Wednesday
I’ve spent $5,000 on clothes split between two stores. On top of what I already used, I’m still left well over $40,000 out of the 50. I could have bought more than three total outfits with 5,000, but the prettiest clothes don’t come cheap.
As I walk towards my third destination of the outlet mall, I catch Emily walking out of it. I get her under my umbrella before she’s able to get wet.
I’m not happy to see her. I’m angry. She has hurt me too. She didn’t have to use me as a tool. I did not deserve to be a test for her to see if Cody could change when she asked him to watch over me.
But she doesn’t know that so I don’t show it.
“I heard you gave a really nice speech for the funeral. How is Freyja holding up?”
“As best as she can, I guess. She has Sara to be there for her.”
To be honest, I haven’t poked my head into that situation. Sara has spent every night at Fey’s since it happened. Mom being mom, spends her free time over there too. I’ve had the house all to myself but it hasn’t felt any less empty.
Sara told my mom how I acted towards Freyja when she woke up today. My mom tried to talk to me about it but I didn’t let her, so I left which is why I’m here now.
I switch topics over to Jerrica and Andrew since there hasn’t been an update. Andrew hasn’t visited since dropping me home two weeks ago.
“They’ve been fighting, but no more than usual. Jerrica doesn’t bring it up and it’s been like it never happened.”
“And what do you feel about it?”
Emily shrugs, “I wasn’t surprised. Andrew’s been around long enough for me to know he isn’t the same guy back then. He’s let go of that past. Your mom actually dropped by a few days ago.”
She didn’t tell me.
“Oh yeah? What for?”
“Well Jerrica told me she did. I was at my Dad’s. I guess your mom wanted to have an honest conversation with him. She didn’t tell me what she said, but it’s not hard to guess what it was about.”
“Everything worked out in the end, huh?”
“I guess so,” Emily giggles. “Hey listen, what are you doing Friday night? Want to come to my cousin’s wedding?
“Isn’t Soran already your plus one?”
“My cousin isn’t a control freak, she wouldn’t mind a few extra people. They’ll be room for you. What’dya say? It’ll be nice to keep your mind off things.”
“Thanks for inviting me all the time in the world to get ready for it.”
“Don’t worry about what to wear too much. I can help you find something while we’re here.”
“You should invite Cody instead of me.”
Emily laughs, “Don’t be ridiculous. Too much has happened for us to be friends.”
“Have you seen him since the tree house?”
She nods, “I managed to convince him to be there when I visited his mom. I don’t think she would have let me off that easily if he wasn’t.”
Emily and Cody were childhood loves. The kind that can only exist in fiction. They were always meant for eachother, but what a tragedy fell between them. There isn’t a greater one than always should but never could.
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We sit on a nearby bench instead of blocking the entrance of the store we were standing in front of. There’s a canopy over it to better protect us from the rain.
“And how did that go?”
“As well as I deserved.”
“Was it a smart idea to do all that? What if it sparks old feelings alive?”
“I can’t not visit who I see as my second mom. It went fine, Grace. I told you that you didn’t have to worry. We’re different people now, better people.”
Better people.
Who determines that?
How do you prove that?
I want to know.
“Isn’t it nice to know Cody became the man you always wanted him to be? He could have never done it if you hadn't left.”
Emily faintly smiles. Behind it, there’s a frown. I got what I wanted. I don’t have to say anything else. “We both deserve better.”
I don’t have to say anything more, but I do, “That’s an interesting way of saying both of you are not worth getting better for.”
Emily flinches away from me. I struck a chord. Good. It takes her a moment to collect herself. “Give me your phone number,” Emily pulls out her phone. “I want to stay in touch.”
“You’re leaving on Wednesday, right, Ems?” I ask after Emily saves my number.
“Yeah. The month really flew by. Come with me to the wedding, Gracie. It’ll be fun.”
We part ways after talking for a bit more. Emily goes off to continue shopping but my desire to do the same faded. I leave the Outlet and head over to Cody’s apartment. I arrive unannounced but don’t have to worry about him not being home.
Cody’s in the middle of brushing his teeth when he opens the door to let me inside. His apartment hasn’t changed since I last came. The warm colors on top of the gigantic bookshelves across his wall reminds me more of a library than a studio apartment. Cody still doesn’t bother to organize all the journals he has laying everywhere either.
“What are you doing here?” Cody walks over to the kitchen sink to spit out the toothpaste.
“I ran into Emily,” I say, plotting my ass on his couch.
“Congratulations.”
“You failed to mention that you hung out with her.”
Cody walks over to his closet and puts on a shirt. “I wouldn’t exactly call it hanging out. She visited my mom. That’s all it was.”
I turn on his TV and scroll through his YouTube to find something to watch. “That’s still a dangerous game to play.”
“Cut the bullshit, Grace. Say what you want to say.”
I look over to Cody who sits next and begins to put on his shoes. “Don’t you think it’s a bit weird that we’re all in the same place again? The same month, just three years apart.”
“Not everyone. Chris hasn’t gotten better.”
“Y’know what I mean. None of us ever thought it could ever happen, but here we are. Wasn’t Chris obsessed with fate and destiny? Too many outliers have been happening for me not to feel like this isn’t fate.”
“You’re reading too much into it,” Cody leans over his coffee table and picks up the bong. “I’m not the one tied to fate.”
I shake my head, continuing to scroll down YouTube. “You haven’t felt it, have you? It hasn’t pulled on you?”
Cody coughs after taking a hit of his bong, “What am I supposed to feel?”
I settled on a music video of one the hip hop artists Cody listens to. “I don’t know, maybe that it hasn’t been an accident that you keep running into Emily.”
I’m talking out of my ass. I have given it thought to how it could be possible for everything to line up perfectly. It would be nice to believe it’s fate. The closest I ever was to believing it exists is this pull that leads me nowhere. It wants me to follow it, but I already have. There’s nothing there. I was just wondering if Cody had one that led him to Emily.
The pull on the invisible string attached to me gets stronger by the day. Not by much, but enough to notice it after a few weeks.
I’m filled with strange.
“Is that what you feel? What’s pulling you?”
“At what point does this stuff stop being coincidence?”
“You too, huh? Well, it hasn’t bothered me.”
“Maybe it's your chance to get proper closure with her this time. Talk it out and end on good terms this time.”
Cody chuckles and stands up. “I’m leaving. You can stick around but lock the door when you leave.”
“Where are you going?”
“Going to meet my producer. We’re starting my album today. She doesn’t like it when I’m late.”
“Don’t forget to send me the demos!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Cody waves me off.
I make myself more comfortable by stealing a blanket off his unmade bed and wrap myself with it on the couch. It’s the perfect temperature in his apartment. It’s chilly but not so much so I need the blanket. The windows are foggy and that gray blends well with the earthly brown of the apartment. It sets the perfect vibe. I could stay here forever.
On the recommended tab, it suggests songs from Emmah Melody Ryan. Cody’s already watched these based on the red playbar being filled up at various positions. I’ve never heard any of these, they’re her classical songs.
There isn’t a better atmosphere for me not to start.