufts of fur everywhere. What happened here? I channel ki to my eyes and ears to enhance my perception to search, and can faintly hear muffled cries from the rabbit hole. I raise the earth covering the hole to uncover four… two starving rabbits. Not wanting to give the babies dead bunnies, I consult the internet. I find that goat milk is what I should feed them! I can finally get rid of that crap! I remove my hand from the fanny-pack, and bring out a glass bottle of goat milk and a rag from the inventory and prepare to feed them, when I remember that I forgot to close the fanny pack. Ugh… I look down to see two baby fairies complete with rabbit ears and tail hugging a bunny each… Looks like they discovered their racials… Welp, can’t hide it now… Selene is going to give me a lot of shit for this…
My task complete, I head back to the cabin to fetch the Ero Demon. On my way there, I cross paths with a group of people bragging to each other. Wait, isn’t this private property?
Person 1: “I’m level four now! What are you guys at?”
Person 2: “Still level three…”
Person 3: “Five…”
[table=orange]:@ :@ :@[/table]
[table=green]:@ :@ :@[/table]
Ugh… Normally, I would be able to use denial, but the ears and tail make it so you can’t say no! This is cheating I say!
Person 1: “Hey! She has some bunnies and two weird pets!”
Person 2: “Give us the animals, and we’ll let you live!”
Person 3: “Three of us… One of you…”
Awww~ How adorable! They think they’re a threat. I lift my hand up, and start shooting lightning bolts at the lowest output I can, accidentally killing Noob #3.
Tyche: “Oops! Didn’t mean to kill that one, stupid asshole noobs…”
Person 1: “HEY! Why isn’t she redmarked? She’s a player right? She called us noobs and killed… AAAHHHHH-!”
Cutting the scene short, I open a pit below them with earth manipulation, fill it with water, and cover it back up with earth. Wait… Couldn’t they still logout?
Tyche: “Kyaaa trespassers./”
Oh, it worked! If caught trespassing on private property, you are stuck in combat until you die or leave said property. Have fun waiting to drown suckers, I hear the body always fights to live.
[table=orange]:D :D :D[/table]
[table=green]:D :D :D[/table]
Fairies appeased, I teleport to the crate, and teleport it back with me to the palace.
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Odin Royal Palace
As soon as I land, I open the crate with an air blade. Ignoring the protesting Grandmother, I leave to find Selene… This is going to suck…. Along the way, I find Coraline… Caroline? Fucking twin names… Anyway, I found one of them, and asked them to follow me to Charlotte’s apartment. Ah! I can preempt Selene! Once we enter the door, I give a shout.
Tyche: “Selene, I need you for something! ARTEMIS, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!”
Selen: “What’s wrong?”
Tyche: “Hold on, need to apprehend the suspect before she gets away…”
I grab Artemis by the head with two fingers. Man, I haven’t did this in a while, those two have been on their best behavior lately…
Tyche: “This… Criminal may have killed your children! Stupid naming sense! This happened!”
Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.
I open the fanny pack, and withdraw the bunnies and bunny fairies. They are sleeping, snuggled up with each other. Don’t look too closely Tyche, you don’t want to overdose on d’awwww!
Selene: “Why do they have ears and a tail?”
Tyche: “Some idiot named them, and they turned into Trickster Fairies… And then they broke out of the hamster cage and bathed in my blood enamel, evolving into Chimeric Trickster Fairies… Shapeshifting Trickster Fairies! Artemis, they may have become unstoppable…”
Artemis: (sweating) “...”
[table=orange]:angel:[/table]
[table=green]:angel:[/table]
Selene: “What was that?”
Tyche: “I showed them emoticons. I became tired of having to decipher the gibberish they were spraying when they were cold, hungry, bored, lonely, etc…”
Selene: “What are those rabbits doing here?”
Tyche: “Oh, they are presents for the newborns when they decide to arrive… Introduce yourselves to Pepper and Clover! I rescued them from star-”
Everyone in the room is blinded by a flash of white light. When it fades, there are two naked baby Bunnykin girls with a fairy on top of each of them… What? COME ON SYSTEM! I CAN’T GIVE THE KIDS BABIES! THAT’S SLAVERY! I have to get new presents for them…
Congratulations! Pepper and Clover have evolved into Bunnykin through granting them a name and self-awareness.
Oh! Friends! I introduced them to their first friend! HA! Not slavery, FRIENDSHIP! My thoughts of victory are interrupted by Artemis.
Artemis: “Why am I getting yelled at for bad names, when she just evolved two rabbits…”
Tyche: “Did I give them any supernatural powers of trickery that may get them killed one day?”
Selene: “One could argue that she did them a favor… Humanoids live longer than rabbits…”
I turn to the Maid… How should I address her? I hate it when parents give identical twins similar names… Oh!
Tyche: “Could you and your sister find another two cribs for Clover and Pepper?”
Coraline: “Still can’t tell us apart? I’m Caroline…”
Tyche: “Liar…”
Coraline: “How?”
Tyche: “Where I come from, twins pull that crap all the time… Keep pulling it with me, and you two will both be called CoCa.”
Charlotte: *shrieking*
Tyche: “Excuse me… It’s time. Chase off any medics, healers, or the like if they appear… No barbaric healers are going to endanger my nieces or nephews…”
As I enter Charlotte’s room, something starts to irk me… Am I really their Aunt? Aren’t I something weird like their Aunt-Grandpa-Stepmom? Ugh, I don’t know what hurts my head more in this situation, the incest or the circumstance… As I walk over to Charlotte, I grab Midas by the scruff of the neck and drag him with me.
Tyche: “Hi, I’m Tyche, I’ll be delivering your kids today.”
Charlotte: “The hell you are! I want the Palace Doctors!”
Tyche: “You want those barbaric idiots? I bet they want to bleed you, or even worse - stick leeches on you!”
The door burst open revealing an old man with white hair in a gray robe.
Old Man: “Out of the way, Palace Doctor is here! Let me find my lancet, bleeding is good for everything…”
Tyche: “See what I mean? Why do you even have mundane healers when this world is filled with goddamned magic? And you! You aren’t getting anywhere near my potential nieces or nephews with that lancet!”
Old Man: “Leeches then? They suck the sickness out!”
Tyche: “Yes, let’s load her up with blood thinners, so that if something goes wrong, her blood won’t clot… Sarah! If he doesn’t get out of the room in ten seconds, aim for the hands. He can’t kill patients if he doesn’t have hands..”
Sarah: “Right away Tyche!” *pops out pistol*
While the old man runs away, I take out a bottle from the inventory and uncap it. I look to the left, clear. I look to the right, clear. No signs of witnesses, or witnesses that won’t rat on me, I lock the door so I can begin my plan.
Charlotte: “You can’t do this, you haven’t done it before!”
Tyche: “True, but I did vaguely skim through an instructable about it on the internet… Anyway, does this smell like chloroform?”
Charlotte: “See! You know nothing… about… this....” *snoring*
Tyche: “Sarah, strip her. Midas, pick her up when she’s done.”
I take a plastic sheet, a sterile knife, ki talismans and a pile of blankets from the inventory. After Midas picks her up, I throw the sheet over the bed, and Midas places her on top of it. I hand two talismans featuring (surgery) and (sleep) on them to midas. (Surgery) won’t allow her to die from me doing what I’m about to do, while the other is self-explanatory. Midas places them on Charlotte’s shoulders and activates them. I take the knife, and start giving her a cesarean. Muahahahahahahaha! She will definitely love me later when she finds out all the pain I saved her! Scooping out the two healthy baby boys from her, I have midas cut the cords and wrap them in a towel. This looks like a placenta right? Let’s scoop that out too… Finished, I close the cut with healing energy, leaving her good as new. I lead Midas over to a basin of water and we wash the boys, and rewrap them in clean blankets. We do the same for Charlotte while Sarah bundles up the evidence. Midas begins stuffing the evidence into the inventory as Sarah redresses Charlotte in something more appropriate, while I hold my new nephews. It just hit me that I may have brought them fiances or something weird… As I’m about to wake up Charlotte, an unknown witness interrupts me… Damned Mousekin being so short…
Lilian: “That was interesting… You did kind of cheat her of all the pain…”
Tyche: “I didn’t ‘cheat’ her of anything! I SAVED her from it!”
Lilian: “But. But. But. I had to go through it twice, and the only thing that I found comfort in was that she would too…”
I activate [Denial], and wake up the Charlotte. After a drowsy minute, she begins the assault of questions.
Charlotte: “business! Huh? What happened? Prepared to consult a real medical professional?”
Tyche: “Nope, it’s done! See, I’m holding your sons right here! We had to literally cut you open to get them out! There was blood EVERYWHERE!”
Charlotte: “Gimme! And don’t lie to me, the room is spotless…”
Tyche: “Okay, maybe I was exaggerating about there being blood everywhere, but there was blood involved…”
See? The truth always works! It gets you out of all sorts of trouble! I hand her the boys, and excuse myself for a second to grab the girls… I pick up Clover, Pepper, Frick and Frack, and reenter the room, depositing them next to the nephews.
Charlotte: “What’s with this?”
Tyche: “They were originally going to be a present for the boys when they were born, but they evolved into Bunnykin when I named them…”
Charlotte: “Stop lying!”
Tyche: “Fine, they hatched this morning. They are what happens when you have a drunken gangbang with a dozen male Bunnykin…”
Charlotte: “Why does that version make the first one sound like the truth?”
Selene: “Because it is? I watched it happen.”
Selene defended me? I should reward her somehow… Anywho~ you guys should go, this is going to get pretty boring. Me fetching the family, coming up with a name, inspecting the babies. Making sure they have all their fingers, toes, tentacles and whatnot...
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Author’s Notes: I was originally going to have a sequence of Tyche naming a dozen Rabbits with them turning into Bunnykin, but I scrapped that for two. Decided to make it a dig at how players usually upset ecosystems when they grind for levels. Oh, and before anyone asks, Grandmother is really the Guide, but what we see is an AI most of the time. The AI is pretty screwed up due to it not fully understanding the Guide. The whole “you can’t understand a god” thing...
Next Chapter: Player Trolling. Fixing the ecosystem. The stats.