Monday

The Fourth of July

I slept through the entire Sunday. The lack of sleep finally caught up to me. I only realize this when I turn on my phone again.

I wasn’t hallucinating Elizabeth’s room. Nothing has disappeared. There’s no curtains on her windows. I’m exposed while I look down to the rainy streets. No one will walk by and see me because of the rain. Everyone has been so desperately looking for me. I don’t care. I’m sure they checked all the places I would have gone. Elizabeth’s house hasn’t crossed their minds yet. I’m safe here. No one can find me here. But I’m disappointed no one has even thought yoo.

. I text Felix, asking if Elizabeth ever talked about fate. I ask him if she ever talked about a girl in a white dress. I let him know where I’m at.

An hour passes and he doesn’t come. Then another.

And then he does.

I run downstairs to greet him on the front steps. He’s smiling as he approaches. He has something in his hand. A piece of paper? No, it’s cloth.

“You made me wai…”

Oh.

#

My eyes are burning when I wake back up. My arms are behind my back, wrapped around an old wooden support pillar with my hands tied with a rope.

It’s still raining outside.

The windows are breaking down along with everything else in the living room. Dust and dirt is everywhere. The table collapsed in half. A mouse runs by. I haven’t been here in four years.

This is where the party the night of the suicide house, the old abandoned house in the far southeastern edge of town. It’s hidden just right inside the woods, and can only be accessed through a dirt road nature is reclaiming. There isn’t any other house nearby.

Elizabeth died not too far from here.

I was drugged.

Felix is on a chair backwards in front of me. His hands are crossed over the backrest. His smile is sick.

“Do you understand just how special you are, Grace?”

“Felix…what are you doing?”

I struggle to move my hands loose but the rope is digging into my wrists. I try to stand, but my feet are tied.

Felix glacier eyes are shimmering.

“What a delight it was, how you fell right onto my lap when you did. I’m the only one who has ever appreciated just how special you are.”

“Wha? Why am I here?”

But I know. I see it in his eyes. Fuck. I’ve been so stupid.

“This place brings bad memories, right? I need you to be here. You’re ready now.”

“Felix…please. Not you.”

Just how much have I been lied to?

“You think you know about hate, but the thing is, it’s a bottomless well. There’s always deeper water to dive. Isn’t it so agonizing that it can always get so, so, so much worse.”

My eyes want to pop out of the sockets.

“This used to be my house when I was a kid. Aylin and I grew up here. Then our father was murdered, and well, mom always beat me. It serves nothing but bad memories. How fortunate that you share the same thought.”

Everything has been useless after all. Nothing was changed. Nothing can. Fuck. How could I not see this? I know better. Can nothing truly ever escape?

“You were arrested…”

“Finally connected the dots, huh?”

“Lyle…”

“A man with my power is above the law. Did your little friends really think that was enough to stop me?”

“And you’re back…for revenge.”

“Revenge? That’s beneath me. I don’t live in the past. I’m only here for the now, which is you and all your majesty. I would have given up if I didn’t have you.”

I was being taken advantage of. I was naive. He wants me. My presence has been a poison. My existence is putting everyone in danger again. It always has been.

The sick rumors about him are true. Lyle finds women and brainwashes them. His identity has been in my face the entire time. Lyle builds girls from their lowest point and into his fiercely loyal servants. It was all over the news when his entire operation fell. 80% of those arrested were girls and none of them ever talked.

He’s been doing that to me.

“And you’ll be just as majestic as Marina.”

Marina. That’s the name of the girl who helped Sara escape from Lyle. She’s who helped Andrew and Chris bring Lyle down. White Hair. White eyes. White Skin. Elizabeth met her too.

Just how much has everything been connected? What was it all connected to? Why does it feel like it's been me the entire time? What makes me so special? All of this is happening because of me. Did I ever have a say in anything?

Lyle pulls something out of his pocket and sets it in front of me. It’s a small vial with blue liquid inside.

Winter.

“Has it settled in yet? Do you see how disgusting you’ve been? Have you found a deeper hell of hatred? Isn’t it so hopeless? Powerless?

“I’m not going to play into your mind games!” I shout. I jerk my body forward, trying to lunge but I’m repelled back.

The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

Lyle is now squatting with his heels firmly on the ground. “You want to fill your emptiness, Grace. You’ll get what you wish for if you drink this. You shall see the world how I see it. It will set you free. You’ll be happy again.”

“This isn’t going to work on me.”

“Aren’t you exhausted?”

“I won’t ever be that stupid.”

Lyle sighs, “I’ve met the woman in white dress. Do you know what she showed me? I saw what no one shouldn’t. I’ve met her multiple times just to force myself to remember what. I’ve never been so peaceful now that I’m connected.”

“You’re crazy.”

“That's why I can understand you. I’m aware of the threads that you’re connected with. I need your help, Grace. You can help me bring all of them together. Together, we can transcend humanity.”

“You’re actually crazy,” I laugh. “Do you hear yourself?”

“I understand your pain better than anyone. I know how it feels to be born unwanted. I know how alone you feel, how cursed. It took me a long time to realize that this curse was a gift.”

The thunder cracks the sky open.

Felix leans off the chair. “You have a gift too. Nobody can see it but me. Not your mother, your friends, Aylin, Omar and anybody else.”

Omar?

Fuck.

It really is true.

Just how much have I been manipulated without me knowing? It wasn’t an accident when I met Omar after all. It was planned. Did Aylin know too? Is that the only reason she kept me around? Who else was acting as his puppet? Tina, Liz? Maddie? Fuck. Yuele? I thought I could see intentions. Was I ever able to?

I can’t trust anyone.

This. All of this. Everything since I met him. No, even before. It’s all been him. I try to break free again. My throat trembles. My tears are ailing my dry eyes. Lyle grins.

“You…” my words shake. “You did this to me. You’re the one who’s made me miserable.”

“I did it for you.”

“Stop lying to me!”

The rope jerks me back against the wooden pillar.

“I did this because I could see the wound in your heart since the day I met you. I saw beauty in you. But your heart wasn’t ready. It needed to face the truth but it was too weak.”

“This is bullshit!”

“You needed the confidence to fight it, Grace. You needed to be strong enough to survive when it brought you to the depths of hell. It’s only now, when you come face to face with your hate, that you can let it go. It’s only here, where Elizabeth died, can you find who you are.”

My lips whimper, they shake. Uncontrollably. I don’t break away from his eyes.

“This pain that you went through? No one else could ever survive it. But you did. You digged in and clawed through. That’s beauty.” Lyle says. He taps on the top of the vial. “And now you’re ready. All of it was just for this moment. You’re ready to meet her. You will be reborn Gracefully.”

“Why don’t you just force me…”

“It has to be your choice, Grace,” Lyle stands. “Else she won’t come. Everything will make sense when you drink it. Take all the time you need.”

Lyle sits back on his chair and just watches me. He doesn’t say anything else. He doesn’t have to.

My whole life has been a lie.

Nothing was ever mine.

Survive? What have I survived? Every time I felt I couldn’t be more miserable, I was kept proven wrong. It’s also a bottomless pit. There’s no end to it. There’s no point in trying to climb out of it anymore. Everything is so pointless.

The sun sets. The rain continues to fall. Lyle continues to watch me with a stomach twisting smile. He’s waiting.

Waiting…

He’s only here for me.

I’m special. That’s what everyone tells me. Nobody can tell me what makes me so. I’m worthless, not worthy of being a human being. I’m a monster. I’m pathetic. I’m not special. I don’t have any gifts. This talk of fate and odd occurrences isn’t real. It was just bullshit. It has to be. The stress has just been getting to me.

I refuse to believe otherwise. Otherwise…I never had any control in my life. Everything kept happening because it’s meant to. I didn’t have a choice. Accepting that would mean…it would mean that I was born just to suffer.

Elizabeth was right. Pain begets pain. Hurt people, hurt people and everyone is in agony. This spiral or cycle of despair is everyone’s destiny. Escape is an illusion. There’s no end to it. Never being apart it has also been an illusion. There is no escape.

Humans will continue to hate each other. They’ll bring them down. They’ll kill and rob each other. They’ll be left to freeze or starve. They’ll be forced to work until death, being squeezed for everything. They’ll be dehumanized and turned into numbers. Their humanity will be stripped away.

Change will never happen because it happens within the cycle.

It’s pointless to even try.

This world is evil. It can’t be saved.

There’s no God here. There is no God in me.

But I was supposed to be different. I was supposed to be special. I was a light to find in the darkness. I was told that so much that I eventually believed it. Hope was given to me to wear. Things have gotten too far for me to ever believe that again. I’m powerless.

Hate is a reflection to the true self. Winter grants access to the soul. Everything has led up to this. Elizabeth found peace when she took it. Peace is the only thing I want now.

I don’t want to be in pain anymore.

“Give me it,” I say.

Lyle stands and claps. “I’m proud of…”

The front door slams open. My name is yelled out for. During the slight confusion, Lyle is tackled to the ground. I should be relieved. I was found. I’m saved.

I don’t want to be saved.

Lyle pushes Andrew away from him. Cody stands between them and me, looking back and forth. Ultimately, he decided to help Andrew.

“You’re spoiling the fun!” Lyle chuckles. “Remember how it turned out three years ago?”

“Things are different now,” Cody calmly says.

“You sick fuck! What are you doing with my little sister?!” Andrew lunges at Lyle but gets avoided.

Cody steps in and throws a couple of punches that are also evaded. Andrew grabs Lyle’s arms from behind but Lyle kicks himself free.

From the front door, Jerrica walks in, examines what’s going on and runs over to me. She begins to loosen the knot tied to my feet. “C’mon, let's get you out of here.”

“How did you find me?”

“Dumb luck, I guess,” Jerrica nervously says. “Cody can explain it better.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Jeez, Gracie. Now is not the time for this. We need to get you safe first.”

Jerrica frees my legs and begins working on my hands. The robe is thinner and has many more knots. This it’ll take her longer.

It’s a cycle. Everything repeats.

Exactly three years ago, Cody and Andrew fought Lyle. They weren’t a match for him. They lost. Emily was shot. The only saving grace was that they only needed to buy time until the cops came. Jerrica, Sara, Cody and Emily were never supposed to be there. Chris lost his mind because it didn’t happen the way he saw it.

And it’s happening again.

I did this.

This is my fault.

Jerrica cursed in her frustration of being unable to loosen the rope. Lyle elbows Andrew in the face, knocking him down. His face is kicked nearly clean off. Cody does a much better job defending himself. He lands a few hits on Lyle before Lyle jumps away to gain distance.

“I’m actually starting to have fun,” Lyle laughs. “I’m not much for the past, but I’m still pissed off about Marina.”

“And I’m pissed about this.”

Cody steps in, gets blocked then hit in the stomach. Lyle gets uppercutted.

“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon!” Jerrica jerks on the knot that’s about to come lose.

Lyle steps in then trips. Andrew grabbed hold of his ankle and pulled him. Cody smacks Lyle on the temple.

My hands are freed.

“C’mon, let's go!”

“Wait.”

Jerrica turns her attention to the fight. Lyle falls down to the ground. Cody takes time to catch his breath while Andrew stumbles up the floor. He gets over Lyle and hits his head over and over again. Left. Right. Left. Right.

“It’s done, Andrew. Stop,” Cody says.

Andrew listens.

“Andrew, kill him!” I shout. “This is the only way it can end!”

I flinch from the sound when Andrew hits him again. “She’s right. This is how it should’ve gone the first time.”

“Andy, stop!” Jerrica yells.

Cody wants to stop him from continuing to hit Lyle, over and over again. He knows I’m right too. Death is the only escape. It’s the only way to stop this plague that's been in our lives for so long. Andrew continues to rail on Lyle.

Jerrica continues to plead and beg for Andrew to stop. He doesn’t. “Andy, stop this! You don’t have to fight anymore!” Jerrica gets up and throws herself at her fiance. “It’s okay. You’ve done enough,” She whispers.

Andrew stops.