Tofu was skulking around the base with a scalpel in hand. Just a perfectly ordinary day at the 'ole base. Yep.

Then it had to be totally ruined by that jerk Imp trying to make him do stuff.

"Hey Tofu, I need you to walk Zapps today. Dude's getting really antsy, you know how he is."

Tofu totally knew how he is. And would rather turn his hand into a hamburger again than have to spend a single minute with the guy.

"Ah, sorry Imp, I'm busy. I need to perform some unnecessary surgery with Socket as soon as I can find the patient."

"Don't give me that crap. You've been slacking off all week. Just walk the dog, kid."

Tofu could only frown, as Imp put the leash into his hand. Our Tofu was getting better at expressing human emotion every day.

"Zip zap, here comes the star of the show baby!"

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Keeping up with Zapps was a huge waste of energy at first. The guy would run to look up a tree, then he'd run over to the edge of the street to peer into a storm drain, then run over to pee on a fire hydrant.

Then Tofu had the excellent idea of transforming his hand into an elongated tether and let the guy run around on his own. He'd tire out.... eventually... in about eighteen hours...

"Hi Tofu," a blue claw from a storm drain waved.

This was Nicole's cousin from a parallel dimension, Lobstergirl. Bet you didn't know that, huh.

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

"Sorry, Lori. The author said we're not doing OC's because nobody ever likes them. Says they were a bad idea from the start. 'Superboy, Supergirl, Krypto, Super Shaq, Uncle Jessie... all Super Lame. For fuck's sake, at least make up a new planet and some new powers.' were his exact words."

"Aw. Try to sneak in some people food for me sometime, I'm tired of eating rats all the time."

"Will do."

By will-do, he means that he misinterpreted 'people food' to mean food that is made out of people, as opposed to the kind of food people eat. I bet you've been on this ride long enough to know that already, but I felt I had to mention it for our friends who aren't quite on the trolley yet.

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After a suitable time lapse, Tofu and Zapps found a good vibe as they strutted down the street with a similar rhythm.

"Zippy," Zapps points, and a bird dies.

"Zappy," and another bird dies.

Tofu was carrying about six pigeons currently, nibbling them down from the head.

There's only three types of people in the world: those who eat their food head first, those who eat their food tail first, and absolute savages who do neither.

Tofu was a very heads-first kind of guy when it came to birds. This was turning out way more pleasant than he expected it to be.

Suddenly, he saw someone who almost made him drop his pigeons.

And Buzzer noticed Tofu in return. "Oh shit."