Honestly I feel really insecure hitting the "comedy" checkbox in this thing's novel tags. 'So you think this is a comedy, eh? How brave...' There's just something that feels so stick-up-the-bum about that. It's way more subjective than those other tags, like if you've made a western or there's a cat or it's a western with a cat boss in it. But sadly there weren't any boxes to check that felt more appropriate. So comedy it is.
Why oh why wasn't there a 'trash' tag to pick?!
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Trashie the sentient trash bag sighed. If only his creator-
..Okay okay, fine, we're not doing that.
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Whenever Tofu was at a loss of what to do, he always had an easy fallback: He would do some dadding.
And so it happened on this windy weekend, that he brought his kids to the amusement park.
And someone else too, to keep things from being too stale.
"Tofu, there's seriously no way I'll fit on any of the rides." She blushed, proving she's still the #1 girl in the ranking even despite Buzzer's.. you know.
"That's alright Nicole. You can enjoy things viddletarily."
"You mean vicariously?"
"That too."
The A-1 Steaksauce District or whatever they lived in, continued to rise to everyone's expectations of disappointment and crapitude. None of the rides went above eight feet above the ground. Supposedly this was for safety reasons, since there were constant superhero battles going on and anything big enough to be any fun would be 'asking for it.'
It really seemed like a hollow excuse to be cheap and crappy. The entrance fee sure wasn't cheap, I'll tell you that much.
Despite how lame the park was, the dumb kids seemed to enjoy it. Probably because they were a couple of dumb kids.
The spinning puke-a-tron was firing on full horsepower, though. No matter how lame a park might be, they always made sure that nightmarish torture device went fast. Both of the kids had to hurl afterward, which Tofu made sure to clean up.
Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.
"Hey Nicole, there's a ride you can go on!" Tofu pointed out excitedly.
It was some kind of large grey platform, like a lift. The only restraints seemed to be some open railings. A big yellow and blue sign proudly proclaimed "Mayor's Fatso Affirmative Action Ride."
"... did they have to name it that?"
"Of course they did, or else people wouldn't know what it was. C'mon, let's go!"
The ride for fatsos wasn't terribly exciting. The four of them stood on the platform. It buckled a little when Nicole stepped on it, but it was built for such reckless abuse. It strained and made horrible screeching noises as it traveled around its little loop, going up and down around three feet at very low speeds. Nicole muttered a "thank god" when it came to a stop.
At least there wasn't a line they had to wait in.
The day did manage to reinforce Nicole's belief that going outside was always a mistake. When one of the kids mentioned 'it is unethical to leave one's room', she thought he kind of had a point. Even if the gibberish surrounding it was clearly nonsense.
At least this shithole had doughnuts. Plain, sugar-free doughnuts. But at least they were better than the rides.
Throughout the day, Tofu had to listen to Brainless regurgitate quotes and dogma from some 'Mr.Beard'. It was mildly concerning it seemed that the daycare was run by a cult, but honestly Tofu'd rather have him regurgitate that sandwich he was eating instead.
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Trashie the sentient trash bag sighed. If only his creator had seen fit to give him arms and legs. Or to build him out of flesh that wasn't sawdust.
Nothing more dangerous or evil than a lazy mad scientist. That's for sure.
While bumbling around town, he found himself trapped in a very awful theme park for a few months. In that time, he saw a group of people who actually seemed to matter a little compared to the rift-raft that populated the town normally. A fat scorpion girl, a teenager that was obviously a sociopath, and a couple o' brats. It was then he understood the underlying ludo-narrative of his subjective universe. He now had some purpose.
He could murder them all and become a real protagonist.