Thunder cracked again as I waded into the river to fill up the bucket. ‘If I get struck by lightning all the better.’ The poncho-like cloak kept my chest mostly warm but my hands and fingertips were beginning to freeze and turn red. When I reached out from under the cloak in order to carry the bucket it worsened and they began to stiffen.

I imagined the warm fireplace back at the castle. For a moment it warmed me up just thinking about it, but before long the fireplace in my mind turned to ice and froze over.

‘Mara wouldn't let me use it anyway, not unless I was dying. Even then she might just let nature run its course. Maybe she sent me out here hoping that I wouldn't come back this time. Usually, she lets me borrow one of Lu’s old coats that she had outgrown once it starts to get too cold for my body to handle safely. Maybe she didn't expect the rain and the wind to pick up. No… She knew exactly what would happen.’

I had only filled the bucket halfway to keep it on the lighter side, but even so, it weighed heavy on my hands. The rain thoroughly drenched my clothes and I began to shiver. With no way to dry off and no shelter nearby, I continued to walk back to the castle through a heavy headwind.

‘She probably just wants to trick me into trying harder out of self-preservation or convenience. I suppose in a way it's actually smart. By giving me the option to walk, and making me choose for myself to run instead, She's rather cleverly trying to trick me into putting forth effort of my own free will, rather than simply doing it to avoid punishment. Too bad for her I have no intention of playing along. Even if it kills me, my free will is mine, I won't let it be manipulated so easily.’

I followed every order Mara gave without question or thought. That fact pissed me off more and more as I thought about it. I felt like I had little choice in the matter. There were no other logical options, and even if I didn't run back I was ultimately still following her instructions. ‘I suppose I still technically have a choice though.‘

‘Do I lie down and die, or do I keep trying to live? It feels like both options are rather meaningless like it doesn't matter either way… and my feet are still moving… So I guess I won't give up just yet…‘

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I continued putting one foot in front of the other. At one point I set the bucket down and curled my knees to my chest, it was only getting colder and colder but for some reason, the warm feeling before death never came.

‘Of all the ways to die, freezing to death is probably one of the worst… I can't find the strength to move. Maybe I should have run after all…’

I had felt it once before. When you get so cold that everything begins to feel warm. Your skin begins to look like cracked ice and you feel so tired that you know if you close your eyes you would fall asleep in an instant and never wake up.

‘My hands are numb, I can't feel my feet either. I can still feel the sting and bite from the cold though, and I'm not falling asleep so… I might be able to make it back. I'm almost there anyway.’

My legs had begun shaking violently from the cold as I stood up again.’ If I die here I guess it doesn't really matter too much… It would probably help out my family anyway.’ My body stopped shaking altogether as the castle finally came into sight.

‘At this point… Am I just staying alive… out of spite?‘

At that moment my life flashed through my mind. My first life of 16 years on earth, growing up with a loving family, going to school, and playing video games, those were all things that I missed.

My second life, living as the black sheep of my family's noble house. Born so weak that by all rights I should have been killed as an infant, and living in constant suffering. It was hard to reconcile the two.

I was born into a world with magic, but also into the only place that had banned it, I was born into a world with knights, but none of them were going to save someone like me. The new world I was born into even had heroes, but I couldn't see that mastering either.

A sharp pain ran through my chest and almost made me fall to my knees. My heartbeat accelerated. It pounded inside my chest and my vision began to change. Numbers and flashing screens began to appear all around me as the rushing blood spread from my chest to my head. ‘Something is coming.’ I couldn't say how I knew that, but it was like the information was drilled into my brain.

the ground quaked underneath me and a giant plant erupted from the earth. It had sharp jagged teeth and long vine-like arms. It was a bitterweed, a monster that was normally no larger than a fist. The one before me was larger than my entire room though.

I put on what was probably the most pitiable smile imaginable and sat down. “Sure, why not,” I almost laughed. There was no point in fighting it. The fact was that on a good day, if my life depended on it, the chance of victory was still 0. I hugged my knees to my chest and closed my eyes. ‘At least I won't be cold anymore…’