The climb out of the dungeons took several hours and left Nanoc and Lrac covered in dust and cobwebs. For Nanoc, riding a giant spider out of the dungeons was just another typical day as a barbarian, and he spent most of the climb sneezing loudly and chatting with the spider about life in the dungeon. For Lrac the revolutionary, who had never even left her village before being taken to the manor, the prison escape was terrifying. She shuddered and cried, she cursed and screamed, she muttered and moaned, holding tightly to Nanoc's waist until they reached the trapdoor. She had her eyes closed tightly as the spider pushed the trapdoor open and emerging into the room from which Nanoc had fallen.

The ghost he had been running from was still there. It was as surprised to Nanoc as the gnome was to see it.

"You!" Nanoc snapped, pointing at the ghost. "I’d forgotten about you! All that dust has been making me sneeze… come here! I’m going to use your floating sheets to wipe my nose!"

The gnome stepped towards the ghost, which retreated all the way to the wall before it remember that the gnome couldn’t actually hurt it. It snickered and floated forward. The spider spat a glob of web at the ghost, hitting it in the head and knocking it backward.

“Thank you!” Nanoc said, exasperated. “Can you do it again?”

The spider could and did, covering the ghost in sticky web. She had eaten a mage – or more than one mage, if she was being honest - and there was enough magic in her veins for her web to catch anything, even ghosts. The ghost tried to fly away, couldn’t, then opened its mouth and screeched out an alarm that echoed through the corridors. The sound was answered by angry yells that were muffled by doors and walls, but quickly became clearer and louder. The ghouls were coming. All of the ghouls.

Nanoc led his friends out into the corridor as the sounds got closer. A dozen ghouls appeared around a corner. They hollered eagerly when they saw the intruders.

Run,” Nanoc suggested to Lrac and the spider. “I’ll hold them here as long as I can.”

“But—” Lrac said.

“Run,” Nanoc said, louder this time. “Find Dren and Rotcel ‘Loc; they’ll help you escape.”

"They’d do that for me?”

“Of course they will! Well, probably. Maybe. I don’t know. They get distracted a lot, and they might have already left. Do you have any crowns on you? Or a book? No? Pity.”

“What?”

“I mean… you’ll be fine. Go!” Nanoc said. “Go!”

“I—”

The spider grabbed Lrac in her black pincers and climbed the walls towards the nearest window. They were gone before the first gibbering ghoul reached Nanoc. The ghoul eyed Nanoc nervously. News of the gnome had spread through the manor. Nanoc smiled; the ghoul retreated, unwilling to face a barbarian, even a short one. The other ghouls slowed their attack, forming a clump of dirty bodies. None of them wanted to make the first move. They didn’t need to, either. Their noise had drawn the attention of the vampire’s newest and largest pet. The corridor filled with the smell of musty death as a massive maggot made of bones dragged itself toward Nanoc.

“How… dare… deft…. my master,” the beast whispered in a familiar voice. “I… shall…. DESTROY YOU! I… will… OH, NO!”

“Oh, hello again,” Nanoc said, facing off against the possessed pile of bones that was taking a familiar shape. “Do you remember me, then? Good. Or… baaaa’d for you, I suppose. You were jelly last time. Is this an upgrade?”

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

“How… can… this BE! I… was… BANISHED!” the beast roared. “My… soul… drifted… THROUGH THE ABYSS! For… TEN THOUSAND ETERNITIES!”

“It’s only been a few weeks for me since we left Mary’s farm, you know. How was the abyss? Fun?” Nanoc asked.

“It… was… TERRIBLE!”

“Oh? That’s surprising, I’d only HEARD GOOD THINGS about it, you know?” Nanoc said with a mischievous smile.

The beast of bones glared at Nanoc with glowing blue eyes. It pawed the ground, slivers of bone breaking off of its many feet.

“At last… I… was recalled… to serve… I… was SUMMONED! I will not… LOSE THIS TIME!”

“Yeah, you will!”

“I… will… NOT!”

“Will too!”

The pile of animated bones thrashed wildly, sending bits of femur flying through the air. It roared in fury, it huffed and puffed, it cursed and threatened. It didn’t attack, though. Like the ghouls, it was wary of the gnome. Yet Nanoc was not feeling overly confident that he could win the fight against it, either. The gnome had the wall of ghouls on one side, and the beast of possessed bones on the other. If they rushed him fast enough, he would end up like the gnomish filling in the world’s grossest sandwich. It was an impasse.

“Ah, well, this is most interesting,” the vampire said from right behind Nanoc. The gnome jumped and spun – but the vampire was already gone. There was a movement in the air, a body passing by. Nanoc spun in a circle but saw nothing.

“I know why the ghouls hesitate,” the vampire whispered right into Nanoc’s ear. “But why does my new pet not grind your bones to add to its body, hmm? Why the lackluster display of hunger?”

That last question was directed at the beast of possessed bones, which turned its head away, unable to look at its master.

“Oh, we’ve run into each other before,” Nanoc said cheerfully. “Your pet came to regret meeting me, I think. I have that effect on monsters… and people, too.”

“You two know each other, then?” the vampire asked, turning to glare at his pet. “Mmm, and what an interesting story that must be. Kill the gnome.”

“I… will… KILL YOU!” the beast of bones roared. “I shall… rip your HEAD OFF AND—”

The beast charged forward, but it was slow and clumsy and not, in truth, all that keen on actually hitting the gnome. Nanoc jumped to one side and the beast barreled in the ghouls, tossing them aside.

“Too slow, too slow,” the vampire muttered from behind Nanoc. “It’s so hard to get evil help these days, you know? I was really hoping for a bit more of a show. Ah, well, so it goes.”

He placed a hand on Nanoc’s shoulder and turned the gnome around. Nanoc raised a fist, but there was nothing he could do. The vampire picked the gnome up and slammed him against the wall, knocking the air out of his lungs with a whoooof.

“You reek of spider,” the vampire hissed. “Did you slay my little plaything?”

“Yes,” Nanoc lied. The vampire wouldn’t chase the beast if he thought it was dead. “The spider ate my friend, so I killed her. That’s what happened. Totally.”

It was not a particularly convincing lie, but it was a lot more likely than what had actually happened in the darkness below the manor.

“How competent you must be, gnome,” the vampire said thoughtfully. “You kill my pet venomous spider, you sneak out of my dungeons, and you even intimidate what was meant to be a fearless and unfeeling beast from the depths of Hell itself.”

The vampire glared at the beast of bones, which rustled its many femurs in shame.

“Oh, they don’t have beasts like that in Hell,” Nanoc said. “Only demons. And these eye creatures that bounce and—”

The vampire slammed him against the wall again.

“I could use a gnome of your ability,” he whispered into Nanoc’s ear. “Power, wealth, control over the other gnomes. All you would have to do is beg for your life, beg to let me be your master, beg—"

“Can we discuss this over dinner?” Nanoc asked. “I’m getting pretty hungry.”

“Beg, gnome,” the vampire continued, ignoring him. “Beg to join me, to serve me. I have dreams that go beyond this village, gnome. Together, we could—"

Nanoc’s stomach rumbled so loudly that the vampire stopped, amazed. A few ghouls snickered behind his back as Nanoc’s belly roared out for pie.

“Did you say something about food?” he asked.

“Do not disrespect me, gnome. I can kill you,” the vampire hissed. “I can snap your neck in an instant.”

“Yeah? Well, that still sounds way more fun than this conversation,” Nanoc said.

“What?” the vampire shouted. “How dare you!”

He leaned towards Nanoc, who headbutted the evil lord right in the nose, using all his powers and abilities to land one final attack that flattened the vampire’s nose. The vampire screamed.

Nanoc felt his neck snap. There was pain. The world went dark.

Nanoc had DIED TRYING.

Luckily for him, death wasn’t going to be all permanent.