We sat in comfortable silence for a while after our heart-to-heart. It was one of the most peaceful moments I’d had since arriving in Celestia, as we watched the sunset together.

Panda smoked his pipe and the intangible tension that had been growing between us finally dissipated. I was happy to understand him better, I guessed that even millennia-spanning daemon sages had insecurities.

That was an oddly comforting thought. No matter how old they get, people still suffer from bouts of self-doubt every once in a while.

As we stared out at the beautiful orange glow cresting the mountain peak, a strange bird flew over the horizon. It looked like a living flame as its orange and red ombre-patterned wings flapped leisurely.

I tried to focus on it, but it was too far away to elicit a system notification.

“Do you know what kind of bird that is?” I asked Panda quietly. “It’s mesmerising.”

Panda looked up from his freshly lit bamboo pipe which he had been refilling and gasped as his eyes locked onto the mysterious creature.

“If I’m not mistaken, that’s a Molotov Cockatiel.” He replied in hushed, awed tones. “They’re really rare.”

“Molotov Cockatiel?” I replied incredulously. “There’s no way that’s what they’re called. You’ve got to be yanking my chain.”

“No kid, that’s their species name.” He replied earnestly. “The system names things, not me. If that name sounds funny to you then blame the system.”

Now it makes sense. That damned system would do anything for a cheap laugh.

“Hundreds of years ago the continental humans hunted the cockatiels to near extinction. Their feathers are super valuable.” Panda explained as we watched the magnificent bird crest the sunset sky. “They’re endangered now… their feathers were used to enhance weapons and they were supposedly quite powerful. Though hurting them has been outlawed for a long time now.

“Multiple governing bodies and societies got together to make it official. Don’t mistake that as an act of kindness though. Those guys are ruthless, they’re just waiting for the birds to repopulate so they can hunt them again for more feathers.”

I grunted and shook my head. It sounded just like how things worked back on Earth. I guessed that no matter where you go there will always be rich assholes trying to expand their empires on the suffering of others.

“See,” I said lightly. “Your sagely wisdom will always be useful… even if it’s just for bird spotting.” I chuckled and he shook his head, but I could see the faint flicker of a smile forming on his lips.

We sat for a while linger before retiring to our hared room. I had some business to attend to once I was finally in the comfort of a safe room.

You have entered a safe zone; would you like to open all loot boxes?

Y/N

Naturally I mentally asserted yes. I had two boxes to open and this was the first safe zone I’d entered in weeks. I wondered what would be inside them.

Extinction Loot Box

The small, golden sphere, which most definitely was not a box, descended from the wooden roof. It hit the floor, cracking a few floorboards and exploded into tiny ribbons of scarlet confetti as a scroll was left in its place.

Unlike with previous loot boxes, this the scroll didn’t immediately disappear into my inventory. Instead it hovered in front of my face, giving me a choice.

Choose one:

X1 Cursed Mystery Seed

X1 Blessed Mystery Seed

That was it.

There was no description, no terrible jokes, no… nothing. I wasn’t sure which I should choose at first, until I remembered that this was a world filled with obnoxious and annoying gods like Chrysus.

With that in mind, it made sense that the blessed seed would have something to do with one of them… maybe.

Either way, it wasn’t worth the risk of having to indulge any of them with my time, so I chose the cursed seed and a description popped up in my HUD before it disappeared.

Cursed Mystery Seed:

This seed is a consumable item with a one-time use. You probably shouldn’t use it unless you’re in dire straight. It might save your life, but there will be a cost.

Well, that’s not ominous, I thought to myself with a sigh just as the second box began to descend from above.

Bukkake Loot Box:

Given to those who like to be surrounded by the enemy, and who go out with a bang.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

A white, rectangular box hovered above me. It glowed brightly, the hue intensifying as it shook. A small clasp was located on the front of the box and it seemed to be trying to break free but couldn’t undo itself.

Against my better judgement, I reached out and undid the clasp.

“UWU!”

The sound of an anime girl moaning filled the room like an unsolicited video opened in the middle of an important meeting to the embarrassment of the unsuspecting recipient.

As the lid blasted away from the top of the box, thick, white liquid shot out from within, covering me from head to toe.

You have received a new item:

Wet Wipes

“I hate this place,” I said, reluctantly retrieving my gift from my inventory and using it to clean myself up before bed.

The next morning we woke early to the sound of Sally’s fist beating on our door. I definitely didn’t get enough sleep, but luckily I barely needed it these days.

Panda and I hurried downstairs as he protested the early awakening. The bar was deserted when we arrived, with the exception of the moustached bartender who sported black rings under his eyes. The dapper dwarf must not have gone to bed yet.

“Where is everyone?” I asked through a yawn as I entered the bar area.

“Work.” He muttered in a groggy tone. “Boss wants to see you.”

He lifted his head in a backwards nod towards the door and I left the inn.

The morning sun had risen and the light was blinding as the heat haze sent shimmering air cascading off the roadside. The palm tree jungle was stifling during the early hours, but it got much worse at midday.

Sally stood awkwardly at the back of the group with Tilly looking nervously around the town square. My team were chatting happily amongst themselves, though Jamie still looked exhausted.

He’d regained some colour from the previous night, but his eyes were terribly bloodshot. I wondered if he was struggling to sleep, or maybe it was simply the lack of sleep from trapsing through the jungle the past few days on meditation alone.

I’d heard once that a person can be sleep-deprived but never in a sleep surplus. So, after a week of being constantly awake, the poor mage probably needed a lot more shut-eye than Sally had allowed him.

It was just part and parcel of the adventuring lifestyle though. Thankfully, it didn’t really bother me. I’d trained for sleep deprivation for most of my adult life after all. Working sixty hours a week as a truck driver was no joke, so this was actually a nice break considering my level and meditation slowed down natural fatigue.

“Gonads!” Sally shouted harshly as she spotted me exiting the Drink Inn. “Do your job and liaise with the dwarf.”

“He has a name you know?” I said as I marched past her towards Ale.

He was stood talking to my team, his bushy beard swaying as he laughed animatedly.

“Morning Ale,” I said, approaching the mayor and extending my hand for him to shake.

He took it and performed his dad squeeze once again before gesturing for me to follow him. I looked back at my team and gave them a look telling them to wait.

“So, today’s the big day eh?” He said as we strolled towards the mine entrance.

“It seems like it,” I replied. “What can you tell me about our dragon?”

“Aye, I thought you might ask.” He smiled knowingly as we stopped in front of the mine and he leaned against the wooden frame at the entrance, folding his arms. “Yer dragon is a big bastard he is.

“He’s a red’un and his lair is at the top of the mountain. There are two ways to get there you see? Climb up from the outside, or… since I’ve taken a liking to ya, you can use our mine tunnels.”

“Are the mine tunnels faster?” I asked eagerly, brushing the remnants of sleep from my eyes.

“Oh aye. We have a tunnel leading straight to his lair we do. How do you think we found him? Digging away as we do, one day we came out in this large cavern right near the top of the mountain.

“It was filled with shining, shimmering gold. Enough to turn this village into a resort. We’d all be rich, never have to work the mine another day we wouldn’t.

“But, alas, the big red fuck breathed some fire at us and we ran away. Damn near singed my beard off he did. Naturally, we posted the quest the very next day.”

I nodded appreciatively and thanked the dwarven mayor before returning to the group who eagerly crowded around me.

“Well?” Sally asked agitatedly as she glanced around the square with her huge arms folded.

“He says we can use the mine shaft to reach the dragon’s lair,” I answered, looking around the group as I delivered the message. “Apparently the dragon is big and red and breathes fire. There’s also supposedly a large pile of gold up there that the dwarves want.”

“Fuck what dwarves want!” Tilly exclaimed, gesticulating to the surrounding area with a frown. “We kill dragon. We take spoils. Way of world.”

It was the most she’d spoken since the day we’d met here. I guess money really does talk.

Sally put a calming, oversized hand on the elf girl and nodded to her.

“Don’t worry, any spoils are ours to claim. The quest doesn’t say anything about handing the gold over to anyone.” She said in a low voice. “That being said, this is an adventurer exam and how you handle this battle is more important than any potential spoils… if you want to go full-time with the society that is.” She added, looking over each of us in turn.

I wouldn’t say no to a dragon’s horde of gold, but we had to actually kill the thing first. No use getting ahead of ourselves.

“If this thing breathes fire, then Bell’s attacks might not do much,” Reggie said thoughtfully, crossing his arms with his hand lightly rubbing his chin.

“I told you before,” Bell said chirpily. “It’s called fighting fire with fire for a reason. My flames are stronger, so I’ll win.” She flexed a bicep and her arm barely looked tense at all, but I got the picture. Her eyes were lit with passionate flames – a battle junkie through and through.

“We can talk tactics as we walk,” Panda said from my side, his moody demeanour had pretty much disappeared after our conversation the previous night.

He looked towards Sally who widened her eyes at his sudden proactivity and then nodded.

“The furball is right.” She announced, pushing through the group. “Let’s go.”

We followed behind us as she led us into the mines. She glanced wearily at Ale as she walked past him and I thanked him and bade him goodbye. He wished me good luck in return.

It was cramped inside the mine. I guess that made sense for a dwarven work crew. Sally had the worst of it, being a goliath of a catonid and all.

It didn’t take long for us to reach a fork in the road, one led down towards the sounds of voices and pickaxes hitting rock, the other led up.

We took the obvious choice.

The path was steep and the further we walked the less wooden bracing was there to prop up the cave walls. It looked like the shaft had been made in a bit of a hurry.

We strategized as we navigated the cramped, awkward shaft. It was sweaty and dirty in the mine shaft and it didn’t take long for our clothes, faces and hair to become thick with soot.

Shame I had to use up all those wet wipes, I thought bitterly, they’d have come in handy right about now.

My sweat acted like glue to the black powder that clung to my skin like a caked-on foundation. It wasn’t very pleasant and I soon found myself longing for a shower.

It was stifling in the mine and it only got hotter the higher we climbed. Perhaps that was a sign that we were closing in on the dragon’s lair.

“Dragons.” I said wistfully, lost in my own thoughts. “I still can’t believe they exist.”

“I always thought they might.” Bell said, looking back at me with dirty, sooty streaks across her teal hair and cheeks. “I mean, there are stories of dragons in every culture imaginable on Earth right? So those legends must have come from somewhere.”

“I guess.” I replied. “You can also apply that argument to most major religions though. A lot of them have similar creation mythos with a prophet and a singular god and stuff. I still don’t believe in it though.”

“I preferred the mythological religions myself,” Bell said as we continued our trek. “Loki is great, imagine, a god of mischief who can transform into pretty much anything and lives to fuck up everyone else’s day. Sounds way more human to me than a big man in the sky no one has ever seen.”

“What are you two going on about?” Reggie interrupted irritably from further ahead. “How can you even begin to debate the validity of the divine? Athena is real and powerful.”

“We weren’t talking about your gods.” I replied. “We know they’re real… though I’m still not sure they’re actually gods per say.” I mumbled the last part as we wandered into a widened section of the tunnel.

“He worships Athena,” Jamie said, dropping back to talk quietly with me. “He gets a little sore when people talk about theology so flippantly.”

I was about to reply when I noticed a light at the end of the tunnel. The sides of the shaft were blackened with much thicker soot than before, like the entrance had been scorched with flames.

Sally crouched down and held up her hands in a fist. Wordlessly we did the same and stuck close to her as she crept forwards.

I crouched at her shoulder as we crested the edge of the tunnel and looked out into the dragon’s lair. Piles of glimmering gold decorated the place and sitting peacefully atop them, was the dragon.

A red scaled beast, roughly the size of a house, and we had to fight it.