18. JOINING THE GUILD

Pord the dwarven blocker had been body-slammed by GLUP! and embedded in the mud like a toy soldier pushed into soft cookie dough. He wasn’t dead, though, because his shield bearer class was extremely strong against physical attacks. He strained and cursed but couldn’t free himself. Nanoc bent over and grabbed him by the front of his armor.

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Strength check: Successful!

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Pord flew out of the ground and right into a tree with a thud. He fell back, concussed, sitting on the ground. He grabbed his head and muttered a curse. The concussion wouldn’t be a problem: shield bearers were incredibly tough, which is why the Guild loved them. They had little in the way of defenses against poison, though, and poisons on GLUP!’s skin had worked their way into Pord’s system.

“I feel…” the dwarf said, then vomited bright green goo over himself and fell over.

Nanoc knelt beside him. Having nearly died himself, Nanoc felt sorry for the hero. None of the other heroes seemed inclined to help their fallen party member. Rotcel ‘Loc was staring glumly at the rain, the other heroes were on guard, and Rellik and Nial Liv had gone back to peering at their map.

Nanoc shook his head. “I can’t help you,” he said.

His new class had no skills in healing, not even first aid.

“Leave him alone, gnome,” Rellik snapped, looking up from his map. “He’ll be fine. We’re paying him to take the big hits.”

“Sure… but is he meant to be turning purple?” Nanoc asked.

The fallen hero was white-faced and breathing far too quickly. Bright purple spots were appearing on his ears and quickly spreading.

“Ah,” Dren said, nodding with professional interest. “He’s been affected by quite a powerful toxin, I should think. Probably from the toad’s skin. Pord, would you describe the sensation as a burning or more sort of pinpricks? The people who read my journals will be most interested to know.”

Pord groaned and closed his eyes. Nanoc bent over the blocker to wipe some of the mud off his face, but Rellik put a massive hand on Nanoc’s shoulder, crushing it a little.

“Are you a healer, gnome?” she hissed. “Have you spells, or potions, or similar?”

“I— no, I can make no such claim.”

“Then get out of the way!”

She shoved Nanoc away, then bent over Pord, muttering a quiet spell of some kind. Whatever she was trying, it did nothing to help.

“Did you know,” Dren said cheerfully, “That bane toads are an invasive species? It’s a really interesting story. They were originally from the jungles of Uno, the first continent, but were brought to Sept in a misguided attempt to introduce predators for the local vampire bat population—”

His attempt at education was interrupted as whatever Rellik was trying to do backfired, and the purple dots on Pord’s skin turned black. His helmet, with the words ‘Deaths Fisst’ written across it, was starting to corrode. The dwarf looked quite ill.

“I need… an antidote!” Pord begged. “Please!”

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Healer classes were rare amongst members of the Hero’s Guild, and most senior heroes carried several potions of antidote and healing. Nail Liv had several, but hated to part with them. They were expensive.

“You! Mage!” Nial Liv called out to Dren. “Help him!”

“Do you know, I’m not sure that my skills are what we really need—” Dren protested.

“Just do it!”

Dren knelt down beside the fallen hero. The field scholar drew a pen from his robes and carefully corrected the spelling on the man’s helmet so that it read “Death’s Fist.”

“That’s much better. The apostrophe shows possession, you see,” he explained as the dwarf screamed.

“I meant for you to heal him!” Nail Liv shouted.

“Oh. No, I don’t know how to do that,” Dren explained. “You’ll probably need a cleric or priest class for that…. although I assume you are carrying an antidote?”

Nial Liv sighed and drew a potion from his pocket. He held in his hand but didn’t hand to Pord.

“Ahhhrrrhhghg?” Pord gurgled, reaching for the potion.

“These potions cost an arm and a leg,” Nial Liv complained to Rellik. “I don’t want to waste one on this pathetic excuse for a blocker. He was meant to protect us, not get taken down by the first toad he sees.”

“He can hear you,” Nonac said, annoyed. “He’s not dead.”

“He’s nearly dead,” Dren added helpfully. “It really won’t be long now.”

“We need him,” Rellik hissed. “We’ve already lost one blocker, so we can’t let him die—”

“Exactly!” Nonac proclaimed.

“—yet,” Rellik continued. “We need him to distract the necromancer. You know how powerful their spells can be, and I’m not risking my own skin.”

Nanoc wondered what had happened to the third blocker, the one now missing. Eaten by a toad, perhaps? Or fled? Either seemed likely.

“I hate working with these low-level amateurs,” Nial Liv complained, ignoring Pord. “Remind me why we bother with them?”

“They’re cheap, and nobody cares if they don’t make it back. Look, we need him. Let’s just get on with this before another party beats us to the necromancer,” Rellik said.

“Fine!”

Nial Liv poured the potion into Pord’s open mouth. The shieldbearer sighed with relief, then frowned, then screamed and passed out. The spots on his face began to pulse worryingly.

“This poison is too strong for the potion,” Rellik said.

“Obviously,” Nial Liv snapped.

“I have an idea,” Dren said, pushing past the heroes. “Here, let’s try… Ereht Teh’s teleport!”

Pord’s body flashed blue, and then he was gone. Dren turned around a broad smile on his face. It was met with a series of stony glares from the heroes.

“What have you done?” Rellik demanded.,

“I sent him back to the Guild hall you came from,” Dren said. “It was a major spell, but its worth it. He can be healed there.”

“What?” Nial Liv shouted, turning on the elf. The archer’s face was blotchy and red from anger, and he spat out droplets of pure rage as he screamed. “Why?”

“Do you know, I saved his life. Why are you so angry?” Dren asked, backing away.

“Guild rules state that a party of heroes expecting to face a powerful enemy must do so with the approved three, five or seven members,” Nanoc said, drawing on his experience with the Guild. “It’s a stupid rule, but you know how the empire is. If you’d let Pord die, they could have claimed he’d been killed by the necromancer, but now the Guild knows they’re a hero down and ineligible to continue.”

“We can’t turn back now,” Rellik was saying. “Another group will get to the prize first and win the reward—”

“But the Guild rules—”

“We could just kill another person,” Rellik said thoughtfully, drawing a knife. “We can change the party registration to five people when we get back at the Guild. Problem solved.”

“You can’t fix every problem with murder and fraud,” Nial Liv said with a wicked smile.

“Can.”

“The guild rules are right, damn them, we do need more bodies to face the necromancer, or we risk our own lives,” Nial Liv said. “Gnome! Elf! You are going to be our new blockers. Get over here so I can register you!”

Rellik sighed, disappointed, and put her knife away.

“Elf, you are going to take us to this tower,” Nial Liv announced. “How good are you at resisting powerful death magic? The type to kill a man with a single touch?”

“Um… not very?”

“That will do. And gnome, you can join us, too. You are going to stand between me and the necromancer. Got it?”

“Absolutely not,” Nanoc said. “There is no way I’m joining the Guild, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to change my mind.”

Rellik drew her axe and placed the blade against Dren’s neck. She slid the blade just far enough to draw a bead of blood. The elf blinked, then glanced at Nanoc for help. Rellik grinned at Nanoc.

“Except that,” Nanoc conceded. “Fine. Now, did someone say something about paperwork? Pass it here, then, we may as well do this properly.”