I was given three pellets by Catherine. They were bitter, but after using the first one I could tell they worked. I wasn't poisoned, but the number of injuries I was getting was only increasing by the hour.

While my brother's back was turned, I reached behind my neck and pulled another one out of the small pouch that was hidden by my hair, popping it in my mouth and biting it down. It was so hard it felt like it was going to break my teeth, but I managed to crack it open and chew it enough to get it down before Airsidh turned around with the medkit.

It wasn't long before I felt the effects. My body felt lighter, and my bruises ached less, if only a little.

When my brother got back to my side he sat down crossing his legs. “Sit down for a moment while I take care of this.”

I followed his example, lifting my arm out in front of me. ‘Why is it always this arm…’

The medicine he used stung, but after he wrapped it the pressure helped it to finally feel a bit better. “That's going to make your last few shots suck quite a bit. Do it again and you'll be sorry, that's for sure.”

“I have to shoot again?” ‘I was afraid he'd say that…’

One misfire and the bowstring nearly destroyed my arm. I didn't think it was childish to beg for an early end to the test if that's what it would take to get out of it. “Do I really have to?”

“Every target siya…” he said again, almost solemnly.

“But why…”

Ignoring me, he just repeated his direction from earlier. “Take all the time you need, but you're not leaving till you've hit every target.”

I lifted my arm and pointed at it “Airsihd…” It was swollen and shaking, I couldn't even close my fingers.

‘How did I even manage to draw it, if it was so heavy it could do this much damage…’

I thought if I could get anyone to see reason it would be him. He was the only person I ever managed to convince of anything.

Grabbed my hand, steadying it and taking a closer look at my fingers. “It could be worse, it's not broken, and your fingers look fine.” he shrugged as if asking what I wanted from him.

Looking down the range at the final targets the simple desire to quit became almost overwhelming. “And… If I don't?”

“Look, I really don't care one way or the other, and I'm not going to do anything to you either way… But… I can't say the same about anyone else. This test wasn't my idea.”

“Figures…” ‘I don't really care huh… so that's how he feels after all. Still, it is better than hating me.’ “Fine, but just in case, can I wear an arm guard? You don't care right…”

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He raised an eyebrow with a smirk. “I mean, I won't tell anyone.”

‘Nice.’

I stood up and grabbed a leather brace for my arm as he put the medkit back. Technically speaking we weren't even supposed to have them. It wasn't culturally acceptable to wear one.

You could say I was a bit of an exception, but it was more like it was a little secret I had with my brother.

Putting it on, I strapped it tightly, hoping the compression would help me steady my arm, and turned back to the range.

My hand was still shaky, my fingers still weak, but I didn't have to close them to hold the bow, I just needed my arm to stay strong.

Whatever medicine he put on it made it almost completely numb with only a faint burning and a tingling in my fingers and reaching up into my upper arm. Since there wasn't that much pain, it became easier than I thought to focus and let loose another arrow.

“Just three more,” he said softly.

“Right.” I fired the next arrow with little problem, but the bowstring was cutting into my fingers and they were beginning to ache as well.

“Two more…” I tried to say it confidently, but my voice came out shaky. The nervousness I was feeling began to mix with the pain and they were both starting to show, even in the way I talked.

My shoulders burned from the heavyweight and even though he said my fingers looked fine, I could feel the pressure starting to dig into them, leaving indents long after each shot.

I looked back at him, his face began looking more and more sad with every arrow.

“I thought you didn't care.” I pulled back my bow one more time and my arms shook violently as I struggled to aim. My accuracy was getting worse by the second, but I still hit it just like the last one.

“One…” we said together. My arms had gotten too tired to hold steady, even while I was drawing. ‘Even if I somehow figured out how to use my magic again, who knows if I would stay conscious long enough to actually get a shot off.’

I sat down letting them rest and rubbing my fingers where the bowstring was digging into them. There was no hiding how nervous I was. ‘Just one more…’ I told myself, over and over, but it didn't help.

I turned to Airsidh, trying to get my mind off of it so I could relax a bit. “So what did you have for breakfast anyway?”

He narrowed his eyes, seeing straight through me. “That's what you want to talk about.”

The truth was that the numbing agent he used was already wearing off, and the pain was coming back. I wasn't even sure if I was going to be able to draw the bow at all, much less hit the target. The longer I thought about it the more negative those thoughts became.

“You said it was good, right? Also, I found that talking distracts my brain from all of the pain. Humor me.”

He let out a depressing sigh and sat down next to me checking my hand. The groove in my fingers where the bow string sat was black and blue, and the skin was starting to peel.

“Alright, fine.” He leaned back. “Today Elsie made everyone butteries, and Catherine caught a giant Arbaroath when she was fishing yesterday so we smoked that too. It was pretty amazing, didn't you get any?”

“No… Mara usually cooks all of my meals, it's very strict. It sounds good though, what does it taste like?”

He closed his eyes and I could practically see his mouth watering. “It was smoked over applewood, and the smoked flavor blended perfectly with the butter crackers and biscuits, it was–” he opened his eyes with a smile. “You know what, I'm not going to tell you.”

“What…” I admitted it sounded good, but his sudden refusal to continue made me almost completely lose interest.

“I won't tell you… But if you make this next shot I'll sneak some out for you.”

I shook my head and couldn't help but smile. He was absurd, and weird, and maybe he didn't care about me, but at that moment he seemed closer to me than anyone else in my family. “Deal.”

‘I don't really like fish. But if he brings me some. I might like that.’ Standing up, I walked back over to the arrow stand and picked up my bow. “It better be as good as you say though, or I'm not eating it.”

Lifting the bow high into the air, I pulled it back with all my might. As soon as the target was in my sight I let go and the arrow flew directly into it. At first, I didn't even lower the bow. Did I actually do it? I could feel the sting of the bowstring tearing into my fingers, and the pain of the rest of my body, but I had accomplished my task.

‘Wait… This was a test right,’

“Good job Siya, looks like you finally earned your own bow.”

‘My own…’ It wasn't that I actually had nothing. I had a dress, and the training clothes I was wearing. I had a bed, even if it was just a wooden frame with no mattress. I wasn't proud to say I had any of that though.

‘This was that test?’ Finally, I had something to be proud of, and I had someone tell me I did good. In that moment all the pain somehow seemed secondary, and I was overcome with a different feeling altogether.