Heavy footprints crunched the snow next to me. I opened my eyes and tilted my head up to see Jerry standing over me, giving me a sense of deja vu from when Airsidh had found me in a similar position. “Hi, Jerry,” I said calmly.

He scrunched his eyebrows together as he squatted down and lowered his voice. “Are you doing alright, miss? I thought you were still sick in bed.”

I smiled, “Nope, I'm all better now.” I sat up and showed him my hands. They were red and wet from the melted snow, but they certainly weren't blistered or frostbitten like before.

He grimaced. “Your mouth is blue.”

“O-oh… Well, the blisters and burns are all gone… That's what I meant.”

A small sigh escaped under his breath. “Well, that's a relief. We were all worried about you. After Catherine patched you up she wouldn't tell us what happened, she just went straight to her room and closed the door.”

Flashbacks of when she had helped wash all the acid out of my eyes suddenly came to the forefront of my mind followed by the vague memory of me mistaking her for my mom.

I looked over to the side, embarrassed about the whole situation. “Yeah, sorry about that…” I chuckled, scratching my head with my wet hands.

He laughed rubbing his cold leather glove through my hair as he patted me on the head. “Hey, don't you worry, as long as you're fine that's all that matters. Still…” He slowly poked at the bruise on my face.

“Owe…” I groaned, unamused. ‘Why would you poke it if you could tell it was a bruise…’

I could see a small smile appear on his face at how unfazed I was. “Let's get you inside. Even if you can hack the cold, we should do something about that swelling in your jaw too, before it makes it even harder for you to talk.”

“Harder?” I hadn't noticed before, but in saying that I heard it. I sounded like part of my face had been numbed by a dentist.

“Do you want me to carry you?”

What he was already doing was more than I was used to, and the more I felt like a kid the more I acted like one. “No… That's fine, it's not far.”

“Very well then.” He began walking away. “Tough as nails…” He whispered under his breath.

‘Is it really that impressive though? I guess if I wanted to make it sound bad it wouldn't be hard. If my mouth is really blue I'm going into hypothermia again, although I don't feel that cold.’

‘A little girl with hypothermia lying in a snowbank after getting kicked in the face. Yeah, I guess I could see why he would think I was tough for choosing to walk barefoot through the snow after that.’

Despite my circumstances, it was still hard for me to think of myself as tough. All I had done was survive, and I still couldn't take a weak hit from my brother without getting sent to the ground. Not that I minded. I liked people thinking good things about me instead of being disappointed, I just wish I felt like I earned it.

We walked over to his house on the far side of the castle, next to the barracks. Every so often he would turn back to check on me, and then slow down, outpacing me like Airsidh was. By the time we made it, I was short on breath again, but it was manageable.

He brushed the snow off his feet before entering and taking off his boots. “You doing alright?” His voice felt farther away than my eyes were telling me he was, and his movement felt slightly blurred.

My senses were numbed, and my balance felt a little off, but it wasn't like I was falling over. I was just a bit lightheaded. “Y-yea, I just need to sit down for a minute.”

“What's this?” His wife asked, peeking out from behind a door frame into the main hall. “Jerry, is that?” She looked slightly concerned as she asked the question, but it seemed like all that concern went away when he smiled back at her.

“Do we still have an extra pair of boots and a coat for Efah?”

She looked like she was trying to force a smile, but never managed to make it convincing. “I can get them, have the poor girl sit down by the fire. Efah!”

A small curly-haired kid came halfway down the stairs and started leaning over the railing, “Yes momma?”

“Can you bring some hot Anise Milk to your father and our guest in the other room?”

“Yup!” She said confidently. Her curly green hair bounced up and down as she walked to the bottom of the stairs. It was weird seeing someone shorter than I was.

Still, she was eight, six years younger than me… The fact that she was only shorter by a couple of inches made that feeling a melancholy one.

“Here, we will get you warmed up.” Jerry's voice resonated from behind me. I turned back around, having to catch myself from spinning too fast to look back at Jerry.

It almost felt wrong. I was rarely allowed close to the fire in the name of toughening myself. Anise milk was something I had heard my sister mention, but I had never tried. Mara only let me drink different bitter teas that were supposed to have varying benefits, not sweets.

Yet, suddenly before me in the other room, there were two chairs and a small fireplace that was burning brightly. Jerry sat in one, and I took my place on the floor between them, assuming the other chair was for his wife.

“Siya,” He leaned forward, “You can sit closer to the fire if you want to.”

It was true that the chairs were a fair distance away, but for some reason, I was nervous about getting any closer. “T-this is fine…”

He leaned back in his seat. “Then at least take the other chair.”

“No, I'm fine here.”

“Ok, let me grab you a blanket then.”

I could feel my face start to turn red. I was really fine, but I didn't want to keep saying no to his hospitality. “Uhm… O-ok.”

Before I knew it I was wrapped up in a large fur blanket. It wasn't as nice as the one my parents had, but it was still more than enough. “Is that better?”

I nodded, feeling uncomfortable and wanting to hide again. ‘Why do fur blankets always make me feel like this… They must be evil…’

Somehow I had stumbled into a situation where I was surrounded by kind and caring people, sitting around a fireplace and drinking Warm milk mixed with honey and sugar.

Even looking back on it, it still baffled me to think It ended up like that.

“Mom.” Efah's cute little hand tugged at her mother's dress as she sat in one of the large chairs.

Without so much as a word, she picked her daughter up and set her on her lap. “Careful not to spill your drink.” She said, steadying it as she lifted her.

A part of me longed for that kind of childhood. It was far too late though, We may have been similar in size, but I certainly wasn't close to her in age.

Jerry saw me eyeing them. “You want up too?” He asked, trying to hide his laughter with a wry smile.

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“Jerry, don't tease her like that.” His wife interjected. We both ignored her though, locking eyes.

I was already having a slight internal crisis about the fact that I was only the same size as his 8-year-old daughter despite being 14, but hearing him make fun of me for it sent me over the edge. ‘I'm going to get you back for this…’ “You know what, yes. I do want up…”

His face froze stiff. I couldn't help but shoot back a wry smile of my own. ‘Who's laughing now, jerk.’

He nervously leaned forward. “O-oh, ok…” It was clear he was too shocked to know what he was supposed to do, but I wasn't expecting him to actually grab me and place me on his lap.

Suddenly we were both frozen stiff. ‘I didn't think this through…’

Luckily, his wife had some common sense. Rolling her eyes, she traded Efah for me and settled the situation expertly.

I didn't have to put up with the awkwardness I brought on myself, but it was still embarrassing being treated like a child nearly half my own age. Still, it was better than the alternative. “Thank you…” I whispered.

She just smiled warmly, “Sorry, he can be a little ridiculous sometimes. Still, why would you say that if it would make you so uncomfortable? You should be more careful with your jokes.”

I turned red just thinking about it. “He started it…” I mumbled. It was probably the most childish thing I could have said. Judging from the way she chuckled, I think she probably thought the same. ‘So embarrassing…’

“OK, well. I'm all warmed up now, so I guess I'll be heading out.” I had expected Elsie to set me down when I said that, but instead, she just held on tighter.

“I don't think so. Not until your hands and feet stop looking so red. We don't want you getting frostbite again.”

I groaned.

“Here, holding this will help.” She said, passing me a mug of Anise milk. It wasn't anything extravagant, just warm milk mixed with honey, sugar, and an Anise star. Still, the anticipation of trying it was almost too much for me to take.

A myriad of emotions flooded through my mind. My old mother's face flashed before my mind as I thought of how she would always make me a warm cup of milk before I went to sleep, and the faint memory of milk and cream tasting so sweet I would drool over it came at the same time.

I was almost afraid to actually try it, not knowing how I would react. I knew it was fully possible I would break down in tears, missing my mom, but it was just as likely a part of me would melt with happiness at the sweet taste of the sugar and honey.

“You're not going to drink it?”

Hearing her concerned voice made me feel so small and fragile, making me curl up slightly. “I-I…” I didn't know what to say. I wanted to. I desperately wanted to, but what if doing so just did more harm than good, reminding me of things I would never have again?

“That's fine, it will warm your hands at least.”

I stared down at it, letting the warm steam lift into my face. After pausing again, I decided I would drink it. I slowly lifted the glass up, preparing myself, resolving that whatever it tasted like, and no matter how much it reminded me of my mom, I wouldn't cry.

As I took a sip, I found out I was right. I felt like I was melting, sinking back into Elsie as if she were an older sister. Chills went through my body at how sweet and delicious it was, its heat contrasting my cold hands and body.

I was also right about the memories though. Once I took the first sip it became impossible to hold them back. The warmth from Elsie holding me only compounded it, and I had to hold back tears.

She kissed my head and squeezed me tighter, as if she somehow knew, trying to comfort me. That only made it worse though. I set the glass down on a side table and wrapped my arms around myself, burying my face into her, hiding any tears that leaked out, and making sure I didn't make a noise.

No one else made a sound either, there was only silence as she pulled the blanket tighter around me and held me close.

Before long I managed to get a hold of myself, wiping my eyes and turning away from her again. I was still overflowing with emotions, but somehow I was controlling them, not letting them leak out.

I took another sip of the warm milk and my heart began to melt. The sweet smell mixed with the sugary rich flavor sent chills down my spine. “So good…” I muttered, another tear falling down my face.

“You know, it's ok for you to act like a kid every now and then,” Elsie whispered, smiling at me.

My face turned red, embarrassed about the whole situation as I felt a calm tiredness slowly overtake me. “I might as well be one…” I snarked, now making fun of my size myself.

“I guess you better finish your milk then.”

It wasn't a bad joke, but I wasn't exactly in a laughing mood either. “It's good… But I kind of feel guilty.” I had broken the rules so many times when I was younger, trying every shortcut and weight line I could to make training and everything easier on myself.

After so many times though I just gave up. Even if I got away with breaking a rule, the punishment, if I got caught, was far worse than the feeling of freedom I got from it. I knew this was different, I wasn't exactly breaking a rule, just accepting a gift. Still, in the back of my mind, I couldn't shake the feeling that somehow it was wrong.

I pushed that feeling even further down, drinking the rest as fast as I could, filling my stomach was a roaring flame. When I set the mug back down and looked back at Elsie, instead of the disappointment that would have surely been strewn all over Mara’s face, I was met with a warm smile.

“Little girls should get things that are as sweet as they are.” She said, her voice finally starting to lose that hint of concern it carried.

I couldn't help but let out a chuckle. “Maybe that's why I get such bitter tea,” I mumbled, letting my thoughts bleed out my mouth as my eyes began to feel heavy.

“Siya, no matter what your mo–” Her words faded into a blur as I fell asleep.

I had long forgotten what it was like sleeping with someone next to you. It was so secure like they would catch you even if you somehow fell out of bed, or like they would shield you from anything that tried to attack you while you were out.

…

By the time I woke up, it was already afternoon and Jerry had gone out to take care of more of his work. As I opened my eyes, I could see Effah right across from me, curled up on the other side of Elsie sleeping like a baby.

I looked up at Elsie, embarrassed again. “Sorry…”

She just smiled. “It's fine. Everybody gets tired from time to time.”

I looked back over to Efah.

“If you're ready to go we can get up and–”

“No wait.” I stopped her. “I don't want to wake her up, she looks so peaceful.”

Elsie settled back into the chair. “Well, I guess we're stuck here then.”

“Hm…”

I stared at the little girl in front of me, thinking back to when she came down the stairs and called Elsie Moma. Meanwhile, I referred to my own mother by name, and she tried to avoid using my name as much as possible, sometimes going days without saying it.

I snuggled back up against her and wrapped the blanket around myself even tighter. “Elsie… Do you think it's possible for me to find a family like yours someday?”

I felt her arms squeeze me in tighter for a moment. “Of course I do. Someday, when you've finally proven yourself, you'll find someone that doesn't need you to be strong for them to be happy…”

“What if I don't…”

“Then you can just come back to me. I'll give you a big warm hug and make you feel so loved you start to look like a tomato again.”

I let out a slight groan but ended up not responding. It was warm and comfortable, and although I had woken up on my own, I was already starting to feel tired again.

It was a nice thought, but one that would never play out. If I failed I would die, simple as that. In trying I limited myself to only two options. If I ran away, things would be different, but if I were to do that I shouldn't have even bothered coming back. Still, her words were so warm I almost believed them anyway.

“Is it ok if… I fall asleep again?”

She smiled. “Well, it's not like we can leave anyway, not with little Efah’s sleep depending on us.”

I smiled back. The warmth of another person felt intoxicating. It was intense, and filled every part of my body, like I was laying under ten blankets in the winter and my bed had turned into an oven. “Good… Because… I don't want to leave yet either.”

As I spoke, I could feel my face turning red again, so I covered it with the blanket snuggling closer to her before falling quickly falling asleep

It seemed like I couldn't escape embarrassment when I was around her.

…

Not long after, Effah woke up from her nap. Apparently, she still had chores to do before bed, so while she was busy with that, Elsie took a closer look at my jaw.

“Ok, open up.”

She had me sitting in front of her on a tall stool in the kitchen. I stared back at her as she talked. “Open?” ‘Like… My feelings?’

“Like this. Ahhhh.” She continued, opening her mouth wide.

I chuckled, ‘Oh, That's what she meant.’ I went ahead and said ahh like she asked, letting her go ahead and look inside my mouth.

“Well, your teeth aren't damaged, but your gums were bleeding, here. I'll put some medicine on it.”

I closed my mouth again, staring at her while she dug some herbs out of a cabinet nearby. It was a strange feeling like I was in the doctor's chair. “Do I really need medicine though?”

Generally, I only got medicine for one of two reasons, either it was because I was unable to train in my current condition, or because I had a nasty cut. In regards to the latter though, all I got was a good bit of alcohol and salt poured over the cut to stop infection. It was weird having her treat me for something so minor.

“It's fine, we have plenty since Effah gets into so much trouble.”

It was hard to imagine her as a troublemaker with the way she so happily did her chores and how peacefully she slept. ‘I guess people aren't always how they seem though. That eases my conscience though, at least they're not wasting something they need.’

I suddenly felt her cold, slimy hand touch my lower jaw, causing a slight tingle. A scent of mint so thick I almost thought I could see it assaulted my nose as the dull pain in my jaw stung from her rubbing it.

When she was done applying the medicine, she cleaned off her hand, grabbing a strange Q-tip-like object and coating it in the same substance. “Open up.” She said again

As she applied the medicine to the inside of my mouth it hurt far more, but she was done quickly.

“Doesn't it hurt?”

She was turned away, but I would have bet anything she had that concerned look on her face again. “I’m used to–” I cut myself off. ‘No wonder she feels bad…’ “I mean, no, it's not so bad really.”

She chuckled, “You're really trying to spare my feelings?”

I lifted up my hand to my jaw. It didn't hurt, and I could already tell the swelling had gone down. I couldn't help but laugh back as I looked down at my little legs, kicking them back and forth. ‘Guess I got caught stumbling over my words again.’ “It's just kind of gloomy when all you do is make people sad you know.”

My whole body suddenly changed position and it took me a moment to realize what was happening. She had wrapped her arms around me.

“E-Elsie?” I muttered, frozen still.

She let go and took a step back, shyly folding her hands in front of her. “Sorry, that was sudden of me.”

It was strange, to see her embarrassed for a change. “No, it's fine…”

She quickly grabbed the bots and coat she had found earlier, setting them before me. “That's right, here you should take these.”

She awkwardly tried to change the subject, but I couldn't say I fully understood why she was embarrassed in the first place. She had already been treating me like a daughter, it seemed almost natural to receive a hug after sleeping in her lap like a little kid. “Oh, right. Jerry asked you about that.”

Before I could refuse, she was already putting the boots on my feet for me. “Yes, and don't you dare say you're fine, you just worry everyone more.”

‘She already knew I didn't want them?’ “Busted…”

She finished putting the boots on, even tying them herself and helping me with the coat too before she would let me leave. It really was starting to feel like she was my mother, but I suppose that was to be expected.

She had a daughter who looked nearly the same age. It probably would have been harder for her to not act like that.

When I did finally head out the door, saying goodbye felt like it tugged at my heart, but I was fine. There wasn't any time to mourn the end of my visit, instead, I tried to be grateful for their kindness, and the sweet taste of anise milk that I could still taste in my memory.