Whilst the Stag Party were busy pointing the finger at each other stumbling around like unattended toddlers at a supermarket, I took my second shot.

I lined up the Loconut’s Hair and loosed another shot. Once again aiming for Groom. The hair whizzed through the air, aiming for his centre mass – his heart. I realised that going for a headshot was probably a bit above my current skill level.

Naturally it made more sense to aim for the largest part of my prey. He turned to the side as one of the others spoke to him and then yelled in a high-pitched voice as he was hit.

The hair pierced his shoulder and I cheered audibly. My first time hitting an intended live target. What an achievement! It might not have killed him outright but it must have done some damage.

“What the… hey I think there’s someone else here!” The sunglasses wearing stag shouted. I decided to name him Sunglasses to make it easier.

Crap, he must have heard me cheer. Rookie mistake Kaleb. Don’t be such a noob. I admonished myself.

Sunglasses began looking around. He raised his hand to his eyes, as if blocking out the sun, and eventually he settled on me.

We locked eyes for a moment and I froze. Who’d have thought I’d end up being the deer in headlights. Jesus, now I’m starting to sound like that obnoxious, pun-loving system message announcer.

“Hey look, there’s something up there.” Sunglasses said, pointing towards me.

“Why is that deer naked?” The podgy looking stag asked. I decided to call him Podge to make identifying them easier.

The only stag I hadn’t yet named had no identifying clothing, however he was the one who was trying to put a dollar bill in the stripper’s G-string earlier. I decided to call him Perv. With the naming done I could concentrate on choosing my next target.

“Maybe it’s got alopecia?” Sunglasses replied.

“I don’t care what it’s got, it just fucking shot me!” Groom said, clutching his bleeding shoulder.

Whilst they were busy nattering I nocked my next hair and took a shot at Groom again. This time it hit him in the neck and the stags screamed as a group.

His neck exploded in a torrent of blood that shot out like a water pistol, soaking Sunglasses. He dropped backwards to the floor and began scuttling away, lip trembling as he half screamed, half cried.

“What the fuck. This can’t be happening. He was supposed to get married tomorrow. I’ve known him since pre-school. Oh my god, oh my god.”

I began nocking the second arrow but stopped as I heard his desperate, pleading screams. He sounded human. Was I the bad guy here? These deer were monsters weren’t they?

“Please Mr Naked Deer, don’t shoot. We surrender!” Podge shouted, throwing his hooves in the air.

He looked genuinely terrified.

Perv dropped to his knees, cradling Groom’s limp carcass in his arms and crying. He gently closed his dead friend’s eyes before placing him on the ground and standing.

Shaking, he began to speak as he too raised his hooves.

“Please don’t shoot! We don’t want any trouble.”

Sunglasses didn’t join in. He looked truly traumatised as he sat rocking on the floor and mumbling something about how his friend was supposed to get married tomorrow.

I lowered my bow. I felt awful. This wasn’t how games were supposed to be. In games you killed monsters for experience points and they tried to kill you too. It was simple, it was obvious.

Then it finally occurred to me.

This isn’t a game.

I began climbing down the tree. I didn’t know what to do, what to say, but I couldn’t bring myself to shoot these creatures anymore. In their eyes I was a cold-blooded murder, a terrorist.

Imagine if I’d started killing people on a stag do in Vegas. I’d become an infamous serial killer overnight. Maybe it was the same here. Maybe here, the deer were just another race of people. I mean, they wore clothes, they seemed to have human sensibilities. They could speak for god’s sake.

What have I done? I thought as I reached the bottom of the tree.

I walked towards them slowly, struggling to look any of them in the eyes. They looked terrified, stood there with their hooves raised above their heads in surrender.

I was a horrible person. That damned system announcer had tricked me. How gullible did I have to be to think that it was ok to shoot creatures attending a stag party.

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

That’s not ok no matter what world you’re in.

As I entered the clearing Sunglasses finally looked up.

His eyes were wide with the thousand-yard stare of a seasoned veteran. Tears streamed down his face.

“Why?” He mumbled with a cracking, pained voice.

“I-I don’t know.” I replied in a hoarse whisper. “I thought you were monsters. I’m… I’m sorry.”

Sunglasses stood up and the other two dropped their hooves seeing that I was no longer a threat. I stood before them with a lowered head. I felt terrible. How would I ever come back from this?

Perv approached me hesitantly and placed a hoof on my shoulder. It was oddly comforting, despite being so heavy. How could he be so understanding when I’d just murdered his friend?

“We are monsters, and you’re a gullible idiot.” He said menacingly.

Shocked, I looked up to see a devilish grin on his face. His eyes were dark and malevolent, like those of a demon. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and looked down to see a knife sticking out of it, it was held precariously between the two parts of his hoof.

I looked back up, wide eyed and jumped backwards. I stumbled over my own feet and landed on in the dirt as Prev tipped his head back and began laughing like a maniacal Bond villain.

The others joined in; Sunglasses literally doubled up in hysterics.

“Oh you were supposed to get married tomorrow.” He mimicked his earlier words in a mocking and whiny tone as he struggled to get the words out between laughter.

“Yeah, and you were all like. Please Mr, we surrender.” Podge joined in; slapping Perv on the shoulder as he doubled up as well.

I watched in horror from my position on the floor. What the hell was this place. This was sadistic, it was horrifying.

You don’t have time to freak out.

I took a breath and tried to get serious. My health was depleting rapidly. It had fallen to 7/20 already. I was going to die if I didn’t do something.

Looking down I saw the knife still protruding from my stomach. With a grimace I reached down and gripped it with both hands. I pulled it out with a groan. It was painful as shit. Blood seeped out as I finally yanked it free.

My HP had dropped to 5/20. It seemed to stay there though. Removing the knife had oddly worked. It was a bit counter intuitive though. Back on earth the advice was to keep the knife in so it could plug the hole. Then again, earth logic probably wasn’t all that relevant in a world with talking deer and magic sceptres that I couldn’t use. I wasn’t bitter about that or anything.

I looked down at the knife in my hand and then up at the laughing deer. They weren’t paying attention to me. They’d underestimated me. I’d make sure it was the last thing those sadistic bastards ever did.

I stood up, lurching to one side as my stomach throbbed with pain from the stab wound. I didn’t have time to use my bow. They’d pounce on me before I got off a second shot. No, I’d have to make do with the knife.

I needed to be fast, catch them off guard.

I began walking towards them, one hand clutching my stomach. I would have liked to charge, but I only had 5/20 HP left and I didn’t want to risk losing more health to my unhealed wound.

So instead, I staggered towards them. Trying to look as unthreatening as possible. They’d underestimated me before, surely they’d continue doing so.

I was only a few steps away. When I finally got close enough, Sunglasses looked up. The others were still bent over in hysterics, mimicking each other, and laughing ever harder.

“Oh, you’re not dead yet. Good for you little buddy-”

Before he could finish I stabbed him in the throat and pulled the dagger out, spraying myself with his blood.

He gagged and clutched at his throat as a large piece of gristle flew off the end of the knife. He looked at me with surprised eyes and fell to his knees.

Before the others had time to react I turned the knife around in my hand and hammered it into Perv’s head. He dropped like a sack of bricks. Hitting the ground with a thud.

That’s for stabbing me you dicks.

Finally I turned towards Podge. He’d stopped laughing now. He took a step back in horror as I continued towards him and he fell to the ground. He continued backing up, shuffling backwards. He looked petrified. He quickly reached the stage and had nowhere else to go.

He looked up at me with pleading, terrified eyes.

“P-please.” He began. “I have a family. J-just let me go and we can pretend this never happened.” He stammered.

“P-please I have a family.” I replied in a mocking tone, just like the one they had all been using only moments ago. “Fuck you.” I said as I plunged the dagger into his neck and twisted.

He sputtered and writhed against me as I dopped my knees onto his chest, pinning him down. He took longer to die than the others and I made sure to look him in the eyes as the light finally went out.

“What the fuck is wrong with this place.” I muttered, shaking my head.

I rolled off the deer and laid against the stage. I felt mentally exhausted. My stomach twinged as I moved but my health hadn’t gotten any lower. I looked down and realised the blood had stopped. The wound was scabbed over, but it didn’t seem to be healing on its own.

Chances were that I’d have to eat something to replenish my health. It made sense with the quest I was given being about food. Everything I’d had to do so far seemed to teach me something about this world, like a tutorial. Though I could have been reading into it too much.

I decided to take a breather for a few minutes before I thought about food and how to heal. I’d gotten a few notifications during the fight so I decided to read them.

You have defeated:

Doe Dancer (lvl 1)

You heartless bastard, she was just trying to put her kid through college.

Experience gained.

You have unlocked a new personal skill!

Speak English Damnit!

You know how it can get really frustrating when you visit another country and they have the audacity to speak in their own language instead of speaking in yours? Yeah, well that’s not going to be a problem for you anymore. You can thank me later.

Interesting. That would explain how I could understand those annoying stags. That skill was actually pretty useful, though it wouldn’t make me any better at combat.

You have defeated:

Stag Party (lvl 1) 4/4

Experience gained.

Congratulations! You have advanced to lvl 3

I was surprised their levels were lower than mine. So much for bonus experience for killing a monster above my own level. Oh well, it was probably for the best. If they were any stronger I might not have won.

I looked around at the stags and they all had loot notifications above them. I had a couple of other notifications but the lure of potential loot won out. I should have probably eaten them but the idea of eating guys who were that sadistic made me nauseous. I mentally clicked yes on all four loot tags.