Christmas, 1913, Aries House.
One of the most noticeable changes on my body since giving birth is that I have gained weight. I anticipated this, as I had to eat to provide milk for Francine. I did not want the nanny to take care of her. I want to be present in every aspect of my little girl's growing up. Appearance is no longer important for a “widow” like me. Augustin not only did not stop his relationship with his mistress Francine, he even publicly went for a walk with her. Although Mrs. Rose did not like her, she did not say anything. She warned Augustin that appearing in public with Francine would lead to suspicion, but that made me angrier because that seemed more important and urgent than the fact that her son was having an affair.
Fortunately, I have Andermis to keep me company. He helped me reignite my passion for learning. When I am not taking care of Francine, Andermis helps me regain the knowledge I lost. Our relationship is getting better every day. In my daughter's journey of growing up, Andermis is the one who is present the most, instead of her biological father. Augustin and I are also like strangers now, as he has not touched me in a long time. We also started sleeping separately. I sleep in the room next door, which was prepared for Francine. On weekdays, if he is not at work, Augustin will invite Francine over with the old reason, to "read books" to me. If I say I do not care about that, I will surely be punished for lying. I really care because he is not only my husband, but also the father of my child. No mother wants their child to grow up in a family with a third person. But how could he listen to me? Even my in-laws knew about it, but they just let it pass, so what's the point of my words?
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Anna helped me to fasten the tight straps of the shirt after a long time of struggle. I then go check on my daughter. Seeing Francine sleeping soundly, I know that I am the happiest mother in this world. The nanny gently pushes the cradle, while I will take advantage of the time for my lesson. Even if today is Christmas day, I will still make use of every second I have to change myself. Perhaps I do not need to become a helpless woman, just standing behind a man and relying on him. Enzo's departure made me rethink myself once again. He gave me a reason to live on. The pain for him eventually fades away, and now I am not too desperate when thinking about him. I will regret the beautiful time until my last breath, but that will not make me lose heart.