As Panda and I left the building, I was exhausted. The stamina stat seemed to have an extreme sway over me. My legs felt heavy, my vision blurred slightly and I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep.

With that in mind I asked Panda to lead me to the nearest inn. I didn’t trust myself to find one. Luckily it wasn’t far.

We left the building and took a few turns; the streets were still crowded but they seemed less rushed than before. I wondered if most people were at work now and the current street dwellers were not.

That’s usually how it went back home. Workers rushed around like bees in a hive and the unemployed and retired lived their lives more slowly, peacefully. Of course that’s a sweeping generalisation, but in my experience living in the north of England, it was pretty accurate.

As we moved away from the huge, glass skyscraper that was the Adventure Society building I noticed an architectural shift.

The buildings further out were much more reminiscent of the typical medieval style you’d expect in a fantasy world. Of course this was no fantasy, but it bared a striking resemblance to all the expected hallmarks of one.

The buildings in this new area were mostly made of wood and stone. It was quaint, I liked it. I was too tired to read the signs or take much notice of the locals so I followed Panda in a daze until he stopped.

We were in front of a Tudor style building. It had white outer walls with a thatch roof and wooden support beams. It reminded me of a holiday cottage my mum and I had rented for a weekend vacation when I was a kid.

There was a sign hanging above the door that said The Sleeping Giant Inn. Panda pushed the door open and led me inside.

The downstairs interior was basically an old-fashioned English pub. It looked just like a tavern from pretty much every fantasy game ever. It had wooden flooring, a few support beams, tables and chairs and tankards of wood. It smelled of ale and stale bread and there was a bar on the back wall.

A burly Lycanid barmaid stood cleaning a tankard with a rag behind the bar. She wore a light cloth strapped to her chest and a skirt, though it looked more like a kilt. Her fur was untamed and hung wildly in white, matted locks.

Panda marched up to the bar and climbed onto a stool.

“We would like a room for the night please.” He stated confidently.

Without looking up from her task, the barmaid pointed towards a sign above the bar. It read: We Don’t Serve Familiars!

“Well that was rude.” Panda complained as he looked at me expectantly.

Snapping myself out of my fatigue induced trance I walked over and asked her myself.

“Hi, can I get a room for the night please?”

She growled, but I think it was more like her races’ way of sighing. She looked up from her tankard cleaning and her eyes softened slightly as she saw me.

“Oh a human. We don’t get too many of your kind in here. The rooms aren’t much but they come with a bed and breakfast every morning.” Her voice was rough but she seemed perfectly polite to me. I wondered what that was all about.

I pulled a single gold coin from my inventory and placed it on the bar.

“That’s fine, is this enough?” I asked, flashing a toothy grin at the maid.

I think she blushed slightly, but it was hard to tell underneath all the fur.

“That’ll get you a week, with breakfast included.” She smiled, at least I think it was a smile, it was hard to tell with all the wolf like teeth.

“That’ s perfect, thank you.”

She took the coin and placed a key on the bar, then returned to her cleaning duties without any further fanfare.

I took the key and headed towards the stairs with Panda in tow. There was a sign saying that rooms were up there. I barely had to concentrate on signs to read them anymore, they auto translated with almost no lag.

“Wow, cost of living is cheap here. I should have been isekai’d years ago.” I said idly to Panda as we climbed the stairs.

“I took you to the cheapest inn in town. Demi humans tend to have the rougher end of it here. That paltry amount of gold you have won’t even get you basic leather armour, so don’t be too happy.” Panda replied grumpily.

“What’s up with you. Are you really that upset that they don’t serve familiars?”

“It’s a violation of my rights kid! The only reason you’re not standing up for me is because that bitch had a thing for you.” He huffed, folding his stubby arms, and shaking his head.

“I thought I was picking up on something.” I muttered.

We reached our room and used the key to open the door, locking it behind me.

It was a modest room with a small shack containing a toilet in the corner, a single window, and a bed with a nightstand. The sheets were white with a weird yellow stain on them.

It looked like it was old, you know the kind of stain that doesn’t go away even after a few washes. If we were back home I’d have complained but I was so tired it didn’t matter to me.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

I fell face first onto the bed and groaned happily. The bedding felt so soft and before my body had finished bouncing from the unceremonious way I threw myself onto the bed, I was asleep.

The next day, I woke with the light from the morning sun. I’d been so tired I’d forgotten to close the curtains. I felt refreshed, which was still a strange feeling for me, and my stamina was full once more.

Panda had fallen asleep using my neck as a pillow.

I sat up and stretched and Panda flopped down onto the bed groaning. He was awake, it didn’t matter how, and I had something important to do before heading back to Adventure Society.

It’s loot box time bitches!

You are in a safe area. Open all loot boxes?

Y/N

I’d received the notification the previous night as soon as I entered the room I’d paid for. Interestingly, it didn’t seem that the inn was a safe room, just the room.

Maybe that was because it was paid for and private? I wasn’t sure, but I eagerly clicked yes on my HUD and sat back as the fireworks happened.

PKing Loot Box

Do you know what sex offenders, player killers and UK prime minister Rishi Sunak have in common? No one likes them!

Reward: Entry to the Morning Star Hotel and Spa.

The box appeared in front of me. It was only about the size of a small jewellery box and as it opened the notification appeared on my HUD along with a voice narrating it to me.

Panda stirred at this and turned around on the bed to watch.

As the box opened, two sparklers popped out and began fizzing as a black light floated ominously out of the box. It stopped in midair as the narrator finished and then flew straight at me.

I fell backwards, causing Panda to squeal as I squashed him. The light shot into my hand and disappeared and my right hand began to burn.

It wasn’t the most pain I’d ever felt but it wasn’t nice either. My skin started emitting a glowing light and as the light calmed down I realised I had a pentagram tattoo on my hand.

“What the fuck!” I shouted, looking down at my sore hand.

I liked tattoos don’t get me wrong. I’d had a sleeve tattoo back on earth before it disappeared upon arriving here. This, however, was fucking creepy.

I had no choice in the matter and it appeared in moments.

“Oh, I haven’t seen a tattoo box in years.” Panda said, sitting up next to me.

Before I had time to ask him what that was all about the next box opened.

Acid Reflux Loot Box

You killed a guy by throwing him into a vat of acid. Have you never seen a supervillain origin movie? That guy will definitely be back to haunt you all dressed up in clown makeup.

Reward: Boots of Resist Environment

This time the box was the size of a trunk. The narrator spoke over the notification again but there were no sparklers. Instead confetti popped out when the lid opened.

A pair of boots floated out of the lid and disappeared into my inventory before I could examine them. Then the next box appeared.

Divine Loot Box

You met a god, wow really!? Get over yourself loser, every man and his nan have met a god in this world.

Reward: x5 Basic Health Potion

What were you expecting, a Nobel prize? Get over yourself noob.

The divine loot box looked like it was made of gold and I really got my hopes up until the narrator crushed my dreams. Still potions were useful, I’d just have to use them at the right time this time around.

Roadkill Loot Box

You done killed one of dem cultist with yer truck! Yeehaw!

Reward: New Skill: Eat Anything.

The final box came with sound effects. To be precise, the sound of a car screeching to a halt, followed by screaming. Classy.

“That’s an… interesting skill.” Panda said, giving me a funny look from the side of his eye.

“Oh god, what does it do?” I asked.

“Read it and find out.”

You have received a new skill!

Eat Anything

It does what it says on the tin. You can now ingest anything… anything. Let that sink in for a moment. You don’t need to cook it first either.

Note: eating anything is not advised by the chief medical officer. The system will not be held responsible for stomach aches, diarrhoea or fatality caused by irresponsible digestion.

“I don’t want it.” I said, turning to Panda.

“Look at it this way, if you ever decide to be a cannibal you probably won’t get the shakes.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be a sage?”

Sighing loudly, I pulled the boots out of my inventory and examined them. They were black, leather combat boots. They were actually quite nice.

Boots of Resist Environment

These boots will keep your tootsies from melting off in the event you step in something nasty like acid or lava. They’ll only protect your feet though so don’t try walking over a pool of lava, the rest of you will melt. Actually… forget that last part, you should definitely try walking over a pool of lava!

Effects:

Protection from environmental hazards (feet only)

+10% Vitality

The boots were amazing. I put them on straight away and felt the warm rush of new stat points. 10% didn’t do too much at the moment but that could be a huge boon in the future.

They didn’t really go with my office attire look, but it was worth it for the bonuses. I was beginning to get used to the system being a dick all the time, so I wasn’t even perturbed by its comments about me playing in lava.

“That’s a good item,” Panda said, jumping from the bed and moving to stand in front of me. “Now you should find out what that tattoo does!”

He seemed excited. I had to admit, I was curious. I stared at the back of my hand and focused on the ink and like clockwork, a notification appeared and I heard a voice like an old timey radio announcer in my head.

This tattoo allows entry to:

The Morningstar Hotel and Spa

Hello player! Do you like murder, debauchery, and depravity of a sexual nature? Why of course you do! Just like a mid-noughties tween teabagging a fresh kill on Call of Duty, you’ve become a player killer!

Yippee, those are the best kind!

What’s the only thing better than a player killer, I hear you ask? A serial player killer!

So come on down to The Morning Star hotel and spa and try our… facilities… completely free of charge!

“What the hell is wrong with this world?” I asked, turning to Panda who seemed to have been able to hear the voice as well.

“I say we go, I’m here for a good time not a long time.” He shrugged.