Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Name> = Phone/email/IM
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Charlotte’s Apartment
Hello there, welcome to Mopefest... Yep, I’m the host of Mopefest today! I was absentmindedly poking around the UI, and discovered that you can “lock in” cosplays, which enables the stat growth on level up… All this time, we went around without stats. Ugh, it hurts my brainbox just thinking about it! We only get half a point for each cosplay’s stat specialty, but since there is Midas involved too, it evens things out. We also discovered in the nine months you guys didn’t check in, that every fifty levels allows you to gain fifty points in the “manual” way. It really annoyed me when we were stuck at 50 for each stat while Sarah was shooting above us in others… The stats were “saved” in a pool, so we didn’t lose any, and they change whenever we switch cosplays.
On the home front, the whole family is pleased with the twins! They were named Jack and Charlie, thank the Goddesses… At least you can tell them apart! Charlie has a cat tail with mouse ears, while Jack has cat ears with a mouse tail! Weirdly, they aren’t Chimeras like Midas… I’m not complaining though, that would really complicate things with the throne situation if their race was found out and the people didn’t like it…
In front of me Midas is trying to figure out his third Cosplay slot. There are miscellaneous clothing pieces scattered everywhere.
Tyche: “I still think you should go for something tanky, or melee related as our vanguard needs people.”
Midas: “I can still do that with Samurai and Street Fighter! I want to blast things with magic!”
Tyche: “You don’t need a cosplay for that… How about Paladin, or Arcane Knight?”
Midas: “Nope! You’re a wizard Midas!”
He slaps a wizard’s hat on top of his head to compliment the wand he has stuck in his belt. Ugh, our vanguard position is still empty! Meh, we can always find someone else to do it… Every mode I have is geared towards damage or healing…
Incompatible Cosplay Detected!Class:WizardStat Growth:Int/WisWizards are masters of the arcane who forsake worldly desires for their quest for power and knowledge.Requirements:Virginity (lost)30 years old (not met)Basement Dwelling (none owned)
Midas: “...”
Tyche: “Pffffft! SEE HOW IT FEELS? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Midas: “STUPID! *rips off hat* “FUCKING!” *starts ripping hat to shreds* “SYSTEM!” *sets pieces on fire with fire attribute ki*
See ya later Mopefest! I have to get out of here! I haven’t laughed this hard since I pissed myself during the first potty training…
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Odin Plaza
Female: “Buying furs and skins, rabbit for 10 copper, wolf for 50! Anything else, make offer!”
Male: “Selling iron ore! Make your offer!”
The hell is up with this? Ignoring the situation, I head to a bar known for Minstrels, as it's nice to have background music while I’m working. As I enter the bar, I am greeted by music and loud groans from the listeners. I head over to my “office” which is a private booth all Minstrels get in their home bar.
♪Never gonna give you up♪
♪Never gonna let you down♪
♪Never gonna run around and desert you♪
People: *GROAN*
Male 1: “I can’t take it anymore! BLRGHGHGHGH”
Male 2: “We have to get out of here!”
Male 3: “We have to stay! If we leave, the mission fails!”
Female: “I don’t see what the issue is, this song is catchy!”
The players are here? I open up the calendar in my UI to see why I didn’t get the dozens of alerts I set up for this… Oh… I disabled them for being annoying… Tyche Rule #3: Always shift the blame! I whip out a mini tablet and call Woodhouse.
Tyche> “The players are here? Why didn’t you alert me to this!”
Woodhouse> “I will quote you directly on this Mistress ‘You don’t have to remind me about that, because I have dozens of alerts set up for this. Wouldn’t want to get annoying about it, right?’ And that’s why I didn’t tell you anything.”
Tyche> “Woodhouse, I lie and forget about things all the time, do you have it in writing or something?”
Woodhouse> “As a matter of fact, I do.” *plays audio recording*
Tyche> “... Do you record everything that I say?”
Woodhouse> “Indeed, something I learned in the Army. CYA: Cover Your Ass.”
Tyche> “Weren’t you a spy? Wouldn’t that be harmful to you?”
Woodhouse> “Blackmail is always useful Mistress.”
Ughghghghgh! He thinks he’s safe and smarter than me? Heh, silly peasant. I hang up and call Candy.
Tyche> “Mrs. Woodhouse! Woodhouse is being mean to me! He knows that I am forgetful, and then he’s being a smartass about it! Punish the infidel!”
Candy> “Right away sweetie. Watch your language dear. Sand, or throw his clothes out the window?”
Tyche> “Meh. Being mean warrants the sand, and then being a smartass about it requires the clothes. BOTH!”
Candy> “Watch your language dear. I won’t do anything until you apologise…”
Tyche> “... I’m not apologising for being me…”
Candy> “I’ll wait here then…”
Tyche> “...”
Candy> “I can literally wait here all day, my paycheck guarantees that.”
Tyche> “Ugh! Fine Moooooom! ...I’m sorry…”
Candy> “There you go sweetie. Was that so hard?”
Tyche> “...Yes… My soul is crying in pain right now…”
Candy> “Don’t be such a baby about it. I’ll be right back.”
Woodhouse> (background) “AHHH! WHHHYYYYY?!”
Candy> “That’s for being mean to our daughter! Is that all dear?”
Tyche> “Yep! Thanks Mom!”
I hang up and put the mini tablet away. Yeah, about the whole “daughter” thing, Candy can’t have kids anymore between the cancer and all of the treatments so the Woodhouses adopted Midas and I in the real world. Still don’t know how it’s legal to adopt an AI, but there are laws that allow it… My lunch arrives which is grilled rabbit haunch... Thinking on Clover and Pepper, should I even be eating this? Oh! I should probably do something to prevent the Players from destroying the ecosystem… I open up a project window and get to work. Once I finish a rough outline and roughing out the details, I email it to the company coders. Yep, I have evolved over nine months! I give the coders a rough project outline, and they do the work. I give the result a once-over and if it passes muster, I let it go live. I look down and see that I absentmindedly ate the rabbit haunch while I worked. Oops? I should probably brush my teeth before I go home, wouldn’t want the girls to be scared of me… I put the tablet away, and pick up my harp and scepter as I get up and notice a group of people in front of my table…
Male Player 1: “M-M-Magical girl!”
Male Player 2: “Moe…”
Male Player 3: “It’s Tomoe!”
Female Player: “Your eyes are broken! Tomoe has muskets while she clearly has a scepter…”
While they are arguing, I make myself invisible with illusion magic, and teleport back home. Illusion magic was the result of getting the [Shadow Attribute] from acquisition. Shadow, Light, and Darkness fused together to make illusion. I can still use each of the originals like Elemental Attribute, but I can also use their fusions too. I should probably show you guys the stats, one of you do it please. … Oh yeah, new babies for everyone… Let’s kidnap one and leave to watch the players. I use body manipulation to become child size, and look for Selene. I enter their “room” to find them being hugged by Clover and Pepper, with Frick and Frack hugging them.
Tyche: “Wanna come with me and screw with the players?”
Selene: “Please! They are unstoppable!”
Tyche: “Hold on, I got this!”
This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
I grab Artemis, Pepper, Clover, Frick and Frack and place them in a larger hamster cage. I use nature magic to fuse the lid and the top together, so they have no chances of getting out.
Selene: “Isn’t that a little… abusive?”
Tyche: “Nah, I left Mommy #2 in with them. Plus, they can’t escape this way, or get into any trouble. Also, stats please! Sarah’s too!”
StatusLevel:40Race:ChimeraClass:CosplayerHP:2810Mana/Psy:2820Ki:5090Stamina3610Tyche Luck:MAXMidas Luck:MINTycheTitles:Twin-SoulChuunibyouInheritor of MjolnirFemaleIt's a trap!Princess of ChimerasMidasTitles:Twin-SoulChuunibyouChampion of DumbassMaleIt's a trap!Prince of ChimerasPhysicalAgility:90Strength:70DefensiveConstitution:70Endurance:90MentalIntellect:70Wisdom:70OtherDexterity:70Perception:70Spirit:125AffinitiesBacon:100%Muffin:100%Spatial:100%Nature:65%Illusion:50%Elemental:50%
StatusName:SarahRace:HumanClass:MarksmanLevel:40Titles:Self-Proclaimed MaidMasochistShame GluttonFemaleHP:2010Mana:2020Ki:3090Stamina:2010PhysicalAgility:90Strength:50DefensiveConstitution:50Endurance:50MentalIntellect:50Wisdom:50OtherDexterity:90Perception:90Spirit:75Luck:16Affinities:Elemental:15%------
Before you start complaining about our growth in the last nine months, first: screw you, second: we had lots of work to do, and third: I already told you about the manual stat cap. We capped out stat growth a month in, and it took Sarah four months with the use of [Stat Growth Scrolls], they give you a double growth speed for a duration of 24 hours. Anyway, I activate [Dandere Mode], my invisibility magic, and teleport to the plaza.
Once there, I step into an alley and release the invisibility. I hit a conundrum here… Where do I put Selene? No drills, and I’m child size right now, so I can’t stuff her in my top… Ha! I take out the Frick and Frack’s fanny pack and wear that! Selene eyes it warily until I point out the plastic window on it with a privacy coating on the other side. She hops in and I close it without binding it, and walk out of the alley where I was swiftly captured. Right as I was about to lift my phaser, I notice that it’s a girl and a boy that captured me.
Female: “Kyaaaaa! She’s so adorable!”
Male: “Put it down, we can’t keep every animal you find…”
Tyche: “No/.”
Male: “Oh, a talking animal? This I have to see.”
Tyche: “Hi/.”
Male: “Hannah, you can’t kidnap a girl just because she’s adorable…”
Hannah: “But. But. But! Look Jake!” *holds up Tyche*
Jake: “Where did she take you from little one? Did she hurt you at all?”
Tyche: “Alley./” *points* “No./”
Jake: “Dammit Hannah, just because you are experiencing something other than the immersive reality, doesn’t mean that you have to grab everything…”
Immersive reality? Wow, that takes me back, at least four years back? I can barely remember outside at all since it was so boring… Wait, how do they know each other from immersive reality? I didn’t know they networked it together… So many opportunities lost! Meh, I was too drugged up to care anyway… Meh, immersive reality means they don’t have to log out! Let’s see if they will join us, Jake looks like a tank with that shield on his back…
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Minstrel Bar - Three hours later
I’m sitting on Hannah’s lap in my private booth, she is feeding me. Damnit, why can’t I resist? Stop feeding me rabbit! I can feel my stocks with Clover and Pepper plunging!
Hannah: “Say ahh~!”
Tyche: “St-” *chomp*
Hannah: “So cute~!”
Tyche: “Please st-” *chomp*
Oh, a message from the coders! I give what they sent the old once over, fix a syntax error, and find it to be what I want, so I set it to live.
The Goddess of Nature approves of your actions!
+10% Nature Affinity
Muahahahahahahaha! Monsters spawn randomly in the wild now, and animals and other creatures without self-awareness respawn! I solved the ecosystem being ruined by the players! Also, there’s some weird stuff with nature affinity involved. You have to follow hunt law when killing animals. Kill what you need, and nothing more. Harvest everything you can, leaving almost none to waste. Overhunting, wanton slaughter with no purpose can now reduce your Nature Affinity! Lower affinity means you become Nature’s enemy, where animals will hunt you down, plants will block your way or trip you, etc. As I’m reveling in the moment, I almost choke on some food stuck in my mouth. After spitting the food out, I get mad enough to break [Dandere Mode].
Tyche: “Will you stop that? Dammit, ugh! Rabbit too! Do you know how much my semi adopted rabbits will hate me for if they ever find out?”
Hannah: “...”
Jake: “And now you pissed her off! Told you so!”
Tyche: “Don’t get me started, you didn’t try to stop her either!”
Jake: “...”
Tyche: “What classes are you two anyway?”
Hannah: “Druid…”
Jake: “Paladin… Wait, I thought you were an NPC, and why did you hair change?”
Tyche: “Magic? Anyway, come with me, I have a proposition for you two…”
I leave some silver on the table of the booth, and teleport us to Charlotte’s apartment, finding Charlotte resting her feet on the back of a bikini clad Sarah on all fours. Jake freezes while Hannah covers his eyes from behind… They’re a couple, aren’t they?
Hannah: “Don’t look!”
Jake: “Why?”
Hannah: “Because she’s almost naked?”
Jake: “No, she isn’t?”
Hannah: "Stop lying, she's totally almost naked!"
Jake: “I didn’t know you were such a prude, she only has a top that is a little low cut and you make a big deal about it… She’s the freaking crown princess, she can wear what she wants…”
Hannah/Tyche: “Wait, what?”
OH! He didn’t notice Sarah… So he knows who Charlotte is, and froze because of it… Well, that’s disappointing… Hannah walks in front of Sarah’s face and bows to her.
Hannah: “I’m sorry Your Highness, please excuse my disrespect…”
Sarah: “No problem, if you really want to make it up for me, can you scratch me nose? It itches like a bastard…”
And the moment is back! Charlotte just got up and ran out of the room into the bathroom, trying not to laugh… I fall down in convulsive laughter, reverting back to my original size.
Tyche: “Pfffft! HAHAHA! That’s my Maid! The one that ran off just now was the Princess trying not to piss herself in laughter!”
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Author’s Notes: I’ve been waiting to use that wizard joke for a long time already… I was totally bored, searching for something to read on RRL, and I searched the top weekly list… Imagine how surprised I was when I saw that this is #6… To commemorate this, I used most of Tuesday making an Artist’s rendition of Dandere Tyche… “Artist” is used in the most loosest of ways… It’s like 60% my fault, 20% tablet, and 20% stylus for the blame game.
Next Chapter: Trying to get Jake and Hannah to join the party!