2. THE BAAAD GUYS
A two-headed ram burst from the grass beside Dren. The beast had purple tentacles bursting from its eye sockets, and it wrapped them around Dren’s neck, strangling him. Rotcel was already moving, a knife in her hand. She cut through the tentacles as Nanoc slammed his club on the beast’s head with a thwack between its eyes. The beast stumbled, then burst into a cloud of purple smoke which quickly dispersed. Rotcel ‘Loc glanced around nervously but saw no other danger.
“How did that thing get so close before we saw it?” Nanoc asked, truly surprised.
“Do you know, it was clearly a magical beast, so perhaps it teleported in?” Dren suggested. “Yes, I think that must be the case.”
Rotcel ‘Loc rolled her eyes so hard that they nearly flew out of her head. A herd of elephants playing bagpipes could have snuck up on Nanoc and Dren. Rotcel had served with many heroes during her years with the Guild, but she had never met a pair with such a tendency to get distracted. Nanoc and Dren were going to get themselves killed, and worse still, they might take her with them.
“I think I’ll just go on ahead alone,” the lizardling suggested. “I—”
A trio of possessed sheep burst from the long grasses. All three had purple tentacles growing from their bodies and mad red eyes. They raised themselves up on their back legs, waving their front hoofs wildly. Their leader was a ram with several sets of horns growing out of his head and body. The possessed sheep smelt like magic and wet manure. They let out a chorus of baaas and charged Nanoc and his friends. Rotcel ‘Loc stepped back behind Nanoc, drawing a small throwing knife in each of her hands.
“Leave them to me!” Nanoc shouted.
He pointed at the ram and used his trip hazard skill, shooting banana peels from his fingers. The ram stood on one of the magical peels and its hoof slipped sideways, sending the whole beast flying through the air to land with a thump. The other two sheep charged at Nanoc but they were too clumsy and he and Rotcel ‘Loc easily stepped aside to let them stumble pass. The sheep turned back, grunting in annoyance. The ram was getting back to its feet, murder in its eyes. Steam was rising from its nostrils and specks of blood were oozing down its face. Nanoc now had enemies both in front and behind him.
“I’ll take the big one first!” Nanoc shouted, charging at the ram. “You two just keep the others busy!”
The little gnome threw himself in the air and activated his incredible strength skill, using his shoulder to strike the far larger ram. The ram stumbled back, shaken by the ferocity of the gnome’s attack. Nobody expected a gnome to hit so hard… or at all.
“Baa-baa?” the ram asked, its red eyes crossing in pain and confusion.
“Baaaa-d sheep,” Nanoc agreed.
He swung the boot of his club right into the beast’s gaping mouth. The ram roared and lashed out with a front hoof which caught Nanoc on the shoulder. The gnome spun with the blow, but it had only been a glancing hit. He raised his club again, smiled, and threw himself at the ram. The beast cuffed the gnome across the face, and Nanoc returned the favor with a kick to the creature’s leg.
Behind the gnome, Rotcel ‘Loc and Dren were facing the other two possessed sheep. The creatures were both smaller and slower than the ram that led them, but they were still dangerous. Rotcel ‘Loc darted at them, stabbing and retreating before they could react. She was struggling to cut through the sheep’s thick wool, and she didn’t want to get too close to the beasts lest they got close enough to tackle her to the ground, where their weight would win the fight. They fought back and forth in this way, the lizardling stabbing, the sheep punching and charging far too slowly to be any danger. Dren stood off to one side, watching the fight with great interest.
“Dren! Help me!” Rotcel ‘Loc shouted.
“What? Yes, of course, let me just take a few notes—”
One of the sheep, which was far smarter than the rest of its herd, realized that Dren was an easy target. It stepped towards the scholar, deciding he would be a far easier target than the nimble lizardling, and licked its lips in anticipation of a meal.
“Watch out, Dren!” Rotcel ‘Loc warned.
“These beasts are fascinating, you know,” Dren said, writing a note in his book. “If they are now carnivores, as they appear to be, then surely—"
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
“DREN!”
The elf looked up from his notebook as if only just realizing that they were under attack. The possessed sheep locked its eyes onto his, and snickered.
“Oh, right,” Dren said. “It seems some kind of defensive magic is called for, then. Let me check my book of spells to see what would be most appropriate for this situation, let me use… no, not that. Wait, wait—”
Dren was backing up, flicking through a book of spells as the possessed sheep approached. Each page was covered in his small, neat writing with only the occasional diagram to give any white space. His fingers searched through the pages quickly, looking for the perfect spell.
The sheep charged forward as Dren finally made his choice.
“LLihpu’s Antigravity!” Dren muttered, pointing at the sheep.
The sheep was pulled upwards into the sky with a distressed baaaa. Within seconds it was only a tiny black speck in the sky, and then it was nothing at all. Rotcel ‘Loc used the distraction of the flying sheep to get behind her own enemy and cut right through its neck. The sheep collapsed and its body melted into purple smoke. Rotcel and Dren turned to where Nanoc was still fighting the possessed ram.
“Should we help?” Rotcel ‘Loc asked.
“No, let him have his fun. You know how he gets if he hasn’t fought anything in a while.”
“Yeah. Grumpy.”
“Grumpy,” Dren agreed.
They watched as the tiny gnome smashed his club into the side of the far larger ram, almost knocking it over. The ram lowered its head and charged the gnome, but Nanoc simply stepped aside with a laugh.
“Come on, you can baaaa-rely even hit me,” Nanoc taunted the beast.
His taunt skill was new, but it worked well enough. The ram charged at Nanoc again, but this time the gnome charged right back, jumping into the air and hitting the ram right between its horns. The ram fell onto its back, defeated. Nanoc put a foot on its neck and placed his club against its head as if about to play golf.
“You will DIEEEE!” the ram hissed at him. “You will DIEEEE!”
“Yeah,” Nanoc agreed. “But not because of you.”
He slammed the boot of his club into the creature’s head with a dramatic thunk. The evil creature’s body turned purple and melted into a puddle, releasing a ghostly apparition that screamed ‘YOU WILL DIEEEE!’ as it faded away. The trio of adventurers stared at the puddle; they’d killed a lot of monsters, but none of them had ever liquified before. Nanoc frowned, his forehead crinkling in deep thought.
“What about mulberries, Dren?”
“Not berries. Watermelon, on the other hand—”
“No! But they’re huge!”
“Did you know, form matters more to classification than size? All melons are considered berries, as are squashes.”
“Squashes are berries?” Rotcel ‘Loc said, shaking her head. “You’re just full of useless information, Dren.”
“Thanks,” Dren said, smiling sincerely.
Behind him, the sheep that Dren had shot into the sky fell like a bomb, hitting the ground with a splat. Not even Nanoc suggested eating what was left, although the pain in his stomach was starting to get to him.
“Did you get hurt, Nanoc?” Rotcel ‘Loc asked.
“Ah… barely a scratch,” Nanoc said, as blood dripped out his left ear.
“Well… check your health, anyway.”
Nanoc shrugged, but closed his eyes and took a deep breath, holding it in until his soul sheet appeared before his eyes to reveal his class and level. Mortal levels and classes were governed by a complex system designed by Artefact, fourteenth-born of the first generation, god of mechanisms and unnecessary complication. The system had been voted in at the start of the Age of Legends with an unusual level of support from the pantheon, for the gods like the games to be fair, or at least only unfair in a way that benefited themselves.
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NANOC THE GNOME
Health: 12/16
BARBARIAN| Level 7
Skills: Hand-to-hand combat, drinking, shouting, singing badly, identify enemy, makeshift weaponry, looking great when sweaty, good with knives, taunt.
Abilities: Berserk! (2 uses per day), incredible strength (5 uses per day), retribution (2 uses per day), trip hazard (every hour)
CLERK| Level 9
Skills: Paperwork, filing, taking notes, counting, boring stuff.
Abilities: Speed reading (50 per day), finding folders (10 per day), avoiding the blame (1 per day)
ATTRIBUTES: Currently hidden
QUESTS: Find the lost pieces of the goddess Chaos or DIE TRYING!
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“Hey! You three!”
Nanoc’s reading was interrupted by a yell from the farmhouse’s front door, which had opened a crack. An old farmer stuck his head out.
“Are you here about the lamb?” the farmer demanded.
“I hope so,” Nanoc said, “I’m famished. Those strawberries barely touched my sides.”
“No!” the farmer said, annoyed. “Not to eat it, to battle it, to defeat the beastly thing! Are there only three of you? Did you at least bring heavy armor?”
Nanoc frowned. He’d grown up in a city, but even he knew that lambs were not normally dangerous.
The farmer sighed and opened the door.
“You’d better come in, then,” he said. “We’ve got a real problem.”