We walked through the grand archway into a place that reminded me of a Viking Hall. There were long, wooden tables that stretched the length of the room.

Fires lit the sides, emitting a smoky atmosphere which reminded me of going to the pub with my mum before the smoking laws changed back home.

At the far end sat a large golden throne and a small group of well-dressed goblins stood near it chatting. Most of the goblins were on, or around, the long tables.

They drank a red coloured liquid which could either have been wine or blood. It was hard to tell, them being goblins and all.

The tables were filled with large loafs of steaming bread, something resembling chicken wings, and towering piles of red meat. There wasn’t a vegetable in sight.

“Sorry mate, looks like they’re carnivores.” I said to Panda as we entered the room.

“Well I guess it’s to be expected. Goblins aren’t exactly cultured and only animals are uncultured enough to live on meat alone.” He sighed.

“Watch it!” Sally hissed at him, throwing him a dirty look with her predatorial eyes.

“You’re literally a half cat. Where’s the insult?” He retorted.

“I’ll have you know I’m a civilised and complicated lady.”

We both cracked up at that and her eyes shot daggers at us as I clutched my stomach.

We walked along the side of the longest table and Sally grabbed a few chicken wings to go. The goblins mostly ignored us. Though some of them did glance in our direction, speaking in whispers as we passed by.

It reminded me of high school.

Panda squeezed in between two goblins at the table, grabbing a chunk of bread and tearing into it. He wasn’t really needed for this part of the plan but I didn’t want him to sit alone with the enemy.

Luckily for me, a small goblin with a high-pitched voice sorted that issue for me almost immediately.

“You can’t sit with us!” She said as a few of her goblin pals stared at him.

Rolling his eyes he got up and left, but not before taking the entire loaf of bread with him, much to their dismay.

The thick smoke from the fires all around us stung my eyes as we headed for the throne. There were log fires, scattered around the hall, and the smoke they emitted smelled particularly strong, blinding my sense of smell to anything else.

I couldn’t quite place the smell, but it was almost herbal. Definitely not the smell one expected from a log fire.

Though, considering the company we were in, that probably wasn’t a bad thing. Goblins weren’t exactly known for their hygiene and herbal smoke was a damn sight better than goblin stank.

As we reached the throne the four well-dressed goblins stood before it turned to greet us.

“Ah, do we have another contender?” The first one asked.

He was a short goblin with a body shape more reminiscent of a dwarf: stout and muscular with a beer belly. He had a huge double headed axe on his back that was taller than he was.

I wonder if there are dwarves in this world? I thought absently as I looked him up and down.

He wore a nobleman’s jerkin in a ruby red colour, and black pants. He didn’t wear shoes though; I don’t think goblins used them. Their feet were rather large.

“Don’t make me laugh Gerald!” Another goblin said in a very deep voice. “They’re not goblins, how could they be contenders for the throne?” He snorted and chuckled to himself.

This goblin was much taller, coming up to my upper chest. He was dressed the same as Gerald but he wore all black and his jerkin was embellished with convoluted embroidery.

He had a bow on his back which I guess made sense considering his stature. I found myself feeling a little competitive when I looked at him.

“Poppycock Giles.” Gerald began, “Of course they’re goblins! They couldn’t have even gotten in here if they weren’t.”

“We’re actually from the Gob Gob tribe.” I interrupted, stealing Panda’s lie from the previous day. “It’s on the eastern continent so we look a little different to you westerners.”

“See Giles, they’re foreigners, that’s all.” Gerald said, as if my bullshit explanation explained away the fact that we were clearly not goblins.

“Well foreigners can’t compete either.” Giles moaned. “It’s against tradition. We’ve held this contest amongst ourselves for eons, why would we break tradition for them now?”

“Now, now settle down Giles you old prude.” A fat goblin said from behind them.

He was short and very fat. He was almost as wide as he was tall, a chode of a goblin if I ever saw one. He wore a green jerkin and had a mace hanging at his side. The spiked metal thing on the top was covered with dripping blood.

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“Oh of course you’d take his side!” Giles complained. “You’ve got your head so far up his ass you can see through his mouth.”

“That’s enough!” The final goblin said. “You can sort out your petty squabbles in the arena. Besides, your bickering is making my ears bleed.”

The final goblin was muscular. He barely even looked like a goblin; He looked more like a male counterpart for Sally if anything. Except he was green and he had a bushy white beard.

I got a bad feeling from him which doubled when I saw that he wielded a giant sword, just like Sally did. He looked oddly human apart from the skin colour. Perhaps that was why Panda’s lie was working, either that or goblin intelligence was unusually low.

“Sally look, he’s just like you!” Panda cried. “Maybe you should go on a date or something. You could talk about steroid abuse and the obviously compensatory weapons you like so much.” Panda snickered, he seemed to have made the same connection I did, but I wasn’t suicidal enough to say it out loud.

Sally, however, didn’t say a word. Her fist moved so fast that neither Panda nor I saw it until it made contact with the top of his skull. If this was a cartoon a line of ducks would have circled his head.

He swayed for a moment but stayed on his feet, he looked dazed and then he abruptly apologised. It must have hurt.

“Listen boys.” Sally began, walking forward and towering over all but the big guy. “I’m entering this competition. I spoke with Gobtta last night and he said it was perfectly within the rules. Any problems with that?” She added in a menacing tone as she eyed each of them in turn, flashing her fangs as her predatorial eyes bored into them.

“No.” The first three squeaked in unison.

The big guy didn’t respond at all, which I took to mean he approved.

The first part of the plan was completed.

The previous night when Gobtta knocked on our door he told us about the competition. It was a tournament to find the strongest among the clans.

It was a tradition among the goblins. Each clan would put forward their strongest warrior in a battle royale to see who was the toughest.

We’d planned to have Sally enter the tournament under the guise of being sent by the Gob Gob Tribe for that very purpose.

It was the only way we could think of to circumvent the safe zone rules, as the competitors were allowed to attack each other as long as they did so in the arena.

I wouldn’t be able to help her without incurring punishment myself, not that she’d need my help. She was strong enough to take down Gertrude the Giant Goblin in just a few hits so I doubt I would have helped much anyway.

It was a shame though. Just looking at Giles filled me with bloodlust. He was an archer and I wanted to pit my skills against his. Also he was an asshole.

“Great.” Sally continued after no one objected. “In that case, where’s this arena so we can get started?”

“It’s over there.” Gerald began, pointing to a small hallway just off the side of the main hall. “But the competition doesn’t start until tonight.”

“Oh I get it.” Sally began in a taunting voice. “You cowards need till nightfall so you can get drunk enough to think you stand a chance against me, is that it?”

“How dare you!” Giles said, and I couldn’t help but join in myself. The sight of him made my blood boil for some reason.

“Shut up, you lanky green fuck.” I said, crossing my arms and standing next to Sally. “I can tell you’re a coward just by looking at you. I bet you couldn’t hit the side of a barn with that bow.”

“How… how dare you sir! I demand satisfaction.”

And I swear to God, he actually pulled out a white glove and threw it at the ground in front of me. That really happened.

“I’ll take you on any time, any place beanpole.” I retorted.

I didn’t know what was wrong with me but the mere sight of the guy made my blood boil for some reason. I wanted nothing more than to pound him into the ground in front of all his friends.

The raucous chatter from the room abruptly stopped. The entire hall of goblins turned to look at us in complete and utter silence.

Then a notification flashed up on my HUD and I grinned.

Ask and the system shall provide.

You have accepted a dual whilst inside a safe zone.

The safety features will be turned off for you and [Goblin Giles] in 30 seconds. You may only attack each other during this time. Any attempt to harm others within the safe zone will result in punishment.

“If you saw that notification then I’m sure you now understand what a grievous mistake you’ve made by challenging me.” Giles said, placing his hands on his hips. “However I am a gracious goblin and if you get down on your knees and beg me for mercy I might just grant it.”

“I had your mum down on her knees and begging last night, but it wasn’t for mercy.” I replied and both Panda and Sally snorted in unison.

“What’s come over you all of a sudden?” Panda asked, nudging my leg as he stifled his giggling. “This isn’t like you at all.”

“I don’t know but I can’t help myself. Looking at this guy just makes my blood boil.” I replied, clenching my fist as the mere thought of him pissed me off.

“I think it’s the fire smoke.” Sally answered ponderously, stroking her chin as she thought. “It smells like it’s infused with wild takka berries, probably to keep the smell mild. In high doses they’re known to send people berserk.

“Assassins used to use them in blowpipes to make their enemies attack each other. It doesn’t seem to be affecting anyone else though, it might have something to do with your race.”

Well that was unfortunate. I had been drugged and I didn’t even know it. Not that knowing it made me want to back down in the slightest.

“Alright then pipsqueaks.” The big goblin began. “I want this nice and clean. You’ll stand at opposite ends of the room and when I say so, you each get to take one shot at the other, and I mean one shot.” He eyed us both in turn.

Giles drew his bow and stepped down off the platform by the throne and I walked to the opposite end near the entrance, drawing my own.

The big guy moved into the middle and we each drew and nocked an arrow.

This was going to be interesting. I wondered how good of a shot he was. The big guy didn’t say we had to stand still and take it either, this wasn’t a cowboy shootout after all.

With that in mind I cleared my thoughts of everything apart from hitting my target.

“Ready?” The big goblin asked.

I nodded and took a deep breath as I drew the string. I started letting it out slightly as I aimed for Giles.

“Go!” He shouted and stepped back out of the way.

I immediately activated my new skill: Perception of the Apex Predator, using most of my stamina. I knew I’d have merely a fraction of a second before time sped back up but it should be the edge I’d need to make sure I fired first.

I loosed my arrow, aiming straight for his chest. I didn’t need a headshot to kill him when I had acid powers. I just needed to land a good hit on the centre mass and my class would do the rest… hopefully.

My arrow rocketed from my bow and soared across the room. Every goblin in the room had turned to watch and it was completely silent.

My arrow hit its mark, tearing through Giles’ jerkin as he screamed in a high-pitched voice and fell backwards onto the ground before being able to fire off his own shot. Some of the crowd members laughed at him and I grinned.

My victory was assured. I was the better archer and now everyone in the whole room knew it.

Giles went down before even firing a shot. I started to walk back towards the throne and my friends.

“Oi, what do you think you’re doing. You don’t get to move from that spot until someone dies or you’ve both taken a shot!” The big goblin shouted, a large vein pulsing on the side of his forehead.

I looked at him, stunned for a moment and then pain exploded in my neck as Gile’s arrow tore through my throat.