I carry Francine down to bid farewell to her father and his companions. Unsure if the girl is aware of anything, when I awaken her, Francine does not cry or fuss, but instead becomes surprisingly obedient. Perhaps she too senses the solemn atmosphere in this house and does not wish to burden the mood any further.

Three men who are about to depart are standing outside in the yard, speaking their last words before getting into the car. Seeing me and the girl, they suddenly stop their conversation. I bring the child to Augustin so that he can hold her. Although I no longer have feelings for him, I am not a heartless mother who would keep my child from seeing her biological father when this may be the last chance for them to meet. Augustin kisses Francine on the forehead, and the child seems delighted. Her tiny, soft hands, like cotton, are mischievous as she playfully touches her father's face. Francine still cannot speak, but instead makes meaningless sounds, which I assume are sweet words because her small lips are smiling. David and Andermis stand beside them and cannot help but gather around the child. I quietly step back to give the three men some time with the child, silently observing.

A gentle breeze blows through, bringing with it a sense of comfort to the space. I stand in the middle of my two mothers. Lady Rose seems to have noticed Andermis' expression, as well as my appearance right after he came down, and the watch chain around my neck. She clears her throat to signal, but I am only concerned with watching the three men taking turns holding Francine. Finally, she is forced to speak up:

"That watch chain looks good on you. What did you and Andermis say to each other in the room earlier?"

I clearly understand that it is a riddle, and as always, Lady Rose cannot hide her desire to educate me. I turn to look at her and smile lightly, answering:

"Just some advice about studying."

"Is that so?" She nods. "Just know how to control yourself."

I smile lightly and say nothing more. My hands are clasped together, silently looking towards Andermis. I feel relieved that I can end all the back and forth emotions with him, but that feeling still lingers in my mind. Why can't any of my choices satisfy myself? I wonder if I try to follow his words, accept what I desire, accept the truth, how will the story end? That hypothesis makes me ponder, because I have never given it a chance to develop. Have I once again ruined everything just because I thought what I just did was right? I don't know anymore. I never know anything.

Perhaps my mother has observed the whole story, and understands what her daughter is thinking inside, so she skillfully gestures and pulls me aside. I thought she just wanted to save me from an uncomfortable situation with my mother-in-law, but then she didn't stop and pulled me to the grassy field in the west. Her son and son-in-law are preparing to join the military, and they can get in the car at any time, so I am extremely surprised by her determination.

"What's going on?" I look at her with an anxious look, and there is some excitement as I keep looking at the three men.

"Just follow your mother," she smiles confidently. "Staying there won't do any good for you."

I am contemplating what to say, but then I hold my tongue and accept it. My mother knows what she should do, so I have no further comments. My mother leads me up the windy hill, and as if memories are returning, I suddenly recall the time when I felt happy. My mother lets go of my hand, so I can enjoy the moment by myself. Despite the many unfortunate events that have occurred, my mother always tries to remain calm and be a support for her children. Therefore, I have never thought of disrespecting or underestimating my mother. She is always right about everything. If I had listened to her about Enzo or Augustin's issues, I would not have gone down this path. The difference between Lady Rose and my mother is that while Lady Rose confines me in a certain framework, my mother guides me to see the essence of the problem and helps me break free from that path. But have I ever listened? Therefore, this time I will open my heart to accept the next lesson from my mother. I hope she can help me out of this deadlock.

My mother is standing next to me and also joins me in the process of rediscovering myself. She inhales and exhales the cool and refreshing air. Sometimes, taking a break from the chaos of life is the most powerful healing measure that people can reach. We are too busy thinking about ourselves and others, sometimes forgetting that there are still many things around us to enjoy. When I was young, I did not value that at Drevolre estate. When I got married, I could not listen to the wind blowing like this because there was no empty space in London. And now, when I can immerse myself in beautiful nature, life puts me in a situation that I cannot think through. If this is a game of God, I believe that no one can win against Him!

"Is it too late for me to see these beautiful scenes?"

"No, my daughter. It is never too late to pause for one moment. Even for someone who seems completely stuck, you can still stop for a second."

I turn to look at her. It seems that age has caused my mother's body to shrink. I am now much taller than her, while she seems to be getting smaller every day. The daughter who used to demand her first makeup set is now too bored to put on a little powder or lipstick. My mother gently holds onto my dry hand, her fingers rubbing the protruding knuckles. Calmly, she says:

"Look at yourself, when did you become so haggard? I can see the worry on your face. I know you don't know what to do, what to choose, and what to give up. I know you are facing all of those things..."

Like a tickle that needs to be scratched, I burst into tears and hug my mother as if I were a child again. She does not rush me to express my grievances, instead, she gently strokes my back, patting me like in the old days. I can still feel the warm embrace of my mother. That, a familiar yet strange feeling, intimate but somewhat distant because it has been too long to remember. I cry until there is nothing left to cry, my tears stop flowing automatically. I release my mother and she wipes away the tears that have made my face damp. Indeed, when one can cry like this, it seems that there is no longer any difficulty in expressing oneself. I look straight into my mother's wise eyes and speak each word seriously:

"I don't know anymore, mother. I am so confused! He told me he loves me, but I refused, and now I am afraid I have lost everything. Once again!"

"He? Are you talking about Andermis?" my mother touches her finger to the gaudy watch I'm wearing on my chest.

"He's always concerned about me, always there when I need him. He loves Francine like his own flesh and blood. And above all..." I try to say with a face that doesn't blush with embarrassment, but in the end, I can't hide it. "Andermis makes me feel loved and respected..."

My mother pauses for a moment as if to judge what she has just heard. I think with a person like my mother, she surely understands what her daughter is going through. I purse my lips, excitedly waiting for my mother to say something. But after a while, she calmly asks:

"Do you love him?"

At first, I didn't know how to answer. Even though my mother may have seen through me, admitting that I have feelings for another man when I am already married and even a mother, is not an easy thing. I used to look down on that kind of promiscuity and deception, thinking that the wrong kind of feelings were a mockery of faith. But why now, at the crossroads, do I see myself going in that very direction? I want to shake my head and refuse, but my heart won't let me do that again. Running out of options, I nod my head sheepishly, holding onto the watch tightly.

"I think I love him! Mummy, I love Andermis..."

"Then why did you reject him?"

"I am a married woman, Mummy. No matter how deep my love for him is, he and I cannot move forward. And how will Francine, that little girl, look at her mother in the future?" I say in frustration. "And you reminded me to face my choice. I chose Augustin, and I can't turn back now!"

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

“At that time, you had planned to let your marriage die with Enzo. I love Enzo and I am not hesitating to admit it, but you were not fair to Augustin. Precisely that never-ending affection ultimately destroys your marriage. And whether you accepted it or not, it all was one of your choices, Fiona...

Each word of my mother is like a nail in my mind. Now I realise that there is no chess piece of God, or any terrible arrangement of other forces, every suffering I have to endure depends on my own decision. It turns out that Andermis is right once again, when he realises my essence. Selfishness, delusion and blindness are the root of my human being. How can a person be so bad that they have to rely on those outside the circle to expose the play they have mastered?

I don't know what to defend anymore, because like an actor who has lowered the curtain, I no longer have any lines to say. I walk to a nearby large rock and sit down, letting the cool wind blow my hair that I had tied up. My mother sighs softly, but not heavily. She sits down next to me and grasps my hand tightly. She gently rubs them to warm them up. I can clearly feel the rough spots on her hand. My mother continues to help me out of the tunnel of deadlock with gentle and profound words:

"I know Robert's death is a big shock to you. But do you know, I don't think that poverty has taken away your father's will to live. It was him being so worried about becoming a burden and a disappointment in the eyes of me and his children."

"I sometimes think that I am like him, tormented by the loss of his legacy," I say with regret. “But it seems that I am the only one who thinks so.”

"Don't be too hard on yourself, my daughter. Your father and I were married for twenty-two years, I know how much he loved and cherished his estate. But I also know that there was something he loved more than anything else, and that was the happiness and laughter of his children."

"Is that true?" I ask, even though I already believe it. Sometimes we do things blindly just because we want to.

"Before he married me, his estate was his greatest legacy. Before he had children, I was his greatest legacy. And when he had you, his family became his greatest legacy. It's just a shame that everything happened too fast, and the burden on his shoulders was too heavy, he couldn't think clearly."

"I sometimes think of my parents' love story like a fairytale," I chuckle. "It's unbelievably beautiful."

My mother can't help but laugh as well. Even though the wrinkles around her eyes are visible, they are proof that she is happier than ever when she thinks back to that time. She slowly takes off her wedding ring and shows it to me. There's a line of text engraved inside the ring. My eyes light up when I see it. Almost instinctively, I repeat the words unconsciously:

"No second-guessing..."

"Do you know, in fact, I was just your father's second guessing" my mother chuckles softly.

"Really?" I am surprised.

"Yes," she nods. "Your grandparents did not like me. At the time, I was just the daughter of a common accountant. Lady Adelain, your grandmother, had her sights set on Lady Beatrice, the daughter of Sir Harry Nesser. Beatrice was known as a legend of beauty and talent. She was very good at poetry, while I didn't know anything about it, and my looks were not as good as others."

"Why did Daddy choose you then?" I ask boldly.

"Robert saw my rebellion, something that neither he nor Beatrice had," she explains. "I was not like them. I did not have a noble background. I did not have a large fortune. I was not even more beautiful than anyone else. But I was true to myself. I was the opposite of your father and her."

"People say that only when two opposite people can be together for a lifetime," I suddenly quote a saying from someone or a book that I can't remember the name of, but I find it suitable for this conversation.

"Yes, but not always. You have to be different, but then you have to know how to control yourself to create harmony. You can't always show yourself, it would end up creating a feeling of indifference and disgust for each other," she adds.

"And after that?" I ask.

"Your grandparents threatened to remove your father's name from the inheritance if he married me," she replies calmly.

"But isn't he the only child? "I am surprised. "Did he accept it?"

"If so, how could we have you and your siblings?" My mother laughs at my naivety. "At first, Robert also hesitated a lot. He and I even stopped for a while. He also began to learn about Beatrice, and I was seeing another man. Uncle Ramon, remember? My once lover!"

"Now I understand his attitude towards you?"

"But then we both felt it was not right," my mother's voice becomes deep when she tells the climax. "Your father decided to give up everything, a title, a future, and even what he valued most: his heritage. He gave up what made him who he is, just to be with the person he loves. Me."

By now, I realise that this is not just an ordinary story. My mother helps me understand something deeper than a love story between two people: a trade-off. It's not like what I thought, and certainly not like me, my father chose love and his life over things that could have given him wealth and enjoyment for a lifetime. Why did it take me until now to realise that? I always thought he was too bitter and couldn't accept losing his inheritance for a lifetime of that choice. This time it was my mother-in-law who was wise. It turns out that the one who loves this heritage, who cannot live away from that estate, or endure poverty, is me, not my father. How could I be so wrong?

"Do you think your grandparents finally gave in?" My eyes start to water again as I realise my mistake.

"They just want your father to be happy, that's all, Fiona..."

Seeing me about to cry, my mother gently embraces me, allowing this comfort to continue to warm me. My mother continues to speak:

"Robert didn't think that his death would lead to all this. He just wants you to be happy. That's all he's ever wanted in his life. And now both your father and I have to face the unhappiness of each of our children."

"I'm sorry... I didn't think I could make everything worse! Daddy will never forgive me," I cry out as if I want to shed tears. I'm too regretful! Oh my God, how can I change everything now?

The wind whistles through the rocky crevices. My mother places her hand on my chest, feeling the thumping of my heart. She takes my hand and places it on top of hers, and I hear the beat of my heart from both my ears and my hands. With a compassionate and loving look, my mother smiles and instructs me:

"Listen to your heart, Fiona. Listen to it, then confront it with honesty. I regret what happened between you and Enzo, but please do not repeat that mistake with Andermis. Some things, once lost, can never be regained. This could be the last chance, do not waste it."

"But..." my heart is ready, but a knot in my consciousness still pulls me back. If I don't handle it, I will still be stubborn and irrational. "What about my dignity? What about my daughter? What if Francine hates me?"

"Doesn't your legal studies with Andermis mean anything, Fiona?" My mother's strength is truly the guide for a daughter like me. "As for Francine, instead of assuming how she feels about you, why don't you ask yourself how she would feel if she saw her mother unhappy? Why torture yourself for something that hasn't happened yet, and may not happen at all? Treasure the present, Fiona. Francine will understand, you don't have to worry about that."

Immediately, I feel as if I am reborn. My soul feels as if it has been cleansed by holy water that can wash away my wrong and foolish thoughts. I embrace my mother tightly instead of thanking her, then immediately stand up and run to where everyone is gathering. I must tell Andermis about my thoughts. I must redeem this mistake. I have lost the man I love and one who loves me sincerely, I will not let him slip away from my life again. I need him to come back to me! I need Andermis to return to my arms! I have been too infatuated and blinded by what I believe. I have let my reason control me for too long without questioning whether it is right. No! Not again! This time I will listen to my heart! I will run to hug him! Regardless of whether everyone can see! I will embrace him, kiss him, and tell him that I have loved, am loving, and will love him passionately! I will not waste my life anymore! I will live my life to the fullest! And I will enjoy it with the man I love!

But why, why is it that every time I want to turn around, the world operates in the opposite direction? I scream like a crazy woman chasing after a moving car that's getting further and further away from me. My hair flows with the wind, tears falling up to the sky, with bruised knees and arms from falling on the road. The wheels keep running and never stop, even though my throat is hoarse from injury. Don't go! Please stop! I haven't even had a chance to talk to Andermis yet? Please, don't go! Oh God, please stop that car! I beg you! I beg you...

Stop, please...

Please, just stop...

Just one more minute...

The wheels keep rolling. The clock ticks away.

Tick tock.