Tonight, I don a deep red evening gown and a more avant-garde makeup than usual. I decide to abandon the image of a modest and virtuous woman and create a confident, alluring Fiona. It seems like a joyful day, one of the few days when I can be comfortable and unconstrained. I desire to experience being a different version of myself. I have a feeling that if I do not seize today, I may not have another opportunity in the future.

My family's home is now like a communal dwelling. Just kidding, it is more like a palace. Laughter echoes throughout the house, the sound of first-time dancers practising their steps, the clinking of glasses bumping into each other... I walk down the corridor, and nothing escapes my ears. Some people greet me when they see me, but how do they know the offensive and malicious words they say that I hear? But I do not show any attitude. I still happily greet them in return and head straight to where the party will begin.

In a little while, the ball will commence, and many couples will take to the floor together. Women like me, while waiting, sit at tables and chat. As I prepare to eat the hazelnut I am holding, an unwanted man appears in front of me.

"My lady, could you spare me a moment?"

"No," I wish I could say it clearly and straightforwardly, but I am too weak to utter it. Contrary to my own desires, I place the hazelnut back on the dish and bid farewell to the women sitting at the table, then follow him to a corner of the hallway. I can discern Augustin's bewildered face, but it cannot disturb me.

Under the dim lights and the smell of lavender running throughout the hallway, Augustin and I stand silently for a while. Just as I am about to speak to end the conversation, Augustin steps forward before me. He stares at me with a somewhat guilty look and asks softly, "I notice that you have changed your attitude towards me, but I do not know what I have done wrong."

"Mr. Morten..."

"Augustin, please call me Augustin," he pleads.

"Well... Augustin, please be honest with me, was the result of the competition entirely fair?" I decide to flip the table.

Augustin is taken aback for a moment, his face looks confused as if he is caught between two thoughts: that he has understood my intention, as well as he cannot believe that it is the thing that makes me uncomfortable. I can see the muscles in his arms tensing and the stiff lines on his face. Augustin turns his head to one side and asks, "Don't you think John deserves to win?"

"Of course, I want to achieve that too..."

"Then why aren't you happy?" Augustin suddenly becomes blunt with me, which makes me lose all affection for him.

"Because if it's cheating, I won't see it as something to be proud of."

For the first time, I express my attitude towards a man, especially one with a social status, and also the first time I feel so brave. Although Augustin never admits to having any influence on the result or any defence, I believe he is involved. And even if Augustin has nothing to do with it, the way he spoke to me just now has shown me a different side of him.

We maintain silence with each other for a moment. Augustin's face looks around restlessly as if to hide his anger. The sound of his sniffle reinforces my belief in that. At this moment, the band is ready for the dance, and everyone enters the centre of the room to prepare to start. I can hear the first notes of the violin and Augustin's slow heartbeat.

"So it seems... I've missed a dance with you, haven't I?"

But I do not answer. I curtsey and leave in Augustin's emptiness. I am not sure if I behaved properly or not, but I just want to dance right now. I do not want Enzo to have to wait. I want to hold his hands. I want to smell the scent of his hair. And even more, I crave to taste the sweetness on his lips tonight.

The couples have lined up, and I stand on the side waiting to be invited in. I hold my breath as I see Enzo in a white suit with the brooch I gave him on his twenty-second birthday. I chose the image of a swan, as it is the animal I love and worship. The swan is the symbol of eternal love, that if the female dies, the male will stay there and always remember the shadow of his old love. I worship such a love. My heart wants to grow legs and run to him right now, as Enzo walks towards me so slowly and hesitantly. When Enzo is only about five steps away from me, a voice speaks behind me:

"Could I have this honour?"

I turn around to look. This face... It is both familiar and strange. Familiar because of those eyes, that nose, those lips, and that voice, but on this face, it seems to lack a characteristic. While I am still dazed, the man looks at me with a smile and says eagerly:

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"Don't you recognize me?"

"...Andermis?" I narrow my eyes in an extreme display of surprise.

Andermis smiles. It is indeed him! But oh my! Did he disappear all day just to tidy up his face? Oh, I will be tormented if he put in so much effort just because of a silly woman's words like me.

He reaches his hand out in front of me. A big hand that could easily catch my own. I hesitate to look at him. I could easily hold his hand, and it would be easier for me. But how could I when Enzo is the one I wish to entrust my first dance to? No! I will refuse him and continue with my plan. Andermis will have his chance if I get exhausted dancing with Enzo. That is what I would do. I would dance with Enzo, dance with my love!

"I'm sorry...", I unwillingly speak to Andermis.

"Thena, may I have the pleasure of dancing with you?"

Enzo's voice makes it impossible for me to continue my unfinished sentence. I turn around and witness the moment Enzo invites my little sister to dance with him. At first, I feel a little shocked and jealous, to the point where my face turns red like a drunken person. But when I see his smile and confident expression, I know it is an unconditional love. He made everything seem easier for me. Love does not really have to be a definite answer to the question "Do you love me?", or a momentary jealousy. Love is really a selfless sacrifice, a silent agreement for each other. For our love, everything is enough.

I turn to look at Andermis with his hand still in front of me. I bow my head and then raise it, responding to him with a mysterious smile. I place my hand on his, and the other holds the hem of my dress as I kneel down. I say, "I am so sorry... for making you cut that valuable moustache."

Music rises, a slow, romantic waltz. Couples hold hands and step to the beat on the dance floor. They glide, they spin, they exchange a gaze of someone filled with desire for happiness. Hands clasped together, their movements are performed with finesse and experience to avoid clumsiness. Andermis' large and warm hand gently rests on my waist, and my hand is on his shoulder. Andermis is not a skilled dancer, but not bad either. He holds me gently like holding a feather bundle. I appreciate that, but my heart thinks differently. I turn to look at Enzo and Thena, and despite knowing his motives, I was born with the identity of a woman, and I cannot deny my own qualities. I am jealous of my own sister. Dear God, please forgive the heart of this sinner!

Luckily, Enzo occasionally glances around, looking for me, as I do for him in the chaotic crowd. We love each other like a stolen love affair. I love him like a woman who is tired of an alcoholic and gambling husband finds a man who can no longer endure the pain of a wife who is never satisfied. This dance party is no different from the true face of society: a glamorous exterior, but a cage hidden under the theatre's curtain. The woman twirls her skirt, the man looks down. The woman spins around, and the man directs her. The music echoes beautifully. Whispers of admiration and regret murmur in the darkness.

"Does she seem to have many worries?" Andermis asks gently.

"Why did you cut off your beard?" I ask curiously. If it was because of me, I truly do not know how to act appropriately.

"I want to say that it was because of you. But to spare you any discomfort, I will say that it was because I felt it was no longer suitable."

Completely different from his older brother, Andermis exudes the noble demeanour of a mature man. He is gentle as the morning sun, and unbelievably refined. And if Andermis' intentions were the same as his brother's, I would truly regret having to reject this man. To me, Andermis deserves to be matched with a woman far better than myself.

"You're quite peculiar, Andermis," I chuckle softly.

"Am I, or are you?" Andermis looks at me with a knowing expression. And that makes me gasp in surprise.

The music accelerates, and I am forced to turn around while still pondering Andermis' words. It seems the orchestra is teasing me, as the climax passages are played continuously and I have to keep moving. And when everything returns to normal, Andermis has had time to lightly kiss my forehead. I stand there stunned for a moment and unable to continue dancing. Our eyes meet, but the words are too exhausted and bitter to be spoken. Right now, I am no longer concerned about anything else but worrying that Enzo has seen it. We stop right in the middle of the dance floor, despite other couples continuing to sway to the music. Only when the orchestra quickly stops, I come back to my senses and question Andermis. But, once again, Andermis steps ahead of me.

Andermis lightly smiles as if he does not remember what he's done to me. Truthfully, I am both angry and not angry. Andermis takes my hand, still courteous like a gentleman. He gently says,

"Consider it the least I can ask for when your mind is not with me in this dance..."

My eyes widen, full of surprise and shock. I am like a worm, exposing my entire body and mind before his eyes. No one has ever seen through me like this, and it makes me both admire and fear. What will I have left if I have no more secrets? What will I have left if I have no more worries?

"I will come and invite Lady Thena to dance the second part, if you don't mind."

I mind. I think I will mind because he cannot expose me and then act like nothing happened. But I will not say it because I feel too ashamed. Andermis gently releases my hand, bows his head, then goes to invite Thena for a dance. However, Enzo returns to me, and it just comforts me totally. Couples also exchange partners, preparing for the second dance.

His hand holds mine. My hand rests on his shoulder. Four eyes gaze at each other deeply like a ripe vineyard. The familiar scent of him fills my nostrils. The music starts, and both our feet move automatically in rhythm. In the dim light, or perhaps because I am stunned, I can smell lavender somewhere. I can see love blooming in the room. And I have seen Enzo...

My Shining armour knight!