We only had a short walk until we reached the village at the foot of the mountain. We hadn’t slept since we’d left the elven inn a week ago.

We meditated in shifts when we needed to recover stamina or health, usually after a few battles, but that was the only rest we got. At my level, I could put off sleeping for a long time as long as I meditated enough.

I was getting quite good at it too. I could recharge my HP and stamina in half the time it took everyone else to. Bell was still in the early stages of her meditation technique.

She didn’t really seem to understand how it worked fully. Reggie had spent a lot of time talking her through it, sometimes for hours, as she struggled to navigate her soul.

I had taken to it right away back when Sally and Panda first talked me through it. However, according to the others, I was a bit of a special case. Meditation and tapping into the soul were apparently techniques that most people struggled to get to grips with.

I guess my natural talent for it kind of made up for my lack of mana… actually, on second thought, it definitely didn’t. Magic was way cooler than meditation.

Thanks again System, you ass.

We walked for about an hour after I finished off the giant spider. Reggie had dropped back to chat with me for a bit, he voiced some concerns he had about the make-up of the team.

According to him, a well-balanced adventuring team should have at least one dedicated melee specialist, and we didn’t have one. He raised a good point. Apart from myself, everyone was a mage. So we were three long-range attackers and a healer.

Not very balanced at all.

After some pleading from Reggie, I promised to mention it to Sally later. I didn’t really want to have that conversation with her, but who knew, maybe it’d get me some bonus points on the exam for thinking critically about tactics.

We pushed through the final layer of palm trees and found ourselves facing a sheer cliff face. The mountain reached past the clouds and was made of a dark grey rock. It looked pretty foreboding and I hoped it wasn’t a sign of things to come.

At the foot of the rocky mountain stood a small mining village which could easily have been mistaken for a full-blown town. There were rows and rows of medieval-style stone houses with thatch roofs.

They reminded me of the little cottages I’d drive past in the English countryside in my old job as a truck driver. It was a quaint little village, but lively, much more so than the elven village we’d stayed in along the way.

As we walked through the main square, a small, bearded fellow came over to greet us. He had black soot on his face and carried a pickaxe which looked way too big for him.

His legs were short but his shoulders and arms were huge! Seriously, he could have given Sally a run for her money and if they arm wrestled, I wasn’t sure who I’d bet on.

I focused on him and a notification popped up on my HUD, confirming my suspicions.

You have discovered a new race:

Dwarf

From Tolkien to Sapkowski, every fantasy author on Earth has written about dwarves at some point. You know what they are, so you don’t need a notification to tell you about them.

Seriously, do some of your own research for once.

Interestingly though, dwarves are a part of Norse Mythology back in your world and were adopted into fantasy stories most famously by Tolkien, and then everyone else started doing it too.

Did you know that in his famous series, he decided that the plural for dwarf would be dwarves? At the time, the accepted plural was spelled dwarfs but the man refused to change it when challenged by his editor. I guess when you’re the father of fantasy you can get away with that stuff. Though I heard his editor got a little short with him about the whole ordeal.

Get it?

“Well lookie here!” The dwarf exclaimed as he strutted towards us, swinging his pickaxe. “It seems we’ve got us some adventurers, boys.” He called over his shoulder and a few others looked our way, a few of them heading towards us.

“We’re from the Adventure Society, yes.” Sally began tentatively. “We heard you’ve got a dragon problem?”

“You heard right missy.” The lead dwarf replied. “That scaley fuck has been terrorising the village he has. Keeps stealing our livestock whilst we’re working the mines. Mighty rude of him if you ask me.”

This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.

Bell covered her mouth, her eyes betraying a stifled laugh. It was probably his west country accent; it was pretty comical.

“But where are my manners.” He continued, placing his dirty hand over his heart. “My name is Ale, the mayor and chief miner in these parts, and these two idiots are Whiskey and Vodka.” He added, almost as an afterthought, gesturing to the two gawping dwarves watching us from a few feet away.

At the mention of their names, Whiskey and Vodka trotted sheepishly towards us.

“Those are some… interesting names,” Reggie said sceptically, taking Ale’s hand in Sally’s place as she backed up hesitantly. Apparently, the overgrown kitten wasn’t overly fond of non-violent physical contact.

“Aye,” the dwarf mayor replied. “It’s customary in our village for kids to be named after what their da was drinking when they were conceived. Been doing it for generations, we have.”

“You must run out of names pretty quickly,” I said, walking towards the dwarf, who stretched out his hand as I approached.

I took it and he squeezed as we shook. It was a proper dad handshake. I couldn’t help it, I’d never met a dwarf before, much less one with a west country accent – I’d always expected them to be Scottish.

I knew I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t speak to him, it was just too good of an opportunity to pass up.

“I’m Kaleb by the way,” I said as we shook.

“Nice to meet you. But, Nah, we’ve got a naming system in place.” Ale replied, gesticulating wildly as he spoke. From the smell of him, he was probably a little drunk. “Take Vodka over there. He just got his lass Brandy up the duff whilst off his tits on whiskey. So naturally the bairn will be called Whiskey-Two since we’ve already got a Whiskey.” He gestured loosely towards the shy-looking dwarf standing a few meters back. He waved awkwardly as I looked at him.

“What does Whiskey-One think about that?” I replied, keeping up easily with the west country drawl.

“Oh he’s over the moon he is,” Ale replied. “Vodka and Whiskey have been best mates for ages now, he was the best man at his wedding you know? He’s actually going to be Whiskey-Two’s godfather, how cute is that?”

“I’m getting a migraine,” Reggie complained, rubbing the front of his head.

“Kaleb!” Sally shouted and I jumped, snapping my head in the direction of her drill sergeant voice. “Stop talking nonsense with the dwarf and ask him to set us up with some rooms for the night.”

“He has a name,” I replied, raising my eyebrows at her.

“I’m sure he does, but I can’t understand much of what he’s saying so I’m promoting you to my dwarven liaison officer whilst we’re here,” she retorted, crossing her arms, and sounding rather proud of herself.

The promotion sounded more like being shafted to me, but I didn’t mind too much. I was growing pretty fond of Ale; he reminded me of home – even though I’d never been to Somerset before.

“Sorry about her,” I apologised to the dwarven mayor. “Do you guys have an inn we can stay at for the night?”

“Nay worries mate, catonids and dwarfs aren’t known to be chummy.” He placed his hand to the side of his mouth before continuing with a whisper and eyeing Sally. “If you ask me, it’s because they can’t handle their drink. Word to the wise young Kaleb, never trust a man who can’t handle his booze.

“Oh… and never trust a man who tries to sell you a caravan either. One minute you’re looking around the place and the next he’s nicked off with your shoelaces.”

“I’ll take that under consideration, Ale,” I laughed, “so, about those rooms?”

“Oh aye, we’ve got plenty of rooms we do,” he replied with a friendly smile, “inn’s over there. If you get some time before you slay our dragon, come find me and I’ll treat you to my namesake.”

“I might just take you up on that,” I said, shaking the mayor’s dirty hand again before leading the group towards the inn he’d pointed out.

“We’re going to have to call you the dwarf whisperer from now on,” Bell mused happily.

“They do say everyone’s a genius at something,” Panda added. “Shame your talent is talking to little alcoholics.”

“That’s why me and you are such good friends,” I replied, earning a chuckle from some of the group.

The inn we’d been directed to looked like a typical fantasy anime inn. It was a Tudor-looking building with whitewash walls held together by wooden beams, and it had a little sign hanging above the door that said: Drink Inn.

I smiled at the name; it definitely suited the residents of the village. I pushed open the wooden door with Sally hot on my heels.

It was surprisingly busy inside, wooden tables and booths were filled with rowdy dwarven customers clanking tankards, talking, and just generally having a good time.

Sally nudged me towards the bar which was manned by a fancy-looking dwarf in a checkered, tweed suit. He had one of those moustaches that was twirled at the ends and he wore a bowler hat.

“Ask for six rooms, ideally in the quietest section of the inn,” Sally asked, pushing me towards the bar with a forceful hand. She seemed pretty uncomfortable around the dwarves. It was odd, I figured that straight-talking, hard-working drinkers like them would be exactly the kind of people she’d like.

“Hi, can I get-” I began.

“Six rooms, as quiet as you like?” The dapper-looking bartender cut in. “I heard her, and yes you can. They’ll all be on the top floor and it’ll be three gold please.”

I turned back to Sally to translate but she seemed to get the picture. The dwarf held out his hand with a big smile plastered on his face but Sally ignored it and placed the money on the countertop.

“Thanks,” I said sheepishly as Sally pushed away from the bar and headed straight for the stairs. I followed behind her, struggling to keep up as she took them three or four steps at a time.

Her tail was tucked between her massive thighs as she bounded away from the bar.

I finally caught up to her on the top floor, panting after basically sprinting up twelve flights of stairs.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I yelled, hands on my knees and panting.

“Nothing!” She replied defensively, throwing open the nearest door and checking the room. She looked like she was in a spy movie as she picked up lamps and squatted down to look underneath the bed.

“I doubt it’s been bugged,” I said, following her inside as the rest of our group began to catch up.

“An adventurer can never be too cautious.”

“Cut the crap kitty cat.” I interrupted. “Don’t try and pass this off as a lesson. What’s your problem with dwarves? They all seem super friendly to me.” I asked, placing my hands on my hips.

“They are super friendly. That’s the problem,” she replied, squirming slightly as she spoke. “It’s creepy.”

“Like clowns,” Bell added from behind me, folding her arms and nodding her head knowingly. The rest of the group had caught up too and seemed to be enjoying the spectacle.

“Wait… are you scared of dwarves?” I asked incredulously, struggling to hide my snickering.

“Of course not!” She replied adamantly. “I would just rather not be around them… especially in enclosed spaces.”

“You were just checking for dwarves under the bed weren’t you?” I continued, the laughter becoming much harder to hold back.

Sally didn’t reply. She stared at me with hard, dark blue eyes. I stared back for a long moment, trying to hold back the giggles.

Then she slammed the door and I couldn’t hold it in anymore.