After Mara had led us in meditation, we all went inside to eat together. I was still having trouble moving my left arm, but I was right-handed, so at the very least I could still feed myself without issue.

I didn't know what I was eating, something with cornbread and meat but the flavor seemed to be gone. I couldn't tell if it was hard and chewy, or if my bruised jaw was just having a hard time working. Either way, the swelling made it stiff, and the cut from where I had bit my tongue stung with every bite. Needless to say, everyone else finished their meals before me.

Looking around the table they all had different expressions. Lu looked sad, while Airsidh’s was blank. Bhaltair was dejected, and Mara was cold as ever. Each one of their gazes fell squarely on me, creating a pressure that made it almost impossible to swallow.

“Siya, finish your food. You'll need to regain your strength quickly for tomorrow.”

‘Tomorrow…’ I was trying not to think about it, but she was right. Tomorrow I would wake up and the process would repeat. Obviously, it wouldn't be as severe, they weren't actually trying to kill after all. Still, with my new injuries, even breathing felt like training.

I stared down at my plate of unfinished food, glancing up at Mara, and then back down at the food. It was hard to taste it, but the scent that it left in the air was pleasant at least ‘It’s too bad smelling it isn’t enough…’

I took another bite, looking back at Mara. ‘This is the last thing I have to do.’ I took another bite. ‘How many times have I said that today…’

Lu was the only one still there besides Mara and I. My brothers had left, but she just sat there, staring at me.

‘Looking at her like this, it's almost hard to tell if she's a cute little sister… or someone dangerous.’ I gulped down another bite, unable to look away from her blinkless gaze. ‘Why doesn’t she ever just say what she wants to this silence is killing me.

‘Her brow furrowed slightly as she began to fidget with something in her hands.

‘Is she just shy…? Maybe I should say something to ease the tension… It would help me eat at least…” “So… What did you guys do today?”

My sister’s expression finally softened, her hands relaxing as she placed them up, resting on the table. “After training, I Went out to the canyon to go rock climbing, and there was a new boulder route I saw that had never tried before…”

She paused, but her eyes began to sparkle, every word slowly getting louder and more excited. “It took me a while to get it, but when I finally did it felt so good! And the view from the top was amazing. I could see straight down to the bottom of the canyon!”

‘There's a canyon? And she went climbing there? I didn't even know she liked rock climbing.’ There was so much new information to take in at once I almost had to slow her down. ‘Even if it’s her… Doesn't that sound dangerous? I mean, I’m not even allowed to ride a horse unsupervised…’ “You didn't go alone did you?”

She tilted her head to the side. “Well, no. Rummond went with me.”

The image of her dangling over a cliff face without any kind of safety harness jumped into my mind. Somehow I was both worried about my sister and yet totally confident in her at the same time.

‘There's no way she would go on a dangerous climb without safety gear right?’ My first thought was that it was ridiculous, but thinking about all of the other ridiculous things that were my current reality I began thinking more and more that it might not have been the furthest thing from the truth.

My face ached as I took on a more serious expression. “When you go climbing… You do have ropes and stuff to make sure you don't fall right?”

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‘She shifted her weight, tilting her head to the other side as she thought. “Huh? Yeah, that's why I brought Rummond with me. He was the anchorman.”

“That's a relief,” I mumbled. When I looked down I saw I was holding my hand over my shirt, gripping the fabric. I quickly let go, hoping they didn't notice. ‘She doesn’t need someone as weak as me worrying about her… Especially when I don't even know why…’

My face relaxed as the worry I was feeling slowly turned into longing. ‘Is it her I’m worried about, or am I just projecting my feelings for my old sister Suzuki? She would do crazy things like that too… And we are sisters. Even if that's where the similarities end–’

I lifted a hand to gently rub my face. I was so tired, and by no means ready to open up that package of emotions, especially not in front of Mara and Lu. ‘I should hurry up and finish eating.’

Lu furrowed her brow. “I'm not like you Siya. No one has to worry about me. Even without the rope, I would be fine.

‘She’s right of course…’ It was true, we were nothing alike, and it seemed there really was no reason to worry. There wasn’t even a point in answering her. I suddenly felt like I didn’t even have the strength to anyway.

I was perfectly content to just silently return to my meal, but then I heard Mara’s voice. “Lu…” Her tone was deep and harsh, the kind of tone I had only ever heard her use with me.

She was staring at Lu with a dim smile, and eyes sharper than daggers. “If you even think about trying that, you're grounded.”

‘scary…’

I looked over to Lu, but she seemed completely unaffected by her mother’s menacing grin. “Come on Mom, I've done it before, it's not like I'll slip or–”

“Wayalusayo…”

I saw my sister freeze and tense up at the sound of her full first name. Even I stiffened. “Yes, mother…?”

It was the first time I saw her like that. Her voice was meek like mine. She was maintaining eye contact, but I could tell it was taking every fiber of her being to do so.

Even seeing her little girl about to cry in fear Mara’s expression was unchanging. “What exactly is it that you've done before?”

Her face turned pale as she looked away, unable to hold eye contact any longer. I saw her wince in pain before frantically placing a knife up on the table. ‘Is that she was playing with?’

She scratched her cheek, letting out a nervous chuckle… “What do you mean? I didn't do anything in particular.”

Despite her embarrassment and slip-up, her voice was still mostly steady. Besides that though, it felt so strange. I was completely detached, listening in on someone else's life, rather than looking at my own.

The entire interaction seemed so normal. I saw a mother angry at her daughter for being reckless, and a daughter getting in trouble for doing something she wasn't supposed to.

It was so normal that it seemed completely foreign. Like something out of a sitcom. In just a few seconds I ended up learning that Mara actually did act like a mother, at least to Lu. At the same time I learned that in some ways, Lu still acted like a little kid.

It was enough to make me laugh, suddenly taking everyone's attention and bringing myself back into the spotlight. Both of them were staring, and confusion was clear on their faces

“You really are still a little kid Lu. It's cute.”

She furrowed her brow, puffing out her cheeks, only further supporting my point.

“We're the same age! And you're way smaller than me.”

Every moment I spent laughing hurt my ribs more and more, so it wasn't long before I stopped, holding my side and trying not to cough.

Mara’s stern smile remained as she looked back at Lu. “Maybe you are, but she's definitely the older sister.”

‘I’m the older sister… I guess I am a part of the family… Her saying that is almost the same as her saying I’m her daughter.’

My chest tightened up as I looked back at Lu. ‘Maybe she isn’t Suzuki but… She isn’t that bad.’ “I'm glad… you're my sister Lu.”

There was no doubt that I would have rather been born into a different family, but having a sister who cared about me, even if she pretended she didn't, was a comfort.

Of course, for all I knew she really hated me, but even if it was a lie I liked to tell myself, I liked to think she was glad I was her sister too.

She slammed her hands into the table as she stood up. “Shut up. We barely even know each other. If you die tomorrow, I still wouldn't cry at your funeral.”

At first, I felt an ice-cold sting run through me, tears filling my eyes, but her face betrayed her, looking like she was about to cry too.

When she saw my tears she suddenly looked horrified and turned, running away.

‘She… didn’t mean that… Even if she didn’t cry, it would be because she was tough… Not because she was happy…’

I sniffled, wiping my eyes dry. ‘Shedding a single tear is fine, even for a man, but I won't cry any more than this in front of them…’

“She's afraid of getting close to you, in case you end up dying. She didn’t mean that.” Mara leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms.

I tried my best to keep my smile as I glanced back at her. “You mean in case you kill me?” I let out a small chuckle as my eyes welled up again, my face shaking. Still, somehow I held them back.

She looked to the side. “Yes…”

I let out a sigh of my own and took another bite. Slowly chewing and swallowing. It still had no flavor, but it had gone cold.

‘She’ll only kill me if I’m weak… So if I’m strong then I’ll be fine. The first step to that is confidence. I have to believe…’ I looked up at her. “When I make it to school, I'll have to keep an eye on her for you. Make sure she doesn't do anything stupid like free climbing a cliff face.”

She smiled gently as her eyes relaxed. “When?...”

We both paused, our eyes locked for a long time until she looked away. “I'd appreciate that…”

Even if the food was cold, it was a rare moment when my heart felt warm.