I lay my head on his chest, peacefully listening to the slow rhythm of his heartbeat within. My mischievous hand plays with the strands of his chest hair. I never knew that beneath Andermis' tidy attire lies such spontaneity and wildness. I feel like Eve, knowing it is forbidden, yet unable to contain my heart, unable to let go.
Andermis strokes my long, silky hair, gently cherishing me like a precious treasure. Our hands intertwine, and never have we been so close to each other. I haven't felt this serene since the last time I was with Enzo. I realise how much favour I still have from the Lord. I have lost a treasure, but I have found a gem. I don't know if I should see it as joy or sorrow. But instead of letting those thoughts haunt me, drain my energy like before, I set them aside and choose a happy present. Enzo would support me for these decisions because I know it is him!
"Can't you stay, love?" I look at him with regret, hoping for a little more time to hold him tight.
"Only those who are no longer able to hold a gun can leave the front line," Andermis sighs. "If it weren't for Augustin's troubles, I wouldn't be able to return at this moment."
I sigh with a deep longing, but there is no other choice but to accept. I lean up and place a kiss on his chest, then slowly move upward, spacing them out, until I finally stop at his forehead. I brush my hair to one side to see this beloved face clearly. I wish there was a way to vividly preserve everything about him within me, a different version of him that still emanates the same genuine feelings I'm experiencing now. I smile happily at Andermis, touched because, after all these years, I finally understand what it means to live. Andermis defines me. Without him, this Fiona's life would only be meaningless words written on old, forgotten paper. He has helped shape me, fill me, and complete me.
"So, come back to me, won't you? Don't leave me alone, Andermis. You must return to me."
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"I promise," Andermis intertwines his finger with mine, a sincere expression on his face. "I will come back to you on a sunny day."
"Just on sunny days?" I smile, but tears well up in my eyes.
"At any time, whether it's early morning, midday in summer, or when the moon is high. Whether it's summer or winter, I will find my way back to you. No matter where, I will find my way back to you."
I have nothing else to say or pray for. His words are the most trustworthy commitment one can possess. Now, I can patiently wait for everything to fall into place. I just need to wait for the war to end, and we can start our own life. I have been preparing for this for so long, even facing the prospect of Andermis no longer choosing me, ending things with Augustin. I will divorce him, leave this house with Francine. With Andermis' promise, I have even more motivation to do so. We will go to a faraway place where no one can find us anymore. There, we will build a three-person home, a small house by the lake, a garden with a few chickens, a few cats and dogs to keep the house lively. We will watch Francine grow up together and our future children. I have so many plans in my mind; the only thing missing is the day of the war's end. Oh, I cannot wait for peace to return! I cannot wait to be back in his arms. So sweet and incredibly warm!
“Can you just stay?”, I regretfully ask with the smallest voice.
“I would trade everything just to stay with you… But there are no merchants,” long sighs, he replies.
“I’ll miss you all too well, Andermis…”
“And I’ll be loving you all too well.”
Our hands intertwine tightly, counting down the final moments before the sun fully emerges. The first rays of light begin to seep through the distant cracks in the door. Full of regret, I rest my head upon his steadfast chest, gently sighing.
"I wish the sun would oversleep. I don't want to be away from you…"
"Neither do I. If only the sun would not rise today, my love."