Lunch, afternoon, and evening flow by in a melancholic and desolate manner within the house. No one has the mood to eat anything. Throughout the day, I merely nibble on a piece of bread and sip a glass of milk. I haven't seen Andermis, my father-in-law, or my mother-in-law since then. Earlier, I took Francine to Augustin's room and spoke to her about her biological father. I dare not mention Augustin's illness, as the child is still too young to grasp its severity. I tell her that her father is like Snow White, consuming a poisoned apple and sinking into a deep sleep, but he will awaken after some time. Fortunately, Francine doesn't question me in return, asking why I don't kiss him like the prince in the story, for a sincere kiss would awaken the sleeping princess. I believe I am fortunate not to face that seemingly innocent question. Even if I possessed such power, I don't think my kiss could awaken Augustin!

That evening, sleep evades me. Every time I close my eyes, Andermis' indifference returns and haunts me. I toss and turn incessantly, turning to every side I can think of, yet sleep eludes me. I sit up, attempting to listen to the tranquillity of the night in the hope of finding some release. Unconsciously, my hand grabs the pocket watch that Andermis bestowed upon me. I open it, listening to the rhythm of its mechanism, hearing the movement of the clock's hands. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Suddenly, those first kisses resurface in my mind. I yearn for them desperately. I can't think of anything else. I can't deny this love. I know what I must do!

I rise hurriedly, hastily donning a robe as I make my way to Andermis' room. Tomorrow he will be leaving, and this is the final opportunity for us to speak openly about everything. Even if the truth is that he no longer loves me, I will still painfully accept it. I need to know if in the future I would be willing to open my heart once more. I can't do things half-heartedly as I did before, allowing myself to be consumed by doubts and regrets. The truth is the truth, no matter how bitter or sweet, and I will embrace it.

The door to his room is unlocked, and Andermis is not inside. I am surprised, questioning what is happening. Initially, I thought he would be in the study. As I approach the staircase, my mind presents me with a different outcome. I turn around and head to the end of the hallway instead of my initial plan. In a moment of reminiscence, I recall that Andermis had mentioned to me that as a child, he had a secret hideout. It was the attic floor of the mansion. Andermis had told me about his "hideout" many years ago. At the end of the hallway, a folding wooden staircase has been pulled down, further confirming Andermis' whereabouts. I inhale deeply, once again questioning myself if this is what I truly want. And even though I have asked myself hundreds, millions of times, I am certain of my answer. Tonight, I will confront Andermis.

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"I think you’d come here, and I am right. Perhaps I understand you better than you think."

I smile, looking at Andermis sitting on the floor, with his face turned towards the window of the attic, gazing at the sparkling moon. Seeing me, Andermis is initially startled but quickly regains composure. He stands up, wearied, and asks:

"Why do you come here?"

"To find you, to tell you the truth," I take determined steps towards him. "About us."

"What else is there to say?" Andermis shakes his head.

"There is so much more! So much, much more that I want to say. Please, listen to me, just this once!"

I pause in front of him, both of us standing close together, yet our hearts feeling distant. Andermis crosses his arms, his face impatiently gazing at me. Nevertheless, he doesn't push me away but stands still to listen. I clasp my hands tightly together, as a gesture to strengthen myself for this expression. I take a deep breath, then speak:

"I know that day you proposed to me, and I’ve disappointed you with my answer. I was wrong, Andermis. I was afraid of too many things. Of status, position, and my responsibilities. I am a married woman and already have two children. I’ve suffered too much loss to face life with truth and sincerity. Therefore, I’ve deceived myself and replied to you with blindness."

I expect some kind of reaction from him, whether it be anger or excitement, contentment or annoyance, but there is no signal returned. I remain resolute even as that coldness somewhat chills the fire within me. I take a step forward and say:

"I love you, Andermis."

"Thank you," Andermis calmly replies without a hint of disturbance. "It's good that you say that."

I can hear my heart shatter into two as he responds with a detached courtesy. I even notice his uncomfortable furrowed brow on that beautiful face. How can I ever feel normal again? I suppose the war not only alters his appearance but also changes this very heart. I should know my limits, and that opportunities never return. If I understand that sooner, I won't carry this burden for so long!

I suppress my tears, ready to bury this erroneous love. Both my heart and mind console me, assuring that I will be fortunate enough to meet someone new, and then I won't let any chance slip away. I think the same when I silently turn away without uttering another word to him, just as Andermis makes no effort to hold me back. What do I feel now? Disappointment, to some extent. Sadness, for a while. But above all, unrest. I cannot accept seeing him like this! I cannot bear for this to end like this!

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I stand before the threshold of the wooden staircase that leads down to the old place. Just a few more hours until dawn, when Andermis will board the car and return to the front lines, while I continue with my duties, a cold-hearted wife and an ordinary mother. What should I do? Descend the stairs or turn back to face him once again? Is it my own blindness or does Andermis still conceal something beneath that impassive facade? I no longer know, I feel that whether I descend or turn back, these feet cannot lift off the ground. I have almost lost the very essence of a woman to express my feelings, to search for him in the night, when this name, this body, has been bound by legality as the norm. Do I still desire that? I still have a little time before fully becoming an ordinary woman, degraded, someone who dismisses virtue. Is Andermis worthy of me crossing my ultimate limit? The clock is ticking, yet I still ponder. Fiona, today you must decide what you want! It is time for me to truly live a life!

Andermis stands with his back turned to me, his gaze fixed on a distant horizon. I advance towards him passionately. Andermis looks at me in astonishment, unable to believe that I have become so decisive. I stand tall, my chest swelling, fearless as I face him. With determination, I proclaim:

"I love you, Andermis."

"You don't need to say it multiple times, I've heard you," Andermis shakes his head. "But it doesn't change anything."

"Why?" I ask.

"The question should be why you are saying it now," he responds.

Andermis now reveals his true emotions. Anger! A rage intertwined with the bone-deep pain that has gnawed at him all these years, now revealed. I know I was right about him. I always believed that Andermis still loved me, and all his coldness and rejection was for another reason, and I will soon find out what that is!

"I have been waiting for you all this time! Every day, Fiona! Day after day, even when you rejected me, I still waited for you! I never stopped thinking about you! But Fiona, you didn't even remember to write me a single letter in return. You said you loved me only because there was no one else to love you!"

Andermis speaks in utmost agitation. Tears flow from his eyes like a waterfall. It is a reservoir of accumulated emotions, waiting for a spark to burst forth like a broken dam. I don't understand what he is saying, but I can sense the pain he is enduring.

I step forward, retrieving a large file of letters that I had stopped sending and hand it to him. I say:

"Every week, I wrote you a letter, without fail, for an entire year. One hundred letters. I visited the post office so often that everyone there knows my name. One hundred letters sent without any response. Thomas at the post office told me not to bother anymore, but I still hoped for something. Even when I stopped sending the letters, I kept writing. I love you not because there is no one else to love me. I choose to love you. I have to face rejecting you every hour of every day, like an endless nightmare."

"I have never received any letters from you..." Andermis' face distorts as he looks at the thick pile of letters I hand to him. "I thought you had truly forgotten about me!"

I take hold of the stack of letters from his hands and let them fall to the floor. I step closer, tightly gripping his hand, looking at him with sincerity, and say:

"I wish I could forget about you, Andermis. But I can't. I realise that I have loved you for a very long time."

He looks at the pile of letters, one another. He opens and reads each of them, under the pale moonlight. Never in his lifetime has he suffered from this such regret.

"I'm sorry, Fiona..." Andermis sighs heavily. The breath carries the weight of regret that engulfs both of us. "I don't know what happened to those letters... Maybe it was Augustin..."

"Please, don’t say a word..."

I raise my hand to silence him, not letting Andermis finish his sentence. I lean my head against his chest, trying to capture the warmth that I have lost for so long. Three years have passed, yet that fragrance remains vivid and sweet as ever. I place the palm of my hand over his heart, trying to hear its rhythmic beat. I look up at him and say:

"That doesn't matter anymore. What I want to know is, do you still want me?"

"What?," Andermis is taken aback. These hand-written letters just free drop on the floor, flying like butterflies. His expression is as if he has just witnessed something shocking.

"After all the misunderstandings, do you still want to have me?"

The moon shines outside, illuminating the scene. We, two grown individuals with twisted and ugly pasts written from mistakes, are preparing to make eternal vows. The attic seems completely forgotten by everyone in the house, no one knows that this luxurious mansion still holds a rustic and outdated space. Here, two individuals with chains on their feet and neck stand face to face, with hearts beating in unison. Tonight, nothing can stop us anymore. No doctrines, no moral standards, and certainly no fears, only the two of us.

Andermis reaches his hand into my hair and lifts my face gently. The moonlight makes this face even more enchanting. At this moment, I finally see the Andermis of the past. Gentle, sincere, and strong. My hand holds his heart steady, while my own heart dances outside my chest. I cannot fathom how dull and tasteless my life would become without this man. Andermis is my air, my water. Without him, I would surely wither away!

"Every moment, every second, every hour, I want you, Fiona. I cannot imagine how mundane and lifeless my existence would be without you!"

His answer brings a satisfied smile to my lips. I desire nothing else, for my wish has been fulfilled. I release my hand from his chest, then slowly take his hand and place it on my own chest. I have shattered all the standards that society imposes on women and calls virtuous. Now, all I want is him. I yearn for his touch. I crave the essence of him. Nothing can stop me now!

"Then you can have me, from this moment onward, until the very last breath of both of us!"