Sunday

I’m awoken long past noon by a loud and familiar obnoxious laughter downstairs. In my grogginess, I chalk it up to being a lingering dream that I’m having half-asleep. Then I hear my mother’s scolding and Sara’s laughter and it makes it a bit more real.

My heart flutters in excitement when I hear my name being yelled for out of the kitchen floor directly under my room. I don’t bother to change out of my less-than-ideal sleepwear and only put on my old thick glasses and run down the stairs to make sure it’s still not a dream.

“Gracie-kins!” Andrew raises his hands in excitement then hunches down to wobble towards me and gives me the tightest hug. “Ain't this the best birthday present ever?!”

“What are you doing here?!” I gasp in disbelief.

Of course, it is just like Andrew to show up unannounced.

I have to rub my eyes just to make sure I’m not dreaming once I’m released.

Andrew left to head to New York without ever telling us. It took a year just to learn where he ran off to. My mom was the only one able to get in contact with him. Despite knowing he was okay, Andrew has been keeping us in the dark about what he’s been up to for the past two years.

All we know is what he wants us to know. We know from my mom that he's only doing it for the build up to be worth it. It’s all been leading up to a giant reveal. Mom has already told us what it is, annoyed at his antics, but it’s too outlandish to believe.

Andrew hasn’t changed. He still has the rugged edges on his face that are the definition of intimidation. Everything he does still has to be entertaining. No, I’m wrong. There is something different about him.

His eyes don’t carry hatred anymore.

“He thought it was going to be funny to show up out of nowhere,” My mother rubs her eyebrows together.

Andrew looks back, grinning, “Wasn’t it?”

Sara laughs. “A little bit.”

I didn’t grow the same bond as I did with Sara while he stayed with us. I did grow to like him as a person, however, enough to see past the front he always had. I got to know a side of him who wasn’t as crazy, reckless and had a death wish.

Mom says he’s settled down.

Andrew could never.

“I got even better news,” Andrew hops on the coffee table to make an announcement, something he frequently did. “I’m here to tease the greatest plot twist in the 21st century!” Andrew proudly raises his arms up.

“We know you have a girlfriend,” Sara crosses her arms.

“But the twist is who!”

Mom rolls her eyes, “It’s Jerrica.”

Now that is a twist. Mom has hinted at it, but how could we ever believe her?

“Virginia, how could you?!” Andrew slouches in disappointment.

“You deserve it now. You lost your chance at your bit.” My mom sighs. Andrew never fails to exhaust her. “You should have brought her if you were going to show up like this.”

Sara throws one of the couch pillows at her twin brother. “You asshole! You haven’t kept in touch for a bit? I worry about you! Is it so hard to call once in a while?!”

Andrew winks at my mom and hops back down. “I signed an NDA to not spill the beans.”

“You know what? This works out,” Virginia grabs hold of Andrew’s wrist and leads him to the front door. “Since you’re here now, I need you to come with me real quick.”

“Where to?”

“You have a lot to make up for me for disappearing like that. We’ll start with a little favor you’re going to help me out with.” My mother pushes Andrew out the front door and turns to face us. “Grace, get ready by the time I come back. I can’t believe you slept in for your graduation. And don’t forget we have a reservation for your birthday diner at 8. You girls better wear something nice.”

“Can I come?” Andrew says outside in the distance.

“You’re not giving me much of a choice,” My mother's voice fades away.

I turn to Sara who’s trying her best to hold in her laughter. “Mom wasn’t lying, huh?”

My sister shrugs, “You want to know what’s funny? I slapped him as soon as I answered the door.”

“Fuck, I wish I was awake to see that.”

“Don’t fall asleep at 6am next time.”

“Don’t be a grandpa and get up at that time,” I giggle. “But Jerrica? In what world?”

“I know, right?”

The gnawing feeling from last night comes back.

The entire Senior Class erupts in clapper and cheers when my name is called for my diploma. I get up the small steps of the rec center’s podium and shake our principal’s hand then turn towards my class. They’re all unrecognizable. The only faces that aren’t a blur are of my family. I notice somebody isn’t clapping and their face unblurs.

It’s Alex Elledge.

I go back to my seat and he quickly becomes all I can think about.

Since Monday, he’d been approaching me in the halls in between classes. It wasn’t more than friendly chats but it’s more than nothing. There was a time where we were expected to be the power couple, but that never happened. Our fling was the strongest when we were 15 and has been slowly fizzling out. We don’t talk as much as we used to so it’s been odd that things are going back to what we had. We flirt too much and it’s been driving me crazy.

While I was out with Yuele, Alex texted me that he was glad I didn’t go to any of the parties during the week. He knows I didn’t because he went to all of them. Alex doesn’t like parties but why would he be happy that I wasn’t there?

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

I’d ask, but I like doing things in person.

I look over to where he’s sitting after I send over a text to see how he reacts.

I send:

You wouldn’t come to my b-day party even if I threw one, right?

Alex whips out his phone and reads my message but doesn’t look over to me. He responds:

Wait you’re not?

I text right back:

No. I’ll rather celebrate with the people I care about.

I send another right after:

What are you doing later tonight?? I’ll be free around 11.

My heart drops because I sent it without giving it any thought. Everyone knows double texting makes you look desperate. That was stupid. Ugh, I hate wanting to cower away and hide.

Alex reads it then looks towards me with an eyebrow raised, making me want to curl into a ball. He responds with:

Sure. I’ll be home all day.

He smiles at me before turning his attention back to the stage.

My mother gives me the tightest hug she’s given me since I was a kid once I’m free to leave the ceremony. “I’m so proud of you!”

I struggle to set myself free. “Like it was so hard, huh? Graduating isn’t special.”

“Don’t downplay your achievements, sweetie. You worked hard. You should be proud.”

Sara gives me a hug next. “Let’s take a picture.”

“Where’s Andrew?” I turn to my mom while Sara asks a nearby group to take our photo. Andrew is nowhere to be seen even though he was with them inside.

“He had to run off somewhere real quick. He’ll meet us back home.”

It could be anywhere that Andrew ran off to. He’s always been an asshole but I didn’t think he would miss overly exaggerating his congratulations for me. I thought Andrew grew to give a shit about me. I thought he was here for my birthday.

I’m proven wrong when I spot him dancing behind a car I don’t recognize parked in our driveway. Sara is unable to hide her grin while she stares at me for my reaction. I get an idea of what’s happening because I expected something like this at one point, but not this year.

I step out my mom’s car on the side of the brand new car she parks next to.

“HAPPY FUCKIN’ BIRTHDAY, GRACIE!!!” Andrew erupts and jumps up and down.

The goofiness of his jumps forces me to smile.

Sara blocks Andrew from hugging me with a stiff arm and hugs me first, “Happy birthday, Gracie. I love you lots. More than you know.”

My mother dangles the set of car keys of the brand new car in front of me. She’s smiling with anticipation until Sara lets me go and I can grab them.

“Happy birthday, love,” She brings my head towards her heart. “It’s all yours. You deserve it.”

I take a second to look down at the car keys before sharing my smile with my family. I know I asked for a car a while ago, but never for a brand new one.

“How do you have the money to afford this?” I ask. I was happy enough with anything used and cheap.

“It’s easier to save up when I don’t have two leeching mouths to feed anymore,” she jokes.

“You’re the one who didn’t make us pay rent,” Andrew says under his breath.

I look back down at what are now my car keys. My mouth shuts from my grin but I continue to hold my smile. I have to because if I don’t, I’ll frown.

Why do I want to frown?

I’m happy. This is the best present I could have ever gotten. I’ve gotten more than I asked. Nothing but good things have happened today. Fuck, I even won 50,000 dollars at the beginning of my birthday.

I should be exploding from excitement.

Today is perfect.

So why am I as happy as I want to be?

Something’s wrong.

Something's always been wrong.

Why the fuck do I feel so empty?

Mom takes us to a Michelin-rated restaurant in Seattle to continue my birthday and graduation celebration. I feel a little more normal here. Once I got over my initial hump of numbness, it became easier to not think about it.

The restaurant is too fancy and proper for us four not to stand out. Andrew stands out the most because he’s the loudest, but that’s to be expected. He brings back some sense of familiarity that I didn’t know I missed so much. He acts the same way he would when we had dinners back home. That hasn’t changed.

When Sara and Andrew lived with us, I had a family I never got to experience as a kid. It’s always just been my mom and me. The twins gave me a sense of what a normal family could be like. I have it back again and it’s making me just as happy.

The uncomfortable emptiness I felt earlier was just a one off.

Mom and Sara use the evening to catch up on everything Andrew’s been doing over the past two years. Andrew tries to play it off and be humble like he hasn’t come a long way.

There was a time when everyone thought Andrew would be found dead one day. Like Sara, he too managed to escape the chains that were killing him. My mom helped him.

Andrew used to laugh in a way that was exaggerated to the point where it was obnoxious. It’s not as bad as before and his real laugh sprinkles out once in a while. He shares more about himself tonight than I ever learned the entire time he lived with us. I get to see the side of him that Sara always told me was there.

I’m able to smile, laugh, and enjoy myself as much as I wanted earlier.

I always felt bad that I was partly responsible for being the reason why Andrew left as soon as he graduated. Mom only kicked him out for the day so she could cool off, but Andrew never returned. While Sara and I were worried, Mom never seemed to be. I learn now that she’s always had an idea of where he headed.

She only kept us in the dark because of a promise Andrew made her make. Sara had to learn to live without relying on him and Andrew needed to be able to find peace within himself. If he stayed, he wouldn’t be able to do that.

None of us knew that meeting Jerrica was what made him want to change. It’s still hard to process how that happened. There’s only one time where Andrew could have met Jerrica, three summers ago. She’s the older sister of the first friend I ever made, Emily.

And I’m not friends with Emily anymore.

She moved away after that summer with full intentions of leaving everything behind and never returning. Now Andrew’s telling us that Emily is also coming back to the state. They’ll be here for a few weeks for their cousin’s wedding.

Throughout this whole night, my phone has been blowing up with messages. I thought it was enough to put my phone on vibrate but they were so frequent that I had to put it on mute.

Everyone is pissed that I haven’t shown up to my own birthday party everyone is throwing.

Apart from the questions asking if I’ll show up, I’m informed of the gossip that starts to be shared. It always comes from the girls who hide their jealousy towards me. They’ll grab on to anything they think that’ll bring me down to their level, and try to crack my image. They’ve already been saying I haven’t been showing up to parties because I think I’m good for them anymore now that we’re graduating. Now that I haven’t shown up to the biggest party of the year, it’s undeniable proof that I’m full of myself.

I never believed I am too good for anyone.

Yeah, I like when girls become jealous of me but it’s never because I have something they don’t. I’m not better than anyone. I’m just tired of everyone thinking I’m someone I’m not.

Why would I ever show up to the place where Elizabeth died? Everyone remembers her, but they all have forgotten where it happened and who was there. They forgot just who she was and what she did.

Else I wouldn’t be compared with her.

Not once, have I ever escaped her.

I look up from my phone and Andrew’s voice is drowned out. I can’t hear my mom’s or Sara’s voice clearly either. My ears are ringing. My eyes don’t move away from Andrew’s constant smiling while trying to listen, but the ringing only gets louder.

He has all the attention tonight.

Why wouldn’t he? Andrew likes to keep us in the dark about what he’s up to because it amuses him. Tonight is the first time he’s home since he left and he is sharing everything he’s done since. My mom asks him a barrage of adult-like questions and Sara asks about his relationship with Jerrica. I sit back and observe and listen. The spotlight isn’t on me. I’m not important right now.

But it’s my birthday.

We’re at my dinner.

Tonight was supposed to be about me.

It’s like I’m not even here.

And there it is.

The emptiness comes back. It envelops every cell in my body and makes them a void. It’s not the first time this has happened. It’s been with me as long as I can remember. It’s been gone since I reinvented myself and stopped being weak. I thought it was there because I was lonely, but I’m lonely again.

I’ve gotten everything and I’m still lonely