What does one do when they know they have killed someone? Can they sleep well every night or enjoy a wine party with many delicacies and strange objects? Can they feel satisfied with this life? Does their heart still beat in the same rhythm or deviate in some way? Most evil people do not realise how evil they are. And I am no exception. Enzo is somewhere deep in the ocean, and I am the one who pushed him onto that fateful ship.

Barry the chauffeur takes me home after I have lost all hope. I sit silently like a wooden stump, still on the back seat. I slowly breathe in and out, watching the lines of people and cars trailing on the road. Clenched hands. Loving glances. Graceful and hesitant smiles... But everything I can see is jealousy and resentment. I wish that were me...

A bang behind the car suddenly makes it stop. I fall forward, hitting my forehead on the door. I can hear the chauffeur gasp in horror. I sit up, wiping my forehead with my sleeve. There is a red bloodstain on my arm, and the impact must have caused a gash on my forehead, but I do not feel any pain. Barry, the chauffeur, turns to check if I am injured and is completely worried to see my bleeding forehead. I keep saying that I am fine, although I am not sure if it is true. I just feel my mind is empty. All the worries in life suddenly become a silent void. I take out a scented handkerchief and hold it against my forehead to stop the bleeding, while urging Barry to check the car. The tire blew out, which is why we had to stop.

I told Barry that I would wait for him until he fixes the flat tire. He replied that he could contact someone for the farm and have another car come pick me up, but I did not want to. What I need most now is an empty space to meditate. I coldly look down at my hand, thin with a luxurious ring hugging my ring finger. Emotionally, I reluctantly take off the ring, despite the pain when I try. The mark of the ring made me realise how wrong I was. Tears flow again. Since the wedding, I cannot count how many times I have cried. I know I am not Cinderella, I know the fairy godmother will not appear and save me, but that is the only thing I can do to comfort myself. The ring in my hand falls to the car floor, but I do not bother to pick it up. I have lost everything. I lost my title, my home, my father, the love of my family, Enzo, Augustin, and Elizabeth. I lost everything that I cherished. And clearly not the fault of anyone but myself.

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Involuntarily, a familiar feeling suddenly appears. I look up through the window, across the street, a familiar face is looking at me. I stand up stunned, wondering if it is a dream or the truth. Enzo is standing there, looking at me with a sad face. His hands are in his pockets, and he is wearing the old faded blue shirt he often wears when we secretly meet. He said I always left him, but this time will be different. I will go with him, and redeem my mistakes.

I try to open the door to go out, but suddenly stop when my foot hits the wedding ring. I hesitate for a moment, looking at it, like a villain facing herself for the last time about principles and ethics. But in the end, I turn around and open the door to go outside. Enzo's call is like an irresistible force that I cannot refuse. I have to go to him before he leaves me again. He is standing there, between two cars, in his old outfit, and familiar face, waiting. I shall come swiftly to the man whom I love. I will come into the arms of the man whom I have hurt. Despite Barry calling my name, my ears automatically block out all other sounds except for the gentle voice of Enzo.

In a flash, memories flood back. The shouting “Fiona” repeatedly seems to urge me to do something. My father calling me, my mother calling me and then my siblings calling me. Even Andermis and Augustin calling me, including my cold-hearted mother-in-law. These sounds disturb my mind. Enzo is near, yet far, and I cannot concentrate with those constant calls.

"You left me before. Now it's my turn to let you go."

Enzo's lament echoes like a stone tied to my feet as I struggle to swim ashore. Once again, I let him slip away, as I watched him walk away without waiting. I stop in the middle of the road, like a lost soul. My ears hear the blaring horn, but my feet cannot move. The car comes closer, but I am like a forgotten statue in a deserted temple. Perhaps, my fate is to not exist in anyone's memories.

I close my eyes. Choked up.