Nanoc woke up in a spider's web, five feet above the ground, his body bound in thick white strands of silk. The trap he had fallen into had brought him down through the manor, past the crypts where the ghouls slept, down past the wine cellars and treasure vaults, down past the bones of ancient lizards, and into the caves where the vampire kept his least appetizing prisoners. It was dark, down in the depths of the world. Formation, fourth born of the first generation of gods, god of earth and stillness, ruled beneath the world. It was often claimed by bards that Form had fallen out with his mother, the Sun, and had banned her from his territory beneath the world. Actually, this was entirely untrue – the Sun loved her son, but was allergic to his pet dwarves and so tended not to visit, leaving Nanoc without her warm light.
The only light was from a single torch hanging on the wall to one side. Thick sheets of stick web hung from the roof overhead, turning the dungeon into a maze. Dozens of bodies were hanging in the web – well, bits of bodies, anyway. Elves, humans, dwarves, gnomes, and even the odd ghoul had met their fate below the manor.
"You shouldn't have come to rescue me," said a quiet voice from Nanoc's side.
He glanced over – Lrac, the gnome revolutionary, was hanging upside down in the web beside him. Her face was turning bright red from the blood rushing down to it, but otherwise she was healthy, if a little morose.
"I'll cut myself out of the web in a moment," Nanoc said, wriggling about. "But… its a bit breezy in here, isn’t it?"
"The ghouls came down to strip away your weapons," Larc said. She was pointedly looking up at the ceiling. "They took your pants, too.”
"Ah. That's a pity."
"Typical cruelty from the ruling classes," she muttered. "Taking away a gnome's dignity."
"Dignity is over-rated," Nanoc said. "But I had a knife in those pants that I was planning on using."
He struggled some more, but all that happened was the web wound tighter around him. He noticed that while the ghouls had taken his weapons and clothes, they had left him the banana of mayhem, which hung beside him in the web. Ghouls don't like fruit.
"We'll die down here," Lrac continued sadly. "The vampire seldom visits, and if he does, it will only be to feed. You should have stayed away."
Nanoc chuckled. "I've survived worse than this. One time Dren accidently turned us all into cakes. Fruit cakes. We were right next to a family of mutant baboons at the time, too. That was a real mess. And then there was the thing with the land fish. We were lucky to get out of there alive. I—"
"But you survived that," Lrac interrupted him. "And you were with your friends, too. That makes all the difference. We're alone down here."
"Then we'll just have to make new friends. But first, I need a way to get out of here!"
The ghouls had not taken the Banana of Mayhem, which was stuck beside Nanoc's head. He stared at it expectantly. It did nothing.
"Well?" he said. "Don't you think it's time to cheat a little bit?"
Lrac shook her head, sure that Nanoc was already going mad. The banana considered his request, then gave a little buzz.
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You have one new skill point!
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"Ah!" Nanoc said, triumphantly. "I've just gained a skill point!"
"I don't see how that will help."
Nanoc paused for a moment. He also couldn't see how it would help, but the banana must have given it to him for a reason. What could it be? He checked his stats, and there it was, the solution to all his problems: his good with knives skill.
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Good with knives
Upgrade now and get a new set of steak knives!
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"I wonder…" Nanoc said. "No, surely it can't be that easy?"
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He would have to try. Desperate times called for desperate measures. He put his skill point into good with knives.
A set of steak knives materialized beside him and dropped into the net right beside his free hand. The knives were cheap and shiny but made of poor steal and quick to lose their edge. Never-the-less, they were good enough to cut him free.
"What?" Larc, shocked. "How did you—"
She gasped as Nanoc cut the web that was holding her up, and she dropped to the ground. They stood side by side in the gloom, rubbing their arms where the web had cut into the flesh. They did not have long to rest – there was a chittering sound from the darkness, and the webs around them bounced and swayed.
"Oh, gods," Lrac moaned. "Is this going to be another foul beast?"
"Don’t be so pessimistic,” Nanoc told her. “Remember how you said you didn’t want to die alone? This might be your chance to make a new friend.”
But the spider that emerged from the darkness did not look very friendly. Her body was rigid and black, her head was all bulging eyes and long fangs. She crept forward slowly, eyeing the gnomes in surprise. Nobody had ever escaped her webs before, and it was unsure what to do next. She stepped forward, readying itself for a charge.
“Wait!” Nanoc commanded, his voice booming with such authority that the arachnid froze. “Aren’t spiders meant to have eight legs?”
The beast paused, regarding the gnome with ten black eyes. Nanoc’s clerk skills had helped him again: most barbarians can’t count to eight. The giant spider had only seven legs, two of which were little more than stumps. The beast still managed to climb through her web with impressive agility. Yet the spider looked quite unbalanced, her missing limbs ugly and obvious.
“What happened to you?” Nanoc asked with concern.
The spider gave a little shrug, bobbing in the web, and hid her head under one claw. The creature’s black skin turned a little red. There were white scars on her back, and now that she was closer, Nanoc could see that a couple of her eyes were puffy and swollen from crying.
“No, no, don’t be embarrassed, you poor thing,” Nanoc told the spider soothingly. “Seven is a good number, a divine number. Instinct was the seventh god of the first generation, was he not? And you seem to be one of his creations. Am I right? You’re a good girl.”
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Charisma check: Charm animal
Successful!
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The spider nodded, slightly mollified. The pincers of her mouth opened and closed a few times uncertainly.
“You would be terrifying with only four legs, you magnificent beast,” Nanoc purred to her. “Larc, have you seen this spider? She’s beautiful.”
“Don’t talk to it like that! Kill it! It’s going to drain our blood and lay its eggs in our brains!” Larc shouted at Nanoc.
“No, she won’t—” Nanoc said, but then glanced back at the dead bodies wrapped in the webs around them. Their skulls did look somewhat exploded. He turned to the spider again. “Wait, is that what you were going to do?”
The spider shook her head slightly, gesturing at the gnome’s neck with one leg then waving a claw from side to side in clear denial.
“Exactly,” Nanoc said happily. “I bet the vampire is the only one allowed to drain our blood, right?”
The spider nodded.
“I bet the spider only lays her eggs in our brains once we’re dead,” Nanoc said triumphantly.
The spider froze for a moment, thinking, then nodded again in a totally unconvincing manner. It had never occurred to her to wait until her victims were dead.
“That’s not vicious, then, that’s basically just recycling,” Nanoc continued. “You’re just helping the circle of life, right? What a good girl. Lrac, you were looking for a friend, and here we are!”
The spider and the gnome revolutionary stared at each other, unconvinced that this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
“And what is that thing around you?” Nanoc asked, disgusted.
There was a thick chain around the spider’s abdomen, pinching it. The spider touched it with one long leg dejectedly, and her whole body seemed to shrink down in sorrow.
“Kill it!” Lrac hissed to Nanoc. “Kill it now, before its too late!”
“Look at her chains,” Nanoc said, shaking his head. “I thought revolutionaries like you wanted to free the slaves.”
“Well… yeah, the gnomish slaves, sure,” Lrac said awkwardly. And other humanoid races, but this thing is all claws and chitin and its—"
She stopped, aware that Nanoc and the spider were glaring at her. Lrac was scared of the spider, but the fires that burnt in her tiny revolutionary heart were the fires of Chaos, who had loved all mortals regardless of their number of legs, and who hated all chains regardless of their justification. There was a moment when revolutionary thoughts fought against what the gnome had always considered to be careful common sense; Chaos won, of course.
“Sorry,” Lrac muttered. “I was having a stupid moment. Let me help you get these chains off.”
The chains were rusty. Lrac helped Nanoc use a pair of ancient femurs to pry a link open until the metal snapped. The spider sighed, shaking herself with joy. She bounced in a circle, she leaped up and down. Then she turned towards Nanoc and hissed at him, her fangs open. Lrac nearly fainted, but Nanoc stood his ground. He could see how the chain had rubbed the spider’s skin raw. He could feel the anger coursing through the beast’s book lungs. She hissed again, fires in her eyes. She wasn’t after food – she wanted revenge.
“Yeah, I’d feel that way, too,” Nanoc said. “Off you go, then, and have fun!”
The spider shook its head, pointing at Nanoc and Lrac, then pointing upwards. She did a little dance, a pantomime of climbing.
“You want us to come with you?” Nanoc said. “Back up the trap door?”
The spider nodded.“On… you?”
The spider nodded again.
“Well then… yeehaaa!”