I finished off the last of yet another mass gathering of slimes. It felt like I’d spent weeks wandering around the sewers exterminating the little buggers.

Annoyingly, my HUD didn’t display the time or day so I had no real way of measuring how long I’d been down there. However, the wispy stubble on my face was begging to form an actual beard, so it had probably been a while.

Time rolled into the same monotonous cycle of killing slimes, meditating, and then killing more slimes. It was a lesson in tedium, that was for sure.

I did learn a few things about how my body worked in this world though. It turned out that by meditating often, I completely negated the need for sleep.

I hadn’t slept a wink the whole time I’d been down here. I’d also gotten pretty adept at meditation. I couldn’t know for sure, but it felt like I recovered much faster now and the act of meditating required a lot less concentration.

Of course, there was the monetary benefits too. I’d killed over 10,000 slimes as I worked my way through the sewers.

Not only could I afford to buy my armour, but I could buy a spare set of it too if I wanted. I just hoped I’d be able to complete the quest before my deal with Andy ran out and he sold it off.

I also learnt that through diligent meditation, my food and water requirements dropped significantly. I’d brought two weeks’ worth of rations, yet I’d only eaten five days’ worth.

Of course, for all I knew I’d only been in the sewer for five days, but I was pretty sure it’d been far longer than that. It was hard to tell, but my intuition told me it’d been longer.

After the first few swarms I’d started mixing up my extermination technique. I still used my bow to deal with the ceiling slimes, but I’d started using my dagger for the ones on the floor and walls.

It’d worked too, as after a few thousand stabs I’d gained a level in my passive Dagger skill, upgrading it to level 10.

More excitingly, just like with the old Bow skill which had since merged with my Bowman skill, I got a new skill upon reaching level 10.

You have unlocked a new skill!

Novice Apex Skirmisher

The Novice Apex Skirmisher is a wizard when it comes to wielding small blades – or at least he has the potential to be. Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot that you don’t have any mana, calling you a wizard was probably a bit of a low blow huh?

But like seriously, what kind of adventurer doesn’t have any mana? You are so lame.

Anyway, back on topic:

Proficiency improved.

Unlocks dual wielding proficiency.

An inferior bonus to the effect of agility will be added when a small blade is equipped.

I was really beginning to despise the system’s idea of busting balls. I got that it had some weird personality trope going on, but did it have to be a dick every time?

I had spent some time wondering if it was this over the top with everyone. If nothing else, the thought kept me occupied as I wandered through the sewer system.

The new skill seemed to be the melee version of my Bowman skill. So it was likely that once I reached level 25 in Dagger the two would merge and become a percentage leveller instead.

Interestingly, the Skirmisher skill had apex in the title, which was part of my class. I wondered if that meant it was more powerful than a normal skirmisher skill.

Speaking of percentages, I’d gained slightly in my Newly Qualified Bowman skill. After painstakingly executing thousands upon thousands of slimes I’d managed to gain a whopping… 0.2%.

In all honestly, I think seeing that number be so low was worse than if it had just stayed at 0. I knew the shooting wasn’t difficult, or far, or against an opponent that even fought back or moved.

Still though, you’d think 10,000 slime murders would have given me more than 0.2% and a single level in a passive melee skill.

The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

I hadn’t gained a single overall level either.

It was disheartening to say the least, but at least I could buy my armour when I was done. That was something to look forward to and money was an easy motivator.

I also felt like I’d gained a much deeper understanding of meditation. That might not constitute to direct stats and level gain, but it had to be useful in the long run.

Occasionally I’d open the map feature on my HUD as I cleared an area of slimes. I’d explored a lot of the sewers. I expected the sewer system to be a maze but it was actually more like a simple circle that would eventually meet back at the ladder I’d used to enter the place. There were small pipes running through the walls which I had to assume connected to bathrooms around the city.

I was only just starting to close in on the halfway point of the main circle though, so I was probably going to be stuck down here for a while longer yet. Frustratingly, I’d yet to find a single sign of the source of the infestation, which was one of the quest objectives.

The sewer system itself was only the size of the city, which was pretty big, but nothing you couldn’t walk in a few hours on the surface.

The issue was how long it took to dispatch the slimes and more importantly, how often I had to meditate during each bout of extermination. If nothing else I’d learnt that I seriously needed more stamina if I wanted to quicken my killing speed or win drawn out battles.

I had a feeling it was going to be my most useful stat for the immediate future.

I also made a mental note to ask Panda if there was a way to increase stat point gain. 19 fixed points and 5 free points a level seemed pretty good at first, but if levels were going to take weeks to get now that’d reached phase two then I needed to find a faster way of getting more points.

As I approached the halfway point of the sewer tunnel on my map, something odd appeared.

A large oval cistern appeared on the map, just off the side of the tunnel. Minimising it on my HUD I looked around but saw no sign of it.

I wondered what it was. Maybe a treasure room? That would be cool. Who doesn’t love hard-to-find loot drops?

Still, the immediate area looked no different from the rest of the tunnel. There was nothing but walls and a river of faeces as far as I could see.

Speaking of faeces, my purification mask was looking worse for wear and the inside stank to high heaven. The moisture from my breath had started to form little bits of mould on the inside of the mask and I’d had to use some of my ration water to wash it.

I’d honestly considered just taking it off, but I quickly brushed off that idea when the sewer stench hit me as I washed it.

As I stared blankly at the sewer walls and re-checked my map, a brilliant idea came to me.

Pulling out my bow I began charging a Soul Shot.

I hope damage to public property won’t cause the quest to fail. I thought as my arrow began to glow with a green aura-like light. I guess we’ll find out. Here goes nothing.

I fired the arrow into the nearby wall. On my map, that spot was where the cistern supposedly was. The wall exploded inwards as my arrow passed through it, causing concrete to shatter and fall all around me.

The damage kicked up a cloud of dust and I was once again glad for my mask, even though the dust stung my eyes.

I waited a moment for the dust to clear and to my delight the wall was covering a hidden area.

“It’s looting time!” I sang to myself as I crossed the threshold into the mysterious cistern.

You have entered a hidden boss room.

The notification popped up on my HUD and I tensed up in anticipation. It was like something from a dungeon crawl.

Maybe they’ll call me Dungeon Crawler Kaleb. I thought as I resummoned my bow and nocked an arrow in anticipation. Nah, too many syllables.

The cistern was dark and surprisingly spacious. I couldn’t see all the way to the back. The glowing red balls of light that lit the sewer didn’t extend this far.

I stepped back out of the cistern for a moment. It was a long shot, but if this boss room really did work like a game then I’d probably be safe as long as I was outside.

Thinking quickly, I delved into my inventory. I needed a light source. Luckily, I had just the items.

I summoned Stalin’s Stylish Socks, a Rusted Golbin Sword and the Pervert’s Lighter I’d looted from the stag party all that time ago.

I wrapped the socks around the tip of the sword, skewering them in place and making a ball out of the material which I tied off.

I then set them on fire.

Good riddance. Kaleb one, USSR zero.

I had no idea what the socks were made of but they lit up like the fourth of July. The blaze nearly burnt my eyebrows off as I held the makeshift torch at an arm’s length.

A new notification popped up on my HUD.

You have created a new item:

The Eternal Torch of Communist Supremacy.

I gave you a thoughtful gift and this is what you decided to do with it? Well fine then, fuck you! You wanna go? Let’s go.

The Eternal Torch of Communist Supremacy is a fire that will never go out. Lit by Lennin who got his spark from Karl Marx (and perverted it), communism is the prefect ideology for wannabe dictators and genocidal maniacs alike.

Though the flame of communism has been handed down for generations, you are its latest recipient.

Glory to the motherland comrade.

*WARNING*

This is a bonded item and cannot be lost, sold, destroyed, or given away.

*WARNING*

Possession of The Eternal Torch of Communist Supremacy has marked you as an enemy of various powerful economic groups throughout Celestia.

“Uh oh, I think I hurt its feelings.” I said aloud as I read the worrying notification.

What exactly did it mean by powerful economic groups? It sounded like the magical illuminati or something. Knowing this crazy place that’s probably exactly what it meant.

I’d have to ask Panda about it when I got back.

For now though, I had more immediate concerns. I threw the torch as far as I could into the cistern.

The light danced across the walls as it flew in an arch into the circular room. Then it hit something, or more accurately; bounced off something.

As the room was lit up I saw the biggest slime I’d ever seen. It took up most of the large room on its own and it was a mixture of blue and brown gelatine.

More noticeably, it had a kind of… face. A black outline of a frown and eyes with straight, black eyebrows pointing towards where its nose would be.

“Looks like I’ve pissed off two things that can kill me in less time than it takes for a kettle to boil.” I sighed, nocking my bow. “On the upside, it looks like I’ve found the source of the infestation.”