I looked suspiciously at the hovering question above the smashed Loconut. Mentally I clicked yes but nothing happened. Maybe I needed to be closer?

Holding my nose and trying not to vomit from the horrid stench I stepped within touching distance and tried again.

Loot Loconut?

Y/N

Yes. I thought, mentally affirming my choice. Immediately the corpse burst into silver glitter and apparated into the air. The smell went with it, leaving behind the much more neutral odour of grass and hot air that one might associate with a tropical climate.

Another text box appeared in my vision. This one was more in line with the ones I had experienced previously, appearing on my HUD rather than hovering in a physical place.

New Item Received:

Loconut’s Hair:

The Loconut is famous for its scraggly strands of coarse, pubic like hair. This hair doesn’t really do anything special but it is a known ingredient in certain potions and I guess it could be used as string. Though it isn’t too durable so maybe not.

The notification struck me as being a little odd. It was much less aggressive than the previous ones. All in all I was quite disappointed. I’d learned that potions existed in this world, but I didn’t know how to make them.

The part about using it as string stuck me as an odd addition, but after a few moments of melancholy, it gave me an idea.

As if I had some inbuilt knowledge of the HUD that I didn’t fully realise was there, I mentally clicked options. From there I scrolled down to the inventory tab and found the only item.

I mentally clicked on Loconut’s hair and it appeared in my hand. I had no idea how I knew to do that, maybe it was part of the system design for the user interface. Pushing that thought aside I looked at the hair in my hands.

There were multiple stands of thick, coarse hair. It looked identical to the kind found on a regular coconut except it was significantly longer. I took all the strands and wound them around each other, creating a medium thickness string. As I finished my task another notification appeared on my HUD.

You have created a new item!

Loconut String

This is string created from Loconut’s Hair. Its use is limited. I know what you’re thinking and don’t you fucking dare!

Frowning at the notification a thought occurred to me. It was like the system was alive. That definitely wasn’t a pre-made message. It was speaking directly to me. That revelation felt important, but for the time being I had bigger fish to fry.

I smiled up at the sky, like an insane person, and said:

“Oh, I do dare.”

Then I took off one of my old grey socks. I used my teeth to create a small hole in each side of the top. I then threaded the string though each side and knotted it, leaving room to put something else inside the sock.

I then slipped it over my manhood, looping the string around my waist and covering myself up… kinda.

Quest Completed: Rock Out Without Your Cock Out.

They say that the body is a temple and you should be proud of it. Well I say stop flashing everyone and get some damn pants you reprobate! Seriously no one wants to see that.

Objectives:

Cover your manhood 1/1

Reward: A bit of fucking dignity. Not that you deserve it you degenerate. I wanted you to find pants!

I chuckled triumphantly to myself as two more notifications appeared. The first was a nice surprise. I’d received experience points and advanced to level 2. Not that I really understood what that meant yet, but it had to be something good.

There was a lot less fanfare this time. The notifications simply said that I was now level 2, unlike the level 1 notification which came with an ominous paragraph attached.

Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.

The second notification was a little more off putting.

You have created a new item!

Cock Sock:

An underwhelming item of clothing designed to cover one’s manhood, giving the appearance of an inadequate baby elephant. This is no substitute for pants.

I got the impression that the system wasn’t too happy with me. However, I’d completed the quest and gained a level for my trouble. That was one task down and countless more to go. Hooray.

I didn’t appreciate the jibe about inadequacy but, assuming this system was what brought me here, at least it didn’t kill me.

I swallowed at the thought of what it might do to me later down the line if I pissed it off enough though.

Next thing on the old to do list was to find some food, find shelter, hopefully find some actual clothing, and figure out what the hell was going on.

All in good time Kaleb. One thing at a time. I thought to myself in an attempt to calm my racing heartbeat.

My name is Kaleb by the way, I probably should have mentioned that earlier but with everything that was going on I figured formalities weren’t high on the agenda.

Looking around the clearing I’d started in; I saw a small trail leading through the clustered palm trees and decided to follow it.

The palm tree jungle, as I’d named it, was a weird place. For starters, there wasn’t any foliage. It was a relatively simple landscape. The ground was simple, packed earth and everything else for as far as the eye could see was palm trees.

The trees themselves were clustered tightly together and it felt quite unnatural. In my world, palm trees usually grew a lot further apart than this. The whole place felt alien.

As I trekked along the winding dirt path I decided it was time to look through the stats section of my options tab.

Status Sheet:

Name: Kaleb Akabane

Race: Outworlder

Level: 2

HP: 20/20

Stamina: 14/20

Strength: 5

Agility: 11

Perception: 7

Vitality: 5

Intelligence: 6

I guess I should explain about my name. I was born in England and have mostly Caucasian features but my father was Asian. My mother opted to give me his last name even though she didn’t share it herself.

They were never married you see. She met him whilst studying abroad. She didn’t realise she was pregnant until she got back home and because all of this happened in the mid nineties’ communication was a lot harder than it is now.

She only had the landline number for his dorm room, but he’d moved back home after graduating too so she didn’t really have any way to contact him. As such I’ve never actually met my father. It’s not something that really bothered me though, my mother did the job of both parents and I can’t really complain.

But enough about all that.

Agility seemed to be my best stat. I wasn’t sure why exactly, it’s not like I ever really excelled in sports or anything. I had taken a few martial arts classes when I was younger and growing up in England it was normal to play football with your friends. That didn’t feel like enough of a reason to make that my highest stat though.

I was pleased that my HP had increased. If my maths was right, which it rarely was, then HP increased by 5 points per level. That was useful to know. It seemed Stamina was the same.

That was the only stat that wasn’t filled up, I wondered if it was because I was hungry. Maybe food filled it back up? If so, that was all the more reason to find something to eat.

I wasn’t having any luck on that front though. As I continued following the dirt path I just saw more of the same. Dirt and palm trees.

It felt a bit like when you get too close to the edge on a massive RPG game. The kind of area where you can tell the developers didn’t put anything important there and just filled it up with trees or something for the sake of it.

If that was the case though, at least I should be relatively safe.

Famous last words.

I continued following the trail for what felt like forever, but was probably only half an hour or so, until I came across a clearing.

Inside the clearing was a single, wooden box on a pedestal. Nothing about it seemed special, but I did wonder if it was a trap.

Leaving the path I circled around the clearing carefully; however nothing caught my eye. So when I’d made it full circle and arrived back on the trail I decided to approach the box.

As I got closer a notification materialised over the top of it.

Open Starter Loot Box?

Y/N

Starter Loot Box? The phrasing reminded me of a tutorial from an MMORPG. I needed all the help I could get though, so naturally I mentally asserted that I did indeed want to open it.

The box glowed and began to heat up before my eyes. Then the lid flew open with a pop and confetti spilled out all over my feet and the ground.

Inside the box was another hovering notification.

You have unlocked a starting weapon!

Congratulations on making it this far player! Though only one of the 10,000 brought here has actually been stupid enough to die so far so I guess this is more of a participation medal than an actual award.

Before you are three weapons which will help you on your journey, and hopefully make your inevitable death more entertaining for me. Choose wisely, losing your virginity is a big deal after all and I wouldn’t want you to regret your actions.

Someone had already died? I wondered how. If my experience was anything to go by it was possible that everyone who arrived here had to face a monster before getting to this stage. Therefore it stood to reason that this unknown person was killed by their monster. If that was true though they must have been pretty damn unlucky.

The Loconut, though creepy as shit, was pretty easy to kill. I mean all I did was kick it. Either way, the knowledge that someone had died already really drove home the seriousness of the situation.

As promised, three more hovering notifications appeared in front of me. I actually felt a little bit giddy at getting to choose a weapon. I guess they do say inside every adult is the heart of a child. I eagerly read each notification in turn.

You may choose one of the following weapons:

Basic Sword

Basic Bow

Basic Sceptre

*WARNING* You currently have no mana and will therefore be unable to use the item Basic Sceptre.

“Well that’s a cop out.” I muttered to myself as I finished reading the options.

What was the point of offering me a weapon I couldn’t use? More importantly if mana existed in this world then why didn’t I have any!

I felt like some kind of lame NPC. Who gets isekai’d to a world filled with magic only to find out they don’t have any? What a letdown.

I kicked the side of the box in frustration and immediately regretted it as I remembered I didn’t have any shoes.

After a moment of awkwardly balancing on one leg as I rubbed my sore toes, I took a deep breath and calmed myself down.

I needed to make a choice. I had a sword or a bow to choose from. I’d never used a sword, though how hard could it be to swing a big sharp stick at something? On the other hand it would mean getting up close and personal with monsters and whilst I had no clothing or protective gear that might not be the best strategy for the time being.

On the other hand, I had only used a bow a handful of times in my life. All of those times had been on school trips and I didn’t feel confident I’d make a good archer. If I missed my first shot and a monster came charging at me what would I do? Stab it with an arrow?

It felt a little bit like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, but I had to choose one of them. So, casting my longing for the Basic Sceptre aside I made my choice.