You are now entering a safe zone.

*WARNING*

All combat is prohibited inside this safe zone. No damage will be inflicted. Any breach of these rules will result in punishment.

We entered through the large iron doors and I was immediately hit with a notification. This area was a safe zone.

That was weird, I was expecting a dungeon. The ominous warning about receiving punishment for attacking worried me.

Immediately inside the doors was a narrow cave tunnel lit by floating balls of light that littered the walls. It looked a bit like the runway at an airport and I got the feeling the light was guiding us somewhere.

“A safe room.” Sally mused. “This is unusual. Stay on your guard and let’s go deeper in.”

I nodded and stuck close behind her with Panda hot on my heels. He didn’t say anything but I could practically feel the unease reverberating inside of him.

We walked down the narrow cave tunnel for a short while. I had my new bow summoned into my hand and my inventory ready to summon my dagger at a moment’s notice.

If we were attacked in here I was unlikely to get a good shot off before they reached us. The tunnel was simply too narrow for effective ranged attacks.

However, it didn’t take long before the cave opened up and we arrived in a carved-out chunk of it. It was a small, stone room with high, flat walls.

It was definitely manmade or, goblin made? As we stepped further in the dim light of the glowing balls faded and bright, ceiling orbs came to life all around us.

With the room well-lit we could see to the end of it, where a small archway was carved into the stone, leading deeper in.

Just before the archway and to the side of it was a wooden desk. A goblin sat there, fiddling with a dagger, and looking bored.

She was dark green and her face was less bulbous than the goblins we’d fought earlier. She looked up as Sally drew her weapon and approached.

“You can’t fight in here. The punishment will activate dumbass. Didn’t you read the safe zone notification.” The goblin spoke like she thought she was a gangster.

She rested her head in her slim hands and glared up at us with a bored expression.

Something about her demeanour seemed different from the other goblins I’d encountered. She spoke surprisingly well and she looked less… gross.

I focused on her and a notification appeared.

You have discovered a new monster:

Higher Goblin

Now, I know it says higher in the title but don’t go thinking these guys deserve rights or anything. A higher goblin is the evolved form of the various other types of goblin.

Through diligent training and level hunting they’ve acquired intelligence due to their stats.

And when I say intelligence, I mean they’re less likely to scream and grunt – but only slightly.

Goblins are like that stereotypical southern trailer trash guy you went to high school with: just because he can speak doesn’t mean he won’t fuck his cousin.

As part of the evolution process, Higher Goblins start to look a little less gross and a little more human.

That doesn’t mean you should sleep with them though. Goblin AIDS are no joke!

I wished I could say that the notification cleared everything up, but it was mostly just bad jokes about incest and AIDS. Reading it felt like watching an episode of South Park but without the hilarity.

I did learn some information though. She was likely a high level, which meant she was dangerous. The system had basically said that goblins evolved when they reached a high enough level.

Considering the boss monster we fought in the woods; I wondered if this higher goblin was an even higher level.

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

Thank God it’s a safe zone. I thought.

“We’re here for the coronation.” Sally said without dropping her sword.

“Well duh.” The higher goblin replied as she moved onto trimming her nails like a bored receptionist. “You’re cutting it a bit late though; it’s being held tomorrow night. Most of the other clans have been here for a week already.

“Which clan are you with?”

“We’re not with a-” Sally began, but before she could finish Panda stepped out front and spoke over her.

“We’re a delegation from the Gob Gob Tribe.” He said confidently.

Sally opened her mouth, staring dumbstruck at the Panda. I placed a calming hand on her shoulder and shook my head slightly when she looked at me.

It was worth seeing what he was trying to do. I didn’t know if safe zones could be revoked for certain guests and I was starting to wonder if this was like a DnD campaign where there were lots of ways to complete it.

Panda had obviously opted for the charisma check approach and I figured it was worth seeing it play out.

“The Gob Gob? Oh yeah… you don’t look much like goblins.” She said sceptically, eyeing the three of us up suspiciously.

“We’re from the eastern continent, it’s just a racial difference. I assure you that we are all from the tribe. We’ve travelled a long way and we’re tired from our journey.” He replied instantly.

He’s pretty good at this. I thought, not taking my eyes off the Higher Goblin.

“Fine whatever, I’ll add you to the guest list then I guess. Go on through, there’s a spare room you can use on the third floor. Party starts tomorrow morning so you probably want to rest up.

“I don’t know how they do it where you’re from, but we go hard down here. Dusk till dawn, you get me?”

Panda thanked her and we wearily walked through the archway. Sally gave her the stink eye the entire time, refusing to sheath her sword. But the goblin didn’t seem to pay any attention to her.

The archway led into a short, cobbled corridor with a spiral staircase at the end. It went both up and down. We’d been told we had a room on the third floor though so it made sense to head up for now, which we did.

“The Gob Gob Tribe?” I snickered at Panda as we climbed the stairs.

Sally still had her sword drawn and was carefully watching around every corner. My bow, however, hung loosely in my hand for now.

“What?” He replied incredulously. “It’s a real goblin tribe from the eastern continent. Try reading a book some time, it might cure that stupidity you’ve got going on.”

“That was some quick thinking back there Furball.” Sally said quietly. “Now, if we’re careful, we might be able to get right up to the king candidates before we get attacked. Assassination isn’t really my style but with you two here I’m willing to take whatever advantages we can get.”

It was the most she’d spoken since she’d lectured me about ranks back in the woods. She was a quiet and professional adventurer when we were working. A stark contrast to her out of work persona.

After a short climb we reached the end of the line. We hadn’t seen any other floors on the way up, but I had to assume that this was the third floor.

That must have meant we entered on the second and the first was below us.

The spiral staircase opened out into a well-lit foyer with a balcony at the back and a few rooms on either side. I had no idea which room was ours.

Once again there was a little desk with a strange goblin manning it. This one dressed in a scarlet bellhop’s uniform with golden trimming. He was quite concerning to look at with oversized ears and an oval head.

He quite literally looked like someone had shoved a green American football on top of a headless Halloween decoration.

Panda approached him, that charismatic swagger he displayed downstairs coming back to him.

“Good evening, we were told that a room was ready for us on the third floor, could you show us which one it is?” He asked, putting on a snooty, gentleman’s accent.

It was quite a change from his usual drawl which reminded me of a South Jersey accent.

The goblin looked at us with a gormless face. Then, without a word, it turned towards the furthest door on our left and pointed.

He moved a bit like a zombie, it was weird. I quickly focused on him and found out that he was a regular goblin. Apparently they didn’t do much in safe zones.

Due to their aggressive and unintelligent nature the system had to make them practically catatonic to prevent them from attacking guests and facing the mysterious punishment.

Before heading to the room, Sally wanted to look over the balcony. She said it could be useful for scouting the place out.

She was right.

The three of us peered over the edge of the stone rail that hemmed the opera-like balcony. It looked directly over what appeared to be a ballroom.

I’m not joking.

A full on, aristocratic, classic manga trope ballroom. Except it was filled with goblins.

They stood around drinking wine and chatting like socialites. At the far end of the ballroom was a large, golden throne that reminded me of the throne in the cultist temple.

I really hoped we weren’t going to face a god. That was the last thing I needed. To be smited by some arrogant asshole who thought he was all that was not how I wanted to go out.

“What the hell is going on here.” Sally said, finally lowering her sword and staring with an open mouth at the scene below us.

“I think it’s a ball Sal.” Panda said. “That’s what posh people go to cause they’re too snooty to drink in bars like you and me.”

Since when had he called her Sal? They seemed awfully chummy.

“Call me Sal again and I’ll throw you over the side.” She replied threateningly.

Never mind.

“I guess that’s why it’s a safe zone,” I said. “We’re probably going to have to attend the party and talk to them to find out who the candidates are. Then we’ll have to kill them.”

“Don’t forget about the punishment. There must be more to it. Something we’re not seeing.” Sally replied. “Anyway, for now let’s check out this room and try and get some rest.”

She left and we followed her through the door the goblin bellhop had pointed out to us. To my surprise. He was still stood pointing at it.

The system must have made him absolutely catatonic.

Inside, the room looked much the same as the one I’d rented at the inn back in Havar.

It pretty much just contained two single beds and a toilet room. Not that we really needed anything else.

Sally claimed the bed closest to the door, something I was happy to let her have. Safe zone or not, if something did attack us in our sleep I’d rather she was the one dealing with it.

Besides, she was probably stronger than anything in this place so it wouldn’t even be a threat to her.

Sally sat on the bed and pulled out, what seemed to be, a magic camping stove from her inventory.

She touched it and a faint blue light flowed from her hand causing a little flame to appear on the top.

“Shame you have no mana, mana stoves are like the first thing I’d recommend a new adventurer buy.” She said absently as she pulled some meat out of her inventory and began cooking it on the stove.

It seemed that meat didn’t go off inside her inventory. If that was the same for me it would be useful, though I couldn’t rule out the possibility of it being a skill.

With her carnivorous tendencies it wouldn’t surprise me at all if she’d purposely acquired a skill specifically to stop meat spoiling.

Just as the outside of the meat was turning brown and my mouth was watering from the smell, there was a knock at the door.