"Fiona, open the door for me!"

I hear Augustin's call and incessant knocking at the door, but I do not want to pay attention. What can I expect from a husband who does not even dare to speak up for his wife? I had intended to ignore Augustin's words, but I cannot let him continue to make noise like this. I stand facing the door, staring sternly at Augustin as if the door were invisible. I shout angrily:

"I don't want to see you!"

"What do you want me to do then?", I can sense Augustin's face right now. Surely he is also frowning in anger.

"So do you agree with what mother says? That my friends are a disgrace to morality?"

"I...", my husband stammers, as if he cannot find a better reason to defend her. "She is my mother! God will curse me if I make her unhappy!"

"And I am your wife!", I shout in disgust. Finally, I had to come up with a reason that could not be argued about the usual ethical standards. Augustin really loves me, but that feeling will never be as great as what he has for his mother. I know I have no right to compare, but I cannot stand him not standing up for me even when I am right. Augustin is giving me a reason to justify my lack of sincerity, but why am I so upset?

"You're being irrational!"

Augustin shouts in a hoarse voice, then slams the door hard. I startle, thinking that the punch alone would have knocked the door off its hinges. I step back, afraid he will step in aggressively. Augustin has never laid a hand on me, but somehow I still appear afraid. I stand inside, panting like an athlete, listening to my husband's curses and my eyes suddenly well up with tears. I quickly run to the door, checking the left lock if it is safe. I have to check two, three times, until my nails are scratched by the continuous and frantic movements. Even the chair is placed in front of the door as a blockade. All the items that could be used to block the door are used already. As I grow weary, I lean back against the wall, then sit down, lost in thought. What am I trying to do?

Running away?

----------------------------------------

I must have dozed off, for I only wake up when I hear a knock on the door. I look up at the clock and see that it's already two in the morning. Surely everyone, even my husband, must be deeply asleep by now. Who could possibly come to find me at this hour? I quickly get up, put on my guard armour, and stand watch. I am not a superstitious person, but I believe in God and hell. Could demons come to take me away?

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"Fiona?" I recognise the voice. It's Andermis', and I immediately breathe a sigh of relief. I take a deep breath to calm myself down. Quietly, I walk up to the door and tap it softly as an answer. Then I say out loud, "Wait for me a minute."

My minute is almost ten minutes. I need to deal with the "fortress" I have built to protect myself, although it takes time, it gives me peace of mind. I open the door to welcome Andermis, but he refuses to come in. My brother-in-law, really shy, smiles at me in the way we always do when we meet. He gently says, "I just came to check if you're okay."

"Still intact," I shrug and smile. "Thank you, Andermis. For this, and for standing up for me."

"I just couldn't bear to hear her mean words," Andermis responds. "She never makes anyone feel comfortable."

"If only Augustin were the same," I whisper. I had hoped that Augustin would show me some noble gesture beyond expensive gifts.

Both of us look at each other and chuckle like mice sneaking around the kitchen looking for food. Andermis tells me that my husband is sound asleep in his room, and he only dared to come to me when Augustin was in a deep sleep. Furthermore, Andermis has another reason for meeting me.

Andermis reaches behind his back and hands me a book along with a hastily folded paper crane. He looks somewhat embarrassed as he hands it to me. Although the sky is pitch black and there is no light, I can tell that his cheeks are turning red. Stammering, Andermis says:

"This is my belated birthday present for you. I wish I had more time to wrap it..."

"No worries! It's a wonderful gift!"

I quickly hug the book to my chest and thank him so that Andermis doesn't have to feel awkward about the gift not being wrapped in colourful paper. It's a book about law, titled The Foundation of the First Literary Laws. I open the book and smell the fresh paper as if it were a panacea. I cannot, and do not want to hide my joy at this. I stand on tiptoes, kiss Andermis on the cheek as a thank-you, and do it subjectively because I want to. I could have just said thank you and gone back to my room, but my rank and position held me back, and the kiss on the cheek was all I could control. What can I say, when I am a corrupt woman hiding behind the cloak of nobility. I no longer have such reservations. I feel lonely, just like that.

"Thank you, Andermis. This is the best thing I've received today."

I close the door, place the small paper crane on the dresser, and lie down on the bed with the book on my chest. My twenty-first birthday may be the second worst after last year's, but at least, late in the day, I've regained a small bit of joy for myself. I may love Andermis, but the bond between me and Enzo is too deep. Even though Enzo despises me to his last breath, I will still be a virgin waiting for him, longing for a love that will never be returned. I close my eyes, and immediately the image of me and Enzo reappears.

I hastily wake up, as if something inside me has come alive. I walk to the door, unlock it on the left. I stand there for a moment as if trying to understand why I did that. I turn back to the bed, pulling the blanket up to my chest. I inhale a long breath and exhale. My breath is slow and my mind begins to blur. I languish, in the melancholy of desire.