“You kind of smell,” Cody jokingly says sitting next to me on the bed. “When was the last time you took a shower?”

Cody opens up his laptop and puts on a movie that we can watch for the day.”

“Kind of hard when I can’t take it by myself, dick.”

“I’m kidding.”

I’ve been disconnected more than ever. I’m running out of time. I’m letting it. I’ve learned nothing.

“Have you talked to Emily before she left?” I ask before Cody can start the movie.

“You’re being ridiculous again,” he sighs. “Did she ever tell you the full story?”

“No.”

“Do you want me to?”

“No. That doesn’t help you. Was the sex at least good?”

“Yes,” Cody says after a short pause.

“Do you want to have sex with me?”

“No. We’re friends. Are you high?”

I laugh. “Just checking if you still have some morals.”

I know what’s wrong. How do I heal? Why am I so scared of her?

The invisible threads that have been near have been coming closer. Today is the day I get to figure out what they are. I’m scared that they’re coming to hurt me. After all, these threads are how Lyle orbited around me like it was fate.

“I’ve been meaning to ask. How did you know I was at the abandonned house?”

Everyone was looking for me that entire Sunday. They searched everywhere, including the abandoned house. They had no reason to search there again. On Monday, Cody thought to check Elizabeth’s house, but I was already gone.

Cody says, ”I got a call. I was told where you were and that you were in danger. I didn’t think Lyle had you.”

“Who was it?”

“I’m not sure how to explain it,” Cody nervously laughs. “I wouldn’t make sense.”

“Then don’t try to.”

“You took Winter, right? Did you meet the woman with a white dress?”

“How do you know that?”

“Elizabeth mentioned it once.”

“I got to meet her. Elizabeth’s who kept me alive,” I tell someone for the first time.

“I figured.”

“You figured?”

“You aren’t the first person I met who made me feel that there was something I could never hope to understand. You defy the impossible.”

“Like Chris?”

“Like Chris. He knew how special you are. I think everything he did, he did for you.”

I swallow a mountain of saliva.

Does Cody know that someone’s coming?

Any moment now.

“How much do you know?”

“Enough now to believe that everything that was connected wasn’t a coincidence. It was my producer who called me. She told me that–”

Cody stops because my mom walks in. She isn’t paying attention. “Oh, oops. I didn’t know I was interrupting a date,” she shocks herself when she looks up from her phone.

“Not a date,” Cody and I both say at the same time.

“Grace, I just talked with your doctor. He thinks they need to do one more surgery.”

Time is up. I failed her again.

I turn my head to Cody who gets up. “Who am I?”

“Grace, did you even hear a word?” Mom tells me.

It’s here.

“I’ll tell you!” A light brown hair woman hops inside the room with two kids behind her.

“Excuse me, who are you?”

Cody rubs the back of his head. “This is Emmah. My producer.”

Emmah Melody Ryan.

Adanismee and her son Micheal are behind her holding an instrument case together.

“You shouldn’t barge into the rooms of people you don’t know,” Cody continues.

“Oh, I guess that's true. I waited for so long to finally meet you, Grace!” Emmah waves, then turns to my mom and extends her hand out. “And this must be your mother. I’m blessed to meet you both!”

My mom hesitantly takes it. “And what do you want with my daughter?”

“Mom. Please.”

Emmah sways her body erratically. “Grace finally awoke. And much more, broke the chains that imprisoned me and my kids.”

“Cody, what is she talking about?”

He rubs the bridge of his nose. “You should have told me you were coming, Emmah.”

“You’re the woman in the white dress,” I say.

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“I’ll take the compliment. I’m not her though. Isn’t she wonderful? She appears as what we find most beautiful. Who did you see?”

I don’t answer.

“No matter. Regardless of how it happened, she still told you what you can do, right?”

“Yes, but I don’t remember.”

“That’s what happens when it's unnatural. You haven’t moved on because you haven’t been helped through it. No biggie. There’s no better person for that than me!”

“Hey slow down, you’re speaking in tongues here,” Mom says.

“Micheal, the violin please?” Emmah turns to her son who hands her the instrument case. “Healing comes from understanding, experience, and acceptance. Grace has accepted but lacks the other two. She will only get lost if she tries to do it all on her own. She needs help and help is I. Cody, could you leave the room, please?”

“Sure thing.”

Emmah sits next to my feet. She says to me, “You and I can do wonderful things. Let me show you.”

Emmah opens the case and begins to play the violin. It’s just a violin. The song she plays isn’t accompanied by anything else and yet, it’s powerful. One instrument alone creates a rich and full vibrations of frequencies into an entrancing sound. It’s not the violin making this possible, it’s this woman. I’m getting lost in this sound. I felt this in person before. She’s been so close this entire time.

She’s similar to me. She is bound to her fate. These are the threads I’m now pulled towards. It’s not magnetic this time. It’s gravitational.

I’m not imagining the other sounds that don’t come from Emmah. They’re just as real as the smell and touch I’m experiencing. My mother is just as breathless.

This only exists in fiction.

It’s the beginning of spring and the flowers are blooming. There are no clouds in the sky. The hum of the violin creates a breeze that carries the floral aroma. The air is warm and the birds are singing the melody. It’s a Saturday and there’s no school. My mother is sitting next to me. She’s reading me a book, explaining the words that I don’t understand. My father comes through a door with no walls. I get up from the grass and run over to hug him. My father picks me up.

I’m four years old.

These are my mother’s emotions.

Another song plays.

It’s winter and there’s a bunch of snow around to play with. Adanismee and Micheal built snow forts and are having a snowball fight. Emmah is sitting down, watching them, then smiles when the man in front of her gets up to join the kids. I don’t recognize him, but I know it’s Michael’s father.

The song shifts tone.

The father is now dead. Emmah is running, holding her two kids who are now babies. She’s being chased. She runs through an iron door that shuts and locks behind her. The curtains are closed and she disappears. The man pursuing her has no choice but to stop.

The song doesn’t end in a frantic or sorrowful, but melancholy. It ends with light coming through the windows and the door open. I’m on the other end.

These are Emmah’s emotions.

It’s not my imagination.

When it’s all over, I’m back in the hospital room. Emmah puts the violin back in the case. My mother is speechless.

“We’re all wounded people,” Emmah says. “We understand best on how to heal.”

“My turn,” Adanismee walks up. She grabs my wrists and examines it. “Mom smiles a lot more because of you. Thank you.”

“What are you doing?” I barely manage to say. It comes out so weak.

“Your pulse. It aches.”

“Grace. You’re crying,” Mom says.

“Huh?” I wipe my eyes. I am. “Mom? What’s happening?”

A sharp and intense heat brands itself on my spine. I wail at it. I want it to stop. It’s like it’s being drilled into. My pulse is thumping against Adanismee’s fingers. The vein wants to burst.

“You want to walk again,” the girl says. “But you’re stopping your body from healing. You’re stopping me too.”

Why isn’t anyone stopping this? I’m screaming. It hurts too much. I’m being ripped in half.

“Mom, please make this stop! It hurts!”

“Virginia, what does your mother’s intuition tell you to do?” Emmah asks.

I’m begging for my mom to interfere. She wants to step in. Her heart is breaking because she isn’t. What’s happening? Did my mom see my emotions? I’m not ready. I’m not ready. I’m not–

“Grace,” she finally speaks. “Be vulnerable. I saw what you were feeling. I know it’s not easy and you’re not ready yet. I know you’re afraid.”

“You don’t have to be ashamed of what happened. Don’t punish yourself like this,” Emmah whispers.

“Grace, please. Talk to me. You promised you would. Tell me about this.”

“I died, Mom! I wasn’t allowed…”

“Grace…”

My mom is crying. She’s an ugly crier. She’s trying her best to keep her tears from becoming waterfalls. She’s in pain. It’s my pain.

I was mad at her. I never wanted to admit it because she was only trying to do her best. I wanted to believe that. But she was raising a daughter that was beyond help. . I was just a kid. Children are supposed to be children, and I was never a child. I endured the harsh cruelty of life, using any solace, any hand to keep me from drowning. All that solitude, chains and pain went unseen. There was no savior, no rescue and I was left to silently scream into a void. From a young age, I did not want to burden my mother further. The darkness was vast. The soul was dying.

It was violence.

I did not deserve this.

“I wanted to die. My entire existence has been a burden. I cause nothing but grief to the people around me. I was born defective. Nothing good ever happened to me. That everyone deep down thought I was too hideous. I thought I was unlovable because of it. That you didn’t either. That’s why you spent all your time working, so you didn’t have to deal with me.”

“Is this what I saw? I'm so sorry, baby girl. I’ve been a horrible mother. I failed you as a person.”

“No…No,” I weep. “This isn’t your fault.”

“It is!”

“It’s not.”

“I should have been better, Grace. Ever since you were born. I knew how special you were. I thought it was just the love I had for you as a mother. But Gracie, you shined brighter than any star in the universe. I’m…so sorry. Grace, you were always a strong child. I knew that you had no friends and were being teased. I knew how much you were suffering but you always were such a fighter. You seemed to handle it so well. It was my responsibility to take that weight off your shoulders. I thought I could make up for everything I couldn’t give you by letting you have the freedom to do whatever you want. Even when you began to go out once you made friends, I knew what could happen, but I still let it. You became so happy and thought it was enough. I broke your trust, maybe I broke it a long time ago. You were never a burden, Grace. I was. My selfishness keeps taking what I love away from me. It took away your dad…It almost took away…”

“I took her away!”

“Is she who I saw?

“Yes!” I cry. “I’m ashamed of her. I tried to kill her. I wanted nothing to do with her. But I died. I spoke with her. She’s the one who never got to live. I’m scared of her. I don’t know how to heal her. I promised her I would.”

“You’ve already begun, my sweet girl. It’s not going to happen overnight. You’re doing it right now. We’re talking. I’m here. It’s okay to forgive yourself.”

“Mommy…” I wail.

My mom breaks down further. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t be the mother you needed. I’m so sorry I left you all alone. I’m so sorry that I didn’t see how much you were suffering. I’m so sorry that I made you feel less when I was being selfish and helped Sara and Andrew. I didn’t realize how much I was hurting you…”

“I felt so ugly!”

My mom pushes my head into her torso, letting me wet her shirt. “You’re so beautiful.”

Your existence is beautiful.

The pain fades away like it was never there.

I gasp for air.

I stop crying, but the tears continue to fall.

Adanismee rubs my wrist and then holds my hand. “Please continue.”

“I’ll say it a thousand times a day until you believe it,” My mom rubs the back of my head. “You won’t be alone ever again.”

My mother calms down, trying her best to ease the redness in her face.

I frantically nod, “I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”

“You have never been a curse. You’re my child. You’re my blessing. You’re my gift. No one in the world has been ready to receive it, not even me. We have been blind. We were the ones afraid, not you.”

“What did I show you?” I sniff, wiping my snot dry.

My mom pinches my cheeks out. “I saw you, Grace. The whole you. The wonderful you.”

Emmah, who has been quietly observing says, “What we can do is very powerful. You hold that same power. I should’ve realized why it was being kept dormant for so long. Twin flames are formed at birth, not death. I would have loved to meet the girl who was keeping your gift alive for you.”

“Yes. She was wonderful.”

Emmah giggles, “Grace, do you remember now? What did you see?”

“I saw everyone who needs me, including those who I haven’t met yet. They need my help. I don’t know how to do it. I just know that I can.”

Adanismee finally lets go of my hand and says, “I’m done. I still couldn’t figure out what she could do.”

“That’s alright. We’re here to help Grace understand everything that she’s been going through first,” Emmah says as her daughter enters her arms. Then she turns to me. You need to heal first before you can help others.”

“I’m not the only one who needs it right now,” I say, looking at my mom.

“Grace, what are you saying?” Mom asks.

“You need to heal too, Mommy. You never got to live either.”