Tedic found himself sitting in horny jail on account of committing the crime of being too horny. He felt it was entirely unfair: if there is a tail in front of you, you must grab it. That's like an ironclad law of the universe!

Sigh. So all he could do is sit around being too horny. He tried fondling a bit of the stone in the wall, but it just wasn't the same.

If Tedic had one regret, it was that he had standards. He couldn't just work himself to be horny about just anything. He wasn't like his hero, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Now there was a guy who could impregnate a chair, a door, and three windows before lunchtime.

That gave Tedic a thought: could he perhaps be horny about lunch?

... the answer is no. And not from any lack of trying.

Suddenly, one of the warehouse foremen appeared beyond the bars. "Hey kid, we had a sudden vacancy in the Box Shuffler Squad. You want out of here?"

....

Tedic really didn't want to go.

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The Box Shuffler Squad. In a universe that had a proper god who cared, this would be a warehouse where goods came to be dropped off and picked up for distribution. In this dead zombie universe, however, it was just a giant stupid room where people moved boxes back and forth for no reason. A pantomime of being alive, or some shit.

If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

Typically, characters who found themselves here never escaped. It was worse than a graveyard: at least with the graveyard the characters within it were given a chance to say one last "fuck yoooooooou!!!!!!!!!!!" to fate, and go out in a blaze of glory.

Just imagine how grimdark it would be, if you had an innocent, harmless dream of pulling on all of the girls' tails... and you were to come to your end here, of all places?

Yeah, that's way too depressing to contemplate. Let's check in on some characters who are still alive.

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"Ahhh... I can deal with the world existing now. Just a little."

Buzzer finally, finally got his coffee. He got bitten by two giant cockroaches. A dog with three eyes peed on him. (That one gave him a bad acid burn.) And a Jehovah's Witness kept trying to sell him something or other. Some nonsense about seeking 'the true world.'

Yeah, whatever. Sip. Sip.

His phone rang and he could only deeply sigh. He had to get some medical care after this, can't the world just leave him alone for five minutes?

"Yeah, what is it."

"Hey Buzzer, you there?" It was Pebbles.

"Yeah, what is it."

"You might want to stay away from the base for awhile. Tofu's been talking about giving you a sex change operation. Sandra's against it, but Socket seems a little interested. Something about finally getting to use his 'special shears'. Just thought you'd like to know. Later."

...... goddamnit, Tofu.