Today, Tofu is showing his kids around the workplace. You could call it a father-son-son Sunday.

"This is our friend, Nicole. We will eat her last."

"Got it." "...it."

"And this is Mikey, our not-as-good friend. Hey Mikey, you get any powers yet?"

"Uh, hey Tofu? And uh, no??"

"Yeah, he's not plot relevant yet. We need to give him some time to simmer and trigger before we eat him."

"Hey!"

"Now let's go visit our friend Ifrit.."

"Wait up!" the non-entity known as 'Mikey' chirped into the air, to no avail.

"Um, Tofu wait up," the much more interesting and attractive Nicole was more successful in stopping the 'Fu.

"Yes, Nicole?"

"I was wondering... why did you think it was okay to bring children into a supervillain's lair?"

"As their father, it is important that I teach them how to provide for themselves. In this case, I'm showing them where the food is. In case they need any emergency fuel later."

"I see? That.. makes sense?"

"Of course it does, as I am a rational bioweapon, I mean, person."

"When do I get to have a girlfriend..." the bird known as M chirps into the ether, finally accepting no one will ever pay attention to him.

"When Ifrit sees you as a man."

----------------------------------------

Tofu refrained from telling Mikey that his computer brain calculated the probability of Cindy ever seeing him as a man at a mere 0.00000000031%. He has come to understand humans can be delicate creatures at times. Our Tofu is learning!

For those of you at home who're curious, the one feasible scenario his brain was able to come up with involved the two of them being transported to another dimension together, some light mind control, and someone playing a prank on Mike.

"This is Ifrit. Due to her power set, it is likely that she tastes like 'burnt porkchops'. You'll want to avoid carbonized protein if possible, so Ifrit is only to be eaten if none of our other friends are readily edible."

"Tofu, what the hell are you doing?"

"Shh, Cindy. I'm doing audience exposition under the pretense of bonding with my new sons."

"Now, my initial friends were a bunch of males. One of them a directionless pile of mayonnaise (you met him), the other had an unhealthy toaster fetish, and the other was a lizard. So it was necessary to add a teenage girl to expand audience appeal before everyone stopped reading. And thus, Ifrit was born."

"I was born out of my mother's hoo-ha, Tofu."

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

"Of course you were. According to the canonical facts implied by the meta-continuity. Now, next we have..."

----------------------------------------

"And this is my immediate supervisor... Mister.... um... drawing a blank here.... seriously, I haven't seen this guy in a while; even the scientists who made me come by and visit.... oh yeah! Imp! I had to look him up on the TV Tropes character tab. Thank god for that, or we'd never know who this guy was."

"I'm right here Tofu."

"He tells me what people I'm supposed to kill, and also the people I'm not supposed to kill. Because of some oversight caused by his inferior meat brain, he forgot to give me a list of people not to kill. So I'm legally allowed to kill anyone I want to!"

"You can't just kill people at random, Tofu."

"Anyway, he's not a horny stupid teenager or a friend to science, so you can forget he exists! Now over here..."

----------------------------------------

Mikey sighed. 'When Ifrit sees you as a man.' Tofu might as well had told him to go eat the sun.

"Hey you! Box shuffler! Get to back to shuffling! Those boxes aren't going to shuffle themselves!"

Mikey sighed again as he came out of his day dreaming. Why couldn't things just fall into his lap for no reason and no effort on his part. Tofu just kind of had things glom onto him, like a giant tofuball, gathering tofu as it rolled downhill.

Is that the difference between having power, and being a powerless side character schmuck makes? Tim was starting to make a lot more sense, these days.

They say having a 'powerful desire' or a 'warrior's spirit' can increase your shot at getting a trigger, didn't it? It was still Summer, wasn't it?

Mikey let his horny brain fill with all the sinful desires and delusions he kept away locked in his heart. A harem protagonist power that makes hot chicks fall in love with you for no reason. A dimensional power that lets you go to the dimension of hot women in bikinis. A weak and balanced little power that would let him hypnotize himself and create an imaginary girlfriend only he could see. Come on come on I'll take anything!

Mikey squeezed his brain and buttcheeks as hard as he could, to let the universe know he was super serious about this.

At this time, Mikey's powerful pervert's spirit full of desires began to resonate along the axis of fate. The resonance became an echo, and the world began to change as he desired. The raw flux flowed through his body as the doorway to a new world opened to him. His body vibrated and glowed.

Did... did he just have a trigger event?

.... no. He just peed himself.