Despite some not-so-exciting detours, the time to return to the core pretense of this novel came along. It was time for Tofu to do some dadding. He was gonna dad better than any dad that came before, believe me.

Recent events convinced our Tofu that it was important to instill within his dang kids a sense of empathy. Wait, let me correct that: to instill within them the ability to effectively feign empathy. While these two things look identical from the outside, the distinction is quite important. He didn't want his kids to have to suffer the same hardships as he had.

At least that's what I think. Who knows what's going on in Tofu's stupid computer brain.

(It's the same thing as my own stupid robot brain: milkshakes and hamburgers. But let's move on already.)

"Mr.Tofu?"

"Call me dad."

"... Mr.Tofu, what's going on?"

"I don't know. It's a filler chapter."

".... aren't they all filler chapters?"

"Not all filler is created equal. One day you'll understand, Sudowoodo."

Sudowoodo doubted that, but decided to quietly wait for Mr.Tofu, alongside his brother Ratface.

During this time Tofu had been busily searching for an activity for a single dad and his damn kids to do on a weekend. After weighing the pros and cons, Tofu finally settled on something that satisfied his objective function of being the best half-assed dad he could be.

They would go bowling.

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"You guys ever go bowling before?"

Both of the kids shook their heads.

Tofu suspected there was a 5% chance something was wrong with the bowling alley Boggle Maps had given him. No personnel was in sight. There seemed to be a gaping hole in the ceiling from some climactic (or not so climactic) battle. A man was sitting on the floor with a needle in his arm whispering "this is what boobies are made of yeeee" to himself.

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

Tofu directed the kids to pick up a bowling ball and they went to lane 1. Tofu led by example, and threw his ball as hard as he could at the pins set up. They exploded, launching wood shrapnel everywhere. After a while, nothing happened so Tofu realized you must have to go down the lanes to "bowl". He had read there were "ten frames", and there were ten lanes, so it made sense to him!

On the next lane, he directed Boxlad to throw his ball at the pins. The ball went down the gutter. Tofu told him to try again with a new ball, and that one also went into the gutter. He had Boxlad to continue to throw balls down the lane until all the pins were knocked over, which are the rules in bowling, tedious as they might seem for those at a lower skill level. It took awhile.

The other one then did the same on the third lane. It took even longer.

And thus they continued in turn. Until they ran out of bowling balls. This is when Tofu went above and beyond what you'd expect of a typical dad, and walked down the lanes to begin retrieving them.

Eventually, all the pins were knocked down. Tofu debated in his head if this meant the game was over, or if he'd have to set up the surviving pins until everyone had knocked down ten lanes worth. After some time, he concluded that the pins must be intended to be one-use items, considering their frailty. So they must have completed a full game of bowling!

He'd print himself a "Best Dad Ever" certificate at work. Maybe have Socket jazz it up with some shiny material.

They ate a hobo for dinner and tucked in for the night.