Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Unless noted otherwise, it’s 3rd Person PoV
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Personal Space - Mammon PoV
After disciplining Fortuna for trying to break the four… I mean being a Chunni idiot, our body was dropped onto the ground… Wait, ground? I liked the floating in amniotic fluid. It had the great positive of not burning your eyes out with brightness. And the soundtrack was pretty nice, gotta love heartbeats.
Mammon: “Oi! Just don’t drop a baby like that! Who are you, … I’m drawing a blank, Fortuna?”
Fortuna: “Jesse Spencer.”
Mammon: “Who are you, Jesse Spencer? Who is J-”
Fortuna: “Some actor from Earth who dropped a fake baby 17 times.”
Mammon: “Honey, your Navajo is showing. Anywho~ where was I? Oh! Gimme our loots! On a side note, how am I talking as a baby? Bluescreen! Remind us not to talk when we are born for realsies, don’t want people to freak out.”
Bluescreen: “Kay.”
Fortuna: “Kyaaaaaa!”
The fuck! Holy crap, our poor baby heart. Wait… Is that a?
Mammon: “Bluescreen?”
Bluescreen: “Yes?”
Mammon: “...”
Fortuna: “FAIRY! *indescribable squealing* Catch it Mammon!”
Fortuna then ignores the fact that she asked me to capture Bluescreen, and does it herself.
Mammon: “Oi! Don’t just ask someone to do something, and then do it yourself! Ourself? Pronouns are hard when it’s two people in the same body.”
Fortuna: “Fairy get!”
[table=green]All right!!!
Fairy was caught!
Information has been added to [Yggdrasil Archive] for Fairy
Do you want to give a nickname to Fairy?[/table]
What? I don’t want an annoying and sarcastic Fairy! Where’s the release button?
Fortuna: “Lan-e- ACK! Ow! Why?”
Mammon: “Oi! Just don’t translate Blue into Chinese you Chuuni dumbass! I’ll handle this!”
Crap crap crap! I’m so screwed. Don’t look at me with those sparkling eyes… Quick, put on a pensive look, and open the Wifi implant! I need an anagram! Nobody will ever know, it’s the perfect plan. Selene Crub? Nah, let’s add an S onto the end, to make it Bluescreens. Ha! Revenge is ours!
Mammon: “Selene Scrub. We can tack on whatever our last name is going to be later.”
[table=green]All right!!!
What? Selene is evolving!
Say antidisestablishmentarianism to cancel.[/table]
Not gonna try at all.
[table=green]Congratulations! Through clever naming, Selene has evolved into a Lunar Fairy!Lunar Fairy:
Lunar Fairies are aspected to the moon, and excel in manipulating it's power.
Type: Special --- Rarity: DivineStatusName:SeleneRace:Lunar FairyType:Non-Combat CompanionJob:Blue Screen Interface[/table]
Mammon: “Kay… Ignoring our new emo fairy that Fortuna is strangl… cuddling to death, are you going to finally show yourself Mr. GM person?”
???: “I take it you want an explan-”
Mammon: “Like ‘I’m sorry, but some assholes blew up the embassies on the Moons, disconnecting the game’s relay to the Planet, effectively killing us’?”
???: “Well-”
Fortuna: “Or the fact that we are technically dead, and our consciousnesses are basically a hybrid digital/spiritual entity that you have inserted into a mana crystal?”
???: “How-”
Mammon: “I’m 1/64th Cherokee, while Fortuna here is 1/28th Navajo and half-Dryad to boot. We can listen to the heart of Nature.”
???: “...”
Fortuna: “Actually, you left us with the Wifi implant. Things started to get suspicious when there was no logout button, and how Selene here made a big deal when I was going to ‘die’, when this is only a game. Or was. So, we got bored and looked it up.”
Mammon: “So… Can we have our quest loots now? And we have deman… requests. Cosmetic armor slots, some sort of allowance of credits (real life money) to be used in the Pay to Win store and for entertainment, discount in the Pay to Win store, and we want the death penalty removed from us. Just revive us in the church or the last place we slept or something.”
Will they bite? I kind of hope they don’t, then we can release that big ass cache of incriminating information. Mufufufufufufufufu Then they will come crawling to us to offer more!
???: “I’ll be right back, the Beastkin Goddess will take care of the quest rewards.”
The Gullible Id… GM disappeared, and a woman took her place. A table appeared in front of her with an assortment of animal shaped clay dolls, and a dead slime. Before she could say anything, I walked up to the table and used [Absorption - Ability] on the slime. Having two in every stat is pretty overpowered, I’m a walking talking baby!
Body Division: You can now divide your body into parts.
This ability costs 90% of your Mana/Psy.
Type: Racial (Slime) --- Level: MAX
Hmmmm… How do I use this without getting spat out as a girl? That would be pretty cliche. I’ll just have Fortuna do it.
Mammon: “You use the skill now Fortuna, try to focus on pushing out only the female parts of us. Try to go along with it.”
While she does that, I start looking at the clay dolls. They are all shaped like animals, and there are two of each: Bear, Wolf, Cat, Fox, Dragon, etc. Fortuna grabbed a cat doll right away without thinking, while my eyes keep going back to the foxes. Those tails look really fluffy, I could use it as a hug pillow! *gasp!* What’s better than a hug pillow? Two hug pillows! I immediately rip the tail off the other fox doll, and attach it to the one in front of me. As an afterthought, I rip the paws off of the other cat doll, and replace the paws on my doll with them. Two hug pillows and retractable claws? Badass. Both of our dolls get absorbed into our bodies, and we both grow our respective ears and tail(s). Pretty weird feeling, but I don’t care, for I have hug pillows!
Goddess: “Clever.”
Mammon: “So… What now? Increase the time dilation so the next fifteen or so years go by in a minute or two?”
Goddess: “No, You two will age one year for every month of time that passes until you hit 15 years of age, and you will do so in a village where the people will be… encouraged to not notice.”
Mammon: “Neat. Have that GM person send us an in game mail when he gets an answer to our requests.”
---
Beastkin Village
The two babies, and a fairy were teleported three feet above the ground in front of a cabin. As they were falling, the Goddess appeared, and placed a basket under them, and knocked on the door before teleporting away.
Mammon: “Goddamnit… What’s worse than dropping a baby? Dropping two babies!”
Selene: “I don’t count?”
Mammon: “You have freaking wings! It’s not my or the Goddess’ fault that you didn’t use them… Of course Fortuna is sleeping…”
After waiting for over an hour, Mammon got out of the basket, and beat on the door himself. Still no answer, so he tried to open the door. Which was barred.
Mammon: “Welp, maybe a window? I might get a thief class skill or something.”
Mammon walked around the cabin a few times, scouting the cabin. The only open window was on the second floor. After a few seconds of thinking, his ears perked up, and tails started wagging as he flexed his fingers and claws popped out. He started stretching, and then finally started to climb up the wall to the window.
Mammon: “Best. Decision. Ever. These things are hella useful… Now that I’m half-way up, it just now came to me that I could probably pick the damn lock. Or send Selene in to unlock the door. Or find a new house. But nooooooo I had to climb up a two story building. Break into the damn house I was abandoned at, open the freaking door, drag in my sleeping dead-sister-wife, relock the door, and get back into the basket. Should make a good mystery for the village ‘Where did the babies come from?’ or ‘How did they get in?’”
Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.
Complaining the whole way, Mammon makes his way into the house, down the stairs, and unbars the door. He managed to carry in the basket, re-lock the door, and get back into the basket, just to be attacked by a hugging Fortuna. After a few minutes of trying to catch one of his tails to be used as a hug pillow, he gave up and passed out as a woman entered the cabin through the unlocked back door.
Woman: “Oh my, what do we have here?”
---
Two months later - 2 Years old
Quest: Potty Training! --- Type: Group
Success: Manage to make it to the water closet.
Failure: Shit/Piss yourself.
---
Rewards: Bowel Control, Bladder Control.
Penalties: Dirty Diapers, shame.
Mammon: “I don’t think that’s a good idea Fortuna…”
Fortuna: “But but but, I want Ki manipulation!”
Selene: “...”
She says as she strikes a familiar pose and starts straining and shouting. And manages to release her bowels into her diapers.
Mammon: “pffffffffft hahahahahahahhahaha….. Damnit…”
Selene: “That has to be the most amusing way to fail a quest I have ever seen…”
Mammon laughed so hard that he lost bladder control, and placed his failure next to Fortuna’s.
---
Three months later - Five years old Mammon PoV
Mammon and Fortuna’s adoptive Mother has them lined up in the backyard to start their physical training. There are two sets of bracelets in front of them.
Mother: “You have two choices for this: The path of agility, and the path of strength. This choice dictates the growth of your musculature. Agility will make you fast and graceful. Strength will make you stout and powerful.”
As if she wasn’t even listening, Fortuna starts forward to pick the strength bracelet. I karate chop the back of her head to prevent this.
Fortuna: “Ack! Ow! Why?”
Mammon: “At least think a little bit, this will impact the rest of our life! Why are you picking strength?”
Fortuna: “Strength is more powerful?”
Mammon: “... What weapon do you want to use?”
Fortuna: “Katana and martial arts?”
Mammon: “You want agility for those, strength will most likely break any katana you find, and martial arts are useless if you can’t dodge, or properly control your body.”
Fortuna: “But but but, I want strength!”
Shit… Her eyes are sparkling… Distracting and real facts didn’t work, so I will have to try the final tactic to avoid the Amazon route: The Truth!
Mammon: “You… We… Um…”
Crap, how do you phrase this without sounding shallow? Ask for it! That’s it! I drag her off to the side, away from Mother.
Mammon: “This is kind of embarrassing, but could you pick agility… as a wedding gift to me?”
Personal Title: [The Shallow]
Shhhh… This question will impact my love life! [Denial] activate! Oh shit, she’s blushing and holding her cheeks. Crap! That means the tail is next! Quick, dodge! Not fast enough, her tail wraps around my neck and starts choking me...
Fortuna: “...jdskhfhkjfhjkhfds” (inaudible mumbling)
I’m tapping out here! Help Mother! And she’s reading a book… You are now at the second from the bottom of my favorite people list. Right in front of that baby dropping Goddess. Wait… aren’t tails sensitive? With the last of my strength, I get her tail in my grasp and start stroking for dear life. Oi! Why am I gaining xp for [Night Service]? This is survival! Speaking of that, whenever I pet the top of her head, that skill gets xp too… Maybe it has to do with the mindset of the recipient? Shit! Why am I rambling? Stroke faster! She seems to wake up, and looks at me with pleading eyes while drooling.
Fortuna: “Dar- *pant* *pant* ling, not *pant* in front of Mother!”
Nope~ this is punishment! Wait… That just sounded really sadistic, and this will probably make her into an exhibitionest… I stop. Wait, I can do this, but not in front of mother? Impure thoughts begone! We’re five damnit! I almost stepped into Pedo territory… Fortuna collapses and looks at me with a disappointed face… Oi! Was I too late? All the better that she’s not gonna become a power-idiot, that route leads to an early death before the wedding night.
Fortuna manages to catch her breath, gets up and attaches herself to my waist.
Fortuna: “Muuuuu Mammon is mean!”
I activate [Denial], and walk over to the bracelets while dragging Fortuna. Lightbulb! I pick up an agility bracelet, get down on one knee, and put it on her wrist. And dodge! HA! Suck it tail! That has to be worth at least three levels, I defeated it in a life and death grudge match! Nothing? Damnit. I really need to stop this whole thing where I ramble in an internal monologue. I sigh to the inevitable as I get hit by a Fortuna missile. Why is her face getting closer? No! Idiot! You never go for a tackling kiss, that’s how accidents happen… Damnit, internal monologue again… Her forehead smashes into mine and knocks us both unconscious.
Selene, who is sitting on top of Mother’s head, starts laughing.
Mother: “That has to be the most awkward and hilarious thing I’ve ever seen…”
---
Five months later - 10 years old Mammon PoV
We are currently in Mother’s study, watching her as she finishes drawing a spell circle on the floor. We are getting our first magical attribute today.
Mother: “Okay, this is an attribute acquisition circle. Just walk in, place your palm on the orb, and state the attribute you want. Please be careful, and think about what attribute you want. You can only receive one attribute per ten level milestone.”
Fortuna looks lost already… Oi! Weren’t you originally a smart character? Come back my smart, adorable, shy waifu!
Mammon: “She means you get one attribute slot at birth, another at level 10, another at 20, ad infinitum.”
Fortuna: “T-Tch! S-Shut up! I knew what she meant when she said it!”
Ah, this is a new one, Tsundere Fortuna. How refreshing. I walk up to the orb, and place my hand on it. Hmmmm… What attribute should I acquire? Darkness sounds pretty assassin-y. Yeah, I should go with that.
Fortuna: “What were you going to make for lunch Mammon?”
Mammon: “Bacon?”
Shit…
[table=brown]Bacon Attribute: You are now able to conjure and manipulate anything to do with bacon.
The Bacon Goddess is pleased with your choice and grants you max affinity to this attribute.
Type: Auxiliary --- Rarity: Mythical[/table]
I WILL AVENGE YOU DARKNESS AFFINITY! I collapse, trying to hold back the tears. Mother drags me by the scruff of my neck out of the circle. Fortuna walks up to the orb and places her hand on it. And she looks lost again… I can practically see the loading icon hovering over her head…
Mammon: “What was Mother going to teach you to bake later?”
Fortuna: “Muffins! Oh…”
[table=brown]Muffin Affinity: You are now able to conjure and manipulate anything to do with Muffins.
The Muffin Goddess is pleased with your choice and grants you max affinity to this elemtent.
Your luck prevents you from accessing Blueberry Muffins.
Type: Auxiliary --- Rarity: Mythical[/table]
Nooooooooo! But I like blueberry, they’re my favorite! I feel like some entity a large distance away is silently consoling me with tear filled eyes for this tragedy. Thank you brother, I hope your endeavors will succeed unlike my failure. I absentmindedly conjure a muffin. Ooh! Chocolate chip, see? Things aren’t so bad afterall!
Why do I feel like that entity just clicked his tongue and called me a casual? Well screw him, I have… well, had a chocolate chip muffin. Fortuna looks like she acquired a new toy… Why do I even try?
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Author’s Notes: I’m too lazy to do the postscript status screen. That, and I need to find out how to do spoiler tags… Anywho the “growing up” ends next chapter Yes, Fortuna is having personality swings like a mofo. That’s because she didn’t have much of one to begin with… That, and I’m setting things up for an event in a few chapters. Besides being references, the Bacon/Muffin element will be used for a few pieces of comedy, and exploits in the future.